Personality Cafe banner

1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
95 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
hey i wouldn't mind some help with communication. Iv been going to a few party's i don't usely go to and have met a few cool people. Iv seen this girl I'm pretty sure is a infp, but I'm to nervous to talk to her. I want to introduce my self, but don't know what to say or how to say it. I'm just wondering how infp girls like to talk to new people? like i want to make a lasting impression. But I'm to shy to get real drunk n dance n do stupid shit.

any advice would be cool.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,818 Posts
Getting drunk and doing stupid shit is unlikely to charm her if she is INFP (although it might, we're not all the same) - being a bit randomly crazy initially, and then someone who's really deep and trustworthy but can mix it up with funny too might work afterwards.

The thing is, we're all different people - to maximise your potential in a way that finds the best of you rather than copying the best for someone else or trying to be someone else's best is something that you alone can achieve.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,300 Posts
Talk to her like a friend, not someone who is "interested" romantically that will make her far more responsive.

You don't need moves or lines, you just need to take an interest in getting to know her and she'll figure it out. Men don't usually talk to woman more than in passing unless they are interested, that's why the best pickup line is simply "hi".

And something I've learned in my years to help curb nervousness -- instead of worrying if you're good enough for her, or if she'll like you, think about what a great guy you are, remember what a great partner you'd be and start to wonder and figure out if she'd be good enough for you.

Keep the power in the relationship balanced, keep your heart un-crushed, until you know she is worthy of it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
269 Posts
Considering you ARE infp, I would think you should know the answer to your question already but...

Basically remember that infp's like deep conversation, genuineness, etc. Getting drunk and acting crazy doesn't sound at all like something an infp would like, so don't go that route. Strike up a real conversation with her about a book, movie, time-travel theory, etc. Don't just make small talk. Be yourself, be friendly, be quiet and kind.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,636 Posts
ask her what she's interested in and show genuine interest in her passions
get her talking one on one if you are really interested in her
don't let things get awkward by pausing, making awkward faces, or seeming put off if she seems awkawrd or at a loss for words-- sometimes infps get deer-in-headlight-y, and you know that, so instead be kind to eachother and take the emphasis off the awkward part and instead emphasize the "this is normal part of getting to know people"- in other words, make it feel like an interaction, not a test. that's what socially skilled people do, minimize the mistakes of others until they can relax. :) don't feel rejected either if she seems hesitant or closed off at first.
don't present youreslf as "i am deep and misunderstood" or as a victim; or as a shoulder to cry on; not trying to demean emotional sensiivity, i love that trait, but someone can be shy, occasionally awkward, and emotionally sensitive/private without painting themselves as a last resort/friend material/no other girl would ever choose him. my ex was really shy and awkward the first date but he still kissed me square on the mouth at my car and didn't downplay himself at all... (i'm not saying you'd do those negative things like downplaying yourself or painting yourself as "if you want a deep, sensitive guy unlike all those other girls out there, pick me" kinda deal, just that it's a negative coping mechanism i've seen lots of guys pick up and it's not helpful at all)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,636 Posts
More thoughts: some infp girls on here talk about wanting to be friends first and building up to a relationship, an idea that frankly makes me all nervous and sick cause thne if i decide i don't want to date him he's hanging around feeling hopeful and sad and i'm trying to get rid of him, and it never works. other infp girls like myself prefer more of a "hey let's go on a date that's called a date so i can put on my romantic self as opposed to my distant self". and then there's probably the girls inbetween. xD so that's not helpful at all

last thing i was gonna say is that when i said, don't let things get awkward, part of not letting things get awkwar dis taking awkward in stride... like, it's only awkward if you think it's awkward and make the other person feel rejected. the feeling of rejection or imminent doom is the killer part of awkward, otherwise it is charming. people like to feel they are having an effect on others. I can tihnk of guys who thought I was interested cause of how smooth they were but it was actually because they were kinda cute and funny and so charming in their interest or their attempts. I was laughing under my breath, you know? anyways, when I was dealing with my shy boy, I was just really emotionally open. So if it got awkward or i said too much i'd just be like "shit, and I just scared you off". and he'd be like, "haha, no, no"... i mean.. there is no one size fits all advice, but I am saying, being playfully open can eliminate the tense awkwardness of awkward and make it not awkward.

or at least that's how i feel. lol. I am the person who apologizes for everything and makes everything said that didn't have to be said. it is both a helpful and not helpful trait but i wouldn't keep doing it if it didn't work for me most of the time. eh.

(there may be some nuggets of advice you can extrapolate from this. i haven't been writing in a journal and it's leaking onto everything i write. personal spillage god help us it's all over the place)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,636 Posts
More thoughts: some infp girls on here talk about wanting to be friends first and building up to a relationship, an idea that frankly makes me all nervous and sick cause thne if i decide i don't want to date him he's hanging around feeling hopeful and sad and i'm trying to get rid of him, and it never works. other infp girls like myself prefer more of a "hey let's go on a date that's called a date so i can put on my romantic self as opposed to my distant self". and then there's probably the girls inbetween. xD so that's not helpful at all

last thing i was gonna say is that when i said, don't let things get awkward, part of not letting things get awkwar dis taking awkward in stride... like, it's only awkward if you think it's awkward and make the other person feel rejected. the feeling of rejection or imminent doom is the killer part of awkward, otherwise it is charming. people like to feel they are having an effect on others. I can tihnk of guys who thought I was interested cause of how smooth they were but it was actually because they were kinda cute and funny and so charming in their interest or their attempts. I was laughing under my breath, you know? anyways, when I was dealing with my shy boy, I was just really emotionally open. So if it got awkward or i said too much i'd just be like "shit, and I just scared you off". and he'd be like, "haha, no, no"... i mean.. there is no one size fits all advice, but I am saying, being playfully open can eliminate the tense awkwardness of awkward and make it not awkward.

or at least that's how i feel. lol. I am the person who apologizes for everything and makes everything said that didn't have to be said. it is both a helpful and not helpful trait but i wouldn't keep doing it if it didn't work for me most of the time. eh.

(there may be some nuggets of advice you can extrapolate from this. i haven't been writing in a journal and it's leaking onto everything i write. personal spillage god help us it's all over the place)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
22 Posts
Considering you ARE infp, I would think you should know the answer to your question already but...

Basically remember that infp's like deep conversation, genuineness, etc. Getting drunk and acting crazy doesn't sound at all like something an infp would like, so don't go that route. Strike up a real conversation with her about a book, movie, time-travel theory, etc. Don't just make small talk. Be yourself, be friendly, be quiet and kind.
I agree. Don't come on too strong or use cheesy lines or else she won't take you seriously. The best way is to talk about something deep. Ask her questions without pushing just in case it takes her awhile to feel comfortable sharing deeply. Being genuine is important too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,721 Posts
But I'm to shy to get real drunk n dance n do stupid shit.

any advice would be cool.
Great, you can just simulate a rather timid dance, no need to get drunk, and then you can pretend like you were holding back and they'll be burning with curiosity to see more of it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,818 Posts
Listen to @IAmOrangeToday, he's quite the ladies man :kitteh:
Oh shush you! *blushes*

But seriously, INFPs whether male or female don't appreciate anything so much as honesty, depth and being yourself. Open up to her because she will be touched that you trust her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,940 Posts
I have to be honast. I prefer a confident guy who makes it plain and clear that he is interested. I am shy enough without having to deliberate over wether I'm picking up the wrong signals. However confident guys are often players and it can be really hard to know. So somebody who compliments me but at the same time shows they have some intelligence and sensitivity is always a real pro.

You don't need to try being anything you're not, but hiding behind your feelings isn't going to get you anywhere. Give her some hints that you are interested. Being an infp I don't think you will ever come across as being a player or derp so I'm pretty sure any infp girl is bound to pick up on the lovely personality that lies behind the shyness.

You have nothing to lose :)
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top