Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 35 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Is this common among INFP's?

Struggling with some issues, and am interested in hearing others stories and input!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
814 Posts
I believe it's exceptionally common lol; I think INFP is the most likely type to be like this.
I have the first two and sometimes the third as well. Had social anxiety for a few years now, depression for 2-3. Is there anything specific that's making you feel that way though? Or is it just in general?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
328 Posts
Is it? I don't know. I am fairly perfectionistic and struggle with some social anxiety and low sense of self-worth. In particular it's very difficult for me to feel connection with others, desire to do anything except observe situations and others, and not beat myself up for every little awkwardness. People are mostly a source of confusing and painful emotions for me, so I often distance myself. The most harmless encounters can have a powerful impact on me and they are much more often negative than not.

Maybe like you, I definitely wouldn't mind if others could relate to this experience either, because it does make me feel quite alien. At least words to describe it exist though so that is certainly a good thing. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Ah, thanks for posting in this..
It is nice knowing you're not the only one dealing with somehting like depression or anxiety. Because I think it's safe to say, anyone struggling with either of those conditions, knows that feeling. You feel so alone.

But anyway.
Basically... I never considered perfectionism an issue per se for me.
But I've always kept journals that I've written in since I was about 11 maybe?
I see now that I've always had this need to improve myself, better myself, push myself to be 'perfect' because I always felt like nothing I ever did was good enough.
I've always been more on the emotionally overactive/sensitive end. Even the smallest bit of criticism or anything that sounded along the lines of an insult would leave me feeling so incredibly hurt/depressed. I'd then beat up myself, feeling like I deserved to be punished I guess? I just always felt like something was wrong with me. And I'd criticize everything about myself.. the way I looked, talked, acted, thought, walked, laughed, EVERYTHING. I hated, and so every year I'd make up a list of goals, and things to work on. After a while though, i never could seem to actually get my goals finished.. I think that's why I eventually became so frustrated/depressed.
Also, I think the perfectionism was a way for me to avoid criticism and to be so flawless, everyone would admire me and actually look up to me? I'm not even entirely sure yet.. still trying to figure it out.
I don't struggle quite so much with the intense depression/self hatred anymore. But I think that 'need' to push myself has still been filtering into my life this entire time.
The social anxiety, I never realized I had that.. I never would have imaged myself admitting this publicly, but i'm so tired of feeling like I have to hide this or keep in to myself..
but most days, anytime I know I've got to go outside or do something where there will be people, I automatically feel the anxiety starting to pick up. And I get in this panic and instantly have to like check my appearance and stuff. I hone in on the tiny little details of my physical appearance, nit picking every little thing to see if anything is out of place. And it drives me mad. When in reality, most people probably won't even notice the same details I do, or just won't care.
But it doesn't matter. I feel like I'm stuck in a world of anxiety, an imaginary world of worry/fears that only exist in my head, and it's not even happening in real life. But I can't get out. Anytime I'm in public, or even when I'm alone, I feel like i'm constantly walking on eggshells, like everything I do will be judged or watched or is under scrutinization..
I hate it because I don't even know how to be ME without the fear of what others will think, the guilt of how my decisions might affect others.
Eventually, I ended up getting somewhat into drugs, because it was the only thing to took away my depression, the confusion, gave me a feeling of worth/love and made everything feel okay for once.
But now, I'm still working on that..
I feel like most of my life has just been one big struggle with depression, anxiety, and addiction.
Sometimes things start to get better.. but inevitably, I can't avoid the things that trigger my anxiety forever.
So I have to be confronted with it on a constant basis.

And ptarmigan, I totally relate to the 'it's very difficult for me to feel connection with others'
I often feel that way. And the oversensitivity.
Just know you are not alone.

If anyone on here wants to add me by the way, don't hesitate ^.^
maybe we could all help/support each other at least. Or at the very least, just give each other the comfort of knowing you aren't/don't have to be alone..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
although, I see you are INTP, not INFP :p
I'd imagine, INFPs aren't the only ones who struggle with these issues.. I just wondered if it were more common.
I'm still pretty new to MBTI, so i much to learn..
 

·
Registered
INFP 648 sx/sp
Joined
·
2,937 Posts
I think it's perfectly fair to say the majority of INFPs on this site have suffered or do suffer some kind of depression - many of the biggest posters I've noticed have it. Anxiety I've probably suffered although I haven't noticed anything outside what comes with depression, and perfectionism is to an extent included in many INFP type descriptions.
As soon as I started testing as IXFP I began heavily suffering with depression. At risk of adopting the 'woe is me' attitude I think we just don't get on with the world. I am really sorry you're going through all this, though. You're not alone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
354 Posts
Up until a year ago i didnt actually realise it but the depression i probably had for a ridiculous amount of time (most of life, rly :/ a good 14 years, minusing the time iw as happy in the odddays in my years so far) but probably only because i assumed it was the norm, and that i was on the right track. Only minor, but im pretty sure its been a constanrt prescence, at least up until now. Anxiety, well, i supposes it describes alot of what i felt, but i never thought of it as a disorder, which im pretty sure that anxiety is classified as in certain amounts? Idk. As for perfectionism, I've been called notorius for being a perfectionist, though i cant for the life of me understand why, as i consider myself only to put in the effort that is needed in most situations, though when im determined, i dont usually get stopped XD. Not until its well- and truly done.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ptarmigan

·
Registered
Joined
·
23 Posts
I'm sorry you're struggling with issues, decemberx, but you're certainly not alone. I've dealt with depression, anxiety, and perfectionism as well. Particularly when I'm under stress, I can have brief moments that border on paranoia. And it's a constant struggle to remind myself that people aren't judging me --- for better or worse, most people don't even notice me or think about me! Fortunately my wife is also an INFP, so we can take turns expressing our "crazy sides" to each other without feeling misunderstood. If you have feeler friends, talking with them might help.

I also used to wonder why I often enjoyed having STP friends, as they're so different from me, but I realized part of the reason is their "screw it!" attitude. As INFPs we take everything to heart, so for me at least it's liberating to see how SPs (or NTs) can freely say, "I did something I wanted to do, and I don't have to apologize for it!"

It's funny that people think we're so laid back, but they don't realize the emotional turmoil that we sometimes experience. But just as we're patient, forgiving, and tolerant with other people, we have to learn to be kind to ourselves.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,244 Posts
I'm probably not clinically depressed, but I am an expert at self-deprecation. Anxiety is on and off; it depends on the environment.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
216 Posts
I'm such a perfectionist in things I care about, but definitely not in whatever useless or mundane things I have to go along with. I feel so inadequate sometimes, especially when I compare myself to others (which no one should really ever do). So you are not alone! I think it's common with INFPs since we're often emotionally passionate. Perfectionism has given me anxiety & self esteem issues... Don't worry, there are others like you!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
I guess that's the funny thing. When you deal with these things,especially something like perfectionism, it's not like the thought ever occurs to you that "i'm a perfectionist". like, you don't even realize because you can't see yourself from outside or someone else's perspective. So how can you ever truly know how other people think or work internally as opposed to yourself?
if you struggle with something like depression or anxiety, you may go for years before even realizing you have it, if that makes sense? you just know that something doesn't feel right internally. I really like the term one of you used: "emotional turmoil". I used to refer to it as feeling in 'constant internal motion.' Everything always felt so restless and uneasy,everything always just felt so wrong but i could never quite pinpoint it. And yet, no one else really has a clue what's going on inside of you. Just how crazy your thoughts feel. just how quick your emotional states are to change, and how severe they can get.
Sometimes I wish it were easy to just not take things so personally, ya know? to not overthink everything, and not feel guilty or worried. To just not care.

Seriously though, thanks everyone. Even when others say things similar to how I've felt or thought, and I know i can't be the only one, it's so hard believing it's true sometimes. It's nice to be reassured once in a while though..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,835 Posts
I suffer from anxiety, depression and perfectionism.

I think mental conditions, such as anxiety and depression, are starting to come out of the shadows in our society. People have always suffered from them, but science has only recently advanced to the point where we can understand and treat them. Society has also advanced to the point where people can understand that mental health is important, these conditions are real and not the fault of the sufferer. This is a good thing!

In the past, people had to suffer through physical aliments that can now be easily treated. For most of human history, people have also been suffering from mental conditions and these problems were left untreated. There is still more work to be done, but I think we are lucky to be living in an age where treatment options are available and improving all the time.

I think perfectionism can be associated with feelings of anxiety and depression. There is some research that suggests that people who are perfectionists and are always looking for the best possible outcome, have on average more negative feelings, than people who are happy to settle for an outcome that is "just good enough".

I think perfectionism is a mixed bag. On the plus side, striving for perfection can lead to you producing really good outcomes. On the downside, it can lead to negative feelings because it's difficult to feel satisfied with the results you are producing. Another downside is that I think it can lead to procrastination, or not attempting a task, because the perfectionist feels that they will never be good enough, so why bother trying?

I think you can learn to manage perfectionism. It has lots of good qualities that you can use to your advantage, such as striving for excellence, but you need to be careful about negative thinking that can not only make you feel bad, but also hinder you from reaching your potential.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,931 Posts
I have suffered from depression since I was 9 years old (or have been aware of it since then at least), but that doesn't mean it is type related per se. I know it runs in my family, both my mother and her father suffer(ed) from it, as well as my brother at times. But there certainly seems to be a high number of INFPs that identify as depressed. I don't know that anxiety is a big one for me, except when I am overwhelmed with work and a bit of social anxiety (though I am more socially awkward than socially anxious, to differentiate on a purely ridiculous level.) Perfectionism is something I used to struggle with, and I was convinced I was a J-type for the longest time since I can be so perfectionistic, but upon learning that Fi is a judging function, it made more sense. I actually was told once that I am a type A personality, and while it can seem that way I suppose when it comes to something I feel strongly about, it isn't a pattern in my life overall.

I think any type can have issues with any of these three things, but it does seem INFPs experience them on a more frequent or intense basis than other types.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,931 Posts
I think perfectionism is a mixed bag. On the plus side, striving for perfection can lead to you producing really good outcomes. On the downside, it can lead to negative feelings because it's difficult to feel satisfied with the results you are producing. Another downside is that I think it can lead to procrastination, or not attempting a task, because the perfectionist feels that they will never be good enough, so why bother trying?
Do you think in a way that INFPs idealism manifests as perfectionism in some cases? I know my own experience is such - people think I am negative and a perfectionist at times, even cynical, but it is all born of a desire for the better or best possibility that I know (or assume) is reachable. Despite being a depressed, negative, self-loathing, world-hating perfectionist at times, I still never lose hope that it will be better some day.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,835 Posts
Do you think in a way that INFPs idealism manifests as perfectionism in some cases? I know my own experience is such - people think I am negative and a perfectionist at times, even cynical, but it is all born of a desire for the better or best possibility that I know (or assume) is reachable. Despite being a depressed, negative, self-loathing, world-hating perfectionist at times, I still never lose hope that it will be better some day.
I think ideal means: Best possible outcome or scenario. An ideal scenario is a best possible scenario. An Idealist is someone who is striving to attain what they see as the best possible scenario. The idea of "best possible", is analogous to the idea of perfection. So I think it does make sense that the idealism INFPs have, can lead to perfectionist tendencies.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
102 Posts
It seems very common in INFPs. Why, I can only guess. I feel like (at least speaking from my own experience) it is the idealism. We search for experiences that can only be described as otherworldly. I know for me, life feels like a constant inner battle of whether or not the amazing life I live to one day have will ever materialize, and through my own power to make it happen. It's especially difficult when most people don't have this passion to find a better life and they settle with just feeling average day to day and being okay with that. It makes it harder to see that it exists when so many people have given up. Not only this, but even if it does exist, I often wonder if I could be happy living a powerful,positive existence but not being able to take everybody with me.

I have been clinically depressed and socially anxious/insecure/whatevers since 13 and struggled all the way through. But there have been periods where I wasn't depressed or insecure, and that was when I was taking care of myself by not repressing (crutches like smoking, drugs, wherever you go to to hide), and allowing my feelings to be expressed (writing, thinking time, walks, crying aka emotional detox, etc) enough that I felt clear headed and motivated enough to start living a healthier lifestyle. Hand in hand, those are the two things that always work. As an INFP it's hard not to stifle emotions out of instinct, It's hard to constantly be going through extreme emotions. Your brain makes so many and then you have to spend so much time letting them out every single day. I got tired of it at one point and decided to just repress it, big mistake. We NEED outlets and to keep that pathway open or they collect somewhere in our conscience and will cause turmoil trying to get out in other ways, or just cause us to be stuck. And the healthy lifestyle thing, what I mean is exercise, getting sunlight, adequate socialization, and eating a healthy anti inflammatory diet.

Writing that out was kind of therapeutic. Not having the most true-to-self months lately, I think I have to follow my own advice and get back on this proactive, life-can-be-shiny-amazing wagon thing...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
62 Posts
Is this common among INFP's?

Struggling with some issues, and am interested in hearing others stories and input!
I think a lot of INFPs can be stuck in their heads. But just take some breaths and realise that a lot of this pasting conditioning ( stuff in your head) has no reality. And all people (not just INFPs) have this Past Data in their minds that shape their Reality. All you have to do is Think Twice, Be Here and Now.
 

·
MOTM June 2012
Joined
·
9,333 Posts
I've struggled with depression for most of my life, with anxiety for a few years back in 2008, and perfectionism for most of my life as well.

All of these are separate issues, but they can all be sort of related as well. If I feel like I'm not up to par, this can lead me to feel anxiety, which can get out of hand and turn into full blown depression. At this point, my compulsive side comes out and I push myself to attain the highest levels close to perfection as possible.

It's sort of a viscous cycle, but I'm not as much as a perfectionist as I just want to do something really well.

But sometimes I use the fear of depression to motivate me, and the perfectionism keeps away the anxiety and the depression at times, so it can also help me too, as long as I can control it all okay.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter #19
Asiam, "We search for experiences that can only be described as otherworldly."

THAT is EXACTLY how I feel about everything. You just worded it in a way I probably never could have :p

I feel as though my thinking has changed somewhat since I first started this post.
I'm glad I decided to get back to this site though.

I feel like I'm constantly chasing those experiences/feelings. I can't even explain them, they can be brought about by different things. But I feel like my life is one gigantic, constant neverending battle for an imagined 'balance' in my life. Like, as if i'm trying to improve EVERYTHING in my life, everything about myself internally needs to be right.
Otherwise I'm miserable. I feel like I hit points where I'm close.
But even trying to do something as simple as relax and just enjoy life becomes a battle in itself to me most of the time.
It's almost like if things aren't constantly feeling great, or at least good, that SOMETHING is wrong and I need to feel better this instant. Maybe i'm exagerrating a bit, but that's seriously how it looks when I think about it.

Anywho, I'm rambling.. I wonder if the need to over-explain oneself/something is a typical INFP thing?

I've realized too part of what's stressing me out lately is i've always been so intent with improving things in my life since I was young.. and it still exists within me today, to a point it's probably subconscious now.
I obsess over making goals, and being productive/busy, I can't even enjoy the things I do anymore..
and now it's got me stuck, overthinking things, and on here.
Blergh <.<
Before I end up going off on just about a million tangents, I'll stop for now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
43 Posts
Hi there decemberx,

I can totally relate to what you've just written - the part about obsessing over goals, trying to improve everything and finding an imagined balance. It's difficult to just BE. I am going through that mode now. I realize it tends to go into overdrive when I have encountered some setback or something that gave a blow to my confidence. Honestly, I am finding it difficult to get out of this mental rut, especially with the new year coming. urgh.

I meditated regularly for a few months some time ago but stopped. But during that time, I did find it helpful so I am thinking of starting again. You might find it helpful too...

Anyway, I'm new here. Hello everyone. :) *waves*
 
1 - 20 of 35 Posts
Top