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I just did a personality test and this was the result for me. I don't know if one would get a different result on a different day, depending on what sort of mood prevailed on that day? And would that not make a mockery of such tests?

Anyway, I don't like being a INFP, although I have to say it is a fair reflection of who I am, or at least a large chunk of my personality. The trouble is, I really don't like being that way.

What use is it to be a dreamer? It gets you nowhere, unless you have the talent to capitalise on creative talent, which I don't. I've never been able to see any of my creative projects through well enough to profit from them in a concrete way, as opposed to getting satisfaction from them.

I tend to be shy and oversensitive and what use is that in a world which has no value for such attributes, and will stomp on you at the drop of a hat?

I want to change. I want to be a tough cookie with strong drive and indifference to the barbs and powerplays of others.

Is there anywhere on the forum which has advice on how to change your personality type and really make it stick? I've tried all the sticking plaster type approaches, but none of them really makes much of a difference in the long run. I'm still me. :sad:
 

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I just did a personality test and this was the result for me. I don't know if one would get a different result on a different day, depending on what sort of mood prevailed on that day? And would that not make a mockery of such tests?

Anyway, I don't like being a INFP, although I have to say it is a fair reflection of who I am, or at least a large chunk of my personality. The trouble is, I really don't like being that way.

What use is it to be a dreamer? It gets you nowhere, unless you have the talent to capitalise on creative talent, which I don't. I've never been able to see any of my creative projects through well enough to profit from them in a concrete way, as opposed to getting satisfaction from them.

I tend to be shy and oversensitive and what use is that in a world which has no value for such attributes, and will stomp on you at the drop of a hat?

I want to change. I want to be a tough cookie with strong drive and indifference to the barbs and powerplays of others.

Is there anywhere on the forum which has advice on how to change your personality type and really make it stick? I've tried all the sticking plaster type approaches, but none of them really makes much of a difference in the long run. I'm still me. :sad:

You can't blame your personality type for what you experience. A type codes for a particular way in which you view the world. Not for your individual experience. I'm an infp, and i'm in charge of my life. I consider myself a tough cookie, and you probably are too, it's just a matter of perspective shift.

If you want to learn how to change your thoughts, start with cognitive behavioural therapy and self awareness. You have all the tools to work with you need =) its just learning how to use them.

In my experience, I have found that working through something, not working around or against it, is what leads to growth. Goodluck.
 

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Thanks for the reply however I beleive that personality type has a great deal to say about how one experiences the world, what else is the point of trying to identify it?

I'm really not a tough cookie, the least little knock will set me right back, I can assure you. I grew up with an overprotective mother and an exremely critical father, a tease to the point of tears brother, and no continuity in my life as we moved around every couple of years and I was never settled.

I've always found it hard to trust enough to make solid friendships and so become very dependent on the few that I have let in, so that if they let me down, it breaks my heart. I hate being like that. I want to be someone who can take those kind of knocks on the chin and move on to the next person, but I dwell on things and take them personally when I really shoudln't.

CBT to my mind just papers over the cracks and sooner or later you will return to your natural 'set point' of thinking. Most of the time for me that is neutral, because I take care to stay out of harm's way, but that's no way to live, IMO. I want more than that, I need to change who I am from the ground up.
 

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Hello there .. sounds like you're having a rough time, atm - but the fact that you're looking for to change things that you don't enjoy about yourself is proactive and assertive, so I think you may be a tougher cookie than you realise :happy:

& achieving change is what CBT is about. Tis not 'papering over the cracks' as some talking therapies do seem to be, but changing the (usually negative) modes of thought that retard our personal growth, happiness or ability to function. CBT was the best thing that has happened to my headspace in a long, long time - you just have to cowgirl up and be prepared to talk honestly & deeply with the clinician.

Changing yourself can be painful, but if you're not happy with where/who you are now - well, what do you really have to lose?
 

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I wouldn't suggest trying to change your personality type, if that's even possible. Thinking outside of you natural inclinations can be very stressful and taxing, and I would guess you'd feel even worse than you do now. What I would suggest is looking over the INFP forums and seeing if there's someone over there who can help you see what can be wonderful about INFPs and how an INFP can gain motivation and become more thick-skinned. Discovering your personality type shouldn't limit you. It should help you plan a way to accomplish what you want.

Oh and welcome! I really do hope you find some helpful people on the forum.

EDIT: Or they will come to you :D
 

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Thanks for the reply however I beleive that personality type has a great deal to say about how one experiences the world, what else is the point of trying to identify it?

I'm really not a tough cookie, the least little knock will set me right back, I can assure you. I grew up with an overprotective mother and an exremely critical father, a tease to the point of tears brother, and no continuity in my life as we moved around every couple of years and I was never settled.

I've always found it hard to trust enough to make solid friendships and so become very dependent on the few that I have let in, so that if they let me down, it breaks my heart. I hate being like that. I want to be someone who can take those kind of knocks on the chin and move on to the next person, but I dwell on things and take them personally when I really shoudln't.

CBT to my mind just papers over the cracks and sooner or later you will return to your natural 'set point' of thinking. Most of the time for me that is neutral, because I take care to stay out of harm's way, but that's no way to live, IMO. I want more than that, I need to change who I am from the ground up.
Well personality type observes a pattern in overall orientation of thought, not thoughts their selves. It does not account for a worldview, but a general mindset (not in the colloquial sense of mindests, but kind of cognitive attitudes one focuses most on). It is a system of categorising mindsets; not something you can cast blame onto. CBT can help you, because it can help you see yourself, where your thoughts are leading. Mbti doesn't give you an explanation for your thoughts or automatic reactions. So it's not something that you could change through changing your personality type. Things like depression, anxiety etc are experienced by all types for example.

Do you think changing personality types would benefit you, because you feel you have no tools to change your current experience of being sensitive and easily hurt?

Your parents sound just like mine, and I can truly empathise with you about being sensitive. I know very well what it's like. But have you ever experienced things without resisting them? have you ever stopped saying 'no' to your experiences and who you are, and just said 'yes, this is what's happening, and i'm just going to let it be as it is, and not resist it. I'm going to accept what I am'. Have you ever felt really upset, and said to yourself, 'i'm not going to resist this emotion, I'm just going to let it come and let it be'. Try it one time, and see what happens to the emotion. Not resisting things, zaps things of their power over you. This is something you can do regardless of your type, so this is but one of the many tools you have inside of you, to get through experiences and hurt.

Take for instance the attitude "Why is life so hard?".
Sometimes questioning why you think something is (in this instance, why life is hard to you), can show you that how you see things is all a perspective, and can show you the origin of your perspective in the first place. Maybe you think life is hard for instance, because you're holding onto the idea that life should be easy. And you're angry that life has to be this way.

I don't think cbt covers up the cracks. In cbt you have to confront the reality of your thoughts, and to really take responsibility for them. Change doesn't come from denial, shifting the blame or completely changing who you are. Growth and development comes from acceptance and real insight into the self. If you want to grow, you have to get used to the idea that you're going to have to let some things go. What things you'll never know until you take a realistic look at yourself; and you're never going to see who you are until you allow yourself to accept who you are.
 

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Thanks for the replies, folks.

I've had counselling and I'm still the same ineffectual, disorganised, fanciful, unfocussed procrastinator that I was before. What's so good about that? Nothing, that I can tell.

I plan, I try to focus my efforts on my strengths, but whatever I do seems to lead nowhere because I find it so hard to see things through without either losing interest or getting things wrong. I have zero killer instinct. I've tried and tried to make work/business things happen for me, but everything I touch turns to dust.

It's probably no coincidence that all three of my sons are aspies. I think I am one myself as well, although perhaps not enough to be diagnosed.

I have tried just experiencing my feelings, but all that leads to is a spiral of depression. I was awake till about 3am last night trying to meditate and let it go, but the chatter of nonsense just went on and on. I am going through some things at the moment that are making me question my whole sense of self and identity and has created something of a crisis, when I thought I had all that negativity under control. I was wrong, it was lurking under the surface all along, but my way of dealing with it is no longer available to me and I'm feeling a bit lost.

I don't want to have to accept a self that is like that. It just isn't working for me. I'm not an unintelligent person, but my entire life my way of relating to the world has held me down, and I just can't seem to get the better of it. I just don't like being who I am, and I dont' see how forcing myself to accept that is going to help, if it means having to let go of everything I want my life to be and settle for it being rubbish.
 
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