[Zebedee]

I see more INFP 4w5 than 4w3 posts around here.

Anyway there's an aspect of my enneagram type that seems paradoxical, and that's the desire to be out in the world experiencing life with people to fulfill my need for action-oriented stimulation, yet in reality I'm so withdrawn and I need tons of alone time to re-charge. So I just sit at home anxiously.

To me it seems like 4w3 is much better suited for ENFPs. For INFPs, its a torture device.

 

[Guph]

Do you relate to the description of the creative personality? You can read about it here.

 

[kaleidoscope]

I don't necessarily think that's true. Besides the 3 wing, a lot of things in the enneagram can cause conflict within the four, be it the variant stackings or the tritype. I'm an INFP 4w5, but I'm also an so/sx and I have a type 7 head fix. That's a lot of discrepancy.

My constant battle between so and sx makes me alternate between being social and open to others, and withdrawing. Sometimes I draw others in by being really passionate and fired up, and then I confuse them later on if I'm quiet or in my own little bubble. Sometimes I have the urge to be right there in the middle of it all to have my say and wow them, and sometimes I just like to sit aside and watch, without having the need to make myself noticeable, in fact pretty much adoring how invisible I am. You can only imagine how, as a Four, my main issue is finding my identity, so when my behavior fluctuates so much, it's really hard for me to find a stable pattern to identify with. I'm unpredictable, even to myself. (My username says it all, lol.)

Another struggle I face is the one between the four and seven in my tritype. The four in me wants to embrace the negativity and wallow in it for days, the seven in me seeks joy and satisfaction. I alternate between being melancholic and being drawn to sad things, and finding beauty in everything. So even though I'm not a 4w3, my instinctual variants and my head fix make up for that 3 wing.

 

[perfectcircle]

It can be a torture device or something that gives you the needed momentum to get out there or incite change. I think I read that 4w3s experience a lot of internal conflict because while both are shame-image issue typse, they wish to deal with it exact opposite ways, so inside the 4w3 there's a lot of push pull. Which is the "torture" you described; at it's worst it feels like being squished between a rock and a hard place.
But along with this, I think 4w3s have some definite advantagse 4w5s do not. Four wing threes are more likely to break out of depression, more likely to go out their and interact with the real world to get out of negative cycles, and more likely to see the need for this, whereas 4w5s may justify themselves into being recluses. 4w3s can take on a personable persona than 4w5s and can be more goal oriented.
As for, "it's a bad type for introverts", not really. You can be an introverted type 3... the problem may be one feels that the standards you are trying to conform to are extroverted ones. That's impossible, so try to shift the judging criteria. Threes want to be oustanding, so they better find a niche in a place they can win, if that makes sense.

 

[Zebedee]

but I'm also an so/sx and I have a type 7 head fix. That's a lot of discrepancy.

Yeah you're making my head spin, but I understand what you're saying at the same time. Thanks

I failed to mention I'm also an sx, hence the strong urge for interpersonal stimulation.

 

[Jewl]

I don't think 4w3 is particularly suited for ENFPs. Most ENFPs I know don't have a hint of Three in them. ^^ However, some ENFPs may be 4w3, as MBTI doesn't really correlate to the Enneagram.

 

[IAmOrangeToday]

Hey there @dog8food I'm an INFP too but I have no idea what my ennagram really is; I tested as 7w8 4w5 9w1 but I think that's a mistype and that I'm actually 4w3 7w8 9w1 (does @adverseeffects agree, being the godmother of enneagram as she is? XD ) so I majorly vibe with what you're saying.

Sometimes, I hate myself. No, actually I think there's always a lingering feeling of unease inside me. Whenever I'm being happy and bubbly I feel like I'm not myself, as much I enjoy it. When I'm being introverted, I feel like I'm hiding from people and hurting them by rejecting them. I feel like I should be more out there and more active. Cue cycle... :L

Even when I am around people, I am often crippled by the feeling that they would laugh down whatever I say so I just sit there smiling nervously and mutely. Then what little I do say falls flat because it's ignored or totally miscalculated. Then I can just walk into another conversation and have no such problems.

I feel like at every turn there is a dual nature withing me at times, on the one hand vain and on the to other hand (the stronger hand) selfless. On the one hand judgemental, on the other compassionate and open. Usually I can resist my dark side though. It scares the shit out of me sometimes, and is usually not as bad as this post makes it out to be

But if only I could find one face for myself and the world and wear that one all the time with no swapping, instead of having these different layers of me.

The joys of inner conflict and introspection.