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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So this is just something me and a friend have observed in a couple INFP guys we know, and I thought I'd make a thread and see what you think.

Sometimes it seems like INFP guys are a bit insecure with their personality, and can behave more like ESTJ's around certain people or in certain situations. Do you do this or have you observed INFP's doing it?
 

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There is that whole estj shadow type thing a ma bob, so from that angle it would make sense.

I don't know many male infps, but my one and only infp friend (male) and myself both tend to ramp up the T when we're feeling insecure, effectively becoming pseudo intps.
 

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I think one thing that INFPs can do sometimes is fake extroversion and fake being hard in public. I am known to do that from time to time, though most of the time, I'm quite proud of my passions and I come off as ENFP.
 
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I think in situations where I'm really overwhelmed or really anxious I can seem like a real bad ESTJ... it's not really that I'm insecure with my personality it just comes out. I don't think there's any way I could just be 100% me the first time I meet someone, especially a potential date... I'd just seem way off the meter, I wanna warm them up first
 

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I wouldn't even know how to pretend to be someone like that. Extroversion in particular is completely foreign to me. I've spent a long time trying to figure out how other people actually think and why they are able to behave like they do. I've come to the conclusion that the difference between us is quite deep, even to the point where any attempt to be like them would be so poor as to be humorous. When I meet someone new I think I actually become more INFP, if i get the chance to get to know them and relax, then I can become a bit more extroverted.
 
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I do that if something needs to get done, ie group work in class or work when there isn't a direct authority figure. Or if I'm in annoyed, that happens too.
 

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yep. i used to. its so bad for me. however using Te or Si isn't bad.... so long as i don't ignore Fi or Ne..... I can't cut off parts of myself and have it be healthy.

I'm sorry he's doing that though. For both you and him.

everyone does this actually (distrust who they are and therefore decide to become someone else) .... and basically ... at its deepest level..... for the same reason.
 

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There is that whole estj shadow type thing a ma bob, so from that angle it would make sense.

I don't know many male infps, but my one and only infp friend (male) and myself both tend to ramp up the T when we're feeling insecure, effectively becoming pseudo intps.

I'm a girl, but this sounds so much like me. When under great stress, I'll jump into my closet, run through a few clothing articles and costumes, and finally find the INTP/INTJ mask and put it on.

Then I feel safe. :happy:
 

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I'm a girl, but this sounds so much like me. When under great stress, I'll jump into my closet, run through a few clothing articles and costumes, and finally find the INTP/INTJ mask and put it on.

Then I feel safe. :happy:
Yea I like to pick really cute masks.
 
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I sort of morph into an ENTJ while I'm at work most of the time. A friend at work who knows me well calls it my "gameface". I don't do it out of insecurity, but more out of necessity. I'm a corporate lawyer, so I worry that if I didn't wear the disguise, I'd probably lose my job. :unsure:

I don't like doing it and feel a bit like a fraud, but most people seem convinced by the mask. Sometimes I almost convince myself.

I don't think it's a trait of males only-- I suspect that women do the same thing.
 

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I used to morph into ESTJ mode as a defense mechanism. My dad & older brother are both ESTJ types & I hated being so different as a kid so I tried to act like them sometimes. In the military I often had to fake ESTJ behavior to keep out of trouble. Part of playing the game. Hated doing it. I also faked it some in my dating days of youth because I lacked the confidence to just be myself. Glad those days are over. What a mess.
 

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if by ESTJ, you mean stereotypical douchebag... then sortof. i went through an asshole phase. i was an asshole to my friends, family, strangers, girlfriend. it got out all that testosterone fueled aggression i never had a use for.
it was definitely an insecurity thing though.

i'm glad most of them put up with me. i know i wouldn't have put up with me.
 

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The only time I do allow myself to be an aggressor, I don't stop considering others. So I think my shadow is more of ENTJ, but I act this way on the workplace.

To answer your question, I don't go into full-blown ESTJ aggressive, run-down dude unless someone manages to trample on every value I have, and do it with out their emotions showing. It hasn't happened, because soft hearts rule the areas I'm at, and the aggressive ones/dogs are on a leash or under-developed and are not an active public threat. I imagine this is how I would unfold if trampled on, morally:

I/E - Forced out of my shell
N/S - Made/making a conscious effort to do stupid/bashful/negative things.
F/T - Forced to put my feelings aside to rationalize the problem, and my feelings and imagination before negative/aggressive thoughts take reigns and useless anger boils.
P/J - They're out of control, and sitting aside isn't going to help anyone, nor be useful if able in said situation.

Maybe I'm just looking too far into it, though. Hope this helps you.​
 

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I recently noticed i had developed a tendency to appear cold and uninterested to my friends at times. I think it's something of a defense mechanism since all the guys i hang out with frequently are Ti dominants, and after a while of receiving no emotional nourishment from them I developed a knee-jerk reaction to say something douchey like "why do you think I would care?" on one of the few occasions they actually try to open up. Afterwards, once I've had time to reflect and apply my Fi, i feel like an ass though.
Since most guys are thinkers, a lot of us feelers (especially the introverted ones) put up the facade of an extroverted thinker in fear of being accused of being gay or something equally childish. ANd in most situations, introversion is taken as a sign of disinterest in those around you. Especially around girls, I dread the times when i can't think of something to say and she figures "oh, i guess he's not into me" when in reality im just trying to think of a way to tell her I could stare at her eyes for the rest of my life without sounding like im "getting attached to quickly", which im told is my greatest weakness. So I do make a concerted effort to act more extroverted, but masquerading as a different type is significantly more draining than being true to introversion and losing myself in her eyes. Now that energizes me :laughing:
 
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Do you think an INFP man who is more okay with who he is will be less prone to switching faces? Do you think a bad past could give rise to such things?
I feel like INFPs who have a lot of like-minded friends to confirm that we're not psychotic for thinking the way we do are more likely to remain true to themselves. Those of us who always hang out with INTPs would probably be more likely to be uncomfortable showing their true colors and don the mask of what they think society will accept.
 
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Reflective upon it, yes I tend to be an ESTJ when talking but it is more of a defense mechanism I do, I dont know why. maybe its because I sometimes just tend to not know what to say so things go out in a wrong way. nevertheless, women AND men are sometimes too overwhelmed when they actually get to converse or talk to us in a deeper level, 2-5 minutes after meeting a person.
 
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