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Hello folks

I have been dealing with a problem for some time.

I am terrified of heartbreak... to the point where it's basically ruining my life.

I have been heartbroken a few times in the past although I have ended most of my long term relationships. It has mostly not been too bad, as I have ended up ending the relationships for various reasons. But, I am currently with someone now who is incredible and I honestly never think I will meet anyone I like as much again (they are ENFP). I know I thought I had felt like that before but it's different this time.

I'm 25, and I feel like my whole life revolves around this fear. If we broke up I honestly don't think I would cope. I have had terrible anxiety and depression about this for the entire time we have been together. I have had therapy in the past to deal with childhood related issues, I am seeking more at the moment but I cannot see any reason relating to my past which explains why the fear is this bad.

I just want to enjoy the time I have with this person. I know that being over attached to over people can bring suffering and this is not healthy. I want to know has anyone felt like this, and if you did end up heartbroken, how did you cope? How long did it take to get over it? I have spoken to a few people about this but most people don't seem to understand the suicidal feelings and deep depression that come up when something threatens the relationship (N.B. I've never been actively suicidal). I wonder if it is something to do with being an INFP that means I feel the pain from this sort of thing more strongly than most people. I feel like nothing else makes me anywhere near as happy or excited as being with this person. I don't have low self esteem or a boring life and I have been happy in the past while single. Have you found the best person out there for you (in your opinion at the time) and lost them? What happened?

I know there is more than one person out there for everyone but I just can't see myself feeling like this about anyone ever again. And that is terrifying. Any advice will be welcome.
 

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I understand where you're coming from. From what you're saying the anxiety is coming from your belief you will never meet anyone like your current SO again. Thinking in these extremes is causing the anxiety.

If you believe you can never meet someone as good again, you become terrified of losing this wonderful feeling forever. Your life will then become dreadful. What helped me a lot was to go into the fear. I meditated to quiet my mind and each day I contemplated the fear of the loss. I realized after years of doing this is that loss will always hurt but people are resilient.

Also remember that the beginning of the relationship is usually the most intense. He is a main source of happiness right now but as time goes on the initial excitement will lessen. Do you dread that as well?

Happiness is fleeting. Enjoy it while you can and practice not getting attached to it. Chasing after the rush of happiness will lead to fear as you have explained that you will never find it again or when you do, it will leave you.
 

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A serious writer stated — and a serious philosopher quoted such statement — that nothing is as close to the sentiment of death as reciprocated love.

The way to "cope" — for intelligent, and self-conscious persons — is to know that birth implies death, and a love is a birth.

Also, for the sake of truth, I have to note that you can't find another one like "them", but you can find others who are as unique, and provide you with emotions as penetrating and intoxicating, as "them". You very well can.
 
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