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So after an intense 5 month relationship in 2018-2019 my INFP ex dumped me. She cited that she needed to work on herself and had "nothing left to give" due to stresses in life and a few other reasons like me not having substantial bank savings like her (despite me having a significantly higher salary that I earned compared to hers). Anyways, she kept trying to be friends afterwards which I was not comfortable with and told her so and she keeps trying to reach out every 3 months or so asking deep penetrating questions about my life, family, and motivations.

I don't feel this is her place and wonder if this is a sign of her becoming even more unhealthy. I don't understand why she contacts me at all.

I could go nuclear, do the ENFP Te "bitchslap" thing to her and block her number but that doesn't seem like the right path. I more want to understand why an INFP would dump someone yet put in so much effort to stay in touch in a non-superficial way.

I'm still uncomfortable with things as they are currently so any feedback on the INFP psyche would be appreciated if you've ever cut off a relationship yet tried to keep in touch. As an ENFP, I would have just cut it off and moved on forever but this woman is different it seems.
 

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My INFP ex did this. I'm an ENTJ. After months of him still texting me (and yeah eventually meeting up), I finally asked. He confessed to still having feelings for me, but at the time it was bad timing because he was moving to a different city.

If she cares enough to ask about "deep penetrating questions about your life, family, and motivations" then my guess is she may be reassessing things and is still interested in you.
 

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She may be genuinely thinking that once you'll be over the pain of the breakup, you'll be interested to remain friends, hence her testing the waters every once in a while. Maybe you should tell her if you'd rather have a neat and definitive separation because she may be oblivious of this preference of yours. Some people have a sentimental tendency to recycle ex-partners into friends because they feel that sort of raw emotional bonding is too rare and precious a thing to be renounced. I can hardly talk on the behalf of all my INFP's comrades but I can see how the interplay of Fi and Si predisposes us to this kind of "former bf makes great friends" thinking.

The fact that she chooses deep penetrating questions over a gentler approach is more surprising. I see two possibilities here : she's really awkward with small talk (or whatever kind of conversation you'd find appropriate from a former ex-gf) and she defaults back to intimate questions ; she's feeling guilty over the fact that she's chosen her individuality over your relationship and she assuages her guilt by forcing herself to care exaggeratedly.

There's also the possibility that she's reassessing her decision to dump you but it's not a certainty. Most INFP have a hard time balancing their need for individuality and their need for romance. The outcome if this inner battle seem to vary greatly from INFP to INFP : some ends up favoring the latter and lean towards dependency and clinginess while others just can't shake the idea they're suffocating when romantically involved.

In any case, if I were you, I wouldn't hesitate to ask her what she's trying to obtain by this behavior. I see no reason why anyone would deflect the question coming from someone they've been romantically involved with for 5 months.
 
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