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What's your (main) attachment style?

  • Secure

    Votes: 4 30.8%
  • Anxious

    Votes: 1 7.7%
  • Avoidant

    Votes: 4 30.8%
  • Fearful

    Votes: 1 7.7%
  • I can't work it out!

    Votes: 3 23.1%
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INFP 9w1 sp/so
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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hey guys! Just curious as to whether there's any pattern for attachment styles in INFPs, plus it's just an interesting thing to talk about.

I've worked out I'm Avoidant for the most part, but I can be more Anxious towards a very small number of people. Avoidant in behaviour, weird blend of Avoidant and Anxious in mentality. I think. I don't have the high self-image and low other-image though.
 

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Well, since I haven't been in a (romantic) relationship for so long, I really wouldn't know what my attachment style on that is xD.

I do know that, in platonic relationships, I tend to be somewhat anxious, but secure at the same time. The anxious part is because I don't know how people will react when I show them more of 'me' as it were, but that is something we all struggle with (I think) :).
 

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From 2010 - "I showed low avoidance & low anxiety & was placed on the "secure" part of the graph. I have a great partner though."

From 2012 - "I feel it would be secure attachment for me. Husband and I have been married for 18+ years & I feel intimacy w/him. We both have our independence also. I am blessed."

From 2018 -

56% Secure

 

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Apparently I took the test here when I first joined PerC around two years ago. Had no idea, but it's very cool to compare!

Two years ago:
Captura de pantalla 2019-07-04 a la(s) 2.25.44 p. m..jpg


Now:
Captura de pantalla 2019-07-04 a la(s) 2.25.50 p. m..jpg

I took that full-length survey both times, so in general I am less avoidant and anxious than I was in August 2017, and my security has skyrocketed. I have done a lot of repairing to get to this point, so I'm really happy about this [and thank you past me for doing this]!

This is me:
1. (Insecure) Anxious–preoccupied attachment

People with this style of attachment seek high levels of intimacy, approval, and responsiveness from their partners. They sometimes value intimacy to such an extent that they become overly dependent on their partners—a condition colloquially termed clinginess. Compared to securely attached people, people who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to have less positive views about themselves. They often doubt their worth as a partner and blame themselves for their partners' lack of responsiveness. People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment may exhibit high levels of emotional expressiveness, worry, and impulsiveness in their relationships.

I don't know how I am still Preoccupied in general if most of my bonds are Secure [yes I see that big fat D-A and feel like that has something to do with it and I WILL work on that], but maybe it just boils down to not having the space to meet new people and put my new security to work? I'm in the midst of switching programs and meeting new folks and I want to build relationships within that space, so I think I'm in limbo more than actively swimming in Preoccupied....I think. :frustrating:
 

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There are variety of tests online. I took an extensive one from the website that neutralchaotic posted.
attachment styles.jpg

According to attachment theory and research, there are two fundamental ways in which people differ from one another in the way they think about their close relationships. First, some people are more anxious than others. People who are high in attachment-related anxiety tend to worry about whether others really love them and often fear rejection. People low on this dimension are much less worried about such matters. Second, some people are more avoidant than others. People who are high in attachment-related avoidance are less comfortable depending on others and opening up to others.

We have plotted your anxiety and avoidance scores for each of the people you rated in the graph above. The two-dimensional space is defined by attachment-related anxiety (the horizontal axis) and avoidance (the vertical axis). Your approximate position in this space for each relationship is denoted by the colored dots (tan = general or how you think about others in general without regard to a specific person, blue = mother, red = father, green = partner, purple = friend). (Note: You may not have been asked questions about each of these persons.)

The light green area at the lower-left portion of the figure represents the secure region of the space. People who are secure in their relationships are comfortable depending on others and having the other person depend on them. Moreover, they are relatively unconcerned about whether the other person truly cares about them. The light red area at the upper-right portion represents the fearful-avoidant region of the space. People who are fearfully avoidant in their relationships are uncomfortable depending on others and serving as an attachment figure. Moreover, they worry that others may not be there emotionally when they are most needed. The light blue area in the upper-left represents the dismissing-avoidant area of the space. People who are dismissing in their relationships are also not comfortable opening up to others and depending on or having others depend on them. In addition, they are not concerned with the question of whether the other person truly cares about them. The light yellow area in the lower-right represents the preoccupied region of the space. People who are preoccupied in their relationships are worried that the other person is not or will not be available when needed. They would like to depend on the other person and have that person depend on them, but feel that such dependence is not reciprocal.

According to your responses, your general attachment style is Preoccupied.
 

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INFP 9w1 sp/so
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Discussion Starter #9
Since people are posting their yourpersonality results here's my most recent one:



(The partner one was a hypothetical, and I didn't really know what I was doing for general)
 

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Secure, ever since I was a little kid.

Sometimes I wonder why my boyfriend loves me, since the other ones I've had did not, but I just decide to roll with it. He has a secure attachment style with me, and he's a little surprised by that.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Secure, ever since I was a little kid.

Sometimes I wonder why my boyfriend loves me, since the other ones I've had did not, but I just decide to roll with it. He has a secure attachment style with me, and he's a little surprised by that.
I think it's probably normal for someone to still have some level of anxiety in relationships, especially if they've got a bad history, but I think the main thing is whether or not those thought patterns affect the way you interact with him. Either way it's awesome that you've got someone who appreciates you now, really happy for you.
 
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I think it's probably normal for someone to still have some level of anxiety in relationships, especially if they've got a bad history, but I think the main thing is whether or not those thought patterns affect the way you interact with him. Either way it's awesome that you've got someone who appreciates you now, really happy for you.
This thread is a really neat topic.

Thank you, and I hope you find what you're looking for.
 
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