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*quietly enters the ENTJs' den*. Hello!
I have a question, and if you helped me I'd be very grateful. It regards, as you can understand by the title of this post, a relationship between me, INFP, and an ENTJ. This story has been going on for four years and it's been kind of weird (or maybe it's just the way I feel about it). Sorry for the lenght of the post.

When I was a pretty immature INFP (I was 14) there was this ENTJ, who started wooing me after just one talk between us. He would be very forward, always texting me and staring at me (in a way which I found creepy at the time) and talking to me, trying to gauge my reactions to pressure points. I could really feel he was analyzing me and the situation. Eventually, after four months, he texted me saying he loved me, and because I didn't feel comfortable enough with him, but mostly with myself, to start a relationship, I said I didn't feel the same.

He obviously didn't text me from that day on, though we were in the same classroom, so eventually we got over it and he started talking to me again. There were highs and lows during the three years afterwards, with times where he would look at me in a serious tone and say stuff like "I don't like girls with dyed hair (at the time I had it dyed), I prefer them with natural hair." Or a classmate of mine would call me out, after talking to him, and say "He won a game (he plays volleyball) and he dedicated his victory to you." Other times, though, he was mean and insensitive, almost selfish.

There are times now when we look at each other's eyes and just stare for a while, or when he says something and then waits for my reactions, joking around and teasing me. People are always looking for his attention, calling him and telling him things and thoughts. When he talks to our classmates it's pretty much because of it (he only looks out for two people, who he considers his friends). However, even if I stay in the shadows and don't say much, and he's at the center of attention, he'll sometimes reach out to me. Or sometimes when I say "I like how you read," he just shows off and starts reading pieces only for me, in a tone of voice low enough not to be heard by anyone else.

There are times, though, when he doesn't seem to care about my opinion or my point of view and he'll quickly dismiss me even if I'm talking, moving on to other things he's got in mind. His attention span in my regards is kind of low, and I feel like he gets bored pretty easily by what I have to say. I don't know if it's just a NF thing or if he truly disregards me. Or maybe I'm just indifferent to him. Probably it's a lot of my NF, but I really feel confused. Is it all in my head?

Thank you for reading 'til the end, by the way.
 

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And dedicated his victory to you... hehehe. I like that. :proud:

Go talk to him.

Yes, an ENTJ can come off as dismissive and whatnot when they are very focused on a particular goal or line of thought, but that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't give a damn.
 

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@Contubernal

Aw I'd say you have a pretty good chance. For ENTJs, we have mainly 2 modes: a "get stuff done" mode and a "relaxed" mode. My bf tells me I'm intimidating, impatient and dismissive when I'm in the 1st mode. 2nd mode is when we show you our true colors and feelings. Note we can only be in one mode at a time. So when he's in the 2nd mode, it seems that he cares about you. I've only dedicated my achievement to my parents and current guardians; I haven't even done that with my bf. So it seems like he's got a place in his heart for you. Do you like him back?
 

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Dedicating a victory towards you. That boy has balls.

Ms. Shotgun basically summed it up perfectly. There are times when someone is incredibly focused on their activities or thoughts, and their are times when they don't give a damn and want to focus on everything else (which could be you). If someone is dismissive but still affiliates with you, to the point of fucking dedicating a victory toward you, chances are, they like you enough to actually affiliate with you. Believe me when I say that means way more than you think it does.

That's just my "ENTJ" observations. If you want relationship advice, you're not getting any from me.
 

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I was just listening to this video about relationships, among others between Persievers/Explorers (Dopamine related) and Judgers/Builders (Serotonin related) in a video By Helen Fisher. I'm not sure it is related, but I found it very interesting and I thought maybe you would too. @10.19 :

 

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He loves you, girl.
 

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Do you like him? It sounds like he may like you. My only point of concern is the creepiness factor you felt. I do think women should trust their instincts. Were you just uncomfortable because of the attention? That can be normal at your age so weigh that carefully.

ENTJ can steamroll you if you are talking! At least that鈥檚 my experience. Doesn鈥檛 mean they don鈥檛 respect you. It helps if you are confident to stand up to him. If you are saying something important and he blazes off, try saying 鈥淚 was not finished鈥 and see how he responds. Does he apologize and refocus on you? Or does he get annoyed? If he stops and gives you a chance he probably respects you. If he gets mad, then that would not be ok with me.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Thank you all for your feedback! Really appreciated.



And dedicated his victory to you... hehehe. I like that. :proud:

Go talk to him.

Yes, an ENTJ can come off as dismissive and whatnot when they are very focused on a particular goal or line of thought, but that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't give a damn.

@Contubernal

Aw I'd say you have a pretty good chance. For ENTJs, we have mainly 2 modes: a "get stuff done" mode and a "relaxed" mode. My bf tells me I'm intimidating, impatient and dismissive when I'm in the 1st mode. 2nd mode is when we show you our true colors and feelings. Note we can only be in one mode at a time. So when he's in the 2nd mode, it seems that he cares about you. I've only dedicated my achievement to my parents and current guardians; I haven't even done that with my bf. So it seems like he's got a place in his heart for you. Do you like him back?

Dedicating a victory towards you. That boy has balls.

Ms. Shotgun basically summed it up perfectly. There are times when someone is incredibly focused on their activities or thoughts, and their are times when they don't give a damn and want to focus on everything else (which could be you). If someone is dismissive but still affiliates with you, to the point of fucking dedicating a victory toward you, chances are, they like you enough to actually affiliate with you. Believe me when I say that means way more than you think it does.


That's just my "ENTJ" observations. If you want relationship advice, you're not getting any from me.


I wasn't aware of these two modes, thank you for explaining them to me. I find things make more sense, the way he was giving mixed signals. Now I'll try to discern the two.

I thought dedicating a game to someone was an important thing, but I didn't understand it was *that* much of a sign of interest from an ENTJ. I feel valued, hehe.

Anyway, I wasn't asking for relationship advice, only for your opinions on the matter :3 And yes, I do like him back!



I was just listening to this video about relationships, among others between Persievers/Explorers (Dopamine related) and Judgers/Builders (Serotonin related) in a video By Helen Fisher. I'm not sure it is related, but I found it very interesting and I thought maybe you would too.

Thank you for linking the video, I've seen it and found it interesting. Some of the things she said I'd thought them by myself before!



He loves you, girl.
Concise, I like it, hahah~ thank you as well!



Do you like him? It sounds like he may like you. My only point of concern is the creepiness factor you felt. I do think women should trust their instincts. Were you just uncomfortable because of the attention? That can be normal at your age so weigh that carefully.

ENTJ can steamroll you if you are talking! At least that鈥檚 my experience. Doesn鈥檛 mean they don鈥檛 respect you. It helps if you are confident to stand up to him. If you are saying something important and he blazes off, try saying 鈥淚 was not finished鈥 and see how he responds. Does he apologize and refocus on you? Or does he get annoyed? If he stops and gives you a chance he probably respects you. If he gets mad, then that would not be ok with me.

I like him, and the creepiness factor was only because I wasn't used at the time to getting attention and he was giving it to me so so much. Now I don't feel the same pressure, it's kind of entertaining/cute to be honest.
And, I'll try to act as you advised when he interrupts me and see what happens. I don't think he'd get mad. Like sometimes when I was upset by something he did, I stood up for myself and he cooled down pretty quickly.
 

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@Contubernal ... as an ENTJ male.. I can tell you that you should not be offended by his apparent indifference or him appearing to not care at times. He may simply be as @AngelWithAShotgun said ... in "get stuff done" mode.

Don't look too far into the abyss in terms of seeking the emotional response at all times that you may need while dating an ENTJ.

An ENTJ will feel that simply stating the truth once i.e. "I love you" should be sufficient for you to understand how they feel about you, without the constant need for reiteration, or repeated displays of affection which may support said assertion.

It takes a while for ENTJ's to grow up and realise that other personality types require substantially larger levels of affection at certain times and that blunt, direct, abruptness sometimes may not cut the mustard sufficiently to maintain others needs, wants or desires to an acceptable level.

The opposite may be true sometimes for ENTJs ... conversely... while they are not in "get stuff done" mode, they may need what appears to be almost overwhelming levels or displays of affection at what other personality types would consider to be the most bizarre times. Usually those times where they may not have been winning while in "get stuff done" mode, or other periods of almost random, sporadic or rare occasions of downtime.

Be patient with a young ENTJ, they may surprise you down the track.
 

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Why arnt y鈥檃ll dating?


You shouldn鈥檛 read too much into the hair thing. He probably just genuinely prefers natural hair and is sharing that opinion with you. It doesn鈥檛 mean much more than that other that he may think you鈥檙e selling yourself short, maybe he really liked your natural hair and was honestly offended that you dyed it. Petty. But you seem like a subject of his desire.


If there is a really nice brownie with ice cream on top on a table and you love ice cream then the brownie suddenly puts yogurt on top instead and you hate yougurt you鈥檒l be a little displeased at the brownie. However the brownie on its on is just as appetizing as ever.
 
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