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Long story short: almost had a thing with a wonderful INFJ, ballsed up the timing and didn't speak to him for two months. We met up yesterday, spent four hours together chatting (flirting) and walking round the city. He didn't mention the girl he had started seeing ~2 months earlier, I don't know whether they're still together, and I don't know how to progress from here. I don't want to scare him, and also don't want to destroy our pseudo-friendship by telling him how much I like him. (He was very very keen on me at the end of last year, I was completely oblivious, he started seeing someone else.) Any hot INFJ tips? My natural instinct is to run at the problem, but I don't want him to feel as though we can't be friends.



P.S. I'm an ENFP.
 

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Why don't you ask him if he's still in a relationship?
 
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Because it's none of my business and reveals my ulterior motive?
People with ulterior motives freak me out, i.e. everyone.

Just be straight-up. My courtship ritual with my current SO was friendly, get to know you stuff, but deep down we both knew friendship was not the goal, and I don't think bringing that fact to the light would have screwed us over.
 

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Because it's none of my business and reveals my ulterior motive?
I have to ask the question: if you know he is/probably is in a relationship with someone else, why would you have any 'ulterior motives'? I may have read it wrong, but it sounds like you're about to embark on some sort of mission to try and get him back - when he and his new partner could be really happy together? If that's true, perhaps you need to re-evaluate your morals?

Rather than hidden agendas, the best you can do is be honest. Tell him how you feel - and perhaps throw in that if it's unrequited, you're still interested in a friend-status - and then leave the ball in his court.

You're either something special and he'll leave his current relationship in favour of seeing how things could turn out with you OR he might just be happy with his current relationship and it's a case of tough luck, you had your chance and it's gone...

I'm in a very, very similar situation with my INFJ - except I'm the woman he's currently seeing after the 'other woman' didn't realise and appreciate the fact he was worth his weight in gold.

I'd like to think my bloke - if confronted by his sort-of-ex who burned him badly, declaring her love for him (or whatever) - would tell her where to go, but I guess I couldn't say for certain...
 

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Who says revealing your true feelings will be something negative? I would always like to hear the truth. It either changes something or changes nothing. It wouldn't damage the friendship you got going on unless you're looking for reciprocation. Friends can know friends' business too y'know.
 

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If you just keep hanging out (as friends) wouldn't it come out naturally sooner or later? If he is an INFJ I imagine he probably wouldn't try and send you mixed signals...
 

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just go up to him and say "I really value you as a friend" if he starts to say anything and I mean absolutely anything you are to say "I'm serious". Nothing says more than a really honest statement like that. If you want to go farther than "just a friend" then I suggest you do some external research on the so called person he is dating. As an INFJ I can usually guess whether or not someone likes me in a more than friendly manner and if I were to hang out with so called girl I would never speak about another girl unless it is mutually agreed that this girl is unable to partake in a romantic relationship with the INFJ. If he stares at you a lot I'd say you have a good chance.

btw if you really really want this infj to open up...I suggest you tell him straight up that you want his honest opinion on whatever and that you wont be hurt by it no matter what. INFJs are very picky in how the convey information.

well thats all I have for now :p
beware~! I am but a underdeveloped INFJ still in the teens so if you do take my advice and hit the wrong nail....I didn't mean to give you the wrong advice :(
 

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To be honest, I'm surprised at how many people are egging the OP on with this? Although it's still not been clarified whether OP intends to mount a rescue mission regardless of INFJ's circumstances and consideration to the possible new woman.

If you just keep hanging out (as friends) wouldn't it come out naturally sooner or later? If he is an INFJ I imagine he probably wouldn't try and send you mixed signals...
Who's to say he's sending out any signals? OP could be misinterpreting his behaviour towards her as a possible means to justify and overlook the fact there are now 3 people involved and not just the two of them.

If it wasn't a bitter or hurtful balls-up, perhaps he's just being genuinely friendly and still feels comfortable and some form of caring towards her...

just go up to him and say "I really value you as a friend" if he starts to say anything and I mean absolutely anything you are to say "I'm serious". Nothing says more than a really honest statement like that.
But is it actually an honest statement? Considering the OP described it as a 'psuedo-friendship' in her opening post, I don't think it can be classified as an honest statement.
If you want to go farther than "just a friend" then I suggest you do some external research on the so called person he is dating.
Seems a bit... 'off' to me to suggest such a thing, if OP is intent on forging ahead with whatever her ulterior motive is, then it should be based on her own merits REGARDLESS of the INFJ's new woman.

Just my opinion of course.

As an INFJ I can usually guess whether or not someone likes me in a more than friendly manner and if I were to hang out with so called girl I would never speak about another girl unless it is mutually agreed that this girl is unable to partake in a romantic relationship with the INFJ. If he stares at you a lot I'd say you have a good chance.
Are you suggesting that just because the INFJ didn't mention the new woman that it suggests he sees OP as still a romantic-option?

Perhaps it's because he may sense she DOES like him that he thought it inappropriate to mention the new woman for various reasons - seeing where it's headed with new woman, so as not to make OP feel uncomfortable because of the fact he senses she is now romantically interested him. To name but a few...

btw if you really really want this infj to open up...I suggest you tell him straight up that you want his honest opinion on whatever and that you wont be hurt by it no matter what. INFJs are very picky in how the convey information.
This, I agree with.
 
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