Personality Cafe banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 32 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
109 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am really far gone over a guy I think is ENFJ. I mean, wayyy into him. Feel free to B*%#@-slap me at any time :tongue:

To quote myself in another thread:

I am very, very into an ENFJ (I'm pretty sure he is, anyway). We've known each other since the 6th grade (probably over 25 years), were friends then and have reconnected recently. There is a HUGE mutual (and acknowledged attraction, and we think along very similar lines. The problem is, he says that he's had a history of becoming bored in his past relationships and values our friendship enough to not want to jeopardize it. But he's been going back and forth on his thoughts about it. :confused:

I think he is a good man. I think he's always been so. I don't believe he has the capacity to be a jerk (or mean to be - everyone's said and done things they regret, it happens and there's a difference). I think he gives so much that he tends to be screwed - and he's said as much. And with that he's afraid of being taken for granted and/or taken advantage of. I think somewhere along the line he's been crushed or used - probably both. Because of that he's most likely set up some protective barrier mechanisms, which is completely understandable.

I don't think he's a slut, not really. While he might very well allow himself uncomplicated, no strings sex (though I'm not saying he does - just it's possible that he might, and then again he might not), I don't think he would do it for the sake of sleeping around. The fact that I don't doesn't mean I'm better. I'm just not comfortable with it, and in the long run I know there would be personal repercussions.

We have flirted and skirted the issue quite a bit. He's also the one who pushed for me to apply for the job in a new area - closer to him. He helped us find the house we're moving into this weekend, and talks to me almost every day (I try to let him do most of the initiating). Even when we were kids, he was constantly making jokes with me to get my attention. But we were both pretty shy, so nothing ever came about. I was mousy and he was the class clown.

He kissed me yesterday... OMG, was it amazing. I don't go around flirting with and kissing my friends. It's not actually something I've allowed myself before. I'm just intensely attracted to him, and while I would absolutely love to give in to the physical side of it, I would not actually do something like that. I know me, and I know I'd regret it. I don't, however, regret the kisses. And damn, it was nice. It was hard to sleep with that in my head! He's hot as hell - maybe hotter.

I think he underestimates himself in that he doesn't give himself enough credit. I think he takes too much credit for failed past relationships. It might be likely that it's actually less that he's become "bored" and it's more likely he's just felt under appreciated or that his own needs were neglected. That is one of the pitfalls of being a giver. It happens to any of us who have a tendency to give. While we don't really expect a return, we do have our own needs and desires and those aren't always met. Especially when it's taken for granted.

My problems in the relationship department stem from not listening to my own intuition. I can read people very well, I just don't always follow my own instincts. I tend to want to be the nurturer in the relationship, and that gets taken advantage of, too. While my history may not seem to show it, I'm perfectly happy and capable of being on my own and actually enjoy it. It's not a need thing. I tend to occasionally have a need for space time to myself and sometimes that is mistaken for temporary withdrawal. Which is another thing that has a tendency to create tension.

If nothing were to come of it, I'm ok with being friends. He's a good friend to have. He's smart and sweet and kind and fun. Knowing him in any capacity is a good thing. I wouldn't push, because nothing good comes of that and it would destroy a good friendship. He makes me smile and laugh and that's a great thing, something I definitely need more of. I let very few people into my inner circle of those I trust and have faith in. He's one of them.

Would I like for more to come of it? Absolutely! We have similar viewpoints and understanding of life and things in general. But there's a lot more to it than that, and it would probably be a good thing. I'm pretty sure of it, actually. I'm not, however, hellbent on it because I would much rather be pursued and wanted equally. What's the point if the feeling isn't mutual, right?

But dear God, I am so far gone....

:sad:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,264 Posts
He kissed me yesterday... OMG, was it amazing.
If nothing were to come of it, I'm ok with being friends.
Well I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure once you've opened the Pandora's box of a simple kiss, more lovin will ensue :p
I'm almost certain you and him are going to take a crack at this, the option of going back to normal friends might be gone already with that kiss :p
 
  • Like
Reactions: mastermind23

·
Registered
Joined
·
109 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Well I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure once you've opened the Pandora's box of a simple kiss, more lovin will ensue :p
I'm almost certain you and him are going to take a crack at this, the option of going back to normal friends might be gone already with that kiss :p
We were in the process of scoping out houses for me. We looked at three, and he cornered and kissed me in every one. I wasn't entirely positive what his motives were until we talked in the last house and he said that if we seriously dated, he knows he'd end up sabotaging it later and screwing things up. I was disappointed, but tried not to show it, and didn't push. I was just honest about what I feel and held firm to my standpoint.

We're grown-ups with our own kids, but I swear he brings out the teenager in me!

I truly think it's possible that his pushing for me to relocate and all his help is because of his own ulterior motives. not that I think it's manipulation in the bad sense. But I have a feeling that he wants it, and he's even said he's thought about it a lot.

Nice to know our personalities would mesh well together in a relationship, though (per the "Love Types" thread)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,264 Posts
I truly think it's possible that his pushing for me to relocate and all his help is because of his own ulterior motives. not that I think it's manipulation in the bad sense.

Nice to know our personalities would mesh well together in a relationship, though (per the "Love Types" thread)
Yes, I wasn't quite sure what you meant by that house thing when I read it the first time. And yes, ENFJs can be manipulative... not necessarily in an "evil" way, but to me manipulation even for the good is annoying, but that's just me. I'm sure that's not the case for you.

And yep, your personalities mesh very well (assuming he really is an ENFJ).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
342 Posts
My problems in the relationship department stem from not listening to my own intuition
i would follow your own intuition with this. if he is doing one thing and saying another that is not a good sign. please be careful. the longer you let him kiss you or be with you or help you with something... its the longer your going to be attracted and less likely to follow what you already know about yourself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
109 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Problem is, my intuition tells me he wants it but is afraid of screwing it up, so is trying to keep distance from seriousness, but still staying close.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
342 Posts
your going to have to be the judge on how close you can get and not be scared emotionally if things do not end up the way you want. hes gotta work threw his fear... i hope for the best for you
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
477 Posts
God, to be in love. What a pleasure it was to read what you wrote, waterlilies. To live for even but a moment within that tensely sweet confusion is sheer, nervous bliss.

To have someone in your life who can make you feel that way so effortlessly is a special thing. It may have its difficulties, but, to paraphrase Fitzgerald, seldom do feelings of pleasure in this life come to us untinged. So as far as this energy lasts, delight in the giddy feelings of youth and love!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
552 Posts
I'm jealous waterlilies. You're so close to bliss, lol. I've had those feelings before and it hurt like hell when they were gone. But like you said, I love it and hate it at the same time. Love is indeed one crazy messed up ride. And what you have or could have is something great. I'm really into ENFJ's, but the manipulation part can be confusing and painful. If you really like him then make an attempt and go for it. I wouldn't put everything out there just yet, maybe wait a little? I would make sure he's willing to put in the same amount of effort as you are. I've dived into relationships in the past and came out with a "what the hell happened...?" Just make sure you both know what you want.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
123 Posts
I'm jealous waterlilies. You're so close to bliss, lol. I've had those feelings before and it hurt like hell when they were gone. But like you said, I love it and hate it at the same time. Love is indeed one crazy messed up ride. And what you have or could have is something great. I'm really into ENFJ's, but the manipulation part can be confusing and painful. If you really like him then make an attempt and go for it. I wouldn't put everything out there just yet, maybe wait a little? I would make sure he's willing to put in the same amount of effort as you are. I've dived into relationships in the past and came out with a "what the hell happened...?" Just make sure you both know what you want.
CJay3113 is elequent in her posting.....Makes me wish I'd said it......Does it make me a woose to agree wholeheartedly?
Well if it does.....them I am.....`cause I do agree
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
552 Posts
Ha, that's cool. No harm done. But thanks for taking in my post. I always speak from the heart, so why am I still single? lol Oh yeah, I'm picky. lol
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,508 Posts
Waterlilies speaking truth you are his type.
Speaking from experience ENFJ tend to be Don Juans.
Only a ENFJ can make you feel the way you are feeling.
I have dated two.
That quote No good can come from a ENTJ and a ENFJ is true.
But if he treats you right I don't see anything wrong with being happy.
Enjoy it while you have it!
 
  • Like
Reactions: waterlilies

·
Registered
Joined
·
109 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Daylightsun, that's the conclusion i think I've come to. I'm keeping my options open... But still hope he comes around. Either way, I'm ok. Really, he does have a good heart. So I know that he wouldn't encourage anything with the wrong intentions, but my guard is still up - for my own sake.

Still, even if nothing ever happens, the flirting is much, much fun. At this point, though, he's probably not Mr. Right.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
109 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
PS: please note that my own standards do dictate, however, that NOTHING (no kisses, definitely nothing more) else will happen between us. I have not in the past, nor would I in the future offer myself up for simple pleasure. I'm not saying anyone else is wrong for it, just that it's not ok for me. It just wouldn't be enough. I have a need to feel important and special.

So I'm still up for grabs:laughing:! (says the oldest fart on the boards...:tongue:)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,508 Posts
PS: please note that my own standards do dictate, however, that NOTHING (no kisses, definitely nothing more) else will happen between us. I have not in the past, nor would I in the future offer myself up for simple pleasure. I'm not saying anyone else is wrong for it, just that it's not ok for me. It just wouldn't be enough. I have a need to feel important and special.

So I'm still up for grabs:laughing:! (says the oldest fart on the boards...:tongue:)
Thats good. Your looking out for your self. You have to because no one else will.
I am glad your being honest with your self. With that your already ahead of the game.
Love is so complicated.
Sometimes I wish I didn't know so much.
But then I realize it probably would be more fustrating.
:confused::crazy:
 
  • Like
Reactions: Absurdist
1 - 20 of 32 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top