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Hey INFJs... just some thoughts that have been on my mind. So I identify as a cis female and I'm not questioning but I don't identify super strongly with the idea of being a woman as a part of my identity. For example, I don't feel any particular camaraderie with women over men, I think of everyone as humans and any injustice done to anyone it is all just a different colour of the same spectrum of intolerance and ignorance and I feel the same way about it whether it's done to someone who is part of some group I am a part of (such as a female) or a group I do not belong to. I also don't feel any particular camaraderie with women over female things such as periods or female dating experiences etc. (there are of course some shouldn't-happen things such as sexist behaviour, harassment ofc where I have deep empathy for fellow women)

But in terms of 'women things' I could talk about those thing just as well to (mature, adult) males, and in fact I enjoy the dynamic of talking to men about the different perspectives that are associated with male and female and sitting on the fence where both stereotypical behaviours make the same amount of sense to me. Honestly I find men easier to talk to than women. I feel like mentally I seem to understand the 'male perspective' better than a lot of women although I don't feel I generally adopt stereotypically male behaviours - Although I present in a feminine way I feel like mentally I am perhaps more androgynous. As a side note, for fun I took the BBC brain gender ID test which links certain cognitive tasks to the sex which tends to statistically do better at them and I got a result of 50% male 50% female and I felt like that made a lot of sense for me. I also don't want to have children and the idea that my body can do that is really gross and invasive to me although I don't want to have any other kind of visual anatomy.

So I own the label of being a woman and don't want to be anything other but at the same I don't feel like I relate to the average woman (whatever that is) or to the stereotypes of femininity. I don't spend much time considering my identity as a woman, that I am a woman or seeing things in terms of a man-woman duality. I'm a human first and other traits second, third, fourth... and a woman twentieth.:tongue:


One thing I have been considering is whether these perspectives come from a place of privilege. Perhaps I don't spend much time thinking about my woman-ness because it's not been a defining quality of my existence. Compared to many women in the world I am fortunate enough to have experienced less prejudice - I don't feel like I have lost out on opportunities because I'm female and although I have experienced sexual harassment the males now in my life are all very respectful of women and I am used to being treated as intelligent and equal. Perhaps if I spent my early years engaged in some kind of struggle to assert my rights as a woman or grew up in a different culture, if I was around the time of the Suffragette movement etc I would feel that my woman-ness was an important part of my identity. My parents didn't spend much time talking about things in a dual way of man vs. woman either or tell me what I should do with my life as a lady, I played with both 'boy' and 'girl' toys and I was a daddy's girl and did outdoor work, manual labour etc with him as a kid so perhaps that's something to do with it.

Cis INFJs, how do you feel about your gender identity? Do you feel strongly connected to being a man or woman or is it something you don't give much thought? Why do you think that you feel that way? (If you're non binary, trans etc you are more than welcome to weigh in your views ofc, trying to explore the whole spectrum of gender and how people experience their gender in complex or varied ways)


n.b. If any of you are struggling with your gender identity I send you many hugs and whatever label (or no label) you decide you are awesome :)
 

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Thank you for a well-written and thought-provoking post!

So I own the label of being a woman and don't want to be anything other but at the same I don't feel like I relate to the average woman (whatever that is) or to the stereotypes of femininity. I don't spend much time considering my identity as a woman, that I am a woman or seeing things in terms of a man-woman duality. I'm a human first and other traits second, third, fourth... and a woman twentieth.:tongue:

I'd say that I'm essentially your male counterpart. I own the label of being a man, and like it; but I relate to others as an individual, not as a man. My aspirations don't go through a filter of maleness: They are what they are, and if some of the time they match what society traditionally expects of a man, fine and dandy, and if sometimes they don't, fine and dandy part 2 the exciting sequel. I'm pretty much like this in everything, not just male/female questions. And this perhaps gives an indication of how it arose: I'm too busy being me to care about taking on prefabricated notions about anything: I make my choices on a case-by-case basis, the imperative being to choose what aligns with that central part of me which is deeper than sexuality.
 

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Thank you for a well-written and thought-provoking post!

So I own the label of being a woman and don't want to be anything other but at the same I don't feel like I relate to the average woman (whatever that is) or to the stereotypes of femininity. I don't spend much time considering my identity as a woman, that I am a woman or seeing things in terms of a man-woman duality. I'm a human first and other traits second, third, fourth... and a woman twentieth.:tongue:

I'd say that I'm essentially your male counterpart. I own the label of being a man, and like it; but I relate to others as an individual, not as a man. My aspirations don't go through a filter of maleness: They are what they are, and if some of the time they match what society traditionally expects of a man, fine and dandy, and if sometimes they don't, fine and dandy part 2 the exciting sequel. I'm pretty much like this in everything, not just male/female questions. And this perhaps gives an indication of how it arose: I'm too busy being me to care about taking on prefabricated notions about anything: I make my choices on a case-by-case basis, the imperative being to choose what aligns with that central part of me which is deeper than sexuality.
This!
 

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Thank you for a well-written and thought-provoking post!

So I own the label of being a woman and don't want to be anything other but at the same I don't feel like I relate to the average woman (whatever that is) or to the stereotypes of femininity. I don't spend much time considering my identity as a woman, that I am a woman or seeing things in terms of a man-woman duality. I'm a human first and other traits second, third, fourth... and a woman twentieth.:tongue:

I'd say that I'm essentially your male counterpart. I own the label of being a man, and like it; but I relate to others as an individual, not as a man. My aspirations don't go through a filter of maleness: They are what they are, and if some of the time they match what society traditionally expects of a man, fine and dandy, and if sometimes they don't, fine and dandy part 2 the exciting sequel. I'm pretty much like this in everything, not just male/female questions. And this perhaps gives an indication of how it arose: I'm too busy being me to care about taking on prefabricated notions about anything: I make my choices on a case-by-case basis, the imperative being to choose what aligns with that central part of me which is deeper than sexuality.
Absolutely nothing to add.
 

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I've always had an easier time getting along with men than women, but I think that has more to do with having interests that are more typically held by men. My sense of humor also tends to mesh better with men.

 
I'm the sort of person who laughs at stuff like this:


Other women are... usually not amused.


There's been an unfortunate trend in modern culture (I'm talking about the U.S., specifically) that encourages women to essentially be insecure sheep. Walking around in flocks, being incredibly vapid, morphing into these odd, whiny caricatures who inexplicably manage to get a husband who they'll just end up divorcing about 10 years later... it's disheartening. I got hit with it full force when I stood in line at a brunch place in Nashville last weekend. Oye.

Also, using a public women's restroom is enough to make you question the validity of feminism.

But all in all, I've never had trouble "identifying" as a woman. I know that I probably have more testosterone than average, but I still feel pretty female regardless.
 

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I thoroughly enjoy being a man, but I don't subscribe to traditional gender expectations of manliness. I'm not naturally a leader or a follower, but I can lead when necessary. I loath and avoid physical conflict, but I'm ridiculously well trained and prepared for it. I'm a lifelong athlete, but I've never followed any televised sports; that shit bores me. I never thought of myself as having much game, but player types of all genders gravitate to me. I have LGB friends and Bi exes, but I'm 100% hetero. No judgement. I've always thought of myself as the shy and sensitive type, but the cockiest and manliest of guys always sought my friendship. My gender experience has been a strange paradox.
 

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I've always felt I pretty strongly identify with being female. Not so much in relation to others in terms of how I interact in general, like I'd be just as happy to have a good male as female friend and there are plenty of times I enjoy boys' company more than the typical girls'.

I don't remember ever feeling disadvantaged for being a girl, so even though I do feel strongly for women's rights and all, it isn't as immediate for me, I suppose. I don't like the way feminism can sometimes creep into the territory of privileging women, for instance to say that a woman is necessarily going to be a better leader than a man is just about as bad as saying the opposite in my view--women do need more opportunities, but then we shouldn't be treated differently than men in the same positions either. I guess that's my view in general, that gender just doesn't matter that much in most things.

I do feel as though being "feminine" has always been a part of who I am at least somewhat consciously. Other things are more import, but that's important too.
 

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I wouldn't say it's a strong aspect of my identity because as you said, souls are genderless. Besides, who's to say I won't reincarnate as a male in my next life or that I haven't already in previous lives? I remember when I was younger being very thankful that I was born a girl though because I happen to be a very girly girl. However, I do believe that internally, everyone has a masculine and feminine side and I have felt this more "masculine" side inside of myself as well. What is it called? The Anima and Animus - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anima_and_animus


Sometimes I approach problems the way a typical man would where I want to come up with solutions rather than focus on empathizing. I also get very protective of others and I aspire to be a strong woman and I just find strong female characters inspiring in general.


I can remember being distrustful towards other boys when I was little (like 5) because the typical boy tended to be aggressive with each other (then again, I can be aggressive too just in different contexts) and some of them bullied me a bit. Of course, there's always some random girl who is a bitchy in the crowd too *shrugs* I also had Daddy issues so this probably intensified my fear of males. At the same time though, there's a fine line between fear and fascination and so, I was aware that I felt both - especially as I got older.


That being said, I had all girl friends growing up (but maybe this is more common for girls to have anyway? - especially since I was a girly girl). I mainly have all gal pals now as well accept for mutual male friends of my hubby's. I grew out of my fear of males eventually as well. I am drawn to certain individuals, not genders. I don't feel like I get along with the typical female super well though. I don't enjoy sitting around shitting on or complaining about my husband and that's something I observed some of them do when they get together. I find it disrespectful even if it's said in a joking way. I didn't feel like I belonged at all. I prefer to connect with someone one-on-one anyway or in very small, intimate groups of 3 or 4.

Having a hard time befriending other females is a sentiment I have heard a lot from other females. My female INTP friend even recently told me that she's glad we're friends and she likes talking to me because she's had such a hard time being friends with girls in the past because she feels like a lot of girls compete with each other to compare each other and then wind up stepping on each others' toes. Personally, I find that type of behavior immature and immaturity in anyone will always be unattractive.


Like you, I empathize with both genders. People are people.
 

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I do not relate to men nor do I want to learn how to.I can fake most of their traits/interests since I was brought up male.

I am definitely not Cisgender but here is a 5% chance I am not Transgender. I have quite a few problems they do have but never had the desire to be a woman....although being Intersex ( my female part(s) are internal ) I have a few physical traits of a woman,hips are tilted,pre/post puberty I walked like a girl/woman , 28 day "cycle",hot flashes,body is 35-29-35 and so on....and oh god i hate the days around the 15th and the last week of the month ..lol

I love being around women...just sitting by their side with that " feminine " energy ...all my current friends are women and past 6 roommates are women.

Serious note....if you met me in public and I kept quiet you would have no idea that in in my mind ....but I love writing

https://imgur.com/vd4qCRa
 

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I like being a woman and I would never want to be a man. That said, I say no to gender roles, I wear whatever I want (associating clothes to genders is silly) and I still think the world be a better place if humans were genderless.
 
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