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Discussion Starter #1
I have done the Myers Briggs about 10 times on all different sites and I always get INFP. However a lot of the time I get 48% Extrovert 52% Introvert and once I got 50/50 e/i. When I was a child I was quite happy and bubbly enough. I played a lot of team sports. I'm 17 now and I have gone through 5 years of torturous and frankly unnatural isolation from the opposite sex as I attend an all boys school. When I was 13 my family suffered a tragedy. When I was 15 (I know this sounds really petty) I went through a weird relationship and when it ended I had a terrible blow to my self esteem. Last year also I got assaulted when I was walking down a street in my local town. I have practically no exposure to the opposite sex. After all these events I wonder could my low self esteem be the cause of my introversion, and am I naturally an ENFP but with low self confidence? I identify more with the ENFP thing. As I don't feel a huge urge to heal the world or to help my fellows (a terrible thing to admit I know). Also I am quite a good writer but I don't have the patience or interest to follow through on anything,and I don't mind bouncing my opinions off anyone who would listen. I also read somewhere that when ENFPs undergo large amounts of stress they become extremely cynical (I am terribly), and develop an obsessive disorder (I exercise obsessively probably because of my poor self image) Also I'm moving away to college next year and I'm wondering wil my return to a more natural environment (as in a mixed sex environment) restore my extroversion? Or is it a chicken before the egg scenario in that my inherent INFP nature is causing my poor self esteem and general melancholia.

This all sounds like a terribly clichéd teenage scenario but if you are willing to give some suggestions I would be grateful :blushed:
 

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What about the functions test?

I believe you are either introverted or extroverted.
 

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hey i think im in the same boat because the more i've been dealing with my insecurities the more I want to reach out. I'd say your enfp
 

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Discussion Starter #6
hey i think im in the same boat because the more i've been dealing with my insecurities the more I want to reach out. I'd say your enfp
Yeah I feel a lot of the time I just want to go crazy and be myself and not care about what others think. I think I just need to be exposed to a new set of people to give me that boost. Not to sound cheesy, but I feel like I want to embrace the world :laughing:. However I've been stuck in a pretty stale routine for years, same faces, places and it's getting really really frustrating. I can't wait to move away. The town I live in is really small and everyone knows everyone which I find really inhibiting. I am friends with all the people in my class and all but I've never really felt I could be myself because they are all pretty macho..Like my class teacher says I'm really good at English but all my friends do is take the piss out of me, which I don't mind, but it would be nice to be understood by like minded people. So yeah maybe all I need is a change of scene.
Thanks for your post, it's really nice to feel like someone knows what I'm going through :happy:
 

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It's my understanding that ultimately, we choose our best fitting personality type. If you feel like you are more of the extrovert than the introvert, then that may be true. Perhaps in the future when you've relocated you'll find it easier to reach out to others.

Like you, I was really outgoing as a child but as I grew older I lost myself and retreated into myself. While I would like to say that moving would solve all of my problems when it comes to being more outgoing, I'm somewhat afraid that the world around me is a result of me, if that makes any sense. I've had many moments of just wanting to throw everything away and starting out again, like an etch-a-sketch, but I don't think my situation would change that much, you know?

I mean, my first two years at college I wasn't really outgoing and I think I've been more myself lately than I have in a very long time. I've come to realize that if I'm going to find friends they're going to have to know that I'm not like everyone else, I'm strange, contradictory, and I'll eventually find someone, if not several people, who understand and like that about me (I have, by the way). I've pushed myself out of my own comfort zone, tried to do things that I would have previously avoided, and I've loved it. It's freeing to not care what others think. I like being ridiculous and I'll be the first to laugh at myself. Just let go. Have fun.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that YOU have to restore your own extroversion. It's not really about your surroundings as it is your state of mind. You have to try and to push yourself and realize that you're not perfect. Nobody is ever perfect and everyone is insecure at some point, some longer than others. If you want to be more extroverted, do it. What's stopping you?

Dr. Seuss said "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter won't mind and those who mind don't matter."
(I'm not sure if that's verbatim, but it's pretty darn close)

As for girls, well, that's a different topic. My advice to you is to just be you, as cliche as that sounds; it's a cliche for a reason.

:happy:
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Thanks for all the advice. Honestly I don't know why I've put so much of myself into this thread, I guess I was hoping someone would give me some concrete answers, because all I seem to do a lot of the time is go around in circles in my head, ultimately getting really frustrated. What you have said to me about how we make the environment we are in, well I think I understand you on that one. I just want to thank you for sharing your experiences because it really helps :happy:
 

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Conor;274749[B said:
When I was 15 (I know this sounds really petty) I went through a weird relationship and when it ended I had a terrible blow to my self esteem.[/B]
It's not petty. I'm 15, and I have recently cut myself off from a 3 year bff-friendship that was kind of ruining my life. You were most likely really accepting and really nice like myself thus leading yourself into the worst kind of trouble if you had bad luck. In school I have a lot of friends, and it's easy to get in on the drama straight from where it's happening, and I can say honestly that this is very common. Lots of nice people/idealistic people/passive people get walked all over, and people let it happen. I don't anymore.
Assuming weird meant you were abused emotionally or physically.

Also, being an INFP type must have been very bad at a boys school. If they stressed masculinity at all in your schools culture, you must have been dying!
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Yeah that was the type of relationship I was in too. I was needed by her only if she needed someone to fall back on really, and I was always there. I allowed myself to be treated like dirt because if she did something that hurt me I would forgive her as I used to idealise her greatly. She wasn't half as great as I made her to be in my mind. I look back on how I sold myself out so many times and I feel ashamed. I suppose it's good for us to learn these lessons early, as it will stay in my mind for all future relationships. We shouldn't idealise them as much as we do. It only leads to seriously dysfunctional relationships :sad:
 

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By the way, I made a thread about this recently, just in case you're interested: http://personalitycafe.com/infp-forum-idealists/22833-lonely-extrovert-analysis-very-welcome.html The replies were thought-provoking, though my title was embarassing to attract attention.

Anyway...you sound like in the exact same position as me, though I'm a bit younger than you, coz I'm going to sixth-form this year, following much isolation and negative previous human contact! Also it's relieving to hear that the bad relationship issues are infp related. I was also with a guy who treated me like dirt (he'd been...I'm hesitant to use the term 'bullying', it infers a martyr complex, but I suppose that's what it was....for about three years prior to the 'relationship'), came and went (and made me not tell) when he liked, told me how horrible I was even between kisses etc... lol he was ESTJ, that says it all, I think. I put up with it for nearly two years, and that's another thing to hate myself for. As you may have gathered, I also have low self-esteem (it's on minus points) due to quite a few other things over the years that I shouldn't go into. I've only had two relationships but sometimes I think I can't ever face another one. So yes, I think the past does shape your extroversion a little. But I've been wondering recently whether extroversion or intraversion is to do with inferiority. Almost every INFP I've met/talked to have had bad experiences or sound like they have an inferiority complex. As you said, it's probably a vicious circle. Anyway, it gets better, it really does, and every time the world widens a little, as well as the idiots there are also people who'll be more likely to understand you. I like to believe.

I wish I had more to write on this subject - advice, I mean, I could go on and on otherwise - but I could have written practically everything you just did, so I don't think I have anything very valuable to add on the subject. Read my thread; as I mentioned, some of the answers were pretty interesting. Hope it helps :happy:
 

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Conor, dude, I think a person can be both an extrovert and an introvert depending on the situation.

In my opinion, all the Myer-Briggs test does is tell you what your factory settings are. However, life changes you. I too, have done a multitude of these tests. I even did one without realizing it was a Myer-Briggs test. All the time, I scored INFP. A friend told me that I'm "INFP to the core", which I think is true. However, I really enjoy meeting people both online and in real life. I can't get enough of people. And no matter how bad a person is to me, if they're in distress, I can't help but feel I have to be there for them (unless they're some evil murderer or molester or something). I also like performing - I'm a singer/songwriter.

But yet, when I have to write a philosophy essay or Uni or post on these forums, I'm an INFP, relying on my introversion, my ability to draw on myself.But so far, I've found that I'm an INFP most of the time rather than an ENFP, with a bit of ENTJ spattered here and there. My advice would be to use the Myer-Briggs as a start-off point to identify what you are MOST of the time. The rest of it is up to you, it's up to you to carve and define who you want to be. That's the freedom man, taste it. But most of the time we don't like the taste because it tastes like loneliness and rejection; most of the time, the freedom to be yourself comes with the fact that not many people will like you for it. But I guess as long as you're not hurting anyone, it's fine. Be who you want to be.

As for those nasty things that happened to you, thanks for sharing it with us. Sometimes it takes guts to empty it all on the table. And that's what Personality Cafe is for anyway. Good luck with finding your way, bro.

On a last note, I don't want to sound condescending or patronizing here, but make FULL USE of your teenage years. Milk the most out of it. I'm not saying you should become a jock or something, but just use these years to find out who you really are, what you stand for and what you want out of life because when adulthood swings by, it'll be more difficult to do those things because a mass of responsibilities will slap you in the face and you'll go "Wha - hey! Where did my teenage years go???"

Peace and love, bro.


These were,

Pop Crimes
 
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Discussion Starter #14
I think even in the two or however many months since I posted that thread I have begun to start to learn to love being a human being.I'm gradually beginning to extricate myself from self rejection and stuff. Mainly because of all the lessons I've learned and all the advice I've got from the rest of you guys. I'm really enjoying the challenge of finding myself.

I can really latch onto what the rest of you are saying, and that knowledge that I'm not making all these blunders alone is subtly empowering. Pop Crimes, I assure you I'm ready to let rip and unleash myself when I start uni. It's just going to be a fresh start and I'm really looking forward to making the most of it.


So once again thanks for all the advice and help! Much appreciated :happy:
 

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i'm a borderline ENFP and ESFP, it all depends on my mood and who i'm with. looking back i used to be very shy, but i feel like i forced myself not to be shy sometimes
 
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