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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Whether you are INFP or another type, I need your help and insight. I've just been through my 5th therapy session, and it's suddenly gone all wrong.

I am shy, anxious or fearful-avoidant attachment, sensitive (HSP), and have recently been having increased depression, social anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. This is the first time I've ever gone to therapy. I liked my therapist, she seemed nice. I really wanted to work at my issues and hoped to become a better person with the help of therapy.

But today, I was asked to describe what "anxious attachment" meant to be and also bringing up how I avoided things. And when I tried: I couldn't explain it well. It's hard for me to communicate my thoughts verbally. She said none of what I tried to explain sounded anxious. Her questions kept getting further off and I ended up answering surface things that I didn't need or want to talk about.

I almost felt my heart breaking when I realized I felt misunderstood and my trust in her fading. She was supposed to be one of my secure individuals I could count on. I looked forward to therapy. I truly want to help myself. But after she told me that it's basically my fault for not having many friends, that I write them off and don't put effort into them, IDEALIZE, and that if I stopped being picky and gave "people" an effort and a chance, they'd be friends and love me or whatever. I didn't feel listened to. The reason I don't have true friends is because I don't trust people, and I'm afraid of being hurt. Which I have been. They flake on me, leave me, or don't put any effort into it. Plus I have, you know..standards? I can't instantly like just any person.

I had to pull the car over the way home because I was crying so hard. Can I not trust anyone? Does no-one understand me? If even my therapist doesn't then how can anyone help me. I hide myself from everyone.

There is much more than I can ever describe on here, but I want to hear from you:
What have your experiences been with therapy? How do you maintain trust in your therapist and talk about your issues? Is this an INFP thing, to be so sensitive?

What should I do about how my therapist made me feel.
 

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I've been in therapy a couple of times, it never worked out well for me. In every case for me it was as you described, they didn't hear what I was saying, they appeared to listen, but they failed to hear. I also have a hard time trusting therapists, both their competence and motivation, but thats a personal issue, says nothing about them. I know a lot of people who've had great experiences with therapy, and have benefited from it immensely. If you don't feel you can trust your therapist I'd seek other options, I wouldn't give up on it out of hand.
 

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I've seen 7+ thrapists in my life and to be honest with you only one was good for me. The others were either just okay or simply horrible. I often felt misunderstood, just like you, and one of them even kicked me out of his treatment, because I didn't do what he said.
But if you feel misunderstood and if you feel that you can't trust, tell your therapist. In my opinion it's important that you tell your therapist everything (there are exeptions, of course). If you can't seem to get along with her you might want to think about changing your therapist, if possible.
Obviously I don't know if it's your fault or not your fault that you don't have friends, but if you feel it's because of your anxiety she should take that serious and dig deeper.

The thing is that every therapist has his own values, ideas, past, experiences and that might influence their work. My favourite therapist was rarely telling me his opinions, he was mostly there to help me figure out my own truth (via questions and logic). Everyone else tried to influence me with positive thinking, telling me how everything is kinda my own fault and so on. And looking back I might even agree that many things were my own fault, but my brain reacted with self-defense. So everyone is different and everyone needs different treatment and that's why there are so many therapists to choose from. It might depend in which country you live in though...
 

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I loved my psychologist when I was a kid.. My parents took me to all kinds of psychiatrists and psychologists, and she was my favorite.
She was an admirable person in my opinion, and let me talk about things as much as I wanted. She was GENUINELY concerned about me and my family life.

She wasn't able to help me with my phobia and depression, the deepest rooted problems, but being able to talk about the things that bothered me and feeling understood and accepted and cared about did wonders.
 

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I went 0 for 1 in my therapy sessions. A lot of me talking, the therapist writing things down, not a lot of advice. I pretty much fixed my problem on my own anyways.

It's stupid, but I like to process things myself. Plus I'm not sure where I'd even start with a therapist. I'm doing okay right now, but if I'm not doing okay at any point I'd consider therapy again.
 

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I was in therapy when I was younger due to a messed up childhood. I don't remember much, but I remember her bringing out a chart on how to make friends... I was confused as to why she was telling me the basics of "walk up to person, exchange names, talk about interests, etc". I knew how to start a conversation, but that didn't mean instant friendship. There were other things too, but my point is that nothing she did seemed to help anything or make any sense, so there was no level of trust, really.
For various reasons, I wasn't able to attend therapy after that (age 8ish) until I was in college and I found that there was free counseling. The guy there reminded me more and more of my Step-dad (whom I absolutely do not trust) the more I went, but I knew I needed help, so I kept going. He would listen, ask various questions, and seemed to understand somewhat of where I was coming from. But his tactics were all wrong. As soon as I'd get emotional about something, he'd ask me about how I felt and why I felt emotional, and everything that Fi hates, especially from someone whom you don't trust. He'd also dismiss my explanations on what I thought was "wrong with me" (and I ended up being right), saying that I was just exaggerating and that I was perfectly "normal", when I knew I was very much not.
By the end, I stopped going one day because I dreaded going and knew there hadn't been any progress from going, and I'd been going for a good 7 months, about. There was no building of trust; instead I felt invaded and exposed to someone that I didn't even know or connect with in the least. And no I regret it, because there's some guy that reminds me of someone I don't trust, ruined any opportunity for building trust, and knows far too much about me for comfort.
Professional therapy hasn't helped me. Letting a stranger poke and prod you emotionally and psychologically, especially without any substantial difference in the end, was never my idea of helpful. What helped me was an INTJ roommate who as kind enough to listen to my nonsensical and unstable ramblings and walk me through the process of healing and mending. She was only able to do that because she listened to me and understood what I was trying to say, even though my poorly developed Fi couldn't articulate anything very well. There was a level of trust, and that trust developed, as did the relationship. She didn't ask me a million questions about what my childhood was like or try to tell me that I was perfectly fine, or to practice making friends, or whatever other nonsense professionals come up with. She only explained things I had questions about and told me what had worked for her. And even though some of her suggestions didn't work or apply to me, I still valued her advice, because I knew she only had my best intentions at heart and did the best she could to help, not because it's her job or because I paid her to, but only because she was my friend. That was the only thing that has ever worked for me. I realize that it's impractical to say that only a certain type of person can help you (especially a type that makes up around 3% of the entire world's population), but from my experience, that's the only thing that could help me.
 

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I've been to maybe... 8 or so therapy sessions... at first they were very helpful - he was helping me learn strategies to break away from being overwhemled by negative emotion - and he did... but then he recently basically said that I was "good" now and did I want to stop coming... like, that was barely the tip of the iceberg. And I feel really the same about having a hard time vocalizing my feelings and perspectives and getting him to see my concerns. I feel like I'm stuck putting on a show as a "good girl" - psychologically healthy - and I don't know how to escape that. I'm going to try keeping going and see if we can get anywhere if I keep just babbling away to him but I felt pretty down after my last appointment, too.
 
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