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Hi, I saw a youtube video about MBTI where they explain that Te is the tribe function and that it should help us get along with other people and socialize while Fi is the function where we set our values and kinda stick with them. In the video they were saying for INFP in order to feel more included and socialize better should compromise a bit on their Fi and use their Te more.

I wanted to know if you guys have found a good balance between Fi and Te in order to get along with more people or if you kinda stick to your value at the risk of being isolated and feeling a bit alienated.
 

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Sorry to disappoint you but I don't think it could work that way :) There's no balance between dom and inferior (as those actually are most conflicting cognitive processes with each other) for any type and inferior is unconcious to be accessed, learned or improved conciously. In best case we can learn to externally behave somewhat like other people who have concious version of our inferior but that's still not nearly the same thing, as your concious is still ticking in the preferred framework like previously.

F or T are just judging function (that's how you assess, measure, compare, analyse and conclude information and such only that in different ways for F and T) - why should it be responsible for getting along with others and being better at socializing? The latter are just general learnable skills for everyone regardless of type and judging style :)
 

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The middle two functions are the mediators between Fi and Te. A better understanding of the world where you live, and a more comfortable existence with people and alone by yourself would naturally lead your Te to get more aligned with Fi. Look at it like this - Fi is the front two tires of the car that you are. The steering wheel is Ne. You can turn slightly here and there but cannot manipulate your dominant function too much. That would lead to an accident. So. don't try to do that. The third function Si, your subjective understanding of the world and your physical comfort in it, are the rear two wheels. And Te is the spare tire lying in the back side of the car.

Think holistically about your life. Try to build something for yourself that you believe you will be happy and comfortable in it. Weed out negative/toxic relationships. Mend relationships wherever possible. INFPs are a blessing wherever they go. You don't need to do anything about it. You just need to come to terms with who you are and find your way to make it function in the world!
 
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I wanted to know if you guys have found a good balance between Fi and Te in order to get along with more people or if you kinda stick to your value at the risk of being isolated and feeling a bit alienated.
The best friends are those who I can share my strongest values with and they don't argue but rather agree that they are important.

When someone reveals himself to be combative or challenging my beliefs, I tend to rely upon Ne which allows me to wear a mask of agreeableness with the intention of reducing contention and saving me the exhausting effort of defending my stance.

When someone is in obvious contention with what I'm trying to say, my feeling is that there's nothing I can say to persuade them to my way of thinking so my goal is to avoid saying anymore about it.
 

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I always feel kind of uncomfortable when I have to compromise my values...but I will do it for a good end result. I just feel kind of dirty and smarmy. Way more than an actual Te dom or aux would.

It's interesting to think that relating to others could be a Te thing, but I guess it makes sense--if it's not Ne? Because it'd be the extroverted functions?

I do often feel sort of empty of feeling--which perhaps is Te. That just...so many ways we must interact feel sort of just compulsory or required...unnatural.

I don't think it's uncommon for INFP to feel like they are compelled to interact with others in ways they'd prefer not to, if the world was ideal. Like I'd rather interact with more meaningful interactions, but that's not always possible...and sometimes if you don't interact in a way that feels more thinkerish? you will end up hurting someone's feelings (like say...you forget a birthday or holiday...and the person feels hurt...which wasn't the emotional expression you were going for ("I don't care about you") and also violates your values since you value their feelings and you value their feelings).

But it still feels sort of unnatural.

And it isn't very easy.

The more pleasant, easy interactions might be more where Ne is allowed to come out and just play and try things, and it's not all about feelings, but it doesn't hurt the other person's feelings either.

Idk. Sometimes I relate to Fe when I think of how I relate to others, because I really do care about other people's feelings--it's just so difficult to care for them. But I wonder if that is just another side of Fi that is sort of misunderstood--the care for others, the importance of relationships, the desire to be a good influence and to be able to support others (or maybe anxiety related to enneagram 5).
 

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I did used to test as an ENFP though. But my best friends have been people I could just forget about values and feelings, and just mess around with for fun, and I didn't have to worry about accidentally hurting their feelings. Of course we also shared some main core values too--and there was an unspoken understanding...like a deep understanding of intentions.

On MBTI tests I usually came close to ambivert, high N, middle F, and high P. So maybe I'm not an INFP but an ENFP, though I still think the types are similar.

@LeafStew do you remember what video it was? I've never heard this but it sounds interesting.
 

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I always feel kind of uncomfortable when I have to compromise my values...but I will do it for a good end result. I just feel kind of dirty and smarmy. Way more than an actual Te dom or aux would.
...
I do often feel sort of empty of feeling--which perhaps is Te. That just...so many ways we must interact feel sort of just compulsory or required...unnatural.
I'd say you have pretty interesting viewpoint here in your last 2 sentences. I see it similar ways but just express it differently: T indeed is some sort of "something suppressed" while judging, and that "something" is missing attachment of interpersonal factors. Similar ways like intuition is suppressed in case on sensing and impression of the perceived object is suppressed in case of Se.

It's also interesting to see that you experience T as "emptiness" as it gives me some imagination of differences between people - I consider myself T dom and similar "emptiness" is there when some vague feelings kick in which I don't know (or even want to) how to interpret and then better wipe them off by distracting myself with something :) In both cases it's a good proof that our minds try to keep status quo around our dom - natural state of mind in other words.

Could you evaluate a bit the relationship between Fi and values as this is something I've prob never understood well enough - what does the "values" actually mean? Is it something like personal beliefs or preferences or something else?
 
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It's not entirely true that there can never be balance between dom and inf, but it is rare I think.

In INFPs Fi and Te tend to have a difficult relationship. Fi focuses on what is personally meaningful and important while Te wants to focus on goals and rules that are shared with the group. Those two can fight if they're not managed well, but they can work very well together too.

Some INFPs feel like they need to stop using their Fi so much and just focus on their goals and methods, which can often make them very unhappy, especially if they end up contradicting their values, which feel more important.
The trick is to find a way to use Te in support of Fi rather than instead of it. I don't have either function so it's difficult for me to get concrete about this. I'm mostly just guessing as to how it would really work for an INFP, but I think there are probably Fi/Te users out there who have this stuff figured out and might want to help you.
IxTJs and ExFPs tend to have a more healthy Fi/Te balance, so maybe they can give some ways that they get their values to turn into rules and goals somehow and how they make sure these things are shared in a group.
 

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I'd say you have pretty interesting viewpoint here in your last 2 sentences. I see it similar ways but just express it differently: T indeed is some sort of "something suppressed" while judging, and that "something" is missing attachment of interpersonal factors. Similar ways like intuition is suppressed in case on sensing and impression of the perceived object is suppressed in case of Se.

It's also interesting to see that you experience T as "emptiness" as it gives me some imagination of differences between people - I consider myself T dom and similar "emptiness" is there when some vague feelings kick in which I don't know (or even want to) how to interpret and then better wipe them off by distracting myself with something :) In both cases it's a good proof that our minds try to keep status quo around our dom - natural state of mind in other words.

Could you evaluate a bit the relationship between Fi and values as this is something I've prob never understood well enough - what does the "values" actually mean? Is it something like personal beliefs or preferences or something else?
I don't really know if it's Te. I just do prefer to connect and interact in a very authentic, deep way (or it can be seen as deep). Not so different than disliking small talk, though other types might dislike small talk more because it keeps them from action, or because they want to get to the point to solve a problem (like with Te).

I don't really know how I experience Te. I only thought of that because of OP's topic--that maybe it could be related. But I have heard Thinking types talk about feeling neutral or not really feeling their feelings or emotions at full intensity all the time. It could just as well be some kind of depression for me though.

To me values just literally mean "what you value" so it's subjective and different for everyone. It could be a person--if you have a significant other, then they become one of your "values" in that you place them as very important, you want to care for them, you will not do anything to hurt them etc. Or it could be something abstract like "honesty" and so you place that above other qualities--you prefer to have interactions that are honest. If someone threatens your relationship with dishonesty, you get more defensive, or you cannot tolerate it and be happy (cannot be in a healthy relationship that doesn't have high levels of honesty). That's just an example, but I really do just think of Values as being what you value.

We all sort of have to organize our values--because values can conflict. Like say you value your SO but you just found out they were lying to you. Now if both honesty and the SO are values, you have to decide how to organize them--does it lower the value of your SO or of the honesty? Because something has to give--those values are now in a situation in which they are conflicting.

So naturally, I think most people would say that unless your SO had a good reason to be dishonest, or was absolutely able to ensure they wouldn't do it again (which is unlikely), then you probably have to accept that at least your relationship with them wasn't as valuable as you thought and really re-evaluate where they stand in your life (depending on the type of lie or how big it was, or if it's a common behavior idk).

Just an example of how conflicts between values happen all the time and we're always operating with some subjective hierarchy of values. It's what gives life meaning--it's how we assign meaning to our lives and elements of our reality too.
 

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@tarmonk

So like...regarding real times I've felt like I had to sacrifice some values for others, and it felt artificial--

I think of writing persuasive writing as a student. If there was an issue that I was absolutely serious about, I might try to write in a way that was persuasive--so...try to manipulate (to a degree) the sentiment of the reader.

Normally my preferred method of communication is authentic, honest, and allows for people to show vulnerabilities and flaws...like I like that kind of expression in art as well. I prefer it's just communicating (I am not a directing communicator--more an informing one normally--it's my preference).

I guess you could simplify it and say I value honesty and authenticity.

But if I think people's lives are on the line...then I will reorganize my communication to appeal to people's sentiment, in order to try to persuade them to take a course of action I think is best. So could be like supporting a vaccine that ends cancer, or arguing for people to please consider the humanity of the people who die in the border.

And when I write like that it reminds me a lot of Sentimentalism, and it feels a little fluffy and contrived. But at the same time, I feel compelled to do so because the value of human lives is above the value of my comfort and preferred authentic communication.

If it was just with a close friend I might be more unfiltered, but if it's something that has to be delivered to the public, then I cannot be fully authentic if it's a serious issue, because then I could make the issue look bad by exposing my own flaws. So it becomes more of an armored, strategic way of communicating.

I don't do this often though--I'm mostly talking about formal writing, or if I were to write a letter to the editor or something (things I rarely do).

But I consider this Te for me, because it's strategizing and also looking at means to an end. It's sacrificing my preferred style of communication (more stream of consciousness) and instead I am working on trying to move people's sentiment.
With a Fe type, this could be done with Fe, but with myself, it's probably Te doing it. And it tends to sound like actual sentimentalism--and I do utilize other rhetorical techniques I normally don't prioritize. But I don't see it as wrong because I see the value of human life as above unfiltered, stream of consciousness communication at that point.

I will sacrifice my feeling authentic with my goal to help people (larger value).
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
The reason why I posted this in first place was because of this video, I guess it's a different typology for MBTI. It's called Objective personality model. We see a lot this ENFP guy posting interviews about other MBTI personalities, it's based on that model invented by the man and woman in this video.

I'm just trying to understand how this model applies to me and if it can help me understand myself. It might be a bit different to regular MBTI model.

 

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@tarmonk

So like...regarding real times I've felt like I had to sacrifice some values for others, and it felt artificial--

I think of writing persuasive writing as a student. If there was an issue that I was absolutely serious about, I might try to write in a way that was persuasive--so...try to manipulate (to a degree) the sentiment of the reader.

Normally my preferred method of communication is authentic, honest, and allows for people to show vulnerabilities and flaws...like I like that kind of expression in art as well. I prefer it's just communicating (I am not a directing communicator--more an informing one normally--it's my preference).

I guess you could simplify it and say I value honesty and authenticity.

But if I think people's lives are on the line...then I will reorganize my communication to appeal to people's sentiment, in order to try to persuade them to take a course of action I think is best. So could be like supporting a vaccine that ends cancer, or arguing for people to please consider the humanity of the people who die in the border.

And when I write like that it reminds me a lot of Sentimentalism, and it feels a little fluffy and contrived. But at the same time, I feel compelled to do so because the value of human lives is above the value of my comfort and preferred authentic communication.

If it was just with a close friend I might be more unfiltered, but if it's something that has to be delivered to the public, then I cannot be fully authentic if it's a serious issue, because then I could make the issue look bad by exposing my own flaws. So it becomes more of an armored, strategic way of communicating.

I don't do this often though--I'm mostly talking about formal writing, or if I were to write a letter to the editor or something (things I rarely do).

But I consider this Te for me, because it's strategizing and also looking at means to an end. It's sacrificing my preferred style of communication (more stream of consciousness) and instead I am working on trying to move people's sentiment.
With a Fe type, this could be done with Fe, but with myself, it's probably Te doing it. And it tends to sound like actual sentimentalism--and I do utilize other rhetorical techniques I normally don't prioritize. But I don't see it as wrong because I see the value of human life as above unfiltered, stream of consciousness communication at that point.

I will sacrifice my feeling authentic with my goal to help people (larger value).
Thanks for the explanation! I need to digest it for a while but I think I got the idea. Is it fair enough to say that while this gives you some uniquene worldview, it's also related to some kind of "rigidness"? I can see it in my friend whom I think to be similar type. But are you sure it's Fi still not Si? It seems to me those things are often mixed with each other. I can see at least something similar in myself too but I think it comes from Si in my case (as it's irrationale, I can't explain why I have some preferences or so-called values).
 
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