Welp it ranges from nothing being wrong until finally I can’t take it anymore, those are my two forms. I spent my entire life trying to hold everything together and keep everyone happy but irt just doesn’t work like that, growing up with my divorced parents was something of a beautiful nightmare, they really hated each other for a long period of time and did everything they could to make it hell for one another buying the children what they wanted to use them in court for custody, to making false promises of joy for the future and how terrible each parent is to try and force you into decisions you don’t agree with:’(. For instance I chose to stay with my “Dad”(Stepdad) but my mom saw how she could hurt him as he loved me as his child, so while my brothers and sister had been put on 50/50 custody I was forced to live with my mom for entirety of it she wouldn’t allow me contact to him except for 5 or so minutes when he would pick up or drop off my siblings, my mom was dark she played everyone like a fiddle and lashed out several times throughout the day, I spent child hood protecting my siblings when they came over for her weeks, standing up to her came with a price of emotional degradation and if that didn’t cut it for her than it became fair game which was okay if it meant my twin sisters and brother didn’t receive it then it was a good day, I could take it over and over again as long as it wasn’t focused towards them. You don’t degrade kids that shit just won’t fly in my book. Then she got a boyfriend and it turned from one demon to two at the time I was in high school at this time and when my sibling weren’t there neither was I because things only got worse he had anger management problems but he wasn’t hurtful with words he was different and he focused towards my mother, which really didn’t fly either even though she hurt everything she touched I love her she’s my mom I couldn’t take it. I was her shoulder to cry on for years even with everything that happened. So it happened, one night I finally snapped I couldn’t take anymore I told her “I can’t do this anymore, I’m drained, I have no more to give it’s either me or him I can’t keep doing this over and over and over and over again”I was killing myself internally and had been for years but it’s was okay I can take it, I told myself this on a regularly basis somebody had to do it I would sacrifice myself for my family, sorry back to my story just finally putting this into words hurts but in a good way if that makes sense, so while saying what I said he had over heard and came in with eyes a blaze like I’d never seen, he had grabbed me and threw me into my room and this is when it all went poof I’m not a fighter to clarify, but I snapped and I told him I won’t let him hurt my family anymore and he responded to take my best shot with my mom crying in between us telling me to stop but it was to late so I cocked back my arm and swung for the moon like I was punching through vault door and it connected and he stumbled back a couple feet and left the room shortly after I was told to leave by Mom, everything I had done poof just like that out, so finally I moved back in with my Stepdad, well he asked why I did that and while explaining everything I broke down and he didn’t know any of this had been going on until now, but it turns out it’s okay I’m glad because it made me a better person I can see light in darkness and I spend much of my time helping my close friend so and family and helping them get through their struggles, I feel as though it’s all happened for a reason I’m here for a purpose, my purpose is to help others and bring as much peace to this world whether it’s someone going through thick or thin I’m here and I’ll take your pain as mine to bring joy to you. Everything that’s happened has made me strong, on a good note mom is still with the same guy but he doesn’t hit her anymore, my siblings are doing well they say mom doesn’t yell as much which is nice, plus I’m on good terms with her we sat down resolved a lot of things and we occasionally hangout and get food also on good terms with the guy she’s with he went to anger management and also quit drinking as well as her, a lot of it stemmed from that and pent up anger the two both had towards life but things are better now. Also my Dad’s doing well for those who wondered. Sorry for the story but typing it out helps for people to know they’re not alone just have faith in yourself and those you love. I will never meet any of you but I hope you all are doing well.
summoning the elder gods to destroy an entire civilization in an unending inferno of insanity and horror destroying the utter shit out of their preconcieved notions and watching all their work go up in flames, only to then be consumed in eternal darkness.
i just thought about how appropriate this post is considering who the person in my avatar is. lul.