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I am in the same boat...
I read stuff online that's like "Don't be so hard on yourself! You're surviving a pandemic!" I agree, but I also think that eating wholesome food will keep people in tip-top shape.
Yep! Agree there 😃
 
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I'm gonna take the word "confession" very literally here.

I'm sometimes disturbed by all the answers on Quora that says the only reason an INFP would dislike you/ turn cold on you is because you are an amoral person that treats animals or other people badly. The whole : "even our dislikes are righteous, even our hatred or anger is good" rationale.

Honestly I've actively avoided people's company because I was feeling a sense of competition and envy towards them, especially with other women, especially with *NFJ women ; or because they hurt my already tortured self-image with what probably was harmless jokes in their mind ... Maybe that's me being an enneagram 4w5, thus feeding Fi with egoistic concerns and a sort of "chaotic evil" mindset but the whole purity/niceness of INFP doesn't really ring a bell. Or like INFPs feeling guilty because they inadvertently crushed a spider once or had to dig a hole in a wall - my own INFP father just said he felt sorry for the wall ....

I mean I don't feel sorry for walls, I don't even feel sorry for some humans and sometimes I have disappeared when they needed confort cause I didn't know how to react (or was it because I didn't care ?)... The things I feel guilty for have actually hurt people's feelings and worldviews. Like leaving an entire group of friends, acting voluntarily cold, secretly rejoicing in bossing my boyfriend around, calling people out on their flaws to avoid being castigated, faking or exaggerating stuff to arise concern, doing a suicide attempt (which I subconsciously made sure would fail to really kill me) to arise concern, etc. I was a downright bitch with one of my therapists, openly accusing her of hiding diagnosis and critical information for me and to be unprofessional and lacking in deontology and to only care about money. Stop contacting another therapist without a word because she challenged my worldview of how people should treat me.

Also this older man I know who had displeased me by being condescending with some other dude and later that night I just punished him by responding in a joyous tone "I can't feel empathy for this" when he voiced his concerns with aging. Actually what I really punished him for in that case is that I had built up this perfect image of him in my head and he didn't live up to it. This guy is adorable and frankly better than me 99% of the time and I punish him like this for one admission of condescension ? Like I was incapable of condescension myself.

For some reason, I still find a mental way to exonerate myself in all those matters ? Like all the aforementioned actions happened with *NFJ and now I know about socionics I can default to "yeah but they were bad matches for me and the warped chemistry was only bound to make me lose my shit". Yeahh .... Or not.

Even this post is meant to elicit attention, lol. If I wanted to really confess, why not just journal on my own ?
 

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When you are locked into something and freedom starts seeming scary then look into it, look deep into it with open eyes. I lost the last bit of sympathy for my mother. She is a horrid human being. So is the father. The class that is responsible for the degraded society that this is. If I was not related to them I would maintain a million miles between them and me. But they are so deep into my life. Like a leech. How can I blame the cousin who did one thing or another? It is them who are just degenerate and destroyed. They can blame me for this. I was too busy pointing all that is wrong with them for so long and never could focus on my own life. I should be able to do it now. Just once, once, please, let me out of this conundrum. Please let me out once. I will be good. I will be the best person by a long shot. Just this one job. Just this one thing.
When faced with a situation like this, my usual solution is to cut the person off and walk away. Yes, I had done that with my father even though he wasn’t horrid, just full of himself and expecting far more than he was owed. (We patched things up before he passed, fortunately.) But if your mother is truly beyond redemption then...I’d remove yourself from her presence. Toxicity is contagious. Disclaimer: I don’t fully know your situation, though I am somewhat aware of events in your homeland. Be careful.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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I have to confess that I am still not entirely sure that I really am INFP with a rather tamed Te, or not...

I could be INFP, rather improbable but possible..., could I be INFJ? No, ruled that out.., INTP? No, ruled that out as well...

But, why should I care, it is just a letter code anyway... Stupid me, stuck in perfectionism plus individualism at the same time.

Similar to 5w4 compared to 4w5..., does it really change me that much who I really am if I ever dig further into enneagram as well?

No... I am still just me.
 

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I must confess I'm a horrible person and hadn't a clue until a few months ago.

I met such a wonderful, beautiful person but completely crushed her with a massive neurotic and disgusting message criticizing her. I did it because I was and am such an insecure mess, trying so hard to push those feelings to the side. I felt such strong feelings for her but ignored those as well. She had an aura that pulled onto my soul since the first time I saw her, and couldn't figure out why. I thought something was wrong with me, but there was no denying that she was special, and this is not putting her on a pedestal. There are simply some people who one admires for their individuality. She was like a gemstone in a field of soil, at least in my perspective. Its been around a year since we've first hung out, and around nine months since we have last spoke. I think about her everyday, she appears in my dreams every once and a while. Perhaps this suffering is the least I deserve for my actions.
I am not able to tell whether I search for patterns everywhere or whether the universe is showing me synchronicities related to this situation. I have learnt so much this year, including that I am most likely an INFP. There is so much more I can say but rather not bore anyone, if anyone reads this. I don't know why I am confessing, it just feels like my emotions are oozing out. I just hope someone will learn from my idiotic actions and take heed.
 

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I have to confess that I am still not entirely sure that I really am INFP with a rather tamed Te, or not...

I could be INFP, rather improbable but possible..., could I be INFJ? No, ruled that out.., INTP? No, ruled that out as well...

But, why should I care, it is just a letter code anyway... Stupid me, stuck in perfectionism plus individualism at the same time.

Similar to 5w4 compared to 4w5..., does it really change me that much who I really am if I ever dig further into enneagram as well?

No... I am still just me.
It can change your understanding of 'you', make it better aligned with what's going on under the surface. The letters you are talking about refer to cognitive functions. All this is applicable if you are interested. The question of one's identity is has perplexed philosophers, writers, psychologists etc for ages. It is not a trivial question. The pronoun 'me' is in the objective case here. Some languages do not even have an objective personal pronoun.

What helps is getting an overview of all the different types there are. It helps to be patient with the system and study it properly. If you are trying to box yourself into one or the other type and then blame the system that it boxes people into watertight categories that is counter-productive. If you think you are INTJ - look at ESFP. If you are INFP - take a look at ESTJ. Overall, go away from the intuitive types for once and try to understand how the sensing types experience the world. They have specific opposites. Typing oneself (or anyone for that matter) without understanding the whole system of the theory is self-defeating.
 

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Hi, new here. I've got some questions I think I'd like to put out there to see what others who may be somewhat similar to me in certain ways, think.
I realized a few years ago that I am not the voice in my head, the negative self-beliefs, etc. - the ego. I haven't developed this conceptual sense of self and bought into it, believing it to be who I am and deriving a confidence in self.
I see some people and they seem to have confidence, they seem to believe themselves worthy, and better than others. Perhaps they've got a strong image, like the hot well-dressed girl, or this gym-wear image showing off their body, the good-looking guy, or the hippie, yoga, pseudo-spiritual types who let off an air of 'I'm at peace, I've figured everything out.'
If I haven't done the spiritual work to completely transcend my ego (which I have not), and I have to live in this materialistic society, should I develop a concept of self, a persona that's worthy of other people? Still, I will be aware that it is only a collection of thought forms and not real and so I will not be able to feel any more confident in who I am, worthy of anyone's time.
Confident people, what are they so confident about?
 

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I took a relationship test to see my attachment style and start to map how my personality has changed over time: great article by Mark Manson: Attachment Theory, and source --> Login | Your Personality, and learned that I slightly have a Narcissist score just a tad higher than the average human. Of course Covid and isolation and fantasies/maladaptive daydreaming probably haven't helped with that unrealistic (?) idealism.

That being said......it's thrown me for a loop. I am very analytical and untrust(ing) (I'm also a noncommittal flake) when it comes to relationships in my life - of the other, as well as of my own inner darkness, because I know what it's like to grow up with N- or BPD-folx and how that goes sour....quickly.
Having experienced and demonstrated being on the receiving as well as perpetrating ends of those traits while I was growing up, it spears me to my core every time someone calls me 'selfish' or 'self-absorbed', sending me on weeks-long anxious tailspins and imaginary conversations of pulling up all those behaviors/words, and trying to analyze them to find the root. Because I believe 'I'm so loving if they could just see or feel my heart.' Which may be a way for me to avoid responsibility....or it could be speaking truth to power re: my sensitivity (HSP?)
So that I do NOT treat other people the unhealthy, even abusive/neglectful ways I was treated, (or have recognized are subconscious patterns I may perpetuate if I don't re-write the script.)

Basically, I have high walls. Am more prone to nicely telling someone I'll consider their query or perspective, while telling them 'f*** off' in my head, to not get put in those situations again. I know me best based on my own awareness of my feelings/mind/heart. I don't let myself get manipulated or be a stupid doormat/wallflower (internal script here.)

I've gotten feedback that I'm: demanding, controlling, have too high of/unrealistic expectations, am impatient, bossy, fiesty, perfectionistic, rigid, and people feel like they're walking on eggshells around me.
Then I pause.....because are THOSE people telling me those things operating from a genuine, safe, healthy and connected place within themselves? Or are those statements that an unhealthy/abusive person would say to shift blame or come from the mouth of another's insecurities or filter of their own disconnected experience?

On the other hand, I'm also prone to taking in what people are giving me feedback about re: myself or how I'm affecting them, and absorb it SO deeply, that I don't seem to have a good 'filter' on if it's objectively true or not.....(which also leads to rabbit-holes of analysis and article-reading/research to confirm or deny my potential blindspots.)

Huh.....maybe I AM an INFJ? Or Enneagram 4w5? Idk. hmmmmm..........
 

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Terrible terrible terrible terrible time writing an ESFP girl, 26 yrs old, extremely scattered. You know what? I will post this as a thread.
 
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I’m trying to break into boudoir photography and build a portfolio, but I’m worried women will think I’m weird. How do you ask strangers and acquaintances to let you photograph them in their intimates?😩 It’s becoming a roadblock to my goals.
 

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I’m trying to break into boudoir photography and build a portfolio, but I’m worried women will think I’m weird. How do you ask strangers and acquaintances to let you photograph them in their intimates?😩 It’s becoming a roadblock to my goals.
I guess the easiest way would be to advertise the idea somewhere, and ask friends. Get a small portfolio together first to show your intent. Just an idea, Good luck
 
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I guess the easiest way would be to advertise the idea somewhere, and ask friends. Get a small portfolio together first to show your intent. Just an idea, Good luck
Thank you for your input. :) Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of female friends. Or, I did have some, but we’ve all lost touch since settling down and having kids. I’m probably going to have to shoot myself for my portfolio, otherwise I’m pretty much asking strangers to put blind faith in me. 😩 Definitely not the best timing with the pandemic. I would be masking (obviously), but I understand a lot of people probably wouldn’t be comfortable with the idea!

I have joined apps like bumble and Nextdoor to try to connect with women in my community, but I’m not sure if I should mention boudoir photography early on when messaging them OR if I should try to establish rapport before bringing it up. I do mention in my profile that I am looking for friends or for women who would like to help me build a boudoir portfolio, but it’s hard to tell who is looking for friendship and who might have “friended” me because they are interested in doing a boudoir shoot.

I have always been so much more comfortable talking with men. With women I feel like there are more nuanced conversational “rules”, and I don’t want to violate those.
 

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How does one stop "hatred" (towards someone?) I'm very aware of the damages hatred can cause, has caused in politics and history and I wouldn't advice someone to act as I do. But it doesn't make it any the less easy to follow my own advices. My favorite course of action in this case would be just to leave the situation altogether before I have to face any longer the disagreeable truth that I am this sort of person (a resentment-driven one) and before I end up causing emotional harm when it will show (if it hadn't yet) or intensify. However, it's clear that it does nothing to cure the root of the problem, which I can put my finger on or exactly circumscribe. Or rather, I could imagine several equally likely reasons why I feel this way, at least 6 or 7. At the same time, none of them is really strong enough to justify such anger and hatred, so it's not like I could ride upon that tide joyously and self-righteously.

Have you guys ever felt that kind of hatred/resentment/anger (I'm OK with keeping the emotion underneath vague at this stage), and if so, how did it make you feel ? Where did it come in your case and how did it disappear ? Did it disappear ?

The only guidance upon it is a memory of how I managed to redirect my resentment for one person I wanted to "protect" upon some other person I didn't risk to cause harm to because they were living on another continent, and meehh, I would like to deal with it in a more mature fashion this time.

Another possible way to stop it would be to continuously strive to foster positive relationships with others, to the point where the good wildly overshadows the bad (the past rejections and "betrayals", well "perceived rejections and betrayals" would be more accurate). But then how does one continuously ensures to have good relationships with others ?
 

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Confessional: I just bought BADA powdered ketchup seasoning. It will arrive February 10. I will sprinkle it on my popcorn.

Confessional: Joe Biden is an ENFP if I've ever seen one. Talking about describing the USA in one word to Xi Jinping --- "possibilities".
 

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How does one stop "hatred" (towards someone?)

Have you guys ever felt that kind of hatred/resentment/anger (I'm OK with keeping the emotion underneath vague at this stage), and if so, how did it make you feel ? Where did it come in your case and how did it disappear ? Did it disappear ?
But then how does one continuously ensures to have good relationships with others ?
Honestly, I just have to stop ruminating on the fact that I 'strongly dislike' them. Distract myself, busy myself, anything to stop thinking about them. I want to feel neutral and unbothered.

In my case, it comes from their beliefs and me perceiving their actions as hypocritical. It makes me furious, and I often have to consciously avoid them to keep my emotions from spilling over.

You know? Rather than it 'disappearing', I'm just ignoring it (because I still have to be in their presence). Cordial as possible, not allowing myself to think about all the ways I want to lash out / say something / make them angry.

I am well aware that I cannot have a great or even good relationship with anyone. Personally, I choose to start at 0 with everyone I know, and then go from there. :)
 

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My vehicle is INFP, 9w8. Vroom vroom!!
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Have you guys ever felt that kind of hatred/resentment/anger (I'm OK with keeping the emotion underneath vague at this stage), and if so, how did it make you feel ? Where did it come in your case and how did it disappear ? Did it disappear ?
This person was going through personal issues, and they took it all out on me (fellow teacher) and our students. Hopefully she was an angel at home. I've never been more angry at a person in my life. (Except perhaps myself;)) I don't like to think of people as beautiful or ugly-looking, but she was ugly. It was because of the way she was to me and others... I could barely look at her. I had intrusive thoughts for maybe a year after I left that job and town. The thoughts were real downers. It was just a sickening experience.

First, I had to realize that I couldn't stand her. Even if she was having a rough time, I was not going to make any more allowances. I had my family and future husband to talk to and distract me until I could make my move to a new job. Getting a new job was a good road to recovery. There were other things to focus on, and it was an active step to doing better. After those things, time. And the pandemic is a great divider. That job was in the "before" time. There is quite a bit of distance there. It almost feels irrelevant.

But the moment I knew things had totally changed was last week when I found a video of her performing group. They were actually on a stage—not in a gymnasium—and she looked regal, without terrorizing anyone. It was so much better than when I was a part of it, and it looked like she had learned something new. I was actually happy for her. And I know her personal situation is better now than it was. The family member who was dying passed on.

We both have totally different lives now. We have no ties other than that point in time, and I can do my part by not trying to relive it. I can analyze it here, but I don't feel too much. For a long time, I couldn't analyze it without reliving it. I had to wait. And I realized that I didn't have to analyze it to learn from it—I can recognize her pattern from a mile away. But I can analyze it to help someone else learn from it. It isn't venting anymore; the temperature is low.
 

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I like sex. I like sex a lot... I'm not the type to sleep with everyone and their mothers, though. Kinda sucks. :S
Are you a demi-sexual, they can't have relations unless they have a bond with the person. Casual sex is just not possible. I think I am one, I can't fathom the way people do hook up culture. Not saying you are a DS, but you said you are not the type to sleep with everyone and their mothers. There are a lot of demisexuals. I can't change what I am. It helps me to know that I am just that way and can't change it.
 

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I always boast about love, romance, and the pride I take in children. The dream of being a father...

Back when I didn't understand periods exactly, a girl told me we didn't have to use protection based on a time in the cycle. She ended up getting pregnant and we were far too young to take care of a child.

No one else knows, but we had an abortion. As I watched her on the table, I felt like the devices took the life out of her. She was never the same after. It felt like she had just been raped and I stood by and watched.
You were so young. Hopefully, you have gotten past this. That would be very heavy to bear for young people.
 
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