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Discussion Starter #21 (Edited)
Hi, how old are you?
I'm 40. I think the emoji guy was maybe early 30s. A bit young. I absolutely don't like grown men who send emojis in most cases. I tend to date older, even 10 plus years older than my age. I think generation gap issues with communication. I think I get in weird situations because I look younger than my age, but am an old soul, so I have younger guys who are interested (I suppose that is a plus), but with whom I'm don't gel with, and the men I like maybe think I'm too young for them, although they are my type and I'm older than I look. :rolleyes:
 

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Discussion Starter #22
Am I being easily offended, or would anyone else find this irksome:

A somewhat casual acquaintance who might have been trying to date you replies to your text an entire MONTH later. On a Friday. Not even following up on anything from the previous text. I'm thinking, desperation Friday text and not, oh how nice someone thought of me. And I think, well, maybe I should wait one month to respond...


My extroverted friends and more socially aware introvert friends aren't so bothered by this behavior. So, not sure why I was. Am I being an ass or is it a INFP trait? I mean, I didn't think I'd hear from the person again and I find it awkward usually to be friends with the opposite sex, especially when they have hinted at dating. I know if I was legit dating that person I wouldn't respond or would make it clear we for sure aren't dating now because I find it disrespectful to disappear.


Other Irksome Examples... What do you think?

1) A person with whom you had a bad and brief relationship with in the past and haven't talked with in 20 years wants to friend you on Facebook. On a HOLIDAY when you know they have a spouse and kids.

2) Ex that did the surprise breakup while high on pot is also out of touch for a few years and wants to connect on LinkedIn
In all cases, I'd be inwardly insulted but play along to see what the person did next.
I played dumb once and the situation just got worse. The person apologized but then went on to be a bigger dick
 

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I'm in a transitional part of my life, looking for new jobs, working on business, have a stressful day job, miss my family, thinking about moving. I have a few nice friends I see in rotation when I have some time, but it isn't like I go home after work and have all this free time. I'm working on projects to change my situation, and often tired and stressed from work.
If I'm understanding this correctly it doesn't sound like you're easily offended or missing social norms. Do you think it's unreasonable to expect closure, conscientiousness, and timely communication from people who were, are, or want to be in a close relationship with you? It may be that you desire more clear-cut, formal behavior than the average person your age, but that particular preference really lies between you and the people you are interacting with. It does align with you dating older, anyway.

I suppose now the followup question that arises is why you're feeling especially concerned with this constellation of situations at this time. Did someone suggest that your irritation was out of line, or is it bothering you because it's different than your norm? Has it been bugging you recently especially, or is it just that these three situations cropped up all in a short timeframe? It strikes me that you mentioned that your friends don't seem bothered by the situations... but you also mentioned that you don't usually reveal the extent of your stress and exhaustion to your friends. Plus - if you need the vast majority of your time and energy to care for yourself right now and you don't have patience for potential (even predictable) bullshit from relationships that haven't been worth the effort that you put into them historically... well, IMO, that seems completely reasonable. And good for you for taking care of you!

It sounds to me like you're doing well to keep on plugging along with choosing the social interactions - especially romantic/closer/deeper ones - that heal you and strengthen you and to heck with the rest.
 

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Discussion Starter #24
I'm in a transitional part of my life, looking for new jobs, working on business, have a stressful day job, miss my family, thinking about moving. I have a few nice friends I see in rotation when I have some time, but it isn't like I go home after work and have all this free time. I'm working on projects to change my situation, and often tired and stressed from work.
Good for you for taking care of you! If I'm understanding this correctly it's not that you're easily offended or missing social norms. You seem like you're reasonably offended and you expect reasonable norms for people who are/were/are trying to be close to you. And if you need the vast majority of your time and energy to care for yourself right now and you don't have patience for potential (even predictable) bullshit from relationships that haven't been worth the effort that you put into them so far... well, IMO, that's reasonable too.

I suppose now the followup question that arises is why are you feeling concerned enough at this particular time to create a whole thread. Did someone suggest that your irritation was out of line, or is it bothering you because it's different than your norm... or something else entirely? Has it been bugging you recently especially, or is it just that these three situations cropped up all in a short timeframe? It strikes me that you mentioned that your friends don't seem bothered by the situations... but you also mentioned that you don't usually reveal the extent of your stress and exhaustion to your friends.

It sounds to me like you're doing well to keep on plugging along with choosing the social interactions - especially romantic/closer/deeper ones - that heal you and strengthen you and to heck with the rest.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply and support. I basically just shutout a girlfriend because she totally snapped at me when I mentioned it being inappropriate that I didn’t get a text for a month (she is 32 ESTJ). I was super pissed and almost left on the spot. She was Uber frustrated and thought that I am always negative about men. This was after she was badgering me about what I was wearing to her party and explaining feeling bummed out about getting attached to a married man in the process of getting divorced, who doesn’t want anymore kids and she does. I was extra pissed because I listen to her stupid dating stories, and she’s whined about men just as much. Plus I realized she was totally detached and seem to just want to hang out in order to not be lonely or bored. So I did not go to her birthday party, especially since she was being controlling. She’s been really insensitive before, which is ironic because I think now she starting to feel bummed about a man similar to experiences I’ve been through that she just couldn’t understand. She’d rather have fun than develop more meaningful connections. So I totally thought that she should enjoy her party with her extroverted party friends and take myself out of the situation. Not all her fault, I’m realizing how judgmental she is of her self. Might have a slight eating disorder and it really annoys the piss out of me that she wants things in a certain way... God forbid I don’t wear an outfit she doesn’t like to her party. After even posting that costumes for women were optional. And she admitted the party theme wasn’t even her idea. It’s not like she was there for me when I left a bar crying. She was only concerned about not being embarrassed in public. On top of her crazy ass behavior and annoying behavior when I last saw her, I just am a bit done.

Anyway. I kind of realize that we didn’t really enjoy each other‘s company that much. It was more just having someone to do something with but this was not the first time she got this weird controlling streak and so no way was I going to show up at her party after she offended me. I know people have different perspectives, but she didn’t have to snap at me on top of being a total bitch. I just want to make sure that I wasn’t being unreasonable. But I have to remember a lot of this was probably about her. But again it points to her selfishness and the fact that she really hasn’t been there and just wants things her way and to do things when she’s bored.
 

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Totally agree. I realize I have more problems with communication in regards to millennials... they seem overall more casual and rude to me, and they seem to put up with a lot of more weird phone communication and stuff like ghosting. I realize I also don't see things the way extroverts do either, which causes some conflict, as they seem more accepting of all sorts of behavior just to have people around or people to text.
Well I am a millennial myself but I am not of the same feather so to say for both better and worse as I feel like an antique to them. Doesn't feel well to be borne into the wrong generation having old values and a different sense of reason that doesn't mesh well with people these days. Probably would have done well up to the 50s or the 60s but from then on would have been out of place a bit other than the music and tech. I don't like how extroverts are at times as the cultures they create while fun or interesting at times but really are pressure cookers and are endurance tests especially in the workplace with office politics.
 

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1) Request ignored.

2) Request ignored.

My time is valuable. If the reason that you know longer have access to my time is unsavory, then you will never have access again. If the reason was more natural, maybe.

I try not to spend too much time thinking about why someone is or is not contacting me. I will not consistently put more energy into a relationship, no matter the nature. It must balance out eventually, or it's a waste of my time.
 

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Discussion Starter #27
So interesting development. Turns out the person who texted me after a month, his dad and friend died since we last connected. I did text him back today and was like, hey, how were your trips, wasn't sure if I was going to hear from you again so wasn't sure how to respond to your text. YIKES.

I'm probably sensitive to rejection and need to take things less personally I suppose. On top of bad dating experience mentioned above, I ended up with an emotionally abusive narcissist and that messed me up for awhile. He would disappear to do drugs and was critical, like my friend was. I was a pretty quiet and chill person until he pushed my boundaries with super outrageous things and that's when I started super snapping in anger with people being inappropriate with me. I guess the good thing is that I know when something is shitty... so my boundaries are there and I will speak up and tell people to fuck off. I didn't used to be so angry though. Here's to figuring out a better life soon.
 
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