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Discussion Starter #1
I met an INFJ male a while back. It has been an overwhelming experience and I am still trying to make sense of it.

I've been unhappily married to an ISFJ male for ~2 years. During these past 2 years, I've been through essentially hell and back. Heartbreaking physical diagnosis from my doctor for something that will affect me for the rest of my life, which factored into constant failure at work, amidst other things. I've been more than depressed. And so far, I've had 3 mental breakdowns directly relating to each one of these incidents where I've just cried uncontrollably. Each time, my ISFJ husband would ignore me, or he would get upset at me because he would think that I was upset at him. Eventually, he told me that he wasn't sympathetic. I withdrew. I threw myself into my work, into my friends.

I met the INFJ then. Pretty much from the beginning there was a natural chemistry there. I kept pushing him away in the beginning even though he kept saying that he didn't want that. I told him I was married, I kept him at a distance. Then something happened in my life that was out of my control, and I had another mental breakdown. I was crying everyday for two weeks, everywhere... During this time, my ISFJ husband did nothing, no hug or even noticed that I was in pain. He would stare at me, then go to sleep. And when I turned to him for support, he would get angry at me again. Then my INFJ friend comforted me during one of my crying spells... and I stopped pushing him away after that. I know I shouldn't have, but I was already mentally weak then.

My INFJ friend and I started talking every day after that for several months. He was so deeply insightful, and caring (at least I thought so), intelligent, perceptive... He appreciated me for my thoughts and insight, not just my looks. The best way to describe it would be an insightful and deep relationship that's constantly exploring each other's inner worlds... Where we were able to see into each other's soul. Where we were able to read each other like the back of our hands. For him, it was my feelings. For me, it was his motivations. None of my other friendships or relationships have come anything close to this, and I was blown away by everything.

From the beginning, he was warm and affectionate. I was playful and witty and passionate, and I absolutely addicted to the level of perception he had and the constant warmth and feelings. But I was also absolutely terrified. Everything seemed too perfect. I don't think I really believed him when he told me he loved me, it was too soon. I was terrified that I was so overwhelmed with happiness and couldn't think around him. It was like I lost my mind.

I told the INFJ that I was going to leave, I didn't give him all the reasons why but I told him that if I ever wanted to have a healthy relationship with him, I needed to not regret anything. I needed to try everything I could to save my marriage and though I didn't think things would work out, I needed to end things properly with my ISFJ husband.

But I didn't tell the INFJ these things till I after got back. That I was terrified of losing my mind around him. That I wanted to work on my own depression because I wanted him to have a healthier, non-broken me. That I wanted to know for sure what I felt was love and not a deep infatuation because I could never think properly around him with all those feelings. I wanted to regain my sanity. And I wanted a healthy relationship with the INFJ, one where I wasn't constantly broken.

I cut off all contact with the INFJ for some time. I sorted through everything. Realized that aside from all the other fixable issues, my ISFJ husband and I had a profound lack of intellectual depth. Something I desperately needed and had been trying to bring out of him since day 1, but had never seen. I started really working through my depression and anxiety. All that didn't take very long. It took ~1-2 weeks.

When I came back, things were different. My INFJ friend told me I kept "pushing him away." That he was trying to push my ISFJ husband and me back together, even though I told the INFJ that my ISFJ husband and I really didn't think it could be fixed and that we were moving forward with divorce. I told him that I loved him, but my INFJ friend told me he didn't love me anymore, though he still liked me. No idea if it was as a friend or what. At times he would be affectionate, then he would draw away. Though all his activities were still ones that I suggested to him, so I suppose I was still on his mind.

I don't really know what happened. I personally feel like I've been played with. Though the INFJ said he was serious and loved me from the beginning, now that I'm really starting to move to possibly have a healthy relationship where I put him first and give him the best of me, he draws away. I personally do not understand how someone simply stops loving someone. Now that I do love him, it'll probably take me anywhere from 3-7 years for these feelings to fade away.

If someone could explain to me what happened, that would be nice. I feel like it has something to do with trust, but I have no idea what. But please... Help me find closure. Though my life was a mess before, now I'm left picking up the pieces. I know it's my fault, I should've ran away in the very beginning... But I was already so broken at that point...
 

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I started really working through my depression and anxiety. All that didn't take very long. It took ~1-2 weeks.
No you didn't. You either were never depressed or you still are. No depression passes in a few weeks.

Now that I do love him, it'll probably take me anywhere from 3-7 years for these feelings to fade away.

[...]

Help me find closure.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
He moved on.
And so should you.

Your willingness to fix things in your marriage is admirable. Points for that. But I am more interested in your description of the ISFJ. You say he was cold and insensitive. That's not very healthy ISFJ behavior. I'm more curious as to what happened before you reached that point. Sounds like there is more to it that what you told us.
 
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Discussion Starter #3
No you didn't. You either were never depressed or you still are. No depression passes in a few weeks.

Yes, you are right. I've only begun to work on it. There are days when I'm still depressed or grieving.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
He moved on.
And so should you.


Yes, that is what I'm trying to do. The most recent bit happened tonight. I've already cut off all communication with him.

Your willingness to fix things in your marriage is admirable. Points for that. But I am more interested in your description of the ISFJ. You say he was cold and insensitive. That's not very healthy ISFJ behavior. I'm more curious as to what happened before you reached that point. Sounds like there is more to it that what you told us.


Haha thank you... But deep inside I'm not sure I feel that way. Both me and my ISFJ husband have given up.

I don't believe my ISFJ husband was cold and insensitive really... At least, I don't want to believe he was. I want to believe that he simply could not communicate with me. He is very private so he keeps all of his thoughts to himself. Which is probably why he didn't reach out to me. He is very sensitive so if I express anything but approval, he becomes unhappy and shuts down entirely. Though when I ask, he'll say that everything is okay.

What else happened? I failed the bar for a while because of my depression. My ISFJ husband expected me to become a high paying lawyer after law school because I was very motivated at the time before everything happened to me. He wanted me to support him. But I was so depressed I took a lower paying, easier job.

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. I know you didn't have to read any of this.
 

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They boast on about being deep and having 'love' without knowing what it truly means; in the long haul. They'll easily shut others out without a care while screaming how everyone leaves them...

These dichotomies of Ni, feeling: as if it's forever when they're fickle as personas forged.
 
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Haha thank you... But deep inside I'm not sure I feel that way. Both me and my ISFJ husband have given up.

I don't believe my ISFJ husband was cold and insensitive really... At least, I don't want to believe he was. I want to believe that he simply could not communicate with me. He is very private so he keeps all of his thoughts to himself. Which is probably why he didn't reach out to me. He is very sensitive so if I express anything but approval, he becomes unhappy and shuts down entirely. Though when I ask, he'll say that everything is okay.

What else happened? I failed the bar for a while because of my depression. My ISFJ husband expected me to become a high paying lawyer after law school because I was very motivated at the time before everything happened to me. He wanted me to support him. But I was so depressed I took a lower paying, easier job.

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. I know you didn't have to read any of this.
At least you tried. But this bothers me a bit. What do you mean "My ISFJ husband expected me to become a high paying lawyer after law school because I was very motivated at the time before everything happened to me."? That just sounds weird and not very ISFJ-ish. It's more like ESTJ-ish.

As for privacy, I think INTPs are way more private than ISFJs, it doesn't add up in my mind. I still feel like I am missing something underneath this. Excuse my Ni, it is looking at the whole story and is missing something that would make this complete. I can understand people that are not compatible, but why did you get married two years earlier? Was it not something you two decided, and why did you? Surely a job wouldn't be enough to break a marriage where feelings are strong?

They boast on about being deep and having 'love' without knowing what it truly means; in the long haul. They'll easily shut others out without a care while screaming how everyone leaves them...

These dichotomies of Ni, feeling: as if it's forever when they're fickle as personas forged.
That's why you use Fe and Ti to love, not Ni. Ni is more mechanical than I would like. It isn't romantic in nature because it is an analysis tool.
 
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Discussion Starter #6
They boast on about being deep and having 'love' without knowing what it truly means; in the long haul. They'll easily shut others out without a care while screaming how everyone leaves them...

These dichotomies of Ni, feeling: as if it's forever when they're fickle as personas forged.
Yes, I have very much gotten that feeling. And I'm really trying not to cry but I am so painfully confused. I don't understand how the INFJ could've kept saying over and over that what he felt was love, that it meant he wanted to "be with someone forever." But now that I'm really starting to reciprocate. Now that I've really begun to clear out my life so it can actually happen, he's backed away so very quickly.

And yes, precisely. My INFJ friend was constantly complaining how people leave him, how they don't reciprocate his feelings. But now, I really truly am. Part of me just really wants to understand. I believe I've already forgiven him but... I just want to understand so I can move on, so I won't ever go back. Because I don't think I'll ever be able to forget the depth we had.
 

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At least you tried. But this bothers me a bit. What do you mean "My ISFJ husband expected me to become a high paying lawyer after law school because I was very motivated at the time before everything happened to me."? That just sounds weird and not very ISFJ-ish. It's more like ESTJ-ish.

As for privacy, I think INTPs are way more private than ISFJs, it doesn't add up in my mind. I still feel like I am missing something underneath this. Excuse my Ni, it is looking at the whole story and is missing something that would make this complete. I can understand people that are not compatible, but why did you get married two years earlier? Was it not something you two decided, and why did you? Surely a job wouldn't be enough to break a marriage where feelings are strong?
What do you want to know? Yes, he is an ISFJ. Yes, he's been tested multiple times. Yes, as far as I've seen, his behaviors do match up to being one. I am telling you everything I know, and what he told me himself.

The feelings aren't strong. When I married him, I rationalized myself into it, seeing our compatibility, our similar life goals, our values, etc.. I have not really been fully aware, or have not allowed myself to be fully aware, of my feelings until very recently.
 

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What do you want to know? Yes, he is an ISFJ. Yes, he's been tested multiple times. Yes, as far as I've seen, his behaviors do match up to being one. I am telling you everything I know, and what he told me himself.

The feelings aren't strong. When I married him, I rationalized myself into it, seeing our compatibility, our similar life goals, our values, etc.. I have not really been fully aware, or have not allowed myself to be fully aware, of my feelings until very recently.
It sounds a bit more like a contract than feelings. You have to factor in more than just "we like the same things" and focus more on "do we like each other when we just sit quietly around"? It is easy to get lost in "in the future we'll do this and that". What if we don't? Are we still ok to live together as we are? You must love what someone is, not what they could be, because they may never do it in the end and you're stuck with loving a promise.

My INFJ friend was constantly complaining how people leave him, how they don't reciprocate his feelings. But now, I really truly am. Part of me just really wants to understand. I believe I've already forgiven him but... I just want to understand so I can move on, so I won't ever go back. Because I don't think I'll ever be able to forget the depth we had.
It is a common feature. You know, how they scream of "I want to be understood" but don't actually take the time to explain themselves? You see it easily, the moment where you suggest an INFJ to explain something and maybe to improve or change something you hit the "oh, you just don't accept me how I am" wall. As if the INFJ itself is the peak of an idea, with nothing to improve, no flaws. Yes, I do know I am an INFJ, but I'm an unpopular one at best, because I dare criticize their shortcomings.

You don't need to wait many years to get passed this. You had a short connection of Ni interaction and you feel bedazzled by it. It is intriguing, but just like any system, it is boring once you understand how it works.

May I venture into some advice? Learn to love with your heart, rather than your reasoning? I know, you make stupid mistakes that way, but for that brief moment in history, you would have reached the peak of your emotions, not being held back by some "rational firewall". Don't date people for utilitarian purposes or projections of potential. Date them for what they are. For what they add to your life spiritually. Risky, but when you hit the jackpot it is very rewarding.

I have a system, if you want to call it that, I know how much I loved by how much I hate afterwards. I know it sounds weird, but if you love intensely, you need to hate to burn the bridge of feelings in order to heal yourself. Becoming friends is really some bullshit I cannot understand. You never go to friendship if you really loved. But I must be old fashioned. And when I mean hate, I don't mean harming them, that's insane, I mean hate them spiritually, to completely burn all feelings for them so that they can move into the "meh, I don't care anymore" category. It's part of the I am no longer bound to you emotionally thing. Works for me.
 
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It sounds a bit more like a contract than feelings. You have to factor in more than just "we like the same things" and focus more on "do we like each other when we just sit quietly around"? It is easy to get lost in "in the future we'll do this and that". What if we don't? Are we still ok to live together as we are? You must love what someone is, not what they could be, because they may never do it in the end and you're stuck with loving a promise.
Yes, I do see that. And I have seen that I've made a huge mistake with my ISFJ husband. I did think I liked him when we sat quietly around. But... I overlooked the biggest issue. I want a certain depth: intellectual, emotional, spiritual from my partner. And though he could occasionally give me emotional depth and insight, usually when we argued, pretty much the entire time he was a blank canvas. I didn't know anything that went on inside his head. And when I would ask, he would say "Nothing." I believed I could overlook that key fact about him because even though I rationalized a lot of that part away, I do think I still love him deeply. Unfortunately, it seems like sometimes love isn't enough.

Now there is almost that deep sense of terror that I won't meet someone with that level of depth that my INFJ friend had again. Because though I've met and talked to hundreds of people, even other INFJs, he is the first person that has really given me that level of depth.


It is a common feature. You know, how they scream of "I want to be understood" but don't actually take the time to explain themselves? You see it easily, the moment where you suggest an INFJ to explain something and maybe to improve or change something you hit the "oh, you just don't accept me how I am" wall. As if the INFJ itself is the peak of an idea, with nothing to improve, no flaws. Yes, I do know I am an INFJ, but I'm an unpopular one at best, because I dare criticize their shortcomings.
Yes, I have seen that... The funny thing is that, perhaps it's because I'm more developed, I was able to decipher through all that and really explain what he was feeling or thinking back to him. For some things it was easy. But the the last big one of, "How do you feel about me?" took me some time since I had to observe his actions, language, etc. The funny thing is that even now he doesn't know exactly why his feelings have changed. I could stay longer to really try to figure it out, but it would serve me no purpose. If someone is already halfway out the door, I won't be there to convince them to come back.


You don't need to wait many years to get passed this. You had a short connection of Ni interaction and you feel bedazzled by it. It is intriguing, but just like any system, it is boring once you understand how it works.

May I venture into some advice? Learn to love with your heart, rather than your reasoning? I know, you make stupid mistakes that way, but for that brief moment in history, you would have reached the peak of your emotions, not being held back by some "rational firewall". Don't date people for utilitarian purposes or projections of potential. Date them for what they are. For what they add to your life spiritually. Risky, but when you hit the jackpot it is very rewarding.
Thank you. I'm just going to read it over and over again till it sinks into my head. "It's boring, it's boring, it's boring." Maybe if I say it enough, I'll believe it. I doubt it though, the vast majority of my closest relationships have been with INFJs, probably for a good reason. It's fascinating, it's insightful, but I have to let it go.

Ah that is so risky haha. I've been burned badly by that before. I haven't done it again since. But thank you, really. For taking the time to respond to me.
 

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What a generalisation.
But is it not true? Don't INFJs get bored quickly? I know I do. But I have trained myself to see beyond pure hedonism. You can't be a slave to constantly seeking the new. You have to appreciate what you have as well.

Thank you. I'm just going to read it over and over again till it sinks into my head. "It's boring, it's boring, it's boring." Maybe if I say it enough, I'll believe it. I doubt it though, the vast majority of my closest relationships have been with INFJs, probably for a good reason. It's fascinating, it's insightful, but I have to let it go.

Ah that is so risky haha. I've been burned badly by that before. I haven't done it again since. But thank you, really. For taking the time to respond to me.
You don't have to thank me. You should strive for happiness. Many search for it, but they often get bogged down in things that don't matter, forever idealizing perfection and remaining unhappy. You cannot say something over and over again and make it true. It is ok to find Ni fascinating, I know I find Fi fascinating (for example), but I do get tired of it at times when I see it. It is a system after all. It works within rules. As much as Ni is vast and without limit, it does operate on a limited set of instructions. It isn't an "infinite state machine". I may be getting too technical.
 
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If I could conjure up any insight into the INFJ's behaviour in this particular scenario, I suppose I would have to put myself in their shoes.

Judging by your description, I doubt your INFJs feeling were inauthentic in the beginning; if you really did have chemistry, then I imagine your situation at the time would only have been drawing them closer. I'm personally in a relationship with someone who is often at war with themselves, purely just because of how they see themselves relative to others, and we're probably never closer than we are when working through something she's struggling with - this applies to my friends too actually, closest when there's emotional trouble afoot. In my experience, we really want to aid people who are having a deeply shit time, and it's not about 'help' in the practical sense, it really is about dedicated care.

As for how your INFJ seemed to completely change their mind about you after the 'seperation' so to speak, I feel as though I may have some understanding of that too. I've been in a scenario before where, for a series of reasons I'll spare you the intricate details of, myself and a romantic interest weren't able to be together at the time we were romantically interested in one another. They eventually peeled away, for reasons not unlike yours (to get their head level again, and to be able to approach romance with a healthier mindset), but then when they wanted to enter my life again in the same way as before (which was never a promise before the 'break'), I just didn't want it. I hadn't just gotten bored, or moved on very quickly, it was that it's quite painful dancing around a potential-romance that then needs a break before it's even started, especially if you really care about the other person; it displays the potential for failure, and unfortunately sometimes people (especially the pessimistic sort) just don't want to revisit that. In that particular scenario also, part of me really did want to revisit things, but the lingering sense of how it felt when it 'broke' led me to decide that it would probably spare us more trouble and upset than it would give us satisfaction or happiness. It was thinking vs. feeling, and thinking won in that particular instance for the sake of trying look out for the both of us.

Overall, I really do feel for you in regards to the INFJs impact on you. It can't be easy feeling so deeply involved with someone, only for them to then 'ghost' you, whether it's via a path of resistance, or if they just seem to disappear. I feel I know very well where that comes from but, in the end, I don't necessarily think you were played with; it sounds more like two passionate, caring people came together at a difficult time, and then the same passionate drives separated you again, but for differing reasons, and INFJs seem notoriously hard to 'chase' in that context.

Hopefully that offers you some sort of useful insight, but even if not, I do hope you're alright in the end.
 

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But is it not true? Don't INFJs get bored quickly? I know I do. But I have trained myself to see beyond pure hedonism. You can't be a slave to constantly seeking the new. You have to appreciate what you have as well.
What, get bored with emotional connections? Perhaps in certain types of INFJ, but certainly not all of them, myself included. I think I learned very quickly that what appealed to my hedonistic side was very temporary and superficial, and once you've gotten over the raw, instinctual excitement that brings, if what lies underneath doesn't have enough substance, it's just not fulfilling.

I think in my case, rather than letting myself enter situations where I might get bored, I cautiously keep well away from what I know will bore me before long, regardless of the surface appeal, and only invest my energy and care into something that feels entirely authentic and that will last; it happens very infrequently, but I can happily say it works.
 

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A thing about INFJ's: we tend to say things in the way we think the other wants to hear them. If we care for someone and we think this person needs to hear someone say : "I love you", that's easy to say, because it's technically true. INFJ's tend to be flexible in how we express ourselves because of this.
This does not mean this person didn't have feelings for you, I wasn't there, maybe they were completely smitten with you. The point is that the way we phrase what we say isn't that important to us, although we know it's important to you.

Other than that: it sounds like this person really did have feelings for you, but you breaking off contact was a trigger for them to revise their priorities. I can imagine them thinking: "Well, apparently things weren't mutual, I will move on to avoid getting hurt in the future".
I know for a fact that my ex held some words against me when I broke up with her. I used to say "I will always love you, whatever happens" or some stuff like that. After she cheated on me, I closed myself off from the possibility of loving her.
Of course that's a completely different scenario, but it is just there to illustrate how we can say things and mean them and not act that way in the aftermath.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Thank you everyone for explaining it to me. Yes, I do think that's what happened... I'm just trying not to cry and letting myself digest the pain. So it'll sink in, so I'll get over it. I find it remarkably saddening because for me coming back shows that I care. But that entire dichotomy with freedom would've not let things work out in the first place. Because I need the freedom to choose.

@FreeKekistan: Yes, I do get the sense that INFJs get bored very easily. They usually tell me so themselves. I get bored easily as well, but I can satisfy it if I learn something new. And yes, I haven't told you everything but yes, I am striving for happiness. But the first step in doing so is knowing my own limits and boundaries. In this situation, it's really understanding the situation so I know it would've never worked.

@Robotshorts: That's sad. Yes, I am constantly at war with myself. He often told me he found it frustrating that I "pushed him away." Perhaps he felt like he wanted to help me but he couldn't. I have been wondering if it would've only ever worked out if I was constantly in pain... because he seemed almost magnetically compelled to help me then. But I didn't want that.

I also understand your view on how the separation changed his mindset. I understand it, and yet it is deeply saddening because... Had I stayed, we would've grown to have a very toxic relationship. I wanted a relationship where I could be open and honest about it, where I could place him first because I really thought he deserved better. Funnily enough... things didn't work out the way as planned, but I suppose that's life. I do also get the sense that he believed it was for the best for the both of us if he kept his distance. While I can't speak for his point of view, from my point of view, it seems terribly misguided, especially after I told him how there is really no way I believe my marriage could've been salvaged, given everything I'd already tried and objectively speaking, our core personalities. It was almost like he was imposing his own views on what should be onto me. I don't know if it's right or wrong, but... I'm just trying to understand.

@Drecon: I see... Thank you for explaining that to me. It does give me a very small sense of comfort that perhaps I wasn't played. Though given the current state of my life, I'm not sure I can fully appreciate it just yet...
 

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I kept pushing him away in the beginning even though he kept saying that he didn't want that. I told him I was married, I kept him at a distance. Then my INFJ friend comforted me during one of my crying spells... and I stopped pushing him away after that. I know I shouldn't have, but I was already mentally weak then.

Everything seemed too perfect. I don't think I really believed him when he told me he loved me, it was too soon. I was terrified that I was so overwhelmed with happiness and couldn't think around him. It was like I lost my mind.

I told the INFJ that I was going to leave, I didn't give him all the reasons why but I told him that if I ever wanted to have a healthy relationship with him, I needed to not regret anything. I needed to try everything I could to save my marriage and though I didn't think things would work out, I needed to end things properly with my ISFJ husband.

But I didn't tell the INFJ these things till I after got back. That I was terrified of losing my mind around him. That I wanted to work on my own depression because I wanted him to have a healthier, non-broken me. That I wanted to know for sure what I felt was love and not a deep infatuation because I could never think properly around him with all those feelings. I wanted to regain my sanity. And I wanted a healthy relationship with the INFJ, one where I wasn't constantly broken.

I cut off all contact with the INFJ for some time. I sorted through everything.
Um, this is why your INFJ friend dumped your ass. You dumped him and pushed him so far away he could not take it. So he door slammed you. When someone pushes an INFJ too far away, it wounds them so much and they take it so personally, they cut you out. For an INFJs, part of a relationship is being with you when you are not at your best and accepting and loving you despite not being your best.

When you push them away and use the excuse "I'm too broken!!!", they go "...so? You're human. The job of human partners is to be there for each other when they can within reason. Not expect perfection."

As far as I am concerned, he did the right thing with you. I would have door slammed you, too.

Here are some articles to help you figure it out:

1. https://introvertdear.com/news/infj-door-slam-things-you-should-know/

2. https://introvertdear.com/news/infj-personality-type-slams-door/
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Um, this is why your INFJ friend dumped your ass. You dumped him and pushed him so far away he could not take it. So he door slammed you. When someone pushes an INFJ too far away, it wounds them so much and they take it so personally, they cut you out. For an INFJs, part of a relationship is being with you when you are not at your best and accepting and loving you despite not being your best.

When you push them away and use the excuse "I'm too broken!!!", they go "...so? You're human. The job of human partners is to be there for each other when they can within reason. Not expect perfection."

As far as I am concerned, he did the right thing with you. I would have door slammed you, too.

Here are some articles to help you figure it out:

1. https://introvertdear.com/news/infj-door-slam-things-you-should-know/

2. https://introvertdear.com/news/infj-personality-type-slams-door/
Ah, I see. Thank you.
 

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Write a letter or a document telling him how you feel and saying "goodbye". You dont' have to send it. It's entirely up to you. You just have to say goodbye so you can move on.
 

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Write a letter or a document telling him how you feel and saying "goodbye". You dont' have to send it. It's entirely up to you. You just have to say goodbye so you can move on.
Thank you... truly. It's helped me more than you may realize... In the end, regardless of how painful this is right now. I want to learn and grow from this experience, so I never repeat any of these mistakes again. And there's so many, now that I look back on it.

But the biggest one is probably, I need someone to really be able to communicate with me. Not just feelings, but motivations, even if they do feel profoundly deeply. And if they will be so deeply hurt by my actions, to tell me very clearly why. Not instead to tell me to leave even before I myself actually left because they believe that this is the best course of action for my life. Because that seems like martyrdom. Because then I would have been able to make a very conscious choice and I would've been able to see if we could have worked through the problem. Or perhaps we could've mutually realized that it was simply unworkable then. Because I believe most of this situation, or at least the pain, could have been avoided or at least mitigated to some extent. Perceptiveness can only go so far. Unfortunately, I'm not a mind reader. It really takes some time for me to decipher what is really happening when it comes to people this very close to me.
 

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Well, I think I'm ready to move on. :) Understanding the situation as it was, seeing the part we both played. Both of us could of done things better, both of us made mistakes. But that's okay. I've already forgiven him and now... I think perhaps I'm ready to forgive myself as well.

Perhaps there could've been better communication, but given how things weren't truly discussed or communicated, it wouldn't have worked out anyway. Not for the long term. And on top of that, there's no reason for me to pine over someone who no longer can return the intensity of my feelings so... it's time to move on! Haha. Thanks again for all your input everyone. :)
 
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