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Had two HORRIBLE social situations happen this past week because of mind reading. Horrible, embarrassing, and the kind of stuff that makes you question your sanity!

In short, I assumed a girl was crushing on me and so I began to crush on her--all inside my head--for weeks, leading to a really awkward conversation when in reality she simply wanted to ask me a few questions.

And the other, I thought this classmate was upset at me so I desperately asked to talk about it. Turns out it had nothing to do with me and I felt really stupid.

I see both girls everyday in school and it's only October. Semester ends in December. FML!!!!

Help me out INFP's!! make me feel better!! :sad:
 

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The best thing to do is to move on. No need to apologize or to explain yourself; that would only fan the flames.

When you're in school, mistakes like that seem to pass by slowly. But trust me, going through this will make future mistakes easier to bear.

Next time you are tempted to mind read, stop yourself and be skeptical.
 

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Ah yes. Mind reading. I know just what you're thinking.

That's something I've had trouble with for years, but it's definitely improved. There are different ways to help relax those tendencies, but here is something that comes to my mind...

In both of these situations, your mind reading started with and led to very strong emotional responses in your mind. In the first one, you allowed your emotions of attraction to zoom all over the place inside of you, and in the second one, you let your fear take over your mind, and drive you to confront things with desperation.

Here is a suggested key to taming those emotional responses and handling situations like that rationally:

When you find yourself attracted to another person, or think they may be attracted to you, it is important to not create an imbalance between the amount of fantasizing in the mind and actual communication time with that person. The reason is because the more input you have from the other person both in their word communication, body language, and other forms of feedback, the more your mind has to use to create an accurate and rational evaluation of the situation. With this extra information, it will help to restrain unrealistic fantasies, and help you think more clearly, though I know it's a lot easier to fantasize than to face a person you are attracted to! Also, when you have this balance, you will be able to confront the attraction issue more reasonably. Instead of trying to put the issue right out there in a single conversation and ending up with some awkwardness, take time over a period of a few different conversations to read the signals.

With the second situation, your fear of having offended probably caused you to want to rectify the situation immediately and know what you might have done wrong, which is understandable. I don't know what the subject of that issue was, but you probably didn't need to approach her with desperation, because by doing so, you put yourself in a disadvantage. Let's say her name is Diane, you could say, "Excuse me, Diane, I noticed that you seemed upset about something, and I wanted to see if there was something I might have done, or if there is something I could do." With that sort of approach it communicates a desire on your part to offer support however needed.

But however people respond to you, don't allow yourself to feel stupid. People misread each other A LOT, everybody does. When you put yourself out there to someone, and there was a misread, but you calmly accept the situation and retain your confidence, you leave a positive impression.

Oh, one other thought. It sounds like you have *decided* to be fearful and paranoid of those girls for the rest of the quarter. You don't need to decide that, I would suggest. Honestly, probably the best thing you could do would be to seek occasions to have conversations with both of those girls again - just normal conversations. It will tell them both that you aren't defeated inside, and you aren't letting a past awkward situation phase you. Also, it will tell yourself that these fears are not insurmountable.
 

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Don't dig your own grave.

Miscommunication happens in life quite often and it's not a big deal. That's why 'sorry' is such a common word.

I'm fairly confident you'll be awkward with them no matter what, but try to be yourself. Distract yourself by interacting with someone else while those girls are around just try to keep that mind busy. If you're a bit more ballsy, go interact with the girls directly and make fun of yourself "ready to run away together?" I really don't expect you to go balls to the wall though, but I use that saying all the time (I'll probably get an earful in private from the people I talk to on here.)

So ya, pre-occupy your mind or jump in the fire. If you don't do either you'll be an awkward stiff mess and will bring even more attention to it if anything.
 

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Thanks guys!

Matchbook, you spoke like a licensed psychologist with years of practice!

I feel better :)
You're welcome, I'm glad you feel better! Also, as I had mentioned about seeking to converse with those girls again, I like what Lad suggested about some kind of humor aspect. It can do wonders to unravel the knots of awkwardness that build up between two people.
 

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Don't dig your own grave.

Miscommunication happens in life quite often and it's not a big deal. That's why 'sorry' is such a common word.

I'm fairly confident you'll be awkward with them no matter what, but try to be yourself. Distract yourself by interacting with someone else while those girls are around just try to keep that mind busy. If you're a bit more ballsy, go interact with the girls directly and make fun of yourself "ready to run away together?" I really don't expect you to go balls to the wall though, but I use that saying all the time (I'll probably get an earful in private from the people I talk to on here.)

So ya, pre-occupy your mind or jump in the fire. If you don't do either you'll be an awkward stiff mess and will bring even more attention to it if anything.

I like your advice the most, hah :tongue:
 

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Ah yes. Mind reading. I know just what you're thinking.


... you allowed your emotions of attraction to zoom all over the place inside of you...
Great observation, which I think applies to almost everyone, not just INFPs. (Are the latter more prone to mind reading?)

Wanting something (such as love) super-intensely doesn't make it so. Objectivity becomes compromised. Becoming more realistic in the face of incredible passion is difficult to master but often comes through experience.
 

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Hey, you will always be quirky and awkward around some people.
I too think I can read people's minds and I'm usually correct on what I pick up haha. But I can relate to romanticizing internally about the person; and I know I do it because I'm overly romantic and horny always, so I figure I wouldn't be me if I didn't get excited about every hottie that I liked, or only thought liked me.
As INFPs we want to be loved and liked by everybody.
Keep doing what you're doing. Being awkward makes things more interesting, for you and for others (only if they are intrigued, though).
 
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