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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have always pegged the INFP personality type with the Insecure-Avoidant attachment style (I learned about attachment theory in A Level Psychology). In a nutshell, an attachment style is the style in which one forms relationships with others, and those with the Insecure-Avoidant attachment style tend to struggle with emotional intimacy due to how they were raised by their caregivers (usually parents). I think, as well as INFPs; ISFPs, ISTJs and INTJs tend to have this attachment pattern (introverts with Fi).

I would strongly recommend watching this video, as I found it fascinating, and could relate to all of it. I wonder how many other INFPs can relate to this style of attachment. I would love to hear other INFPs' thoughts on this subject.

 

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I'll have to find the one they mentioned about insecure-anxious. That sounds more in tune with what I experience. But thanks for sharing this video. Now I'm curious to find information about it as I would definitely say I'm insecure-anxious towards relationships and it's always been baffling because there really is a reasonable person inside that knows full well I have no reason to be insecure-anxious towards relationships at all, but yet anxiety almost always blows up in my face.
 

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I think I might be fearful/anxious-avoidant, and I didn't identify with a lot of what was said in this video but I did find it interesting.

Also, I would be wary associating it with the functions, though I can see some similarities.

Anyway--interesting to learn about! It seems very useful to consider attachment style and to hear reasons for it, and also solutions! Thanks for sharing. It's useful to see explanations for certain behaviors I've seen in others. It always helps me to be more empathetic and accepting when I consider the cause.
 

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Whut???

No.
 

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Insecure avoidant didn't really fit me honestly but this is an interesting topic to look at. :p
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I'll have to find the one they mentioned about insecure-anxious. That sounds more in tune with what I experience. But thanks for sharing this video. Now I'm curious to find information about it as I would definitely say I'm insecure-anxious towards relationships and it's always been baffling because there really is a reasonable person inside that knows full well I have no reason to be insecure-anxious towards relationships at all, but yet anxiety almost always blows up in my face.
In the video, though, they mention that people with the Insecure-Avoidant style get anxiety when they try to get close with someone (as do I), even though they want emotional intimacy. Insecure-Anxious individuals tend to cling to their partner. Here's the Insecure-Anxious video for you, anyway. Please tell me if you think you are that style after you watched it. I'd be really interested to know.

 

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Discussion Starter · #7 · (Edited)
I think I might be fearful/anxious-avoidant, and I didn't identify with a lot of what was said in this video but I did find it interesting.

Also, I would be wary associating it with the functions, though I can see some similarities.

Anyway--interesting to learn about! It seems very useful to consider attachment style and to hear reasons for it, and also solutions! Thanks for sharing. It's useful to see explanations for certain behaviors I've seen in others. It always helps me to be more empathetic and accepting when I consider the cause.
Interesting. Fearful is a subset of Avoidant (Avoidant-Fearful and Avoidant-Resistant are the two subsets). I think I am Avoidant-Resistant (what was basically described in the video), but I identify with some of the traits of an Insecure-Avoidant-Fearful person. Why do you think you might be Fearful or Anxious?
 
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wow.....i guess a lot of yall have just been really lucky via parents.... thank you @Missed Connections this hit me so hard/ left me feeling kind of breathless. My dad fits their description of the psychologically abusive parent so completely its like a part of me was re-feeling being a rejected kid as I was listening to them speak......

Feeling like I have to pretend I don't have any emotions/don't actually care about the people who love me/ who mean a significant amount to my life in order to keep them around me has been a really disturbing undercurrent to all of my relationships with people thus far, it has never worked in my favor and has also really really really fucked me up because people blame me for acting so insane/standoffish for absolutely no reason and I blame myself tenfold and its like you have no idea what the fuck is going on with yourself and you don't trust yourself to act in a normal way and wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I feel ya. My dad was like that too. I remember he used to tell me to shut up if I was happily singing a song, and he'd call me names. I also lived in constant fear of punishment from both of them. Anything I said could be the "wrong" thing and I'd get smacked for it. Funnily, my dad also fits their description of the Insecure-Avoidant dad that orbits the family and doesn't show emotional closeness. I was just talking to my mum about this a couple of days ago, and she said that she doesn't get emotional support off of my dad. I think being an Insecure-Avoidant Feeler is very different from being an Insecure-Avoidant Thinker though - my dad is ISTJ, by the way.
 

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Interesting. Fearful is a subset of Avoidant (Avoidant-Fearful and Avoidant-Resistant are the two subsets). I think I am Avoidant-Resistant (what was basically described in the video), but I identify with some of the traits of an Insecure-Avoidant-Fearful person. Why do you think you might be Fearful or Anxious?
I see it more like a combination of avoidant and anxious/preoccupied. I took a couple of tests and score only mildly in the anxious-avoidant range.

I can identify with some of the qualities of the anxious style, as I am afraid of abandonment and it's a huge trigger, I do sort of freak out when spending time apart, I do get preoccupied with relationships, and I do have a history of long relationships (unlike the typical avoidant) that are not exactly healthy. Also...losing myself, focusing on what the other person wants me to be, avoiding asserting boundaries.

One example of a very weird behavior is when I am confronted with the fear of abandonment or even just time apart. I tend to go through the same inner experience as anxious fearful attachment would--freaking out...they are leaving me, they don't love me, I'm not good enough, I should change, the world is going to end...but then I also get more and more avoidant to deal with that. So when the person comes back, instead of jumping up on them like some sweet lap dog, I am just like, "oh. It's you. I barely remembered." Apparently it looks very distant. It used to drive my ex of six years nuts. He would go away for a couple of weeks, and when he got back, I would not feel comfortable with even simple affection or emotional expression. He said I acted as if I didn't even know him.

The weird thing is that I've never ever expressed anger at my dad. I don't think I've ever confronted him about anything. I was just afraid he would leave or didn't feel I had the right to...or that he ever owed me anything emotionally that I would have the right to get angry about.

And that's one thing I read about the secure vs. avoidant vs. anxious attachment styles. That securely attached people feel anger at situations which make them jealous more acutely than the other emotions. And they tend to openly confront their partner more. Anxious types feel anger as well, but they tend not to openly confront. And avoidant types tend to feel sadness above anger, and also do not confront. So that could lead to the problems in relationships with those attachment styles, because the lack of communication doesn't allow for intimacy.
 
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