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In case you want to make a mistake, my offer is still open.
Otherwise, that's cool. Enjoy your life either way.

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I don't know how long I will keep the door open. I will have to decide sometime, and soon, what or who I'll devote my life to. For years I'd tried to outsource the decision making to someone else. At some point it just doesn't work and I have to dig my own grave. Nobody wants to stay around a haunted place to bury the dead.

I have a lot more thinking to do.
No Fennel, we are not having babies. Anyway, I don't know what your ''offer'' is to begin with. At some point i'm unsure whether you're still just cynically joking around or not :oops:

Are you Multiversing perhaps?
 

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I admit I was enthralled by his magnetic presence. It was as though his parentage was half deific. He swaggered around as though it was his divine right to act as he did. I watched other people mesmerized by his presence. They seemed oblivious to his guile and backhanded compliments. He could hold the attention of a crowd with extemporized speeches and witty banter. And though I recognized his duplicity and insinuated insults -- and though I recognized his covert condescension towards all those he interacted with -- I forgave him.

His halo burned bright at times, making it difficult to maintain a sober appraisal of him. His halo didn't seem so refulgent when I overheard his invective directed at others in private conversations with his sycophants. It didn't seem so refulgent when he set others up for humiliation. It didn't seem so refulgent when the cruelty projected from his eyes burned brighter than his halo. But, I still chose to overlook it -- you mustn't blame me for my quixotic naivete. I had yet to become a cynic.

My habituated dissonance meant the lenses through which I viewed people were still callow and dichotomous. I had yet to transcend the biases of my youth. The religious values and biases that had been strengthened among my synapses had yet to whither from years of religious skepticism. So, my implicit biases told me this religious and magnetic half-deity was someone to be trusted and admired, not a chthonic half-deity ready to seize me and cast me down to hell.

Despite how normal cognitive dissonance is among humans, I find myself objurgating myself for my protracted interactions with this half-deity who used others as mirrors to stare at himself. He could die in what was reflected back in the eyes of others as he mesmerized the room. Basking in the reflected admiration, he was energized commensurate with their enervation. Without that admiration, he brooded and devised malicious schemes to punish those who had the effrontery to cross his deity-sanctioned right to admiration. All the eyes in the world were meant to mirror back the most flattering image of himself -- the god-given image of himself.

And so it was destined for me to be cast into social hell when my eyes no longer mirrored what was his right.
 

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INFX 4w3
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It's really hard to tell what my type is, I used to be an INFP for certain (I guess?) but it described me really well, it was shocking really. But now I've gotten ENTP and ENFJ a few times, I don't think I'm actually an extrovert, but I've just learned to cope more with an extroverted world. But then, it's hard for me to be really sedantry for long periods of time but I don't see that reflecting on MBTI types. I'm almost like an INFJ now, but at the same time I don't really entirely relate to a lot of INFJ,s because I think they're not really that genuine and I don't see the big deal about them like it's made out to be.
 

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INFX 4w3
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Sometimes as well, like for example I'm trying to be more present now in my life, or more mindfully and spending less time overly thinking and analyzing just about everything because I've managed to get rid of from my life the things that were causing me to do this but it's really irksome and frustrating.

And I just have to say, holy crap my intuition (extrovert intuition I guess) is like a god damn mental illness. I don't think it is but it's really hard to get a grip on and manage. For one, I may not consciously think, but I can't really stop my mind from having all these random thoughts pop in my head all teh time. Most of them are just really abstract thoughts and feelings and like what the hell are you supposed to do with them all? they don't make sense in a normal way, and yet they kind of plague me.

Overall I think as well I'm just too passionate and I feel things too deeply and I have too much energy at times as well and it's just really difficult to live with all of this.

I don't think many people can relate and it's just ewually frustrating and distressing.
 

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No Fennel, we are not having babies. Anyway, I don't know what your ''offer'' is to begin with. At some point i'm unsure whether you're still just cynically joking around or not :oops:

Are you Multiversing perhaps?
Never mind. Not interested anymore. Hope you're doing all right, friend.
 

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I think you may have mistaken me for someone else ... you're being weird! Honestly.
All my libido went out the window when I started taking meds again. Lockdown was making me go insane so I had to do something.
 

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All my libido went out the window when I started taking meds again. Lockdown was making me go insane so I had to do something.
I would love some of those meds, I have no quality options to apply my libido to, so I rather not have it at all?
 
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