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This is an article that a friend of mine sent me yesterday, and I really connected with a lot of things that it said. It's not a personality article, but it is one that I think a lot of INFPs, especially girls, will be able to identify with. When I read it, I felt like I was looking in a mirror. It's basically like a guidebook for how to fall in love with an INFP girl and it's basically awesome. So read it and tell me what ya think!

How to Love a Girl Who Doesn't Know How to Be Loved. | elephant journal
 

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i think enneagram + personal history has A LOT to with how one deals with affection and relationships, and i don't relate to this at all. i want all the attention all the time & i've never been afraid to commit... also, idk, i really wouldn't say infps are "loyal by nature", what sort of bullshit is that? introverted feelers are loyal to their feelings, and their feelings do not necesarily tell them to stick with someone.
 

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That’s...pretty much exactly how I want to be treated. Wow.
 

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Yeah, it definitely differs depending on the person. I just saw it and felt like the author had been reading my mind.
 

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Ah, yes. I have to have sane time or my sanity rest. I 'coined' the term not knowing that it was already invented. When I say this, people think that I am crazy or weak. One should not mention it at all. Just, find some excuse and hide.
 

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Now I'm in a bad mood. I wish I was pursued by someone. I'm always the one doing the pursuing. Oh and i'm not a girl but I read it anyway. despite that, it is accurate for me. I'm going to sleep so I don't have to wallow in my loneliness.
 

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I'd recommend men not stick around too long for women who fit the description of this article. And vice versa.

Anyone who acts in this manner has fears of engulfment due to a personality disorder acquired by trauma in childhood or is just not that into you.

You will never be emotionally satisfied due to their startling and depressing retreat/approach style of intimacy. They wont be healed until they work on themselves. You don't know when or if that will ever happen. The only sure you can know is that you cannot love their fragmented self into wholeness. You can't, not matter how many romcoms have told you that you can.

Hopeless romantics and the emotionally unavailable hook up because they're both fearful of intimacy. The hopeless romantic doesn't want their fantasy of supreme love taken away by committing to a human being (yuck!) so projects a superhuman fantasy onto the emotionally unavailable person. The emotionally unavailable person allows the hopeless romantic to approach because they're aware the HR is in a fantasy world and therefore not demanding they reveal a true self. The emotionally available person gets sex, attention, and cuddles that would not be dispensed by a healthier person. The hopeless romantic gets thrills of seeing a fantasy acted out, even if not truly incarnate. The most extreme example of this common union is the Borderline/Narcissist romance.

Forging mature, stable relationship is one of the hardest feats in an adults life and the answers to obtaining one are only found within.
 

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It was nice but I don't relate to it as much either. I am a bit more spontaneous and, hmm... let's say ''passionate'' with romance when it actually comes.

I could relate to this much more:
Date a Woman Who Knows Everything (& Nothing). ~ Renée Picard | elephant journal
I'm a mix between the two, even at my most lovesick I'll always eventually need to regain my sanity and independence somewhere and protect my heart as I'm the only one who can. I make myself cringe half of the time and yet it's all as real as it can be. But I'm definitely not as goal/career oriented as described, especially not now as I'm extremely scattered and unmoving though I'm still coming up with big dreams and slowly waiting to take the directions that'll feel just right and saving money. Spot on about needing lots of private and alone time away from everyone to recharge and keep myself sane.

"4. Don’t be two halves of a whole, be two wholes that make an even greater whole."

I actually said something similar with a different metaphor (oil and water, don't merge, keep intact but add to each other). I love that it's point number 4, it amuses me so.
 

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It sounds like this article is good for my INTJ friend. But for me, some is related and some is not. And I see myself as independent too.
 

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I've seen this before, and I can relate. I've fallen for a lot of people who didn't feel the same about me, so now it's gotten to the point where the whole love thing just freaks me out. I have no idea how to respond to men when they are interested in me, even if (especially if) I am interested in them. I feel like I have to act like I'm not interested so I don't come across as too intense and scare him off. There is someone who interests me now, even though I've never spoken with him. He seems like a really cool person, definitely some sort of NFP type. But it's occurred to me that even if I were to actually talk to him, I'd have no idea how to react to him. I'd be so afraid of coming on too strong that I'd just be awkward. Not lovably awkward like he is. Just awkward. With relationships, I feel a bit like a dog chasing a car. I'd have no idea what to do with one if I actually caught it, but a part of me seems wired to seek them out.
 

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I appreciate that this has a lot of resonance for a number of folks here. I don't fit this particular pattern - the first three paragraphs fit me well enough, then the next two are almost comically reversed.

I do think there is a lot of good in here, about things that are important to building close relationships with someone, especially those that are sensitive or shy.

All of that said, I think it's quite problematic to assume that someone wants something other than what they express they want. It's encouraging someone to not take others at their word and deed. This is a mindset which says that someone else knows better than you do what you want and need, and they just need to figure out how to get you to accept that. (You say you don't want it, or you find it uncomfortable or confusing, but you really do, because everyone wants it, and I want to "help" you see that. Yikes!) I value individual autonomy too much for that, and I value the honest communication that building a culture of consent depends on. At minimum, this seems to place blame on the "girl" if they turn out to not "open up" to being who you wanted them to be, if they are, in fact, simply not that person you imagined. People really are different, and I celebrate this.

I think @WhateverLolaWants said a lot of very relevant things and I'll try not to belabor them again. If you need someone else to see through you to get close to them, then you're not really ready for that close of a relationship. Whatever the reason, that's OK. You can work on that, or not, it's your choice. But expecting others to dance around your resistance and see through your walls leads to all sorts of very ugly problems. I say this because I did it a lot of that when I was younger, especially wanting others to see through my lack of self awareness and clear communication. There's something very romantic about someone being able to "get" you even when you struggle to yourself. I probably still do it sometimes. But I have learned it doesn't work out well for anyone in the long run. Believing that you and your partner can't take each other at their word, that you can't trust each other to be self aware and honest enough to speak those words, makes a slow, corrosive poison, even if the perceptive workarounds seem to help for a while at first.
 

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woah whaaaaat. i have never read an article that has actually talked about that! that blew my mind and i can 100% relate. thanks for sharing !! :smilee::smilee:
 
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