[Ambiguous]

I think this may be my first time posting on the INFJ forum, so hello everyone! haha

Okay so I once dated an INFJ quite a long time ago, and she was awesome. Smart, funny, and one of the very few people I know that actually got me (and possibly knew me better than I knew myself). But I was young and dumb back then, and didn't know what I wanted yet. Plus I was going through a rough patch of parents splitting up and other factors that probably made me shut down too much. So we parted ways, and since then she has moved halfway across the country and we hardly talk anymore (I try to stay in contact, but I don't know how she feels about that).

Anyways, I've grown up a lot since then and have a clearer picture of what I want and don't want.

This is probably the worst ramble ever, but what I'm getting at is I would like to meet some INFJs. And I know this is probably asked a million times, but where are you guys at?? Haha thanks for the replies.

 

[Ntuitive]

Best ramble ever. I wonder the same thing. I also think no one would suspect I'm an INFJ until interacting with me. Even at that they still might not know. The most noticeable things about me are my niceness and my quietness, and slight awkwardness. I personally don't like to stand out so that would make it even harder to spot me in a crowd.

As to where I physically am. I'm in my bedroom most of the time. It would only be a stroke of luck for anyone looking for an INFJ to find me. I stay at home a lot. I go on walks with a friend at the park. I'm hardly in places where I get to meet new people.

 

[TheRevaN]

Try in the strip club )

 

[Curiously]

Try in the strip club )

I second this. ;P

Joking aside, there are a lot of threads dedicated to your very question, OP.
But if you want the cliff's notes version, try the internet, bookstores, lectures/academic places, artsy places, cafes, religious/spiritual places/events.
And since you're an INTP and I am fond of your kind, where do I find INTPs irl? It's as though we're these quirky, sweet, introverted types living and sharing the same space, but we miss out on each other. So very sad...

 

[TheRevaN]

Well I feel like I should give a more serious answer so here we go......
All that is here is for me personally but I think that to some degree it applies to all INFJ.
Very rarely in bars or night clubs where the music is loud, rarely in team sports because I prefer to work alone, usually in the dark cafes that have couches and an intimate feeling about them , not at rock concerts (I really hate them.........), maybe at the library but I usually do my studies on the internet, at the gym if it is not crowded, usually in small groups of friends, sometimes in bars if I feel like getting drunk, in the park, grabbing a bear with a few friends at the terrace (If it is hot outside ), playing pool, never at the church ( yeah I know bad me ) ,sometimes at the mall, etc.
The basics ideas are:
-small groups of friends (from 2 to max 8)
-kinda anywhere besides loud or crowded places; I prefer a more tranquil atmosphere ( but sometimes I will feel like partying ) )

 

[Pier 56]

I think this may be my first time posting on the INFJ forum, so hello everyone! haha

Okay so I once dated an INFJ quite a long time ago, and she was awesome. Smart, funny, and one of the very few people I know that actually got me (and possibly knew me better than I knew myself). But I was young and dumb back then, and didn't know what I wanted yet. Plus I was going through a rough patch of parents splitting up and other factors that probably made me shut down too much. So we parted ways, and since then she has moved halfway across the country and we hardly talk anymore (I try to stay in contact, but I don't know how she feels about that).

Anyways, I've grown up a lot since then and have a clearer picture of what I want and don't want.

This is probably the worst ramble ever, but what I'm getting at is I would like to meet some INFJs. And I know this is probably asked a million times, but where are you guys at?? Haha thanks for the replies.

Hey @Ambiguous .
Welcome to the INFJ forums (AKA Utopia).

If you see a crowd of people with ESFPs and ESTPs bouncing around...
Look for a smaller satellite group off to the side of the room with about 2-8 people in it (like @TheRevaN said).
Usually with an ENFx somewhere in the group.
In essence, somewhere between the cool kids and the nerds (purgatory). Lol!

However, INFJs are the rarest of all types.
Finding one AT ALL may prove difficult.

IDK if this helps, but INFJs are into art...
("art" in the broader sense of the word.)

 

[Lost in Oblivion]

However, INFJs are the rarest of all types.
Finding one AT ALL may prove difficult.

grabbing a bear with a few friends at the terrace (If it is hot outside

^^ and this is exactly why we INFJs are so hard to find. While you simpletons are at the bar grabbing a beer, us INFJs are out doing this:

But remember: only if it's hot outside.

 

[RandomlyChildish]

TheRevaN is being funny, looool!

but honestly, you'll rarely find an INFJ in clubs and bars.
they are usually at the libraries, coffee shops, their houses, you know, quiet places...
you also can find INFJs in your acquaintances and your friends. someone who is quieter than others or someone who enjoys people-watching or who seems a little zone-out (daydreaming)

I sometimes get really frustrating because I've never met an INFJ before >.<

 

[Vexed]

Not all INFJs do art, right?

 

[The Beauty of Storm]

Not all INFJs do art, right?

Not all... But the majority of us can manage it half-decently if we set our mind or hand to it. I've shocked a few people but not being an "artist" but being able to pick up a pencil and learn a sketching concept rather quickly. Made me a few good friends
As to the question at hand... Well I'm not 100% positive I'm a natural J. I think there's quite a bit of P in the mix so I don't know.. Maybe I'm not the "stereotypical" INFJ.... Anywho! I agree with the: doesn't like converts, bars, etc. But, put me in a gym with some Celtic style music and tell me to do the Virginia reel? Suddenly I'm queen of the room. Odd? Perhaps....
I also agree with the coffee shops, bookstores, etc. A few places I'd add or things to look for: that random person at the park pond who doesn't appear to be doing anything besides watching the clouds or sunset, that clearly eccentric person in the used bookshop whose eyes are sparkling so bright that they look like a 5td old at Christmas, and oddly enough: that person who appears for all intent an purposes like they are scared out of their mind by crowds, but then gets up in front and makes the most beautiful, inspiring, confident speech you've ever heard (this may not be stereotypical, but the some of the best speakers I've heard have been INFJ's.
(and your rambling was fine. I ramble too... Probably my P side at work )

 

[Opabinia]

Pubs. Out walking by themselves. The grocery store.


P.S. if you are INTP, you do not want to have a relationship with an INFJ. Friends, yes. Relationship, no.

 

[InsanityRemix]

It's funny because we seem so good at hiding yet we live like everybody else, working, spending time with friends, or we're at home holding down the fort.

Personally I'm out walking with my ISFP friend or alone, or I'm in my room. Unfortunately I live in an area where all you can really do is work, shop, party, or walk.

 

[jenecis]

In terms of social gatherings, you'll probably find us involved in clubs and organisations that have a 'cause' and require some sort of skill/insight/intelligence on the part of the members involved. E.g. I'm involved in a consulting group for charities, and on the editorial board of an academic journal (I'm a college student by the way). Don't assume that we're the quiet ones - in fact, in those groups, I'm often quite loud and joking around, and surrounded by a group of people (if not at the centre of attention, but very close to it), because I'm passionate about what I do and I'm glad that I can use my skills to help. Within the group, I will usually be in deep, animated conversation with about 2-3 people.

In terms of bars and clubs, I go there sometimes, but I wouldn't be interested in any guys there (they won't be my 'type'). You could approach me, but I probably give you a fake phone number or something

At the gym, I'm the one who is very intense and focused on what I'm doing. I might say hi and greet people as I come in, but the moment I'm on the treadmill or in the class, I kinda let the music take over and work hard. Having said that, I go to the gym frequently (about 5 times a week).

At the library, I'll probably be very intensely studying. Think quiet, undisturbed spot in the corner (preferably with a nice scenic view to gaze out of and pontificate), surrounded by a bunch of notes and books (probably neatly organised - in my eyes at least), and with the ability to concentrate for about 2-3 hours straight. There'll be a coffee by my side, of course. But I'd prefer not to be disturbed (stalkerish much, for my paranoid mind ).

So all in all, the best places to meet us, where we are the most socially receptive, is part of a organisation/function that we are passionate about. My advice to you is to get involved in your passions and join any related organisations that stem from that. I guarantee you they'd be at least some INFJ's there, all happily contributing to the worthwhile cause. Plus, we like people who can see 'the bigger picture' like we do and who care enough to help

 

[Lost in Oblivion]

P.S. if you are INTP, you do not want to have a relationship with an INFJ. Friends, yes. Relationship, no.

Well that's a pretty broad statement. What makes you say that?

 

[Ambiguous]

Thanks for the help everyone!

Good point about finding INFJs at organizations they are passionate about. Makes sense. I'm actually pretty good at typing people within the first couple minutes of meeting them (I have a whole system about it that I'll bore you with some other time lol). I've probably only talked to 4 or 5 in real life, but usually your eyes give the fact that you are an INFJ away.

Haha but it sounds like I'm still gonna have a tough time finding you (at least at a place where you wouldn't mind being bothered/annoyed by me). Come out and play! I swear I'm fun and interesting. I'll bring candy if I need to.

 

[Ambiguous]

P.S. if you are INTP, you do not want to have a relationship with an INFJ. Friends, yes. Relationship, no.

Could you explain this more? I really think every relationship is different and depends on the maturity levels of both types. I realize there are conflicts yes, but I feel that INFJs and INTPs make a great match because we both share Ti, Fe and are introverted. I know that I helped my ex develop her Ti a lot and helped her separate her thoughts and feelings more clearly. I know she helped me with my Fe and realizing where it was coming from. Our introversion allowed us both to have times to ourselves to sort things out. And our discussions about Ni and Ne were always very fun and interesting. We didn't quite understand each other on that, but just having it as a talking point always kept us curious and wanting to know more about each other.

 

[Ambiguous]

And since you're an INTP and I am fond of your kind, where do I find INTPs irl? It's as though we're these quirky, sweet, introverted types living and sharing the same space, but we miss out on each other. So very sad...

Yeah. It is kinda sad. I think a problem might be that when I am out and about I am typical doing mostly non-INTP things. I am out playing basketball, at sporting events, or at concerts jumping around like a fool. I've had many NFs type me as some sort of ESFP when they haven't got a chance to know me well.

But when I'm back at home, I'm constantly reading, trying to find new music to listen to, reading, working on my business, and reading.

I guess the best way to find an INTP though, is to look for someone listening in a conversation and consistently making subtle jokes, inside jokes, or references that a few people in the group appreciate. And occasionally you may seem them getting really excited about explaining something, but then realize the other person isn't following, so you have to tone it down a bit, lol.

 

[The Proof]

Pubs. Out walking by themselves. The grocery store.


P.S. if you are INTP, you do not want to have a relationship with an INFJ. Friends, yes. Relationship, no.

I second that, the INTP's desire for truth will clash with the INFJ's desire for fantasy

xSTP much better for INFJs, because the xSTP is charming, suave and basically full of it

 

[ohnoezitsjoez]

Whatever you do, don't stop looking for us. I dare say were worth the hunt.

 

[Arclight]

I second that, the INTP's desire for truth will clash with the INFJ's desire for fantasy

xSTP much better for INFJs, because the xSTP is charming, suave and basically full of it

I am sorry you got so hurt by an INFJ.. But you should let it go at some point and stop spewing your hatred.. Really dude, carrying that kind of anger around day after day eats your insides up.
Should we all be held accountable for the actions of one person?

According to your attitude.. It appears you are the one who has trouble with fantasy and truth.