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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Am I being easily offended, or would anyone else find this irksome:

A somewhat casual acquaintance who might have been trying to date you replies to your text an entire MONTH later. On a Friday. Not even following up on anything from the previous text. I'm thinking, desperation Friday text and not, oh how nice someone thought of me. And I think, well, maybe I should wait one month to respond...


My extroverted friends and more socially aware introvert friends aren't so bothered by this behavior. So, not sure why I was. Am I being an ass or is it a INFP trait? I mean, I didn't think I'd hear from the person again and I find it awkward usually to be friends with the opposite sex, especially when they have hinted at dating. I know if I was legit dating that person I wouldn't respond or would make it clear we for sure aren't dating now because I find it disrespectful to disappear.


Other Irksome Examples... What do you think?

1) A person with whom you had a bad and brief relationship with in the past and haven't talked with in 20 years wants to friend you on Facebook. On a HOLIDAY when you know they have a spouse and kids.

2) Ex that did the surprise breakup while high on pot is also out of touch for a few years and wants to connect on LinkedIn
 

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No.

1)No, In first place I wouldn't be in facebook and even if somehow I was I would just ignore it, problem solved.
2)Same as above.

All of those are non-issues to me, kinda wish in fact my issues were so simple to solve like those that you've pointed out.
 

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Whether or not I'm offended would depend on a ton of other factors, the dirty-details if you will. However, I will say that I could take offense to it, and I am certain of a number of people I know and have crossed (on this very forum even) would as well. I'm actually more of the opinion that it doesn't even matter, if everyone or anyone else would share this reaction, because you have it. If you find the behavior insensitive or inconsiderate or just, very different from what you want and the way you roll.. don't accept it. Really, don't fucking settle. There are enough people on this planet that I guarantee ya, you don't have to, You can seek out the ones who align more closely with your own sensitivity and standards, and focus your energy on cultivating those compatible relationships rather then shifting or changing things in yourself (that maybe shouldn't even be changed to begin with) to 'meet the world'.

But if your questions isnt really about 'should I change' but more 'does it mean what it means to me?' I can say that no, it doesn't. Their lack of response doesnt necessarily mean to them, what it means to you. It doesn't necessarily mean they are uninterested and don't care. They have an entirely different personal experience they are working with, and too many personal factors to contribute to such. But you don't have to take it all into account, really. All you need to conclude is that, for whatever reason.. and despite whatever meaning it holds for them.. them being them just doesn't jive well with you being you.

Honor your sensitive self and find people whose behaviors and expectations work with it.

Edit: I want to add something I feel is important. Let's say that you do feel you are a highly sensitive person whose standards are not easily found in others. And lets say you want to work on that a bit, and try to get yourself in a place where you aren't being quite so offended or triggered. You can still do that, work on those areas, without compromising on this particularly. You can still find people who jive with your current expectations *now* but be actively chipping away at the other stuff. I highly recommend that.. approaching decision-making with 'what is' over the ideal, how you DO feel, rather than how you SHOULD feel. This way, you begin meeting your needs with where you are really at, and only have 'up' to go. BTW, I am untyped but probably not INFP.
 

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The only thing I think is actually unusual about your situation is that you seem to be strongly impacted by people who don't really matter in your life - casual acquaintances and distant exes. I don't think I'd be thrilled about the scenarios in the examples you gave but I think I mostly just wouldn't care... wouldn't really feel much... I'd ignore/delete at will and maybe respond if I felt like it. But yeah, if you find someone disrespectful, no need to cater to them.
 

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Am I being easily offended, or would anyone else find this irksome:

A somewhat casual acquaintance who might have been trying to date you replies to your text an entire MONTH later. On a Friday. Not even following up on anything from the previous text. I'm thinking, desperation Friday text and not, oh how nice someone thought of me. And I think, well, maybe I should wait one month to respond...


My extroverted friends and more socially aware introvert friends aren't so bothered by this behavior. So, not sure why I was. Am I being an ass or is it a INFP trait? I mean, I didn't think I'd hear from the person again and I find it awkward usually to be friends with the opposite sex, especially when they have hinted at dating. I know if I was legit dating that person I wouldn't respond or would make it clear we for sure aren't dating now because I find it disrespectful to disappear.


Other Irksome Examples... What do you think?

1) A person with whom you had a bad and brief relationship with in the past and haven't talked with in 20 years wants to friend you on Facebook. On a HOLIDAY when you know they have a spouse and kids.

2) Ex that did the surprise breakup while high on pot is also out of touch for a few years and wants to connect on LinkedIn
In all cases, I'd be inwardly insulted but play along to see what the person did next.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
The only thing I think is actually unusual about your situation is that you seem to be strongly impacted by people who don't really matter in your life - casual acquaintances and distant exes. I don't think I'd be thrilled about the scenarios in the examples you gave but I think I mostly just wouldn't care... wouldn't really feel much... I'd ignore/delete at will and maybe respond if I felt like it. But yeah, if you find someone disrespectful, no need to cater to them.
Thanks, good things to think about! Seems I need to figure out why casual/distant things riled me up. The two men were bad relationship experiences, so I did not want to revisit that at all and suppose didn't fully forgive them for bad behavior in the past.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Edit: I want to add something I feel is important. Let's say that you do feel you are a highly sensitive person whose standards are not easily found in others. And lets say you want to work on that a bit, and try to get yourself in a place where you aren't being quite so offended or triggered. You can still do that, work on those areas, without compromising on this particularly. You can still find people who jive with your current expectations *now* but be actively chipping away at the other stuff. I highly recommend that.. approaching decision-making with 'what is' over the ideal, how you DO feel, rather than how you SHOULD feel. This way, you begin meeting your needs with where you are really at, and only have 'up' to go. BTW, I am untyped but probably not INFP.
Thanks, good suggestion!
 

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Discussion Starter #9 (Edited)
They miss you. Do you miss them back?
Not the men from past relationships at all. I was very hurt by both of them. So yes, I super missed them and cried forever when things ended, so why revisit that pain. I'm not sure they missed me. I mean, they should have treated me better as their actions didn't show they cared too much. I've also had several experiences of married men hitting on me and being inappropriate so I question any need for a married man to reach out to someone he hooked up with from 20 years ago and hardly formed any type of friendship with. And I don't really find it easy or appropriate to be friends with an ex if I wasn't friends with them before we dated, especially if I really liked him and they opted out.

The casual acquaintance. I didn't really miss him. I find it stressful hanging out with men who want to date me or seem into me and I'm not into them romantically. I'm in a transitional part of my life, looking for new jobs, working on business, have a stressful day job, miss my family, thinking about moving. I have a few nice friends I see in rotation when I have some time, but it isn't like I go home after work and have all this free time. I'm working on projects to change my situation, and often tired and stressed from work.

Thanks so much for your comment. I guess I usually don't feel like anyone misses me. I've had a lot of people just not be there for me, and a lot of bad dating experiences. I meet new people, but I don't expect most people to stick around, and I have to struggle to just have energy and positive outlook as I don't like my life that much at the moment. I don't often even go out too much because I know I'm just dragging sometimes and don't think people will want to stick around once they know me... because I'm not where I want to be and don't love my work or where I live and until a bigger change comes, I don't have a lot of free time to just enjoy life or be social. I do get out some... but my life isn't all easy going and I dread going to work and been in a toxic situation for years, change has just been slow. My job is dragging me down a lot, and I don't blame others for being annoyed with not making a change yet, but there are a lot of factors I'm juggling. And I guess I don't reach out much when I'm overwhelmed and stressed because I've had a lot of cases where people haven't been available, and that hurts a ton when you need support and can't find it... the rejection is hard on top already feeling bad, so I tend to just try and process things alone, but I guess that means most "friends" don't know how shitty I feel sometimes. But I know it is way too often to feel shitty, and people don't want to be around negative people, so I just suck it up or not hang out when people unless I'm really rested and have a moment of feeling OK.
 

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Not the men from past relationships at all. I was very hurt by both of them. So yes, I super missed them and cried forever when things ended, so why revisit that pain. I'm not sure they missed me. I mean, they should have treated me better as their actions didn't show they cared too much. I've also had several experiences of married men hitting on me and being inappropriate so I question any need for a married man to reach out to someone he hooked up with from 20 years ago and hardly formed any type of friendship with. And I don't really find it easy or appropriate to be friends with an ex if I wasn't friends with them before we dated, especially if I really liked him and they opted out.

The casual acquaintance. I didn't really miss him. I find it stressful hanging out with men who want to date me or seem into me and I'm not into them romantically. I'm in a transitional part of my life, looking for new jobs, working on business, have a stressful day job, miss my family, thinking about moving. I have a few nice friends I see in rotation when I have some time, but it isn't like I go home after work and have all this free time. I'm working on projects to change my situation, and often tired and stressed from work.

Thanks so much for your comment. I guess I usually don't feel like anyone misses me. I've had a lot of people just not be there for me, and a lot of bad dating experiences. I meet new people, but I don't expect most people to stick around, and I have to struggle to just have energy and positive outlook as I don't like my life that much at the moment. I don't often even go out too much because I know I'm just dragging sometimes and don't think people will want to stick around once they know me... because I'm not where I want to be and don't love my work or where I live and until a bigger change comes, I don't have a lot of free time to just enjoy life or be social. I do get out some... but my life isn't all easy going and I dread going to work and been in a toxic situation for years, change has just been slow. My job is dragging me down a lot, and I don't blame others for being annoyed with not making a change yet, but there are a lot of factors I'm juggling. And I guess I don't reach out much when I'm overwhelmed and stressed because I've had a lot of cases where people haven't been available, and that hurts a ton when you need support and can't find it... the rejection is hard on top already feeling bad, so I tend to just try and process things alone, but I guess that means most "friends" don't know how shitty I feel sometimes. But I know it is way too often to feel shitty, and people don't want to be around negative people, so I just suck it up or not hang out when people unless I'm really rested and have a moment of feeling OK.
Yeah I could sense in your original post that you didn't even consider them missing you.

When you experience hard times, negative things, etc that's when you find out who really cares because they stick around. They probably don't stick around because they don't care that much and I believe it was Madonna who said, "if you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best." But just because they don't care about you, doesn't mean they don't miss you. Missing you is more of... them thinking about how they themselves feel. Truly. Do you care how they feel or are you *just like them* and don't really care?

That's really what it's coming down to. Are you an agent of change or do you play the game along side them?
 

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A month is a Long time regardless of the purpose of the message especially for a text or email so I would be a bit pissed myself if it were in the context of a relationship and would have moved on by then. Had this taken place with earlier generations with such convenience a late reply would have been considered very rude or at the least neglectful but as ever the standards changed and so has the quality.
 

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Am I being easily offended, or would anyone else find this irksome:

A somewhat casual acquaintance who might have been trying to date you replies to your text an entire MONTH later. On a Friday. Not even following up on anything from the previous text. I'm thinking, desperation Friday text and not, oh how nice someone thought of me. And I think, well, maybe I should wait one month to respond...
Well, there could be factors involved. If you'd already began dating, then yep, pissed off time. But nothing had really gotten going, the way it sounds. Perhaps they didn't feel in a place to start anything at the moment for some reason, meant to figure out what to text you back. Got busy with other things until they were ready, then were like, "dang, I may have waited too long, but better late than never." . . . or they are a player of some sorts. Hard to know without being there.

1) A person with whom you had a bad and brief relationship with in the past and haven't talked with in 20 years wants to friend you on Facebook. On a HOLIDAY when you know they have a spouse and kids.

2) Ex that did the surprise breakup while high on pot is also out of touch for a few years and wants to connect on LinkedIn
These are a little different. Its been years, I'd allow that a person can change. Maybe the facebook guy just got curious how people he knew in the past were doing. Maybe, the LinkedIn guy was reaching out to "network" as much as possible. I'd hate for somebody to judge the person I am now based on the immature, sometimes jerk that I was 20 years ago.

That all being said, if you don't want to have contact with any of these people anymore, there you go. Our types usually keep a small group of trusted people, that's normal, but if you find yourself letting go of those people too easily, then its an issue.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
A month is a Long time regardless of the purpose of the message especially for a text or email so I would be a bit pissed myself if it were in the context of a relationship and would have moved on by then. Had this taken place with earlier generations with such convenience a late reply would have been considered very rude or at the least neglectful but as ever the standards changed and so has the quality.
Totally agree. I realize I have more problems with communication in regards to millennials... they seem overall more casual and rude to me, and they seem to put up with a lot of more weird phone communication and stuff like ghosting. I realize I also don't see things the way extroverts do either, which causes some conflict, as they seem more accepting of all sorts of behavior just to have people around or people to text.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Well, there could be factors involved. If you'd already began dating, then yep, pissed off time. But nothing had really gotten going, the way it sounds. Perhaps they didn't feel in a place to start anything at the moment for some reason, meant to figure out what to text you back. Got busy with other things until they were ready, then were like, "dang, I may have waited too long, but better late than never." . . . or they are a player of some sorts. Hard to know without being there.



These are a little different. Its been years, I'd allow that a person can change. Maybe the facebook guy just got curious how people he knew in the past were doing. Maybe, the LinkedIn guy was reaching out to "network" as much as possible. I'd hate for somebody to judge the person I am now based on the immature, sometimes jerk that I was 20 years ago.

That all being said, if you don't want to have contact with any of these people anymore, there you go. Our types usually keep a small group of trusted people, that's normal, but if you find yourself letting go of those people too easily, then its an issue.
I don't see it letting go easily. At least, I'm usually not friends with exes, especially not the ones who dump me. If I knew someone for six months only via romantic dates and it ends badly, I just don't see any reason to stay in touch. I don't mean to be too judgmental, but LinkedIn guy really screwed up and it was a totally surprise breakup before Christmas, he took me to a restaurant while he was high, and right before he was going to take me to the airport. I made him take me home and walked myself to a train station at 5am and was super pissed. He apologized. But he moved away and I guess my thing is why do I want to have a reminder of any of that, especially feeling really disrespected because he knew he was going to break up with me, but waited until a really horrible time that was a big inconvenience. I was supposed to sleep over at his place that night! Anyway...
 

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I don't see it letting go easily. At least, I'm usually not friends with exes, especially not the ones who dump me. If I knew someone for six months only via romantic dates and it ends badly, I just don't see any reason to stay in touch. I don't mean to be too judgmental, but LinkedIn guy really screwed up and it was a totally surprise breakup before Christmas, he took me to a restaurant while he was high, and right before he was going to take me to the airport. I made him take me home and walked myself to a train station at 5am and was super pissed. He apologized. But he moved away and I guess my thing is why do I want to have a reminder of any of that, especially feeling really disrespected because he knew he was going to break up with me, but waited until a really horrible time that was a big inconvenience. I was supposed to sleep over at his place that night! Anyway...
Maybe you want a reminder because that experience reminds you of your self worth and your independent capabilities to persevere?
 

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I don't see it letting go easily. At least, I'm usually not friends with exes, especially not the ones who dump me. If I knew someone for six months only via romantic dates and it ends badly, I just don't see any reason to stay in touch. I don't mean to be too judgmental, but LinkedIn guy really screwed up and it was a totally surprise breakup before Christmas, he took me to a restaurant while he was high, and right before he was going to take me to the airport. I made him take me home and walked myself to a train station at 5am and was super pissed. He apologized. But he moved away and I guess my thing is why do I want to have a reminder of any of that, especially feeling really disrespected because he knew he was going to break up with me, but waited until a really horrible time that was a big inconvenience. I was supposed to sleep over at his place that night! Anyway...
Agreed, that sucked for him to do. Did not add that last part in regards to the situations you described. You asked if you were being easily offended, and that last part was kinda my attempt at saying when you need to worry if you are being easily offended.

As I said, you have every right not to want contact with these people. I would try not to let the social media outreach upset you too much, easier said than done I understand. I remember years before I met my lovely wife, a woman broke up with me and I was devastated, the phrase "she ripped my heart out of my f...ing chest" came out of my mouth more than once. Then a couple months later she called me for the first time since, and asked for money. That offended me, and opened up those wounds anew.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Yeah I could sense in your original post that you didn't even consider them missing you.

When you experience hard times, negative things, etc that's when you find out who really cares because they stick around. They probably don't stick around because they don't care that much and I believe it was Madonna who said, "if you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best." But just because they don't care about you, doesn't mean they don't miss you. Missing you is more of... them thinking about how they themselves feel. Truly. Do you care how they feel or are you *just like them* and don't really care?

That's really what it's coming down to. Are you an agent of change or do you play the game along side them?
I really don't care or want anything to do with someone who really disrespected me. So no, I really don't care about someone else's feelings because they burned a bridge and am suspicious that their motivations aren't legit.

New person, he was nice enough. I suppose I expected he would at least acknowledge the text I sent a month ago. Then his out of the blue "happy Friday" wouldn't have been weird. I suppose the timing was weird as well. Friday evening text seemed like someone fishing for company last minute, which I'm not a big fan of, especially someone that I felt dropped the ball awhile back. It seemed like we went on some dates... ambiguous. And he drinks too much with his friends, so that is a turn off for me. So not sure I'm looking for a guy friend who has sent me tipsy kissy face emojis (which I find really annoying)
 

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Agreed, that sucked for him to do. Did not add that last part in regards to the situations you described. You asked if you were being easily offended, and that last part was kinda my attempt at saying when you need to worry if you are being easily offended.

As I said, you have every right not to want contact with these people. I would try not to let the social media outreach upset you too much, easier said than done I understand. I remember years before I met my lovely wife, a woman broke up with me and I was devastated, the phrase "she ripped my heart out of my f...ing chest" came out of my mouth more than once. Then a couple months later she called me for the first time since, and asked for money. That offended me, and opened up those wounds anew.
Sorry to hear about that... really sad!
 

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I really don't care or want anything to do with someone who really disrespected me. So no, I really don't care about someone else's feelings because they burned a bridge and am suspicious that their motivations aren't legit.

New person, he was nice enough. I suppose I expected he would at least acknowledge the text I sent a month ago. Then his out of the blue "happy Friday" wouldn't have been weird. I suppose the timing was weird as well. Friday evening text seemed like someone fishing for company last minute, which I'm not a big fan of, especially someone that I felt dropped the ball awhile back. It seemed like we went on some dates... ambiguous. And he drinks too much with his friends, so that is a turn off for me. So not sure I'm looking for a guy friend who has sent me tipsy kissy face emojis (which I find really annoying)
Hi, how old are you?
 
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