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This is the best nightmare Ive ever had. All I want is to experience the horror of life.
 

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It was a time when weakness was the only strength possible. My curse was that I did not foresee it. But it was not only foresight I had lost. I was with a wounded spirit and inflicting wounds on myself seemed the only life like thing.
 

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I was afraid that Id never find the right person, even when I found him.
Ill be chasing rainbows for the rest of my life, as far as I know now.
Maybe Im better off than others, for having known my True Loves face.
For having had that chance of earthly paradise.
I wanted that for others, too, but I was pitying myself without realizing it.
I think I was just in a habit of self-pity by then.

Question: How do I stop self-pitying?

The card represents the critical factor for the issue at hand. Nine of Science (Despair): Experiencing mental anguish or self-pity. Grief. Depression. Insomnia. Escaping reality. Hiding from joy and innocence. Feeling isolated and alone. Self-cruelty. In the creative process: Your creativity is blocked by self-judgments and criticism. Forgive yourself and get back to the basics; recapture your innocence and rejoin the human family.

I cant make these things up.
 

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I hope to meet a lot more awesome people that Im not going to ever kiss or fuck.
 

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Hello! I'm new here. I must admit I haven't read the whole tread, but I've come across emotionally moving stories. I'm proud of my fellows INFP openly sharing their feelings. You're all brave!
(I'm French, so please apologise the oddities of my speech)

Here I go:
1) At almost 26 years old, I've been living at my parents my whole life, I feel ashamed about it, as if I were still a kid, so much that I avoid telling people. I can't afford my own place and I'm too introverted to share a flat with other people. Having my own place seems to be something out of reach for me.
2) Despite living with my parents and brother, I have a hard time connecting with them. They are sometimes hurt by my attitude and must view me as a cold, unloving and seclusive person.

3) During my last year in high school, I had a massive crush on a girl I hardly knew. I hardly ever spoke to her, and I avoided her most of the time because I was too shy and insecure. It gave rise to many awkward situations, so awkward I still feel uncomfortable to think about them. I spoke to her a little IRL and via Facebook after high school. It was nice but also weird and awkward. The conversation died out and I've deleted my Facebook account some time afterwards. I haven't add her to my new account, decided to let go the past. I still feel somehow connected to her, as if our lives were linked. A few months ago, seven years after, I came across her in a town, several hundred kms away from home. She noticed me but I was too shy to go and speak to her. I don't know whether she was shy or just ignoring me. To this day, I feel so bad about not having had enough courage to speak to her that time and during high school.
 

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Hello! I'm new here. I must admit I haven't read the whole tread, but I've come across emotionally moving stories. I'm proud of my fellows INFP openly sharing their feelings. You're all brave!
(I'm French, so please apologise the oddities of my speech)

Here I go:
1) At almost 26 years old, I've been living at my parents my whole life, I feel ashamed about it, as if I were still a kid, so much that I avoid telling people. I can't afford my own place and I'm too introverted to share a flat with other people. Having my own place seems to be something out of reach for me.
2) Despite living with my parents and brother, I have a hard time connecting with them. They are sometimes hurt by my attitude and must view me as a cold, unloving and seclusive person.

3) During my last year in high school, I had a massive crush on a girl I hardly knew. I hardly ever spoke to her, and I avoided her most of the time because I was too shy and insecure. It gave rise to many awkward situations, so awkward I still feel uncomfortable to think about them. I spoke to her a little IRL and via Facebook after high school. It was nice but also weird and awkward. The conversation died out and I've deleted my Facebook account some time afterwards. I haven't add her to my new account, decided to let go the past. I still feel somehow connected to her, as if our lives were linked. A few months ago, seven years after, I came across her in a town, several hundred kms away from home. She noticed me but I was too shy to go and speak to her. I don't know whether she was shy or just ignoring me. To this day, I feel so bad about not having had enough courage to speak to her that time and during high school.
Brave for sharing feelings? Nah, it comes naturally to us haha.
Welcome!
Key word in what you've said is "seems out of reach." *Seems.* It probably isn't, maybe you're just afraid to leave your comfort zone?
A normal feeling...but when you feel ready to take a risk (and no longer use the 'I'm too introverted' excuse) it might just change your life...
 

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I'll never be the kind of person they want, but I still want to please them. I really wish they would open lines of communication again, but I know that they won't because they don't want to subject me to that kind of torture either. It makes me feel so inadequate, good for nothing. Why do I need this freedom if I can't make the people I love happy anyway? Emotional bondage seems to be the only way to live.
 

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Too personal to make a thread. Sorry for posting here.

Still have no idea about myself, idk if it's normal for infps. I'm just currently hurt by my bestfriend's act to me (tested as entp). We're so close and like to share anything about our feelings.
I sent poem (kind of) to my small very circle friends, about how i feel, how i view a problem that matters our circle in different ways. Questioning myself, i used a question sentence, with 'I' as subject in that poem. And my best friend, she playfully tried to do "reaction" of my poem, by reading and gave her insights to it through voice notes. I was excited by her idea.

But what she did do to me? She read like 1 sentence, and tried to gave her long insight and said "i would not be like that. I'd do blablablablaaah" in long sentences. Then she continued reading out my next sentence, and she's like "i would blahblahblahblah" about her own thoughts.

I mean, even usually in reaction video i watch, the reaction was just "hahahaha," "oh i like this" or usually even if they'd give a very long review, they did after finishing watched the video. And mine is not even a video, it's my writing. Maybe because it's a questioning writing, but it's just how i styled to express mine. I didn't do interview!

My ears just couldn't take anymore. It's like violating my pride. And why couldn't I stop my tearsss lmao. I complained to her, i felt like intimidated. She said she didn't mean to, and also inspired by my poem. But the way she react wasn't just right for a kind of poem. Idk by the time being, i'm not that good listener like i used to be. I didn't dare to finish her long "reaction", but feeling bad that i "rejected" her genuine long responds. Never had this experience before tho... Too weird to confess to her that i'm this hurt and cried a river lol
( i feel better after writing this :happy: )
 

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Too personal to make a thread. Sorry for posting here.

Still have no idea about myself, idk if it's normal for infps. I'm just currently hurt by my bestfriend's act to me (tested as entp). We're so close and like to share anything about our feelings.
I sent poem (kind of) to my small very circle friends, about how i feel, how i view a problem that matters our circle in different ways. Questioning myself, i used a question sentence, with 'I' as subject in that poem. And my best friend, she playfully tried to do "reaction" of my poem, by reading and gave her insights to it through voice notes. I was excited by her idea.

But what she did do to me? She read like 1 sentence, and tried to gave her long insight and said "i would not be like that. I'd do blablablablaaah" in long sentences. Then she continued reading out my next sentence, and she's like "i would blahblahblahblah" about her own thoughts.

I mean, even usually in reaction video i watch, the reaction was just "hahahaha," "oh i like this" or usually even if they'd give a very long review, they did after finishing watched the video. And mine is not even a video, it's my writing. Maybe because it's a questioning writing, but it's just how i styled to express mine. I didn't do interview!

My ears just couldn't take anymore. It's like violating my pride. And why couldn't I stop my tearsss lmao. I complained to her, i felt like intimidated. She said she didn't mean to, and also inspired by my poem. But the way she react wasn't just right for a kind of poem. Idk by the time being, i'm not that good listener like i used to be. I didn't dare to finish her long "reaction", but feeling bad that i "rejected" her genuine long responds. Never had this experience before tho... Too weird to confess to her that i'm this hurt and cried a river lol
( i feel better after writing this :happy: )
Haha, I feel like this when I post something and my ENTJ friend DOESN'T react at all...I wonder if what I posted is crappy and I should practise more (e.g. a video of something I learned on an instrument) as she is also a musician.

Also, it's not like we always need praise, but random unsolicited criticisms suck.
 

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Cutting is the best thing ever... It makes you feel alive. It's my little secret. I consider it to be my superpower.
 

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I’m terrified of the idea of being vulnerable to my sexual instinct again, but I realize that I will have to continuously work with it if I’m going to become more grounded like I need to and heal the life-long pain I’ve felt from anger and detachment.

I’ll face you head on, beast. No amount of tireless learning and feelings of hopelessness is wasted on this effort. You’ll only course through my veins in the way I’ll have you to. I’ll rewrite the way I love in spite of you which toys with my sense of control.
 

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So I tell myself;

Well, congratulations, you live the near-perfect practical life, but now you completely lost the romantic life (in the broadest sense of the term).

Life needs romance, whether that be in terms of relationships, adventures, passionate projects of the heart, you name it. In all fairness, life is a lot easier when practicalities are dealt with, because then you have time to burn and do whatever you want, which in the end is maybe even more important for strong Fi-user? The last thing you want is someone else to dictate your life because of practicalities (work, finance, education, living circumstances, restrictions of whatever kind, co-dependancies, BABIES, you name it).

So, fine, i'll just do my thing and daydream on, at least i'm not a bankrupt corona victim. I'll sit this one out, I've already had my low point past decade. Let's enjoy the low maintenance practicalities that i've created and see what happens. It ain't all that bad. After all I can always become a sugar daddy or import brides. That's how it works right?

End conclusion: It's better to be endlessly bored and uninspired and waste your life, than to have suffocating problems.

God, I always pledged not to become like INTJ uncle, but it is getting more and more like it.
 

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Deimos and Phobos pursued and terrified me into fleeing. I used wings of wax and feathers to fly toward blinding and scorching feelings of security and pride. However, this was in reality hubris. My wings melted and I, subsequently, plummeted ignominiously into a sea of agony in which I found myself drowning.

The Keres taunted me as I drowned, "Where art thou wings, Fallen Angel?" They guffawed at my inability to speak. They were ravenous to feast upon me. They found me unappetizing though. They vomited me up, and now I'm forced to wander the earth as an invidious creature.


I never would have imagined, even in my most terrifying nightmares, that my denouement would be one of banal shame, self-objurgation, and withering scorn.
 
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I'm a Tanker. The Weapon. Also, inside/was a Sensory Deprivation Tank ... Sensory Deprivation being an Asperger's / Autism thing like me.

When put into such a tank by Force (as banned online and offline by Force) you get Psychotic, otherwise it is felt as empowering.

I'm 33 years now and starting to develop / developing my auxilliary function Ne (as INFP) - and this is The Time for it, after 30 years.
 

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So I tell myself;

Well, congratulations, you live the near-perfect practical life, but now you completely lost the romantic life (in the broadest sense of the term).

Life needs romance, whether that be in terms of relationships, adventures, passionate projects of the heart, you name it. In all fairness, life is a lot easier when practicalities are dealt with, because then you have time to burn and do whatever you want, which in the end is maybe even more important for strong Fi-user? The last thing you want is someone else to dictate your life because of practicalities (work, finance, education, living circumstances, restrictions of whatever kind, co-dependancies, BABIES, you name it).

So, fine, i'll just do my thing and daydream on, at least i'm not a bankrupt corona victim. I'll sit this one out, I've already had my low point past decade. Let's enjoy the low maintenance practicalities that i've created and see what happens. It ain't all that bad. After all I can always become a sugar daddy or import brides. That's how it works right?

End conclusion: It's better to be endlessly bored and uninspired and waste your life, than to have suffocating problems.

God, I always pledged not to become like INTJ uncle, but it is getting more and more like it.
In case you want to make a mistake, my offer is still open.
Otherwise, that's cool. Enjoy your life either way.

---

I don't know how long I will keep the door open. I will have to decide sometime, and soon, what or who I'll devote my life to. For years I'd tried to outsource the decision making to someone else. At some point it just doesn't work and I have to dig my own grave. Nobody wants to stay around a haunted place to bury the dead.

I have a lot more thinking to do.
 

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Hi there, I'm new and trying to figure out how this whole thing works.

My confession is that the most authentic relationship I've ever had, the one where I could be myself, I ha to pretend to be something else to get in and now I fear that I may have to pretend again to get the next one and this time I'm aware of who I really am so I cannot stomach the idea of pretending which leads me to fear that I may never actually find an authentic human connection.

So now I'm here to find out how others like me deal with this beautiful disaster.
 
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