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INFP in Awesome relationships.. Tell me your secrets!

3101 Views 31 Replies 17 Participants Last post by  SalvinaZerelda
:crazy:Hello! :D So I'm 20 now and have never been on a date. I... I actually haven't even had my first kiss yet.:unsure: This is a problem because i'm a huge hopeless romantic. I want very badly to be in a relationship but I can't even begin to fathom how to do so. I'm really bad at both flirting and understanding when someone is attempting to flirt with me. I also tend to shy away from those i'm super attracted to and when I do engage in conversation i'm often very flustered and act like a weirdo. :frustrating: In short i'm painfully awkward. So my question to you, my fellow INFP's, is how do you go about relationships? If you have ever been in a situation similar to mine or even just have some good tips i'd love to here them! Thanks for your time! :happy:
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But @Itsmyhead @Whoop is asking about INFPs in awesome relationships and you aren't in a relationship, so why are you responding?

Everyone who has responded already has given some incredible advice and it's been a pleasure reading it all. This is just my take on relationships and you can take or leave whatever you feel doesn't apply.

There's nothing wrong with never having been kissed and there's nothing wrong with kissing everyone who wants to, male and female, the question is what is right for you? People have different values and they're influenced by personality and history in that person's life. Values can change over the years too and they don't always remain the same. I still remember the first girl I kissed when I was 14 and the way she had her friends kiss me afterwards, maybe because she wanted to downplay the meaning of the kiss we shared. It was on a Valentine's Day. I really cared about her, I didn't want to kiss her friends but she wasn't interested in a real relationship. We stayed close for long time though. As a teenager I wanted a piercing but I wanted it for me not for anyone else so I got my tongue pierced. The subject seemed to come up whenever I was in a social situation with girls saying that they'd always wanted to experience that and so I ended up kissing many more people than I ever would have otherwise. It was an interesting experience for me because I'm someone who is much more comfortable in a meaningful relationship, but there were these situations and opportunities opening up. Experience isn't everything, but something I found is that it does often help with confidence. Sex has been an interesting one. The biggest problem I had for a long time was with women expecting casual sex from me because I'm male. When I explained that I'm looking for something more meaningful they seemed to find it extremely difficult to comprehend and sometimes even took it as a personal insult. That said after a particularly difficult breakup, maybe it was an age thing, but I started re-evaluating my values and experimenting with what I was comfortable with more.

The following is the advice I'd give myself:

1. There's nothing wrong with never having been kissed and there's nothing wrong with you. Find your boundaries and what you are comfortable with, but don't be afraid to question them or experiment if you feel it's the right thing to do.

2. You may feel that you act like a weirdo, but it's extremely unlikely that the person you are talking to thinks that about you. It's likely the other person is having comparable emotions even if they don't show them. In movies it's all about having the next perfect line, but in reality it's more about two imperfect people fumbling in the dark with each step lit only seconds before you take it.

3. Do you have any male friends who you could be interested in? Do you spend any time with guys? There's nothing wrong with going on "dates" with guys just to share an experience that you both are interested in, like a film, a concert, an art interest or anything else. Also nothing should be expected from a date other than to share the company of another person.

4. There's a line from my favourite film that I think has a lot of truth to it, "Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours." I notice I have a tendency to fall into the thinking of, if I get the perfect relationship with my dream girl then that will make me whole and I think that's a whole lot of pressure to put on myself and another person before anything has even happened.

5. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, they are messy affairs that involve a lot of highs and lows and the only thing anyone can do is find someone who's right for them.

6. Don't exclude people who have had different values or experiences in relationships than you have in the past. Just because a person has had more experience does not make their worth any less and neither does having less.

7. If you're going to put yourself out there and put your heart on the line, be prepared to have it filled with love and also expect it to be broken.
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@Itsmyhead how do you know it's the right person...
That's a complicated question and given my experiences and situation I might not be the right person to answer.Some people describe just knowing that someone was the right person for them and you hear stories of that kind. In my heart that ideal would be a dream come true, I've experienced that with people before, but then I doubt if it's true when the relationship doesn't work out. I think there is truth in it, but that truth is that the person was right at that time.

I guess because I view relationships as opportunities to learn more about myself and another I don't think I can really know until I've taken that risk and given somebody else the chance to show themselves too. Some people are lucky and they meet the person of their dreams in a short space of time, but then over time they can drift further apart. Others have been much more different when they first met but they end up moving closer and closer to each other over years.

I think the answer for me is by asking myself, is this person the right for me and are we right for each other, right now? People are constantly changing, but in a relationship are you moving closer together or further apart? I can usually find that answer when I'm honest with myself.
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