Personality Cafe banner

1 - 19 of 19 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,990 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Do you have a history of being super direct with people ?

How come lots of others beat around the bush like it's a goddamn sport ?

I've had girls talking to me and at some point during their "rant" I go "OK here's the thing, I'm not like other people, you can actually tell me how you feel or whatever you want; you know I bet there are things you are just dying to tell someone but you think you can't, well, now that you've met me, you can"

Share if you got some :happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,156 Posts
Absolutely not. I cannot speak for all INFJs, and I am certainly no expert, but I feel that directness is not an INFJ (or INF) trait for the most part. The only time I have ever been direct is when I was pushed, and this only after an extended period of such behavior. Only if I have been pushed beyond the point of exhaustion and have no other recourse.

I listen, encourage, perhaps even coax. I wait. Probably my most direct action, if I were bored, or upset or whatever, would be to silently leave or simply wander off with a gentle farewell, but no explanation. It would never occur to me to tell someone that she or he can tell me anything. For one thing, it is highly presumptuous. I generally assume that people will tell me precisely what they are comfortable with, and I would have no wish to push them out of their comfort zones. People do have a tendency to confide in me, though I would never force the issue.

I am averse to conflict, or even potential conflict. To approach someone directly, for whatever reason, generally carries with it the potential (though not the certainty) for conflict.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
86 Posts
I am direct when friends come to me with problems. I ask them what's wrong and tell them what I'm feeling about them at that point in time. From there they usually just feel at ease and unload their woes on to me. I don't like to tippy toe around things when I KNOW that there's something wrong. If someone has something wrong and I KNOW it and they're not telling me then it just drives me absolutely crazy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,097 Posts
So direct, it will shock people but Either i say what I mean or I say nothing at all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,292 Posts
Yes and no, the is a difference between direct and just being plain crude. I believe I am direct but not crude. I am gentle in my direct-ness.

I feel some people need to have someone be very direct with them. Or that the directness/firm helps them. I know a few of my friends who really like my very concise direct way of dealing with their personal issues. I feel it gives a sense of stability and strength but at the same time tender touch to the directness. Direct with the TLC xD
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,835 Posts
Personally, I need to learn to be more direct at work. When I am stressed at work I can clam up a bit and need to think about something before I want to speak. Unfortunately, you can't always take time to think.

Outside of that, say with my friends, I'm pretty direct. But I always try to be tactful in what I say if I'm giving advice or we're at least having a meaningful conversation.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,725 Posts
I'm usually very direct with people. I dislike it when people take 5 minutes to explain something they could've said in 1. However, as a result of this, I'm seen as someone who hurries people to get to the point and see me as really impatient. I'm not impatient...well, nvm, I am :D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,325 Posts
I'm pretty direct when it comes to things that I feel will benefit whoever it is I'm speaking to. However, if it's something I feel may be taken in a negative light (even if it's meant to help) I usually don't say anything.

I have had moments where I snapped because people were being insensitive. I always feel absolutely terrible later on, but I have my breaking points. (example: I had a final due in 2 hours and a classmate kept firing nerf gun bullets at me while I was finishing a project.. she continued doing this for like 4 minutes and I just turned and looked at her and told her to "STOP IT!" - I was so stressed out, and my classmates were acting like monkeys, it was a terrible situation.) I think that was pretty direct LOL
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
206 Posts
I am direct when I think that the other person needs directness. dealing with an ESTP manager will find me in factual bullet point mode. (once I have manged to interrupt his talking that is!)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
167 Posts
I am direct when I think that the other person needs directness. dealing with an ESTP manager will find me in factual bullet point mode. (once I have manged to interrupt his talking that is!)
This is how I manage my bluntness, as well. Usually I reserve it for friends or coworkers that know I have good intentions behing crudeness of my words, or to people who overstep boundaries with the wrong intentions. I can tell when someone has malicious, selfish thoughts behind their actions and when they influence me or my friends, I go into ISTP mode. One liners that cut through any phoniness and stupidity. Usually it takes one or two bumps in the head for these people to realize that they are going to get called out if they try to manipulate or intimidate me. I am sure that other harmony loving INFJs have got to deal with similar controlling people who confuse kindness for weakness.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,990 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
I'm usually very direct with people. I dislike it when people take 5 minutes to explain something they could've said in 1. However, as a result of this, I'm seen as someone who hurries people to get to the point and see me as really impatient. I'm not impatient...well, nvm, I am :D
I'm impatient sometimes too :laughing: sometimes people take sooo long to say what they got that I think to myself "ok you keep talking, I'll come by later" :happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,333 Posts
I'm impatient sometimes too :laughing: sometimes people take sooo long to say what they got that I think to myself "ok you keep talking, I'll come by later" :happy:
I actaully get aggrivated at the whole process of coming up to a conclusion...

I usually seem super pissed as someone misconstrudes information or tries to manipulate matters away from what I feel is the truth.

I pretty much just ignore my enviornment because nothing can get done in an efficient way.
typically I find I laugh at it all now instead of getting frustrated...

people never know why I get frusterated so I just laugh now.
I find it is tiring for me to explain it all, so being direct is really the next best thing.
screw explinations. I explain it to myself thank you very much...

problem is... when other peoples decisions have an effect over my life...
bahhhh....
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
11,651 Posts
Yes and no, the is a difference between direct and just being plain crude. I believe I am direct but not crude. I am gentle in my direct-ness.

I feel some people need to have someone be very direct with them. Or that the directness/firm helps them. I know a few of my friends who really like my very concise direct way of dealing with their personal issues. I feel it gives a sense of stability and strength but at the same time tender touch to the directness. Direct with the TLC xD
This is how I manage my bluntness, as well. Usually I reserve it for friends or coworkers that know I have good intentions behing crudeness of my words, or to people who overstep boundaries with the wrong intentions. I can tell when someone has malicious, selfish thoughts behind their actions and when they influence me or my friends, I go into ISTP mode. One liners that cut through any phoniness and stupidity. Usually it takes one or two bumps in the head for these people to realize that they are going to get called out if they try to manipulate or intimidate me. I am sure that other harmony loving INFJs have got to deal with similar controlling people who confuse kindness for weakness.
Yes, to both Humilis Curator & Abstract Essence: I say what is on my mind. I am kind & gentle yet firm & blunt at the same time. Unless of course, you back me in a corner! Then bluntness takes over, yet I do apologize afterwards not for the meaning of my words but for saying them in a mean way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
52 Posts
Absolutely not. I cannot speak for all INFJs, and I am certainly no expert, but I feel that directness is not an INFJ (or INF) trait for the most part. The only time I have ever been direct is when I was pushed, and this only after an extended period of such behavior. Only if I have been pushed beyond the point of exhaustion and have no other recourse.

I listen, encourage, perhaps even coax. I wait. Probably my most direct action, if I were bored, or upset or whatever, would be to silently leave or simply wander off with a gentle farewell, but no explanation. It would never occur to me to tell someone that she or he can tell me anything. For one thing, it is highly presumptuous. I generally assume that people will tell me precisely what they are comfortable with, and I would have no wish to push them out of their comfort zones. People do have a tendency to confide in me, though I would never force the issue.

I am averse to conflict, or even potential conflict. To approach someone directly, for whatever reason, generally carries with it the potential (though not the certainty) for conflict.

I agree I do not like conflict and will avoid it if I can. However, if it is unavoidable I will confront in a direct manner.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,338 Posts
I have been told multiple times by close friends that I can be too blunt, so I've softened up a bit (as in I keep my true feelings/opinions, if negative, to myself). Being honestly blunt does not help in winning friends and influencing people.

Although I tend not to hold back on message boards :)
 

·
Fu Dominant
Joined
·
10,720 Posts
Holy thread resurrection, Batman!

Anyway, I tend to get to the heart of matters, yes, but I know I'm dealing with hearts that matter (wordplay ftw!), so I'm considerate and kind in the process. And I generally let whoever I'm talking to work out the solution, rather than blatantly tell them "just do this".

For example:

Them: "I can't believe what he said! He was so inconsiderate of her!"
Me: "Mhmm. I can see that. How do you feel about the whole thing?"
Them: "If it were me, I'd drop him like a bad habit!"
Me: "Mhmm. And, so is she you?"
Them: "No, of course not. I just feel for her is all."
Me: "So then you're just watching from afar then?"
Them: "Well, yeah. Oh... I see. I shouldn't be getting so worked up about this, should I?"
Me: *shrugs and gives Them a hug* "Just gotta keep the right perspective is all. They'll work it out, one way or another."

:happy:
 
  • Like
Reactions: Coil

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,162 Posts
I have been told multiple times by close friends that I can be too blunt, so I've softened up a bit (as in I keep my true feelings/opinions, if negative, to myself). Being honestly blunt does not help in winning friends and influencing people.

Although I tend not to hold back on message boards :)
This is very true I've found. I don't think I'm blunt but I am usually succinct and on topic (or so I think at least :)). Sometimes there's a fine line between being sensitive to someone and almost disrespecting their capacity to handle things objectively, so it's difficult to say with certainty how anyone should approach a situation. I'm always mindful of upsetting someone but I think in some cases it's worse to sugarcoat things, making it seem like an imposing, monumental struggle lays ahead, when presenting a mostly objective picture of the task at hand with a positive attitude for dealing with it is possible.

I really don't like having things/issues convoluted or dragged out in order to soften the blow when I am being addressed about something important, so I appreciate the directness of others.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
243 Posts
I'd say I'm quite direct most of the time, but it does depend on the person or situation. If it's something I need to know, or I know they need to talk about, but I know the person will tell me when they're ready, then I usually leave it for a few days and they'll come out with it. In other situations if people are asking me for advice, depending on the person I might say something like, "I don't think that's a good idea" and that's enough. Recently I did have to tell someone "listen, you feel bad about this because it's the wrong thing to do. So if you value that friendship, don't do this." which got the response, "Thanks, I needed that." I guess I can tell how people need to hear what I have to say.

But I'm never dishonest about how I feel. I used to be a conflict-avoider but after having to finally blow up and then doorslam someone for treating me like crap for our whole friendship, I've decided that being direct is the better option for me.
 
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
Top