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Last night I went on a date with the other type of ENFP, the ones I don't like. I know he is one because we were discussing personality typing and he literally has to do it as part of his job. Anyway, I would have guessed it a mile away just from his facial structure, etc. I felt a little bit uncomfortable. And I don't mean that I felt disrespected or that he wasn't being polite...I just felt like, in the back of my mind, I would kinda just rather be at home right now (even though I wanted excuses to get out of the house lol). I think that's generally not a good sign of compatibility. When I like someone... And when I feel I am potentially in love with someone...My gosh. My poetic self returns. I can only cry, because I feel a part of me, long repressed, has resurfaced and beauty is restored. It's a force to be reckoned with...and it makes me feel scared, and silly, and worry that I'm deluded. But I cannot help but express it in whatever beautiful way possible...I would like to say, I want to be around them. And I do. Lately though, I'm scared, very scared. So I want to run away instead. I wish I had someone I could talk to about this...

So back to the other experience...I found him like...a little bit phoney. It was unsettling. His head movements were too exaggerated before asking a question, like a cockatoo... and I felt like I was at a job interview. I know he DJs at parties constantly too, and doesn't like to get much rest by the sounds of it...And always taking business calls...and he just wanted to talk about business and politics. I found myself saying things like "people are just people. That janitor could be more happy than this millionaire you're talking about..." etc. I honestly zoned out for a lot of it and instead was analysing how he talks, where he looks, how I feel about it, questioning if I could deal with this for all my life....etc etc...of course, zoning back in for a few key words every now and then so I would have something to answer :laughing: I can't help but feel like he might have felt a little intimidated by the fact that I wasn't trying to impress or exert false energy. I also noticed he spat on me accidentally, and I noticed he noticed and felt embarassed but kept talking anyway. I just smiled so as to put him at ease and pretended like it didn't happen, of course... I would have totally gone into more depth in conversation, had he asked the right kind of questions... It's very interesting, the way you can connect with different kinds of people. I by no means think he was a bad person. In fact I think he was rather gentlemanly, for he ordered me an uber both up and back, even when I offered that I could do so myself. I find that very noble. I guess he just wasn't the one for me, but I am more than sure he will easily find someone suitable. For me, it will be more difficult, but I have every faith there is someone just as unique and thoughtful out there who understands my quirks and the way I feel.
 

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. . . that's why I don't always communicate very well.

I sometimes start talking about my thoughts as if people were there in my mind with me up to that point,
I remember doing that in a philosophy class once. Some liked it, some were impressed and some could not take me rambling on and on. They just can't get it how an INFP mind works. Even I don't understand how the damn thing works. Do you have some idea about how this damn thing works?
 

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I remember doing that in a philosophy class once. Some liked it, some were impressed and some could not take me rambling on and on. They just can't get it how an INFP mind works. Even I don't understand how the damn thing works. Do you have some idea about how this damn thing works?
I too am learning the challenges of an introverted and overactive mind when trying to share my ideas with others.

Since I'm attending an online college, our curriculum is very writing intensive with most courses having their final projects done as persuasive essays on a relevant topic of the course.

Clearly summarizing and staying on topic is crazy hard on these essays and papers, even when the subject I choose is something I find personally interesting!
 

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I remember doing that in a philosophy class once. Some liked it, some were impressed and some could not take me rambling on and on. They just can't get it how an INFP mind works. Even I don't understand how the damn thing works. Do you have some idea about how this damn thing works?
How I think this works is we try switching from our rich inner world directly to the outer world and have issues with disliking redundancy, so we naturally try to avoid revisiting the start of our thought process. Also, our line of thought may naturally split a different direction from the SJs, so we subconsciously assume that they'd be there with us, but in reality we veered off the main highway a mile back and they lost sight of us.

But no, don't know exactly how it works. If you ask some who bury into the technical part they'll throw out inferior thought and large and small letter mixes, but that's such an effort to hardline categorize something which by our nature does not adhere to these boxes we sometimes want to put them in, imo.
 

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How I think this works is we try switching from our rich inner world directly to the outer world and have issues with disliking redundancy, so we naturally try to avoid revisiting the start of our thought process. Also, our line of thought may naturally split a different direction from the SJs, so we subconsciously assume that they'd be there with us, but in reality we veered off the main highway a mile back and they lost sight of us.

But no, don't know exactly how it works. If you ask some who bury into the technical part they'll throw out inferior thought and large and small letter mixes, but that's such an effort to hardline categorize something which by our nature does not adhere to these boxes we sometimes want to put them in, imo.
When I posted this, I asked those questions rhetorically. But reading your response I feel there is more to it than I intended. The categorization effort is particularly hard because mentally I am thinking everything is connected, that everything comes together in a singular wholeness. And I subconsciously end up expecting others to fill in the gaps when I speak thus. It becomes quite irritating when someone objects or makes a point in the middle of while I am rambling. It is easy for me to fill in the gaps when someone else is speaking. Do unto me as I do unto you, the reverse of Kantian ethic of do unto others as you would like to be done to you, collapses here. I have an ability to slip into your shoes. But you do not have that ability. (The generic 'you' here.) That gets to me all the time. I wonder if there is a way to overcome this. Am I supposed to not fill in the gaps of what people say so as to reduce my own expectation of getting the same treatment. Will this work? Thinking out loud is such a pleasure. If one gets understood in the process, it feels like bliss. But clinging to that dream is counter productive. Effort has to be made to communicate with others. But the question looms - how? How am I supposed to communicate with people when I understand what they say all the time and they almost always miss when I speak.
 

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When I posted this, I asked those questions rhetorically. But reading your response I feel there is more to it than I intended. The categorization effort is particularly hard because mentally I am thinking everything is connected, that everything comes together in a singular wholeness. And I subconsciously end up expecting others to fill in the gaps when I speak thus. It becomes quite irritating when someone objects or makes a point in the middle of while I am rambling. It is easy for me to fill in the gaps when someone else is speaking. Do unto me as I do unto you, the reverse of Kantian ethic of do unto others as you would like to be done to you, collapses here. I have an ability to slip into your shoes. But you do not have that ability. (The generic 'you' here.) That gets to me all the time. I wonder if there is a way to overcome this. Am I supposed to not fill in the gaps of what people say so as to reduce my own expectation of getting the same treatment. Will this work? Thinking out loud is such a pleasure. If one gets understood in the process, it feels like bliss. But clinging to that dream is counter productive. Effort has to be made to communicate with others. But the question looms - how? How am I supposed to communicate with people when I understand what they say all the time and they almost always miss when I speak.
I'm with you. I often run into the same thing. For me, I don't put a high level of expectations on most people, unless they naturally grow to that level from frequent interactions. I'm not talking decent human behavior, but in terms of communication and "getting me".

I know a lot of people who appear to think others should see the world through their lenses, want what they want from it. They are good people outside of this, will help you if you are in need for something. But as far as "getting" other types of people, it will take a lot of deep interaction, which is not necessarily their strongest point anyway. So, I try to accept the good things I see in them, and let the rest go, cause I know I am often far from perfect in my interactions, and I hope they do the same for me.

But as you said, when you talk with somebody who "gets you", that is absolute bliss. Think it is one reason why so many of us come to these forums, because it often seems the closest we can get. My wife understands our differences, does not try to change me, and almost completely appreciates who I am, and vice versa, but there is that small piece we cannot share, that path our minds instinctively want to travel down.
 

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But as you said, when you talk with somebody who "gets you", that is absolute bliss. Think it is one reason why so many of us come to these forums, because it often seems the closest we can get. My wife understands our differences, does not try to change me, and almost completely appreciates who I am, and vice versa, but there is that small piece we cannot share, that path our minds instinctively want to travel down.
That is where poetry sets in for me. It is that small space that cannot be filled that can be filled with words of longing. Not that poetry is always about a longing. That longing is best expressed and best left to poetic expression. I wrote in my journal a couple of months back that unless one genuinely feels lonely, how can he be there for others who are alone too. And then when I read it in the throes of loneliness, I hated that line. Funny how feelings are like waves in the sea that flow in all directions.
 

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I get existential anxiety occasionally.

I desperately want to believe in magick, but I believe I have become too logical about the subject, and now I think of it as psionics.

I dont practice either magick or psionics on a conscious level the way I used to. Ritual has become a thing of the past.
I just find myself *integrating*.

[is existential anxiety similar to cognitive dissonance?]
I feel similarly disturbed as I do when I experience cognitive dissonance.
I believe it may have to do with the ego battling the soul.

[what is the study of intuition called?]
There isnt one. =O As far as I am aware..
other than maybe parapsychology

You know what I love about kids? I love that they know how to get excited about stuff. They dont mute their enthusiasm for other peoples sakes, theyre real and thats refreshing with all these adults with sticks up their butts, trying so hard not to offend one another.

Adults that keep their childish enthusiasm are gifts to this world.
 

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I try to social and when I speak, I notice that people start yawning. Like too much information or something.
 

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I think I may have the plague. That's actually the good news, as my chances of spreading it are pretty low. And I want to be dead soon.

The bad news is I haven't succeeded at anything in my life really; I didn't make any contribution of significance to humanity, and I wasn't able to achieve anything that I wanted to, or that others wanted me to. This life is a total failure, and I have only myself to blame.

I lost the most important people in my life because I wasn't good enough to keep them in it. I don't deserve them. There are people who I really love that won't talk to me anymore, and it's all my fault, and I can't do anything to fix the relationships. That's just not going to happen for me.

Failing in relationships is much worse than dying.
 

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I keep bumping into my ENFP friend at the grocery shop.

I don't seem to think she's interested in being friends anymore.
A) She moved house and only told me when I saw her at the shop,
To paraphrase our short conversation:
B) "What have you been doing lately. Anything much?", (Me hating on the spot questions, I can't think of everything at once!) "Um, I do lots of cycling and swimming, applying for jobs","Cycling! Oh okay.", "Yeah I've been riding a lot and doing lots of swimming, still applying for jobs", "Are you at school studying?", "No," "I thought last time you said you were at school", me "No...", "Alright well I better let you go then". :frustrating::confused::dry::sad::unsure:

It ruined my day yesterday. Like if you don't want to be my friend, just, I don't know, tell me, instead of this awkward, heyyy how have you been lately? Its funny how one person or one negative comment etc can just ruin your whole day, well I mean, especially if its personal.

:dispirited:

Maybe I should remove her from Facebook and see what happens. Oh wait I don't think she pays much attention to it. (I mean well, which is a good thing but... I'd be checking my friends' profiles out every once in a while...)
 

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I really feel like that I'm the only one who cares about my friendships from my end. I feel like I'm everyone's third wheel.

I'M FUCKING TIRED OF THIS SHIT.


Then again.... there's one person who I'm friends with that I don't really care much to build rapport with, but she was a work friend so they're kind of different I suppose.

Besides that...

:dry:*sigh*

And... friendships on the intertnet are a little different... yeah... its nice having internet friends and talking to people.

But it doesn't fill the empty hole of feeling another person's presence. (That isn't your family for the 10000000000th time.)
 
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I literally don't feel like talking IRL right now.

I have nothing left to say.
 

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I really feel like that I'm the only one who cares about my friendships from my end. I feel like I'm everyone's third wheel.

I'M FUCKING TIRED OF THIS SHIT.
Same. I'm tired of it.

Oh and I told myself I won't be talking to certain people who hurt me until they apologize. Can't always be me bending over backwards for my friends. At some point I noticed how I'm always the one expected to adjust. That's not fair.
 

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I posted this on another thread and I remember, I like the idea of a romantic relationship but an actual one? I probably wouldn't really want one....

I fantasize things to be all fluffy but then I remember oh shit if I had a partner they ARE their own person. And they might not be like a fluffy bunny rabbit with shining, longing eyes and wanting to be petted on the head and hug all the time and want your attention and affection all the time and...... vice versa

Edit: Basically, I think what I'm saying is... is it that I just want a life sized teddy bear, but, it's a living being? That I just want to be a living teddy bear too?

Oh shi----


.....

#foreveralone


Is anyone else like this or is it just me and do I sound really weird? 0.o
 
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