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Do you think INFPs have a tendency to be 'overly attached' or 'clingy'? Can you ever be too 'clingy', or does it depend on whether it's too much for your partner? Or indeed friend, family member, whatever. I've heard different opinions on whether INFPs tend to be this way, and of course it largely depends on the person. I think introverts like personal space, but love and idealism make us want to feel totally connected to another person, so I think an INFP can get really deep into love or that emotional attachment. I think ESFJ clinginess on the surface would be different, with more of a need for attention, that sort of thing. But gross generalisations, ESFJs can of course form deep bonds and INFPs can be 'shallow.'
 

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Well I suppose I cling when I am in one of those social situations where I don't really know anyone but my boyfriend (weddings in his family, events for his work, etc), but he does the same when we're on "my turf". Otherwise, not really. I'm certainly affectionate, but I also like to go off and do my own thing. Honestly, I'm usually the first to get restless and pull away.
 

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I think it also depends on which type of INFP you are (referring to pearslug's 3 types). I for one, am never clingy with anybody, except for maybe my INTP. My philosophy of 'if it bothers you, don't do it to others' makes clinginess a no-no for me. I personally can't stand clinginess from others, as it drains me completely (my ENFP friend can get very clingy at times, and it sometimes pushes me to the edge). With me, at least, clinginess happens only if I know for certain that the person I'm clinging to doesn't mind at all. I know my INTP doesn't mind one bit, and so I can indulge in selfish bouts of clinginess with him.

I think the reason I can become clingy is not because of a need for attention or constant affirmation of friendship... but more that I'm genuinely interested in being around the person... and sticking around them gives me the chance to sort of live 'through' them. I only get 'clingy' with people I genuinely admire or look up to in some sort of way. Their presence gives me energy and hope. It usually doesn't happen, however, since I need to know first that they don't mind my clinginess.
 

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I'm clingy and not ashamed of it. I do try to give people space they desire and respect boundaries though.

I think introverts like personal space, but love and idealism make us want to feel totally connected to another person, so I think an INFP can get really deep into love or that emotional attachment.
When I like someone I want to become a part of them, as creep as that sounds. I actually enjoy observing an SO while they're doing something mundane (not creepily, with their knowledge of course) and just soaking in their essence more than I enjoy receiving attention and recognition from them (although I do like that too!). I seem to get selflessly enamored. Like a smitten poet scaling a courtyard wall to catch a glimpse.

I recently read a book called Escaping Emotional Entrapment in which the author Daniel Rutley points out that the "goodies" in romantic love come from loving not being loved. I had never thought of that but it's true. If someone we don't like loves us, it doesn't mean anything. There are lots of people on this earth that could love us but we reject them everyday. It's when we love someone that we grow from the experience.

No one is obligated to love us back but, no matter what happens, it's our job to make the best of the experience and put a positive spin on things. I think that's mature and wise love.
 

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Not sure how to describe it, but I think I've been clingy to others strictly within the confines of my mind. In other words, I've never verbally or visually let someone see just how invested I feel in them. I get clingy to the idea of them. In turn, to the people whom exhibited clingly behavior towards me, it often scares me away to the point I intentionally stopped answering their texts, calls, chat messages, etc. I made myself completely vanish from their lives without a single explanation, and I do feel horrible for that.

Experiencing clingy people tends to make me feel:
A) Somewhat flattered
B) Scared that perhaps I've fed them some kind false idea of me and how I wouldn't know how long I could keep it up.
C) Suffocated by the fact I feel obligated to always offer guidance that often goes to deaf ears which ultimately becomes draining.

So in every physical sense, I'm very much the opposite of being clingy.
 

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When I was still in a relationship, we would be as physically connected as much as possible when on dates. If I was going to her event then I would let her take the spotlight and just generally be passive unless called for otherwise. It would go the same the other way.

I can be clingy but I try not to be needy. I guess I consider those two separate things? I can stop the clingyness but sometimes it's just not as fun. If it affected her negatively though I would stop.
 

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I'm very aloof and I get easily turned off by romance. I hate being emotionally dependent on anyone. I know another INFP who is also very aloof but just on the outside. They are a secret hopeless romantic lol Yeah, it's possible. Not me though.
 

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I'm clingy and not ashamed of it. I do try to give people space they desire and respect boundaries though.



When I like someone I want to become a part of them, as creep as that sounds. I actually enjoy observing an SO while they're doing something mundane (not creepily, with their knowledge of course) and just soaking in their essence more than I enjoy receiving attention and recognition from them (although I do like that too!). I seem to get selflessly enamored. Like a smitten poet scaling a courtyard wall to catch a glimpse.

I recently read a book called Escaping Emotional Entrapment in which the author Daniel Rutley points out that the "goodies" in romantic love come from loving not being loved. I had never thought of that but it's true. If someone we don't like loves us, it doesn't mean anything. There are lots of people on this earth that could love us but we reject them everyday. It's when we love someone that we grow from the experience.

No one is obligated to love us back but, no matter what happens, it's our job to make the best of the experience and put a positive spin on things. I think that's mature and wise love.
And I find that to be quite allright. Relationships require presence and involvement. I'd like someone to be there and watch or assist me as I am doing mundane things. Ask me what I'm thinking about when I stare into the void, ask me what I'm doing when I'm doing things. When you're uncomfortable when we're visiting someone, hold my hand, ask for comfort if you're not fine. Call me when you want to hear my voice, when you need to be comforted, when you just had something to say, no matter how stupid you think it is.

How can you say "You're too clingy, get away, leave me alone" in such situations? Only selfish people can do that, and quickly label as "clingy", when the correct wording is "involved".
 

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I don't think craving love and connection = clingy, though there is a fine line between both. Clingy, imo, holds a relatively negative connotation i.e. to suffocate someone with my neediness and a failure to respect someone else's boundaries. I am only clingy when I fall into an unhealthy pattern and require constant affection and assurance from the person I love. On the contrary, clingy can be relative to the person you're dealing with as everyone differs in their needs and level of tolerance. There are people who don't mind spending every hour of their day together, then there are people who wants time alone. The person who needs time alone is bound to label someone as "clingy" if that someone crosses his boundaries by demanding more of their time.

I relate to wanting to share a deep and unique connection with my other half, but refrain from relying on said person to provide for my emotional needs too much. I trap myself in the web of "clingyness" when I invest too much in one person and neglect the rest of the world; putting all of my eggs in one basket causes a sense of insecurity to form as I have a lot to lose and nothing to fall back on. in other words, it back-fires and becomes self-defeating. Spreading the risks by forming a few intimate relationships don't contradict my need for a deep, romantic connection either since the nature of a romantic and friendly relationship is different. From there I can manage my needs accordingly whilst forming an intimate and healthy bond with my SO.

So the short answer is: no, I don't think I am clingy if I understood how to manage my needs.
 

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I don't consider someone my friend unless I'm totally connected to them and all up in their mental-emotional space. I'm not 'clingy' in the sense that I want to hang out all the time-- I don't, and prefer everyone to leave me alone unless I say it's okay to show up at my door-- but I do expect my friends to be 100% emotionally honest with me, and keep me updated on everything that goes on in their lives. I don't appreciate shallow friendships, nor do I consider them valid or worthwhile. I can usually tell when someone is not being totally forthcoming about their thoughts and feelings, and it puts me on edge. How can you expect me to trust you with my feelings if you can't trust me with yours?
 

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In many ways, I am the opposite of clingy. Every so often I'll just spend a week or two trying to minimize my social interaction and I'll cut off everything that isn't necessary, and that includes my significant other, friends, family, etc. I don't like being emotionally dependent on someone, so my relationships with others are too distant if anything.
However, if I decide I'm going to continue to be friends with someone, I will make that happen. Having moved to college, keeping some of my life-long friends involves creeping on them sometimes, Facebook stalking and text spamming and those kinds of things. But that's only every couple of weeks, so I don't think that counts as "clingy", though it kinda is. I'm clinging to a relationship that otherwise would probably dissolve.
 

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I am not clingy, but I dislike also being co-dependent. If you live with some people for too long, one might become co-dependent. It is difficult because there are no boundaries. It has to be a healthier relationship than that.
 
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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
In many ways, I am the opposite of clingy. Every so often I'll just spend a week or two trying to minimize my social interaction and I'll cut off everything that isn't necessary, and that includes my significant other, friends, family, etc. I don't like being emotionally dependent on someone, so my relationships with others are too distant if anything.
However, if I decide I'm going to continue to be friends with someone, I will make that happen. Having moved to college, keeping some of my life-long friends involves creeping on them sometimes, Facebook stalking and text spamming and those kinds of things. But that's only every couple of weeks, so I don't think that counts as "clingy", though it kinda is. I'm clinging to a relationship that otherwise would probably dissolve.
Sometimes you feel like you have to do that to keep the friendship alive, but it seems some people are scared away by that, or it seems that way.
 

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Do you think INFPs have a tendency to be 'overly attached' or 'clingy'? Can you ever be too 'clingy', or does it depend on whether it's too much for your partner? Or indeed friend, family member, whatever. I've heard different opinions on whether INFPs tend to be this way, and of course it largely depends on the person. I think introverts like personal space, but love and idealism make us want to feel totally connected to another person, so I think an INFP can get really deep into love or that emotional attachment. I think ESFJ clinginess on the surface would be different, with more of a need for attention, that sort of thing. But gross generalisations, ESFJs can of course form deep bonds and INFPs can be 'shallow.'
What exactly would you define as clingy? Someone who reacts with a negative emotion when you request private time?
 

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I think it also depends on which type of INFP you are (referring to pearslug's 3 types). I for one, am never clingy with anybody, except for maybe my INTP. My philosophy of 'if it bothers you, don't do it to others' makes clinginess a no-no for me. I personally can't stand clinginess from others, as it drains me completely (my ENFP friend can get very clingy at times, and it sometimes pushes me to the edge). With me, at least, clinginess happens only if I know for certain that the person I'm clinging to doesn't mind at all. I know my INTP doesn't mind one bit, and so I can indulge in selfish bouts of clinginess with him.

I think the reason I can become clingy is not because of a need for attention or constant affirmation of friendship... but more that I'm genuinely interested in being around the person... and sticking around them gives me the chance to sort of live 'through' them. I only get 'clingy' with people I genuinely admire or look up to in some sort of way. Their presence gives me energy and hope. It usually doesn't happen, however, since I need to know first that they don't mind my clinginess.
The strange thing about this topic and this response in particular, is that clingy seems to be a synonym for unwanted attention. So basically what this topic is asking is if it's weird if INFPs don't want unwanted attention. No--it's not.
 

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I'm not super clingy. I enjoy when the person I'm dating is, its an obvious sign of how much they care/need me that I cannot miss or mistake for something else. I love when the person I'm with is clingy, absolutely love it. I enjoy my a lone time yes, but that feeling of being that appreciated and cared about to that extent to me is almost if not certainly even better than sex for me. So I'd sacrifice some a lone time for that.
 

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I'm clingy in essence, I guess. Without thinking that my friends and family need me, I'm extremely depressed. But I don't have to be around them a lot. In fact I prefer a lot of physical space. I just need to know they're there spiritually and mentally. And there is some reluctancy to say I "need" them because I suppose I couldn't absolutely trust them to stay. But if I thought I had NOBODY, I'd probably go crazy. I've never had NO ONE before.

I've never felt that I should have to be 100% alone - an 'ability' I feel others I know have that worries me as I know how dependent I am on their existence and I would hate to feel it's one-sided. I'd hate to call them replaceable however they are..if they decided to leave I'd probably just constantly be on the lookout for someone to take their place and no, I'm not proud of that.
 

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The truth is, I dont really like that many people or feel any real connection to most. I can appreciate most people on some level, and most don't irritate me, but I don't really LIKE them.

Since I actually don't require a ton of people-time, and I enjoy my solitude and independance, this means I don't like to expend my energy on people I don't care that much about it. Cultivating relationships, especially close ones, requires a lot of emotional energy, and I'm limited there. In more shallow interactions, I feel like it takes more out of me than it does for someone else, and I also feel like its gratifies me less, and this feeling of being easily drained can make me gravitate towards those who I know may energize me more. I will branch out so as to not be rude or selfish, but it's nice when I can stick with the few I really enjoy and not feel like I am monoplizing them or slighting others.

I also tend to be drawn to some individuals like a moth, where I naturally gravitate to them and want to bask in the glow, so that I'm aware I may "over focus" on them and desire more of their attention than I can rightfully lay claim to. I know that it may appear obsessive. I worry about this not being requited, which makes me feel clingy. I really love a mutual obsession with someone. As a child, I liked to have a best friend where you always knew that person was the one who'd sit next to you, etc. When you get older, I think a romantic partner tends to take that role, as exclusivity is regarded as more natural in that dynamic.

I imagine this all of makes me appear to depend on a few people emotionally or socially and that it could be called "clingy". I think it's probably more cliquish, and maybe that is why I am sensitive to cliques. I dislike them, but there may be some resentment when I dont have one of my own, because it gives a sense of belonging and to be at ease, knowing you are always welcome. In enneagram, being social-last and having such concerns as a blindspot can really screw up the desires of the sexual instinct (where the obsessiveness and intensity tends to come in), and being a self-preservational type can give you a lot of conflict over dependency with people. People seem to find me more aloof than anything, but feeling clingy is so yucky to me I may overcompensate by pulling back when I really want to move in closer.
 
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