@Whoop, my experience was just like yours when I was 20, and things have turned out beautifully so far.
I am shy too, and am plenty awkward with guys. I went on a few uncomfortable dates all after the age of 21, drunkenly made out with a guy I didn't know in my sophomore year of college. When I was 23, I was a little down after having gotten out of college and not being sure what I wanted to do next, and that spring I started up some post-bac classes and a part-time job - really focusing on myself and my wellbeing. That was when I met a guy at work who flirted with me. I withdrew from him at first, since I was embarrassed and flustered, but having the shared work environment made it easy to talk (i.e. commiserate about work
). I trusted him because I got to see his character through his actions and interactions at work, and we developed a connection through talking often. He actually dated someone else after I shied away from him, but he ended up not really liking her (lol!) and by the time he and I started texting again, we were both into going out with each other. I made him "teach" me how to kiss because I was so afraid I would be awful (I think I was at first, but he was sweet about it!). We have been together almost 4 years since. Of course I don't know if this will be my last and only relationship, but I hope it is, and I think that if it is, I will be very happy. We have had our ups and downs but we both have strong shared values and we both uplift and comfort each other.
I think the "recipe" in my case was (1) taking good care of myself, so I felt in touch with my personal values and what I really wanted out of a relationship (2) the shared environment that we both had individual interest in, so we opened up honestly and got to see each other acting realistically with others and under stress - we essentially knew each other before dating, (3) feeling like I trusted him, and (4) a little pinch of luck!
I totally agree with ElliCat that once you're in, honesty and communication are the keys to keeping things good. And a little humility too. Bending when you don't want to bend, giving in when you're angry, that kind of self-mastery where even when you feel wronged you just suck it up and offer peace for the sake of the relationship. And being realistic - not expecting your partner to be perfect all the time even though that's how you want to see them in your INFP head.
I guess I waited a "long time" to get in a relationship, and some people will say it's not good that I haven't had much experience, but I'm really happy with where I am. I feel cared about and safe and loved. I don't regret having been shy or having waited. It's just a different path, I guess. I have an ENFP 9w1 friend who did sort of the same thing - she dated around some in college but never was in a serious relationship until her 20s, and she just got married at 25. I think it's good to be yourself and do your thing and just to try to stretch yourself when you feel right.
I am shy too, and am plenty awkward with guys. I went on a few uncomfortable dates all after the age of 21, drunkenly made out with a guy I didn't know in my sophomore year of college. When I was 23, I was a little down after having gotten out of college and not being sure what I wanted to do next, and that spring I started up some post-bac classes and a part-time job - really focusing on myself and my wellbeing. That was when I met a guy at work who flirted with me. I withdrew from him at first, since I was embarrassed and flustered, but having the shared work environment made it easy to talk (i.e. commiserate about work
). I trusted him because I got to see his character through his actions and interactions at work, and we developed a connection through talking often. He actually dated someone else after I shied away from him, but he ended up not really liking her (lol!) and by the time he and I started texting again, we were both into going out with each other. I made him "teach" me how to kiss because I was so afraid I would be awful (I think I was at first, but he was sweet about it!). We have been together almost 4 years since. Of course I don't know if this will be my last and only relationship, but I hope it is, and I think that if it is, I will be very happy. We have had our ups and downs but we both have strong shared values and we both uplift and comfort each other. I think the "recipe" in my case was (1) taking good care of myself, so I felt in touch with my personal values and what I really wanted out of a relationship (2) the shared environment that we both had individual interest in, so we opened up honestly and got to see each other acting realistically with others and under stress - we essentially knew each other before dating, (3) feeling like I trusted him, and (4) a little pinch of luck!
I totally agree with ElliCat that once you're in, honesty and communication are the keys to keeping things good. And a little humility too. Bending when you don't want to bend, giving in when you're angry, that kind of self-mastery where even when you feel wronged you just suck it up and offer peace for the sake of the relationship. And being realistic - not expecting your partner to be perfect all the time even though that's how you want to see them in your INFP head.
I guess I waited a "long time" to get in a relationship, and some people will say it's not good that I haven't had much experience, but I'm really happy with where I am. I feel cared about and safe and loved. I don't regret having been shy or having waited. It's just a different path, I guess. I have an ENFP 9w1 friend who did sort of the same thing - she dated around some in college but never was in a serious relationship until her 20s, and she just got married at 25. I think it's good to be yourself and do your thing and just to try to stretch yourself when you feel right.
