Personality Cafe banner
1 - 20 of 32 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
114 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey fellow INFPs. Maybe I'm just an oddball, but when I first studied personality types, I thought I wasn't an INFP because the descriptions I read seemed to portray the type as too nice and non-confrontational to be me. After taking more online tests and, more importantly, studying the functions, I came to the conclusion that I'm an INFP (though sometimes I question whether I might be INFJ and at one point I really thought I was ISFP. But I'm pretty sure I definitely use Fi and Ne. I am DEFINITELY introverted.)

ANYWAY I was just wondering INFPs...are you like me and feel that you are much more impatient with people, have much too bad of a temper, and can be much more confrontational than descriptions say? I feel that I'm that way. :sad: I'm usually really timid with people outside my family except when I need to stand up for something. But with my family, I can snap people's heads off A LOT! Especially if they come into my room without being "summoned" and invade my space and alone time. Responses?...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,449 Posts
I relate completely. As much as I wish I was more like the descriptions portray us to be, I do have a quick temper if I'm comfortable with the person.

However, INFPs are also known to be obsessed with their own ethical perfection, so it's more likely that you're being overly critical of yourself than that the description is being too nice.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
295 Posts
I'm an INFP 100%, and your behavior sounds just like mine. I can be really mean when I'm bitter and angry.

I don't think the descriptions that I've read touch too often on the negative side of the types. They mostly focus on the positive. So I guess you could say you only get parts of a whole picture? IDK...I'm certainly no MBTI expert.

I know another INFP and she agrees with me that she can be really mean and hard too......and I know her to be an absolute sweetheart. We all have our dark sides. Nobody's flowery all the time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,072 Posts
Personally id be happy with being told I wasn't too kind. Kindness is fine and often underrated by many, but if you are TOO kind it can cause all sorts of problems.

I consider it a strength to at least have enough confidence to stand up for yourself and your own principles once in a while.

Unfortunately I see the INFP desciptions in a bit of a different light, for example this one: http://www.personalitypage.com/INFP.html isnt exactly flattering.

It makes INFP people sound like repressed yet emotional seethers, who let their feelings do their thinking for them and who cant stand up to conflict of any type. I felt this to be the most insultive from my point of view: "INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic." Although it does go on to say that INFP's can learn to be more logical.

Of course going on what one website says is foolish, especially considering the individual variety of people who may be the same type.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,447 Posts
I can relate as well.

... Then again, it is a big sign that we may have emotional turmoil that we need to extinguish if we ever want to be happy in our personal lives.

Healthy and unhealthy types exists, and they always act shockingly different even if they are both the same type.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,072 Posts
INFP seems to be the latest 'fad' when I take the 16 test, I realised that before, when I took the test, I was trying to give answers based on what I thought I was rather than being honest and thinking back on things without the usual bias of trying to make it seem better/worse than it really was. :laughing:

I probably wont set it as that seeing as how I seem to change so much, but we shall see with time if it is correct.

ps: Of course I could easily be an ENFP instead.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
523 Posts
It's harder to characterize lack of function than function. The same thing could be said about an INFP's lack of E as an INTP's lack of E.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,960 Posts
I once bullied an INFP who was younger than I. Cos all I wanted for her was so that she was not as helpless as she comes across, and I wanted that she be more independent and not be so as clingy. We got so well, and she was SO immature. I felt like the older person, and I was so harsh with her, cos she could not connect the dots. I think when I was doing all that, I was acting as my shadow self ESTJ. I do think that the description of the INFP is pretty spot on actually. I mean, that is if we let ourselves to be that ideal at all times. Though I think in reality, we are not like that, and I think we do kind of fit into the society mould, or whatever social rules or collective consciousness are out there. The perception of us as an individual is not as in the description, I do not think.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
813 Posts
If there's anything I've learned in my 23 years, it's to be patient with MYSELF first. Habits are just that-- habits, and take time and attention to break. Patience (as well as emotional control) is something that can be cultivated, but you must start with yourself. And you must learn to love yourself no matter what. <3

Don't be so hard on yourself. INFP's have lots of positive things going for us, as well as some negative; but that's ok. Light and dark exist simultaneously (gah I'm spouting new age drivel again, but it's true), so accept that and do what you feasibly can to lean towards the light. Trust that you are ever-changing, even if it isn't always noticeable or at the rate you want or necessarily in the direction you'd prefer.

And I'm sorry if I gave you any unwanted advice or if anything I've said is incomprehensible. I've been there; I'm INFP; I know what it's like. *hugs*

And I don't want to give the impression that I have somehow overcome the vices of impatience, temper, etc. It's getting easier, but they're still a part of my life.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
471 Posts
I don't think most descriptions of INFPs are super-duper-oh my god-so-true. They just resonate in certain ways. It's hard to differentiate it from just a very in depth horoscope (without birth dates or planets considered).

As for "too nice," I see what you mean. It's probably not uncommon that someone would be somewhat offended by the description...the air-head idealist nature, the denial of facts, logic. We seem to be fools on the hill who really like that we're on a hill, above everyone, watching. A hermit nature does not immediately imply a superiority complex or something. For me, it's this weird combo of inferior and superior. I don't know where I stand with people (in general) most of the time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
261 Posts
I think that the descriptions can only go so far -- they can only describe how a typical INFP would act in a typical situation. After all, I don't think that each and every one of the 6 billion+ people on this planet fit perfectly into one of only twelve personality types. So you not only have to take into account personal differences between INFPs, you also have to take into account the situations in which you act this way.

I, for one, used to relate very much to what you're saying. When I worked in my last job, I was much more confrontational and loud and often inappropriately outspoken. Partly, I've changed since then. And partly I'm in a much different situation, which is why I've managed to move past that stage.

Now, I'm not saying it's inappropriate for you -- it was just that for me, when I start to get like that, I end up taking it too far. But the reason why I wasn't acting in a typical manner actually had INFP-ish reasons behind it. Stemming from my own perfectionism and my frustrations in trying to live as who I am rather than the person I've often thought I should be. So even though I choose not to act like that now -- because it ends up being unhealthy for me, making me feel like a bad person -- I don't think I wasn't being an INFP before. It was just a different manifestation of it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
164 Posts
I definitely don't fit the descriptions 100%, but then again, it also depends on the one you're going with. I've seen some that were a lot like me, and some that weren't.

I'm capable of being incredibly caring toward people, but that caring is usually reserved for the helpless and those who've managed to earn my trust and respect, which can be a hard thing to do. I will go out of my way to help the underdog so to speak, but other times, I distance myself.

But, then again, that's because I have to in order to survive. I'm having to deal with surviving a world that isn't my heart, surrounded by people who either don't understand my level of commitment to my principles or don't respect it. Most of the people directly involved with my life damaged me to a degree that it's taken me years to even begin the healing process. In an environment where it's every person out for his/herself and people will regularly betray each other to advance, I've had to adapt to a life of almost strict pragmatism. When it comes to my own principles, I won't sway. But I'm far from foolishly optimistic and seeing the world through "rose tinted glasses."

I have my ideas of what I want the world to be, and ways that I might help in some small way at to at least bring about some changes. But at the same time, I can't let my guard down. I have to be a master of my emotions. I have to have complete control. And if that means being cynical sometimes, and appearing emotionless, then so be it.

I think a big part of it, too, is environmental concern. I know for a fact that, in a more ideal environment, I would feel differently. That's why I'm working so hard on traveling. There's another country that I've researched extensively, and while it, like every country, has its flaws, I think I would be much happier there. I would be closer to peace than I am here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
150 Posts
I tend to repress, and get the nice guy moniker, the majority never get to see my darker side (thank goodness), however those that have usually don't come back for seconds. I don't think I would ever want an INFP pissed off at me, I really like to think our type doesn't sweat the small stuff. I can personally tell you though, that whole thing about having our values violated can turn into the worlds biggest "Where the F*** did this come from?" "Oh my god.... I never knew you could get like that!!!" incident ever. Half the time I'm usually repressing for the other persons benefit. Once I don't like you its usually a lifetime thing, very few people have ever made my $hit list and the ones that have are still there to this day. I'm also the the type that when it comes to settling up on some wrong done, it doesn't have to be today, it could be tomorrow, five years from now, hell I could be old and on a walker and it's still going down. I think the the person that wrote the description either just hasn't gone there yet or they are in denial about their dark side, @ Love Wins embrace it, lets put this whole INFP cream puff image to rest, its just not true. I think if a situation comes up and it's enough to make us angry enough to let it out, then in all probability the person or groups of people on the bad end of the whipping stick deserved it!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,960 Posts
@CommunistSam

Hey, I do not deserve that at all.

I shared something online here, and I was commenting that, even as an INFP, we do have our faults too. I was guilty of it, and I admit it. At the same time, I know in hindsight what she did to trigger this from me too. I did not take it from her. Cos it violated MY values. It was not my intention to "bully" her, but I did sub-consciously rejected her. I had to reflect a lot to understand why I was so mad. She also emotionally manipulated me too into spending money on her than on my own mother who is not even working, and I feel so guilty on that. She also made me take her personal calls, whilst I was working, just so that I can play her game to find out why her ex cheated on her. It was so unprofessional ! She cannot even keep her words either, and I was landed in a lot of problems because of her. So no, it goes both ways. She let me down lots of times, and I thought to myself, I cannot be her counsellor once again, nor can I trust her. She was not reliable. I was at least 12-14 years older than her. We had different outlooks. Yet, I had to be late for work to take her to the emergency department of the hospital cos she had a pain, and she thought that she had cancer??? NO. I do not care what the heck you say. I too have my dignity, and rights too. I was not tough in the beginning, and I did not draw my boundary, but when someone is not your close family or friends circle, why would you allow someone to disrupt your livelihood, emotional psyche and all the rest ? Or to even allow them to threaten to sue you? No, thank you!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,636 Posts
I wouldn't have thought so either, except the part about our true fierceness being shown in the strengths of our convictions. I've always been that way.

"INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they're interested in, it usually becomes a "cause" for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their "cause". "
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,636 Posts
Hey, I do not deserve that at all.

I shared something online here, and I was commenting that, even as an INFP, we do have our faults too. I was guilty of it, and I admit it. At the same time, I know in hindsight what she did to trigger this from me too. I did not take it from her. Cos it violated MY values. It was not my intention to "bully" her, but I did sub-consciously rejected her. I had to reflect a lot to understand why I was so mad. She also emotionally manipulated me too into spending money on her than on my own mother who is not even working, and I feel so guilty on that. She also made me take her personal calls, whilst I was working, just so that I can play her game to find out why her ex cheated on her. It was so unprofessional ! She cannot even keep her words either, and I was landed in a lot of problems because of her. So no, it goes both ways. She let me down lots of times, and I thought to myself, I cannot be her counsellor once again, nor can I trust her. She was not reliable. I was at least 12-14 years older than her. We had different outlooks. Yet, I had to be late for work to take her to the emergency department of the hospital cos she had a pain, and she thought that she had cancer??? NO. I do not care what the heck you say. I too have my dignity, and rights too. I was not tough in the beginning, and I did not draw my boundary, but when someone is not your close family or friends circle, why would you allow someone to disrupt your livelihood, emotional psyche and all the rest ? Or to even allow them to threaten to sue you? No, thank you!
I understand where you are coming from. INFPs when poorly developed can have a particular combination of "vehemence and vulnerability" (stole this from Sylvia Plath), that makes them feel like the victim while controlling others through their mix of clinginess, professed need, and yet high standards, strict values with no flexibility, and little room for error. My best old friend and I met in 6th grade. We've been friends maybe 8 years... but I bore the brunt of a controlling, manipulative nature- I had to toe her line or I was out. I was also her defense against the world, defending her from teachers, parents, and others kids, who she claimed were "stupid" and she "hated". In return for this I had her loyalty and defense against anyone who talked bad about me-- but I always had to agree with her. I was manipulated into doing things i didn't want to do, and my anger came out passive aggressively as well. Any confrontation of her controlling nature or even a refusal to do something like skip class or something she took as total rejection and to mask her easily hurt interior would just cut me off. I depended on her as my only friend at this period... but of course i resented this. ugh, it was not good.

Unhealthy INFPs are a hard combination-- neither of us could bear to alienate the other and tried as hard as we could to "keep" the other so we had someone to cling to... but neither of us could be open about our anger, desires, or past hurts and only ended up hurting each other. From my perspective at the time, I was the victim-- but I now see I hurt her in ways too, and both of us were just HIGHLY sensitive people who magnified slights and then incurred revenge in small ways.

We had a year long break where I just stopped talking to her, and she totally turned it around. I grew as a person in this time and learned to connect with others so I wouldn't have to depend on her, and she learned in my absence that I could not be controlled and was given the chance to work out those issues. Now we're tight again. She's the only person in my life who is like me in ways others aren't I think we are going to be friends for a long time, if not forever. It means so much to me that we are still close, because we have history and we sorted out the issues we had with each other and are better than ever with mutual respect and liking. It gives me faith in relationships and people.

Point for this monologue, INFPs can be weird victim-aggressors, and I understand lashing out due to feeling manipulated. Especially when young, I don't think handling conflict is the easiest thing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,842 Posts
I contend that healthy INFPs need not be clingy, emotionally unstable, etc. Also, most GOOD (some are NOT good) descriptions of our personality type tend to be quite correct, for a healthy INFP, or an unhealthy one (when they discuss so-called "weaknesses"). True, a few mistakenly imply that our strengths are weaknesses, but you can dismiss those opinions-it's easy to read when the author misses the mark, because he/she is seeing things in limited fashion, perhaps because the person in question is not even an NF. I honestly don't feel insulted at all by most good descriptions, and fit the INFP mold for the most part-although I am a very sweet and sensitive, kind individual, I am definitely in control of my emotions (of course, I am NOT perfect, and sometimes they get the better of me.)

In summary, I do believe one should not feel insulted, or take things too personally when disagreeing with certain descriptions about *us*. Every INFP is different, but in the end, we are more similar than different. And honestly, I just believe some of us misconstrue other people's words about our personality. Not too many people really say that we are wimpy (in fact, like @adverseaffects mentioned, it's almost always pointed out how "brutal" we can be when our principles are violated), too kind, etc.-I feel sometimes we feel attacked when we really are not?
 

·
MOTM Dec 2011
Joined
·
8,651 Posts
I feel like the descriptions describe how I FEEL mentally more than how I appear. I FEEL compassionate, empathetic & warm towards people far more than I show it. I'm generally less people-focused than some descriptions make INFPs about to be though....I don't have a desire to save humanity, but I have a humanistic outlook. It's less nurturing & soft than "principled". This usually accounts for my confrontational moments, as well as general moodiness. Outside of subtle moodiness, I don't appear as emotionally gooey as the descriptions sound. IRL, people comment on how serene & rational I can seem, which surprises me because I don't necessarily feel that way. I feel my own emotions & sensitive reactions making me become rather harsh or withdrawn externally, not sentimental, and I suppose this is why others don't see me as tender either. Again, I do FEEL tender at times.

The Jungian description of Fi is a lot less flowery if you want to check it out (scroll down about 3/4 to find it): Classics in the History of Psychology -- Jung (1921/1923) Chapter 10
I like Van Der Hoop's description because it feels like a fair mix:
http://personalitycafe.com/nfs-temperament-forum-dreamers/3065-introverted-feeling.html
 
1 - 20 of 32 Posts
Top