Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 32 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
244 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I think being sensitive and taking relationships seriously makes me susceptible to romantic anxiety. I’m guarded and do not trust easily. I have developed an overcautious defense mechanism and am not as open as I would like to be.

I take a long time to open up before I let myself be vulnerable, therefore I will observe (pause and check) a romantic candidate for a given time until I’m sure she is safe. That’s why Internet dating never worked for me, because I find it impossible to connect to someone I cannot observe IRL. What people say and what they are can be miles apart.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
383 Posts
Yeah, the INFJ is by far the coldest personality there is. I'm dead serious. A man could know an INFJ woman for 20 years and never know her favorite color. I don't get it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
244 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Mm, true. But then, once I open up, it's like a tidal wave.

And you'll find out more about me (that is actually of value and interest to me) in a couple hours than most people share in a year.
Yes, I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person too. I don't know if I would change this aspect about me. I either have something in common with others or I don't and don't try to fill the gap. Maybe it's taste I guess.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
296 Posts
All or Nothing definitely describes it... :frustrating: and theres not many people who would wait for that to happen.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,127 Posts
INFpharmacist, I have a thing for red too. To me, it stands for warmth, passion, love. I wonder if it's an INFJ colour.

Rourk, I usually figure out someone's favourite colour without asking. It's in the colour you find most often among the stuff she wears or carries with her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
112 Posts
I like green and purple. Darker shades of purple, light shades of green. But not lime green, only when I'm consuming it. Lime green soda is really wicked. And sometimes that green icecream. Ever tried it anybody?

Anyway.

INFJs are definitely cold. I can say from my own experiences as one. It's not that I try to consciously be closed up, it's just usually, I don't feel comfortable talking about...well...anything, really. Unless I'm writing, like right now. And even then it takes a very special mood where I am writing poetry or journals to truly open up my deepest, "darkest" secrets and forms of self.

I don't know if it's the same for everybody else. Even my girlfriend still doesn't fully understand me, and she's known me for almost a year and a half -- and sees me like every second day, if not more.

-shrugs-

I think we're the "coldest" because we just don't talk about that kind of stuff. It makes me personally feel very uncomfortable...vulnerable. It's really "none of your business". Lol.

That's my two cents. They're Canadian cents, so I doubt it counts.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
i'd rather have canadian cents, if we're being honest and vulnerable.

not to repeat, but i'm gonna repeat, and say i tend to be all or nothing. i tend to really want to go all, it's just incredibly difficult. if i start liking someone, and realize it probably wouldn't work out, i'll talk myself out of it so i won't get hurt, most of the time without the girl knowing i ever liked her. if a girl makes it clear she likes me, i'm guaranteed to want to tell her everything, but still may have a hard time doing it. i've found that if the girlfriend is an I, and all of my girlfriends have been Is, for some reason my opinions and taste will be purely referential to her. so that whatever she likes, i won't, and will debate, or won't say anything. i let this ISFJ i was dating (not fun) listen to my favorite song at the time, attempting to open up, trying to discuss it with her, before knowing about typologies. can you use three participial phrases consecutively in one sentence? regardless, all she said was, "that's deep." i stopped being emotionally invested immediately. her favorite color was red.

i write poetry too. i feel compelled too. i feel like i'll know i'm in love when i stop needing to, because i get to reveal and discuss the content that i would otherwise be forced to write about.

i think favorite colors are a quirky thing, because if all you saw was that color you'd technically be blind. i need em all to enjoy em all, so i likes em all. woo.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
244 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
I'd like to say that I don't see myself as cold though others (whom I don't care for) may see me that way. I think there's a difference between cold and cautious. I keep my distance because emotionally I know I'm vulnerable and instinctively know that most people (even children) perceive me as an easy target... especially when it comes to sob stories.

Also, when I commit to someone, it's agonizing for me to cut loose... even with abusive cycles present. I'm like a swimmer caught in a current, so that's why I observe someone for a long time before I begin to even approach or hang around ...


I like the color blue and that only took 24 hours to get out of me as opposed to twenty years.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
112 Posts
i'd rather have canadian cents, if we're being honest and vulnerable.

not to repeat, but i'm gonna repeat, and say i tend to be all or nothing. i tend to really want to go all, it's just incredibly difficult. if i start liking someone, and realize it probably wouldn't work out, i'll talk myself out of it so i won't get hurt, most of the time without the girl knowing i ever liked her. if a girl makes it clear she likes me, i'm guaranteed to want to tell her everything, but still may have a hard time doing it. i've found that if the girlfriend is an I, and all of my girlfriends have been Is, for some reason my opinions and taste will be purely referential to her. so that whatever she likes, i won't, and will debate, or won't say anything. i let this ISFJ i was dating (not fun) listen to my favorite song at the time, attempting to open up, trying to discuss it with her, before knowing about typologies. can you use three participial phrases consecutively in one sentence? regardless, all she said was, "that's deep." i stopped being emotionally invested immediately. her favorite color was red.

i write poetry too. i feel compelled too. i feel like i'll know i'm in love when i stop needing to, because i get to reveal and discuss the content that i would otherwise be forced to write about.

i think favorite colors are a quirky thing, because if all you saw was that color you'd technically be blind. i need em all to enjoy em all, so i likes em all. woo.
Off topic: Canadian pennies are very pretty :D

On topic: I've talked myself out of many a friendship and girlfriend, before I even revealed to her any of my heart or attraction to them. Lol. I also regret some of those decisions even to this day, a flaw I find within myself. Sometimes I find myself thinking of what could have been and could be, and forget what is going on now and what will be.

I have had that same experience before, pertaining to the music. It hurts, showing someone your favourite piece of music/art, or worse, one of your own...and getting a one or two word response. It's just an "oh snap" moment, and then I'll close up again for weeks or more (weeks is a generous time period, reserved for my girlfriend only... lol). Usually it's more like, I'm not showing you shit again for yeeeeaaarrs....

Also, that comment about poetry...was so beautiful. Also, it helped me realize why I cannot write poetry anymore at the same excessive amount I could before -___-; also, it helps me realize why none of them really revolve around love anymore.

And towards that colour thing...damn. Never thought of that. lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
112 Posts
I'd like to say that I don't see myself as cold though others (whom I don't care for) may see me that way. I think there's a difference between cold and cautious. I keep my distance because emotionally I know I'm vulnerable and instinctively know that most people (even children) perceive me as an easy target... especially when it comes to sob stories.

Also, when I commit to someone, it's agonizing for me to cut loose... even with abusive cycles present. I'm like a swimmer caught in a current, so that's why I observe someone for a long time before I begin to even approach or hang around ...


I like the color blue and that only took 24 hours to get out of me as opposed to twenty years.
Dang, didn't even see this post!

Anyway, yeah, me too. Once you're my friend and/or lover, you're stuck with me for life -- unless you leave me. I will literally go through hell for people I care about/love and stand by their side (I say this from experience). INFJs are probably the most loyal type, despite our aloof and "cold" ways. I say that from experience, and have no factual knowledge. Perhaps there's a more loyal type, but I know from my life...that if I love someone, they're stuck with me. (my poor girlfriend :laughing:)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
244 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
Dang, didn't even see this post!

Anyway, yeah, me too. Once you're my friend and/or lover, you're stuck with me for life -- unless you leave me. I will literally go through hell for people I care about/love and stand by their side (I say this from experience). INFJs are probably the most loyal type, despite our aloof and "cold" ways. I say that from experience, and have no factual knowledge. Perhaps there's a more loyal type, but I know from my life...that if I love someone, they're stuck with me. (my poor girlfriend :laughing:)
Well said. I agree and thanks for the validation!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
60 Posts
I think there's a difference between cold and cautious. I keep my distance because emotionally I know I'm vulnerable and instinctively know that most people (even children) perceive me as an easy target... especially when it comes to sob stories.
I agree - I'm very shy, and quite difficult to get to know as a result, but I don't think many people would describe me as cold. When I'm thinking, I can get what my partner calls my haughty look sometimes, but when I'm interacting with other people I tend to smile rather a lot - it's my way round that. I like people to feel I'm approachable, and do worry that sometimes this comes accross as puppyish eagerness. Oh, well...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,127 Posts
I can be pretty cold with people when I first meet them. Some of my ex colleagues have told me how frightening they initially found me because I was serious, quiet and unsmiling. But when they get to know me better, they often become ok with me. I listen to their stories, I empathise. For a number of people, that's enough. I don't talk a lot about myself though. I'd go on what I'd seen, read and experienced and what my thoughts on certain things are. But the feelings part is locked away. So is my past, from nosy-parkers who want to pyscho-analyse me. It takes me at least 6 months (and often longer, if at all) of knowing someone to get anywhere near these topics.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,834 Posts
I think being sensitive and taking relationships seriously makes me susceptible to romantic anxiety. I’m guarded and do not trust easily. I have developed an overcautious defense mechanism and am not as open as I would like to be.

I take a long time to open up before I let myself be vulnerable, therefore I will observe (pause and check) a romantic candidate for a given time until I’m sure she is safe. That’s why Internet dating never worked for me, because I find it impossible to connect to someone I cannot observe IRL. What people say and what they are can be miles apart.

Desperation made me turn to internet dating. It's not something I would advise...especially if you're desperate.

I have been known to be a bit reckless and spontaneous. Neglecting to invest the proper amount of time for research is typically counterproductive in the dating, relationship world. However, love is a trial and error type of learning process. You have to get out there and try it out if you want to improve and become well versed in the dating arts.

Tonight, I recognized a girl at my gym who I hadn't seen for a long time. At this point in my life, most people are either married/involved, have kids, or some type of emotional baggage.

Like you, I'm more hesitant to get involved in relationships, because I automatically assume things will sour and end poorly. For instance, I will most likely avoid this particular person for the reasons I have just mentioned.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,005 Posts
INFpharmacist, I have a thing for red too. To me, it stands for warmth, passion, love. I wonder if it's an INFJ colour.

Rourk, I usually figure out someone's favourite colour without asking. It's in the colour you find most often among the stuff she wears or carries with her.
Ah!! I love red too!! It's always been my favorite color since I was really little. I love this forum. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,005 Posts
I can be pretty cold with people when I first meet them. Some of my ex colleagues have told me how frightening they initially found me because I was serious, quiet and unsmiling. But when they get to know me better, they often become ok with me. I listen to their stories, I empathise. For a number of people, that's enough. I don't talk a lot about myself though. I'd go on what I'd seen, read and experienced and what my thoughts on certain things are. But the feelings part is locked away. So is my past, from nosy-parkers who want to pyscho-analyse me. It takes me at least 6 months (and often longer, if at all) of knowing someone to get anywhere near these topics.
I've had several people ask why I'm so serious upon meeting me. If someone takes the time to get to know me, then its different. I don't talk a lot about myself either. Usually even when becoming friends with someone I usually just help them with their problems and discussion ideas and that sort of stuff. When it comes to anything personal with me, I usually put it off until its just something that I really feel like I need to let out. It takes a considerable amount of time for someone to really get there.

This especially comes out when I am dating someone. I am very loyal as well and willing to work through anything. Actually, I'm the person that'll still be optimistic about the relationship and have confidence in the person during the times when most people would be saying "the heck with it".
What really deeply hurts me though is then when I get dumped... and not only that, but then my ex boyfriends don't want anything to do with me after - because I wanted and believed we could still be friends because I valued the relationship(s) we had. It can be very troubling.:frustrating::sad:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
195 Posts
I think we are so defensive because we don't want to be hurt. We want safety and love, and to be free to love the other person back.

I envy the people that can find those people who are willing to try to undestand us. They really are special.
 
1 - 20 of 32 Posts
Top