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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
INFP- Disappointed in self!!!

Hi I'm new here, although I've been lurking for years! ~INFP~ :love_heart:

I was just wondering if you ever feel extremely disappointed in yourself when/if you 'miss-sell your personality'? Like if I do or say (or even buy, or wear, or eat) something that I feel isn't in line with my personality and inner values I feel extremely low, and feel very disappointed and ashamed of myself!

It's weird, but it happens all the time! I feel like I've failed, and let myself down or something! It takes quite a while to snap out of this feeling, even if I've only done something minor! I'll leave examples in the replies :love_heart:

I was curious if any other INFPs or other types feel the same way :)

:woof:
xx
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 · (Edited)
I am editing this 'example' while I can, as I don't want it to be searchable on google! :tongue:
But basically I described an interaction where I acted very poorly, and very awkwardly; I feel like I let myself down :sad: I was, and still kinda am, ashamed and embarrassed of myself!

I asked if other INFP's put pressure on themselves to always be "yourself" (whatever that means), and if anyone else feels incredibly down and depressed if we don't always behave in a way that meets our standards!
 

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Well first of all, here's a virtual hug. :hugs:

Secondly- Yeah, I know the feeling. Sometimes we feel like making an impression, and when our own actions fail to answer these expectations of ourselves, we get more and more nervous, as if we're in quicksand, trying harder and harder to resist it's pull and instead only worsening our situation. When you're in such a state of mind, being "you" is quite difficult! Especially if it's a big deal for you to appear the best you can be to that person.

The worst thing to do is to lament and dwell on the errors we made. They were made out of nervousness, anxiety, the feelings of that specific moment. You can't learn to fight it, to not repeat these errors, because they occur out of a certain state of mind you were stuck in at that moment.

What you can learn is to not get into such a state of mind in the first place.
You need to remember that in general- We're all pretty self obsessed. Try and think back of situations in which others acted awkward, are those numerous? And what did u feel for them when they were awkward? did u judge them? did u hate them for it? I doubt that.
I, for instance, can't even remember one awkward thing another person did, atm. But I can remember that stupid thing I said 10 years ago to my classmates, when I'm in the shower.

Anyway, with that in mind, you can safely tell yourself that the guy probably didn't care nearly as much as you about the whole situation anyway. He probably didn't care much for you being the best "you" you can be either.
The only one truly upset about this occurrence is you, and by dwelling on it as if it was a traumatic experience, you're adding fuel to the fire that is social anxiety.

Learn to let go of mistakes of the past. They almost always bother only you, as others have their own mistakes and their own past to worry about.
 

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Yeah, I know the feeling very well. Actually, I even considered making a thread about it a few weeks back because I was in quite a similar situation with a guy and realized just how badly I disguise my true self around other people. So thanks for saving me the trouble.

I wear masks to protect myself but then end up being more hurt and disappointed in myself. I don't think anybody else could ever come close to hurting me in such a way. I'm interested in the responses this thread is going to get.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 · (Edited)
Thank you both! :):joyous:
@TheJ Yeah I know! It's so bad, I get into such a downward spiral into my thoughts that I really need someone to fish me out :( your reply helped! I know everything your saying, it's just so hard to apply it to myself! I'm glad I'm not alone in this behaviour though! :pinkface:

My self obsession and overthinking has gotten out of control recently! Seriously unhealthy! But I think it's because I have good friends now that I don't want to lose, or hurt, or be misunderstood by so I'm going crazy!!

I think I'm going to try meditation to train myself out of this pattern :) Thanks again!

@Watchtower I know, it's a shitty feeling but I have to keep reminding myself that I've felt it before and it's passed so we just have to wait for this one to pass too!:unsure:

I definitely think it's a INFP thing to put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be our definition of perfect, and that can be very damaging to our happiness :(

I agree that we should all live by the saying 'treat others as you want to be treated' but I think it would serve us all well to treat ourselves as we treat others! @TheJ is right! I'd never judge my friends by the weird mistakes they've made... we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves :love_heart: although again, easier said than done x
 

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Thank you both! :):joyous:
@TheJ Yeah I know! It's so bad, I get into such a downward spiral into my thoughts that I really need someone to fish me out :( your reply helped! I know everything your saying, it's just so hard to apply it to myself! I'm glad I'm not alone in this behaviour though! :pinkface:

My self obsession and overthinking has gotten out of control recently! Seriously unhealthy! But I think it's because I have good friends now that I don't want to loose, or hurt, or be misunderstood by so I'm going crazy!!

I think I'm going to try meditation to train myself out of this pattern :) Thanks again!

@Watchtower I know, it's a shitty feeling but I have to keep reminding myself that I've felt it before and it's passed so we just have to wait for this one to pass too!:unsure:

I definitely think it's a INFP thing to put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be our definition of perfect, and that can be very damaging to our happiness :(

I agree that we should all live by the saying 'treat others as you want to be treated' but I think it would serve us all well to treat ourselves as we treat others! @TheJ is right! I'd never judge my friends by the weird mistakes they've made... we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves :love_heart: although again, easier said than done x
Yeah, i've found that no matter the knowledge or conscious thoughts I have in my head, the brain still prefers to use whatever stupid thing it has in its subconscious.
Meditation can indeed be good. Anything that'll stop those unnecessary tiring thoughts.
Maybe it'd be good for you to seek distraction in the form of experiences with people, the company of friends. When there's good memories being created, the bad ones seem to disappear in the background :)
 

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Oh, all the time. I'm very preoccupied about giving off the wrong impression of my personality, and I'm nearly always trying to gauge what people are thinking (specifically about me). Then I remember that I am my own worst critic, and that I shouldn't care about random people's opinions of me because I know my true self and I'm pretty fantastic. :D
 

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Yes, happens often, sometimes I try too much to appear natural and finally just look weird (too excited? too happy?), sometimes it's just that my mind is such a mess i can't say anything coherent, and come off as dumb, especially during debate-type conversations.
In any case it creates a barrier with people, but i think you can easily break it next time you see the same people; Just gotta keep yourself calm and your expectations empty.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
In any case it creates a barrier with people, but i think you can easily break it next time you see the same people; Just gotta keep yourself calm and your expectations empty.
Totally agree!! I always feel like if I say something or act a certain way then it defines me forever! Like if I say something a little mean then I'm a mean person and that's just who I am, and how people see me, or if I act awkward, or silly or too serious then that's me labeled as that for life! It makes me a very guarded person and I don't want to be that way anymore! I'm much more silly and carefree around my sisters than my friends, because I know they know that's not all there is of me! I need to remember other people won't be as harsh I think they'll be!
 
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