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I posted this on another thread and I remember, I like the idea of a romantic relationship but an actual one? I probably wouldn't really want one....

I fantasize things to be all fluffy but then I remember oh shit if I had a partner they ARE their own person. And they might not be like a fluffy bunny rabbit with shining, longing eyes and wanting to be petted on the head and hug all the time and want your attention and affection all the time and...... vice versa

Edit: Basically, I think what I'm saying is... is it that I just want a life sized teddy bear, but, it's a living being? That I just want to be a living teddy bear too?

Oh shi----


.....

#foreveralone


Is anyone else like this or is it just me and do I sound really weird? 0.o
*raises hand* Me.
 

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This past week so far has been rough, and it's mainly for one kind of odd reason. You know those "2 A.M." thoughts people like to romanticize or put into their tumblr posts? "Real sad boi hours"?

I've been having those consistently all week.

Something in my brain switches after midnight, and I just reflect and introspect on feelings of loneliness, and the difficulty of expressing oneself and connections with others. The frustrations of wanting close relationships, but the aggravation of the slow steps one must take to build said relationships. The want of knowing others on a deep level and the work it takes to get there, and how difficult that work is in our "instant feedback" society.

Validation and recognition is another topic on my mind. Somewhat related, I genuinely believe that validation is not owed to you by anyone once you're an adult and capable of doing your own thing. But, that doesn't mean I don't want it at all... It's nice and it's nice to feel that you're being heard for what you're saying, and can participate in that cycle of give and take in relationships....

I dunno. It's been rough and frustrating and I'll lie awake from midnight until three just listening to music and exploring these thoughts.

All I can say for this confession is that it's lonely.

I feel the loneliness during these times.
 

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Someone wrote me a long pm in the form of a poem and I like the idea of having something to think about. It's reminding me of a particular day. But also it was received right after browsing chat history of my ex and me talking. She used to do that too (browse chat history) when we talked but not so much myself as I was more interested in creating more conversation as opposed to cherishing the conversation that was created. I suppose for better or for worse but there seems to be a link between how i feel reading her messages again and how I feel reading this poem I just received.
 
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You know ... wanting to connect and be seen again to the deepest layers, but just never having the extra patience, energy and willpower to waste on it. I can honestly do a few days of introductory stuff with someone before I already see it not going anywhere significant anyway, in my view. When it seems it's better not to have expectations, why bother to begin with it in the first place?

buuuuut, then again I can't avoid the nagging feels. I just need new hobbies to obsess over endlessly or something, or go into work 7 days a week.
 

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You know ... wanting to connect and be seen again to the deepest layers, but just never having the extra patience, energy and willpower to waste on it. I can honestly do a few days of introductory stuff with someone before I already see it not going anywhere significant anyway, in my view. When it seems it's better not to have expectations, why bother to begin with it in the first place?

buuuuut, then again I can't avoid the nagging feels. I just need new hobbies to obsess over endlessly or something, or go into work 7 days a week.
Saaaaaaame.
 

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Hey so I claimed to be an intp for a while but someone on the forum pointed out that there's no way, I'm a phony etc. and I actually did some minor soul searching in the form of intp vs infp youtube videos and from now on I will claim to be an infp instead of intp so I hope you welcome me into this group of infp's because I'm possibly an infp from now on.

BTW I know this isn't the enneagram subforum but since I'm not certain about my enneagram anymore now that I'm more infp than I was just a few days ago, I won't show it in my profile and instead I'm letting ya'll know here in this post because I know there's some obsessive people on the forum and maybe they'll tell me which order my tritype and instinctual variant is c:

so here is my enneagram type in no particular order:
_____________________sx
________________9w1__
_____sp_______________
_________5w4_________
__4w5________________
 

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I posted this on another thread and I remember, I like the idea of a romantic relationship but an actual one? I probably wouldn't really want one....

I fantasize things to be all fluffy but then I remember oh shit if I had a partner they ARE their own person. And they might not be like a fluffy bunny rabbit with shining, longing eyes and wanting to be petted on the head and hug all the time and want your attention and affection all the time and...... vice versa

Edit: Basically, I think what I'm saying is... is it that I just want a life sized teddy bear, but, it's a living being? That I just want to be a living teddy bear too?

Oh shi----


.....

#foreveralone


Is anyone else like this or is it just me and do I sound really weird? 0.o
Yeah, I'm 100% with you on every point... The relationships you see around you are nothing like that, and the ones that do approach something like it, everyone else judges that couple for it like they're weird. Sucks really. We've probably just been exposed to way too much romantic fiction.
 

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I miss her so much, but I can't force her to talk to me. Losing her is more devastating than I expected. I feel sorry for myself now.
 

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I think Im falling in love again, this time with the owner of a comic book shop. Im already in a relationship, but this guy, a friend of my boyfriend, makes my heart soar again. I feel like love revitalizes my spirit and gives me a reason to live again. I wouldnt act on it.. but there are some things I am concerned about in my relationship. -.-; My boyfriend is not going to take me seriously until I can drive and until Im working. He pushes me to work instead of going to school. He has mentioned not marrying for 7 years, and Im already in my thirties and hope to have children. My biological clock is ticking away. He is not nearly as motivated as I am to get a place to call home, and even when he talks about it, he talks about a tiny house, or a trailer [which I prefer to have a roomy house because kids need space, and so do adults, if we are being realistic here], or toys with the idea of renting a place with me and one of his friends. Id be okay with renting a place, but hes worried about my aunt controlling my money. I feel like right now our relationship is just a for fun, possibly dead end relationship. Im afraid to get too invested. I can only assume this is why Im falling for the comic shop owner. He reminds me of my former love. -_- Its like hes still in my life, and I feel like theres a very deep spiritual connection, unlike with my boyfriend, who doesnt really understand me very well.
I dont want to stop my feelings for this guy because without loving someone I feel dead inside and I am so irritable, and distant from everyone, and I have a hard time waking up in the morning because sometimes it feels like I have nothing to wake up to.
I feel like I can love my boyfriend one way and this guy in another way and everything feels more flowy than before.
but I guess what I struggle with is with the idea of loving more than one person in the first place.
I want to feel what I feel and not constrain my personal flow for the sake of fear and unpleasant memories and past shame.
Its not like I expect or ask for polyamory, but.. I have to wonder.. isnt it natural to love more than one person? Isnt it natural to have preferences for people? Is it wrong, is it a betrayal to feel what I feel?
I believe commitment is the most important ingredient to a committed relationship, and that you should ideally accept each other and have fun with each other and work together well and communicate well, which I have with my boyfriend. but I dont feel an intense connection to him and he often makes me wonder if he would be 100% fine with just being friends because of his eagerness to make so-called jokes about breaking up.

If Im honest, I think.. Im trying to overcompensate for my lack of attachment to my boyfriend by being my own kind of clingy when hes around and being in my own little world when hes away. I know this might sound kind of bad, and I hate to admit it, but I kind of think I should to see what I have with my boyfriend more clearly. I hardly even notice he isnt around.

I tell myself it will be better when we are living together because we will have our own things to do separately.. but living together seems more like a distant dream right now. -_-;
 

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Ive gotta get out of here. I need to work up the courage to leave on my own.
 

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I've had a crush on a guy for 4 years, 5 if you count the whole year I spent denying that I even liked him. I'm actually here so I can be myself in the comfort of anonymity.
 

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I WILL fly for fun. Im sick and tired of all this work Ive been doing with no fuckin payoffs whatsoever.
No one asked you to do those things, did they?
Didnt they?! =(
The expectations of me are BEYOND suffocating!

[why are you still so scared of people?]
shut up. =P
 

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I'm a fucking idiot. I really, really am. Give me enough time and I'll ruin any friendship no matter how good it is. Fuck. Why do I have to feel like a selfish prick for considering my own feelings for once.
 

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I'm a fucking idiot. I really, really am. Give me enough time and I'll ruin any friendship no matter how good it is. Fuck. Why do I have to feel like a selfish prick for considering my own feelings for once.
I don't feel selfish considering my own feelings and I have no problem cutting people off...
Sounds like you're being hard on yourself. Anyway, glad you're back!
 

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My younger brother has Covid and I wish I could send him a heart on Whatsapp and tell him that his brother is really worried about him and would look after him if I lived nearby, but....I just can't do that....It's hard being a Northerner and being a bloke I guess and I'm not sure how he'd react anyway - most probably mock me. I've tried to be a compassionate to him in the most blokish way possible. I suppose that's good enough? :confused2: :confused3: :confusion:



I wonder if people have the same problem with brotherly sisterly relationships?
 

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