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Do You Want to Get Married / Have Kids?

  • yes marriage, yes kids

    Votes: 65 30.2%
  • yes marriage, maybe kids

    Votes: 37 17.2%
  • yes marriage, no kids

    Votes: 11 5.1%
  • maybe marriage, yes kids

    Votes: 12 5.6%
  • maybe marriage, maybe kids

    Votes: 43 20.0%
  • maybe marriage, no kids

    Votes: 24 11.2%
  • no marriage, yes kids

    Votes: 2 0.9%
  • no marriage, maybe kids

    Votes: 6 2.8%
  • no marriage, no kids

    Votes: 15 7.0%
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Discussion Starter #1
Female INFP's:

Do you want to get married?
Do you want to have kids?

If you'd like to elaborate, tell us your answer and share any of your thoughts, feelings, concerns on the matter.

Some optional questions to consider:
Why do you want / not want to get married / have kids?
How strongly do you feel about your current preference?
By what age would you want either to happen?
Have your feelings changed over time?
Is your preference common / uncommon / accepted / unaccepted among your friends / family / society?
 

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No, I don't want to get married and maybe my boyfriend and I will have kids. We're only in our early 20s, there's at least a decade of our lives together before even thinking about taking on precious responsibility. As for marriage, by definition it's a social institution. My INTJ boyfriend and I value our love for each other which takes precedence over our social image.
 

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Yeah eventually and yes kids as well adopted or not is ok with me. If I would be good at anything that would be being a dad. I learned a lot from my own dad's failing and have raised my brother, who turned out quite fantastic to be honest.

This would be around 34 or so when I am older I still have a lot to see and experience. Getting tied down fast is not something I want.
 

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I answered "Maybe Marriage; No Kids."

Err... many people in my lineage have mental and physical defects, so my chances of passing it on, especially considering that my sister herself is mentally incapacitated, are very high and likely. I really want nothing to do with child bearing.

As far as marriage, I'm very happy being by myself. And I have some major commitment issues as it stands...
I want nothing to do with it right now, but I can see myself trying it on for size later in life. (I make it sound like an intellectual pursuit xD)
 

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(I'm so sorry I forgot it was females only :laughing: *puts up a really high voice*)

In fact I don't care, so I put maybe-maybe. And here's why:

What's a marriage if you divorce afterwards? What's a relationship if you rather think about your kids first than your beloved one? Kids that don't even exist yet.

If love means loyalty, then vow that loyalty. Loyalty is a natural word, marriage is an artificial word (and imo even worse, based on religions, or religions stole it idk whatever)

If marriage means loyalty then I vow loyalty. But you know what, without divorce there would be no marriage, just loyalty....:wink:
 

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I'm not really fussed about getting married but maybe if I think it would be a good thing for the relationship and i've always known that i'll wait till i'm 30 to decide whether I want kids or not.
 

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Maybe marriage and no kids is my answer.

I can't even take care of myself so God forbid I mess up raising my own. I might adopt but my own? No. Giving birth scares me too. As for marriage, maybe. I feel married when I'm in a relationship because of the level of commitment I suppose. It'd be nice to be engaged for a long time, like several decades then get married :)
 

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Whenever I think of the combination of being married and having children, I think of being trapped.

It really sounds awful, but I think for a marriage to work with me, It'd have to be very unconventional. Tons of childish, ridiculous laughter, sarcastic scoffing and going to the zoo. I want to want to do things with the person, but also to maintain my own independence. I also want to be totally respected, and let's face it... probably not going to happen.

As far as physically having children goes, it scares me. I'd be much more open to adoption, but right now I'm leaning towards not having kids at all. I think there are other things to do and I partially just hate the fact that everyone expects me to pop a couple out.

So, I put "Maybe marriage; no kids." It could change, obviously.
 

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I'm married. I like being married. I love my husband. We enjoy our space, but I need a lot of emotional intimacy and marriage allows for that.

I've worked with kids and realize that while I adore children, they're tough to raise right. I would like to be financially secure enough that I get to be a stay-at-home mom. I don't know if I have the energy to raise kids. I have also a fear of getting attached to things and then having them taken away from me. I know that isn't a "good" reason not to have children, but it's a reason. I deal with enough anxiety over losing my husband to death or illness... I would need to work out those issues before I consider having children.
 

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C'mon now, don't sell yourselves so short. My wife is an INFP and being a mother is her greatest joy in life. There is not a better mother on the planet. And marriage is as natural to her as breathing.

I have seen some pretty sad situations where couples decided not to have children or people decided not to get married. I have visited and talked to them in nursing homes. They are the ones with no family, alone in the world. I wonder what they are thinking when they see someone down the hall with 8 grand-kids come to visit for Christmas.
 

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C'mon now, don't sell yourselves so short. My wife is an INFP and being a mother is her greatest joy in life. There is not a better mother on the planet. And marriage is as natural to her as breathing.

I have seen some pretty sad situations where couples decided not to have children or people decided not to get married. I have visited and talked to them in nursing homes. They are the ones with no family, alone in the world. I wonder what they are thinking when they see someone down the hall with 8 grand-kids come to visit for Christmas.
That's actually a reason that I'm scared NOT to have children!
 

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Yes for marriage, maybe for kids.

Maybe I have an idealistic and romantic view of marriage... I want to find the right person, spend the rest of our lives together and have a happy family (very cliche, eh). That's very possible in my mind.
And I'd really like to have children; that would make me very happy. But now I'm unsure about it... I was underestimating the difficulty of being a mother, I guess. It sounds like a great deal of pressure and stress...
But still, it's very likely I'll end up having children - that is, if I'm lucky enough to find love.
 

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i answered marriage yes, kids maybe.

Maybe other people perceive this to be pathetic, but I do know that I'm someone who craves companionship, for someone to "get" me, to care about and love somebody, even though I think I can act very shy.

I haven't been super disenchanted by evil evil exes though, so maybe I am idealistic now. :S

Maybe kids cos the world is a tough place to live in, and i'd never wanna bring a kid into the world that i can't provide for adequately and give an awesome life to. Fact: Most evil people have screwed up childhoods.

I feel very strongly about the kids preferance, and the marriage one is honestly quite open to change, if i receive a compelling argument.
 

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My boyfriend and I cohabit. Marriage isn't off the table, but it would be for the legal benefits. It wouldn't change our relationship, so we aren't in a hurry to bring in contracts.

Kids are a big no right now. I just couldn't afford to raise a child in an environment I think it would deserve. I wouldn't feel right if I couldn't stay home with a new baby, but I can't afford to not work. I also struggle to afford good whole food for myself and my boyfriend, and I won't force processed boxed food on a child too young to make that choice.

Even if I could afford it, I think I would adopt. My child senses have yet to kick in, so I don't have the need to pass on my genes. Especially with other kids needing homes now.
 

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I'm a lot more cynical about romance than when I was younger, and I have never believed in "soul mates". But I have a better relationship with my husband than a lot of people I know. I'm just not starry-eyed about marriage anymore. It becomes a different entity as time passes. It's not a bad thing, it's just change - and, hopefully, growth.
I didn't want to have kids when I was younger, and I fully support people who decide not to have any. I mean, if you're not cut out for parenthood, and you know you're not, it's a much more mature decison not to have them than to have them because people who are not going to help you raise them think it's the thing you're "supposed" to do. I had my first (of two) when I was 28, and I have never regretted it. The biggest challenge for me was as an INFP, having to deal with other mothers who were (all, apparently) much more outgoing then me. As the kids got older it became less of an issue.
My immediate family - husband and kids - is enough for me.
 

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Marriage holds little value to me. I can gauge how happy I am in a relationship and commit without sharing my money or legal name with somebody. I'm also of the belief that there can be more than one 'right' person for us...depending on where we are in our lives.

And kids? No. I'm so maternal my decision not to have kids hurts. I think I'd bloom being pregnant and feel so protective of those that I love. But I worry so much about the population of the world I'd feel guilty contributing to that. I also don't think my body would be able to cope with pregnancy due to health reasons.
 

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I put yes to marriage and maybe to kids. I bounce back and forth with the want of having kids or not. I believe that I would be a good mother, but I don't know. I worry so much about even my cat, so I can only imagine how it would be with a child. I guess when the time comes to decide, I probably would have at least one.
 

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C'mon now, don't sell yourselves so short. My wife is an INFP and being a mother is her greatest joy in life. There is not a better mother on the planet. And marriage is as natural to her as breathing.

I have seen some pretty sad situations where couples decided not to have children or people decided not to get married. I have visited and talked to them in nursing homes. They are the ones with no family, alone in the world. I wonder what they are thinking when they see someone down the hall with 8 grand-kids come to visit for Christmas.
:p don't worry man, think most INFP girls who answered maybe no kids are young and don't really think of having any yet. I had a gf, she was INFP or possibly ISFP and she said the same thing, maybe when she is nearing 30. Stuff like this either stays the same or changes once friends start settling down and having kids. Plus many said yes to both.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Thanks for your responses.

In case your wondering, the selfish motivation for this post/poll was that I have been wondering what my odds are of finding a girl who does not want to get married or have kids -- since that's how I feel about it right now.

Maybe I should have polled the questions separately so it was less confusing, but if I separate them it appears that these are the results so far:

Marriage?
16 Yes
13 Maybe
5 No

Kids?
10 Yes
13 Maybe
11 No
 
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