So I'm 20 now and have never been on a date. I... I actually haven't even had my first kiss yet.I agree with @ElliCat that being in the right frame of mind is important. For me, this has meant being healthy and happy enough by myself to not push for certain types of relationships (friendship, romance, acquaintance, what have you) out of a desire to have those, but to just enjoy others' company and let our interactions actually inform me of what could be. This may not apply to you, but I won't bury the lede: my biggest mistake has been to confuse the vastness of my desire for a romance for what is really just partly a desire for a romantic relationship and mostly a desire for stability in my relationships to others and society in general.
So now I do an assessment. It's a simplistic metaphor, but it helps me to think about the stability of my relationship to the outside world as a chair with four legs with each leg to represent areas of my life: career/civic purpose (my contribution to society), family, friendship, and romantic relationship. I'm most content when all four of these legs are strong. If I feel unstable in my relationships, I try to assess where I am in each of these areas (i.e. If I feel like I'm only standing on one strong leg, I'll likely put too much pressure on trying to rush in a relationship leg; a romantic relationship won't ultimately solve my overall discontent if the other areas are lacking.). I try to make sure I'm working hard in all of these areas of my life, and this is what makes me happy (Plus managing my physical health, but that doesn't have to do with relationships.). Then I also feel more able to discern if someone is right for me romantically.
At times, this has meant pushing myself to figure out other areas of my life first in order to know myself better and also feel more confident in myself as an independent person before starting a relationship (despite that persistent INFP feeling that you're missing a chunk of yourself without a romantic relationship). This doesn't mean that I didn't/don't want to integrate my life with another person and that I won't ultimately depend on that person in some ways as our lives intertwine. What it meant for me was to feel responsible for and manage my own happiness, fulfillment, and success enough to feel able to give to another (especially in times that person might need some extra support) and vice versa for that other person.
Additionally, it's ok to be shy! I'd encourage you to figure out the situations that bring you out of your shell, and find those as a starting place to share common interests and the like. I'm not the best with interacting people in just any old situation (though sometimes being thrown into meeting new people can be great, too, but it's more hit or miss). I have the most fun meeting new people in classes, activities, and sports I chose out of pure interest. It's just made it easier for me to talk and bond that way. If I'm in a new situation and something interesting is going on or something pops into my head, I push myself to say at least one of these thoughts out loud to someone nearby. It's an easier conversation starter for me than small talk openers. I really try to embrace my awkwardness and weirdness when I know people have noticed, like sometimes just said weird things out loud like "I just don't know what to do with my limbs right now!" to make people laugh about it and then move on to something else. Most people have experienced feeling a bit awkward and nervous and won't hold it against you. Most likely, they'll respect your attempts to move through it.
So now I do an assessment. It's a simplistic metaphor, but it helps me to think about the stability of my relationship to the outside world as a chair with four legs with each leg to represent areas of my life: career/civic purpose (my contribution to society), family, friendship, and romantic relationship. I'm most content when all four of these legs are strong. If I feel unstable in my relationships, I try to assess where I am in each of these areas (i.e. If I feel like I'm only standing on one strong leg, I'll likely put too much pressure on trying to rush in a relationship leg; a romantic relationship won't ultimately solve my overall discontent if the other areas are lacking.). I try to make sure I'm working hard in all of these areas of my life, and this is what makes me happy (Plus managing my physical health, but that doesn't have to do with relationships.). Then I also feel more able to discern if someone is right for me romantically.
At times, this has meant pushing myself to figure out other areas of my life first in order to know myself better and also feel more confident in myself as an independent person before starting a relationship (despite that persistent INFP feeling that you're missing a chunk of yourself without a romantic relationship). This doesn't mean that I didn't/don't want to integrate my life with another person and that I won't ultimately depend on that person in some ways as our lives intertwine. What it meant for me was to feel responsible for and manage my own happiness, fulfillment, and success enough to feel able to give to another (especially in times that person might need some extra support) and vice versa for that other person.
Additionally, it's ok to be shy! I'd encourage you to figure out the situations that bring you out of your shell, and find those as a starting place to share common interests and the like. I'm not the best with interacting people in just any old situation (though sometimes being thrown into meeting new people can be great, too, but it's more hit or miss). I have the most fun meeting new people in classes, activities, and sports I chose out of pure interest. It's just made it easier for me to talk and bond that way. If I'm in a new situation and something interesting is going on or something pops into my head, I push myself to say at least one of these thoughts out loud to someone nearby. It's an easier conversation starter for me than small talk openers. I really try to embrace my awkwardness and weirdness when I know people have noticed, like sometimes just said weird things out loud like "I just don't know what to do with my limbs right now!" to make people laugh about it and then move on to something else. Most people have experienced feeling a bit awkward and nervous and won't hold it against you. Most likely, they'll respect your attempts to move through it.
