my mom is and accountant, all about practical things and rules, keeps evertying runnin, and takes care of all the things that need to be done. she's the snow queen, can be really cold and distant emotionally, its like feelings dont even exist for her, and she loves to critisize. hates my silly way of livin with head in the clouds. i havent seen her smile in the longest time, i think she has depression, nothing makes her happy.
my dad is warmer but hes kinda irresponsible and naive and if my mom wasnt the bad cop he'd prolly make a lot of stupid decisions. hes social, likes to talk to ppl and they find him amusing. we're buddies. hes an alcoholic. talks stupid shit when hes drunk.
those two should never be together, they push each others buttons so hard that i dont know how they still can even look at each other.
my brother used to be cool but now hes a politician and a businessman all about money very successfull and hard workin, work n buying new fancy things is the sense of his life. his wife is even worse. shes prolly one person that i jsut cant stand being around coz shes so fake and greedy.
i still live with my parents, i hava a whole floor to myself tho, so i usually jsut sit in my room doin my things, i see them when i come back from work, i see them when im in the kitchen, sometimes we talk about unimportant things like stuff that happen who said what, whats goin on in the world, how they bought groceries how much it cost and which store has the cheapest lettuce n so on, we get along fine if we talk bout matters that dont matter, thats what i figured. then i dash off to my room and dats mostly it.
i despise family gatherings theyre a torture to me. we meet for holiday dinners a couple times a year obviously and honestly i wish there was a "i dont care about the crap ur sayin" pill, id take a pack of those b4 i go see them.
all they talk about is work and money related things, which i soo dont care about, so im mostly not a part of the big convo goin on. theyll ask me about college and work, im nto very successfull at that and i dont feel comfortable talkin about it at the table, last time my brother and mom made fun of me coz they figured my bothers monthly earnings are bigger that what i get a year. but honestly for me my salary is ok, at least i like my job. and my brothers wife omg dont even let me start on that one. she pisses me off with every single thing she says, its like in every sentence shes tryin to pick a fight or offend me, not directly, but in between the lines.
all my family has some serious anger issues. when they burst out its worse than a nuclear war, u gotta run and hide or u die. when my mom starts yellin at me for no real reason and i dont even know what shes talkin about and i hear her say all those mean things about me i know i jsut have to listen and i cant talk back. coz if i do say sth itll get a whole lot worse, so i listen then i go to my room, lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling, trying to calm down but im broken in a million pieces and it takes a long time b4 im fine again. fortuanley it doesnt happen as often as back when i was a teenager, i learned to live with it now and im copin better.
i always felt greatly misunderstood, its like i say one thing and they interpret it in a totally diff way, like they put words in my mouth that ive never said or meant, that feels so unfair, and i cant even explain what i mean coz they dont care dont listen and wont get it anyway. i learned to live with it. however sometimes i start to wonder esp when they critisize me, am i really that person they're talking about. coz i dont think i am, i feel like theyre talkin about someone else, but maybe if my own mother says im this or that, maybe thats what i rly am but i jsut dont see it?
anyway, i wasnt ever close with my family. i have a great connection with some of my freinds who understand me without words, and most ppl like me as a person, thats what makes me feel normal.
anyway, im not complaining, of course i love my family and i know i owe them evertying, they brought me up and gave me opportunity to grow and do what i wanted in my life, and i knwo that they love me and want the best for me, coz its unconditional love, even if they hurt me they prolly do it so i ahve a motivation for growth, and i cant blame them for treatin me bad sometimes, they have their own issues.
thats ql that we have that thread coz i was gonna ask if u guys have mommy/daddy issues, i wonder if theyre common in infps. im inclined to think that the family can have a great impact on your personality. example, my mom and dad have been fighting since i can remeber, and i always hated it, it made me feel sick in my stomach, and i always wanted to help them and solve their conflict, so id go from one to the other being a little negotiatior and work on fixin it.
isnt that what infps generally do? they hate conflict and they try to resolve it. i duno.
anyhow, have a good day fellow infps
