Personality Cafe banner
1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
375 Posts
Ah yes. Mind reading. I know just what you're thinking.

That's something I've had trouble with for years, but it's definitely improved. There are different ways to help relax those tendencies, but here is something that comes to my mind...

In both of these situations, your mind reading started with and led to very strong emotional responses in your mind. In the first one, you allowed your emotions of attraction to zoom all over the place inside of you, and in the second one, you let your fear take over your mind, and drive you to confront things with desperation.

Here is a suggested key to taming those emotional responses and handling situations like that rationally:

When you find yourself attracted to another person, or think they may be attracted to you, it is important to not create an imbalance between the amount of fantasizing in the mind and actual communication time with that person. The reason is because the more input you have from the other person both in their word communication, body language, and other forms of feedback, the more your mind has to use to create an accurate and rational evaluation of the situation. With this extra information, it will help to restrain unrealistic fantasies, and help you think more clearly, though I know it's a lot easier to fantasize than to face a person you are attracted to! Also, when you have this balance, you will be able to confront the attraction issue more reasonably. Instead of trying to put the issue right out there in a single conversation and ending up with some awkwardness, take time over a period of a few different conversations to read the signals.

With the second situation, your fear of having offended probably caused you to want to rectify the situation immediately and know what you might have done wrong, which is understandable. I don't know what the subject of that issue was, but you probably didn't need to approach her with desperation, because by doing so, you put yourself in a disadvantage. Let's say her name is Diane, you could say, "Excuse me, Diane, I noticed that you seemed upset about something, and I wanted to see if there was something I might have done, or if there is something I could do." With that sort of approach it communicates a desire on your part to offer support however needed.

But however people respond to you, don't allow yourself to feel stupid. People misread each other A LOT, everybody does. When you put yourself out there to someone, and there was a misread, but you calmly accept the situation and retain your confidence, you leave a positive impression.

Oh, one other thought. It sounds like you have *decided* to be fearful and paranoid of those girls for the rest of the quarter. You don't need to decide that, I would suggest. Honestly, probably the best thing you could do would be to seek occasions to have conversations with both of those girls again - just normal conversations. It will tell them both that you aren't defeated inside, and you aren't letting a past awkward situation phase you. Also, it will tell yourself that these fears are not insurmountable.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
375 Posts
Thanks guys!

Matchbook, you spoke like a licensed psychologist with years of practice!

I feel better :)
You're welcome, I'm glad you feel better! Also, as I had mentioned about seeking to converse with those girls again, I like what Lad suggested about some kind of humor aspect. It can do wonders to unravel the knots of awkwardness that build up between two people.
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top