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INFP in Awesome relationships.. Tell me your secrets!

3096 Views 31 Replies 17 Participants Last post by  SalvinaZerelda
:crazy:Hello! :D So I'm 20 now and have never been on a date. I... I actually haven't even had my first kiss yet.:unsure: This is a problem because i'm a huge hopeless romantic. I want very badly to be in a relationship but I can't even begin to fathom how to do so. I'm really bad at both flirting and understanding when someone is attempting to flirt with me. I also tend to shy away from those i'm super attracted to and when I do engage in conversation i'm often very flustered and act like a weirdo. :frustrating: In short i'm painfully awkward. So my question to you, my fellow INFP's, is how do you go about relationships? If you have ever been in a situation similar to mine or even just have some good tips i'd love to here them! Thanks for your time! :happy:
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A big suggestion though is to better stay away from the easy way - jumping into dating anyone, just to learn how to be in a relationship. Odds are it will fuck you up to a point of no return.
I really think it's worth waiting pure and not ruined from previous heartbreaks or mistakes. This way you will have much more to offer to the relationship too.
I'm not sure if I personally agree with this... I think it depends on whether you're the type of INFP that happily learns from mistakes or is permanently traumatized by them. But even if you're permanently traumatized by a relationship, I still think it's a healthy learning experience in the end. I walked through every single 'serious' relationship I've been in in this thread, and they were all different MBTI types (page 3):

I think that if it weren't for all the shitty and heartbreaking relationships I've been in, I wouldn't have repeatedly built the courage and wisdom to pursue other combinations, to see what really works for me. Through my shitty relationships, I've learned some major things about what I want or need from a relationship in order to happily function within it. For a while, I went out with individualist, 'cool', mysterious types repeatedly (both seriously and casually), but soon learned that what I actually needed was someone who is simple, non-mysterious and rational/objective. I couldn't handle the 'mysterious' types, because they tended to be too similar to me, or (surprisingly) too emotionally/psychologically complicated for me.

OP, I say get out there and get your heart broken at least a couple of times. Learn what works for you, and what doesn't. Heart break never lasts forever, but ending up married with someone you thought was 'perfect' (when you still didn't have the experience to know better) lasts for much longer, especially if you end up having kids with said partner. I have too many friends who have 'saved' their hearts for the right one, only to later gradually find out that the relationship isn't working. This, in itself is also a learning experience - but wouldn't you rather have these painful learning experiences done and over with sooner than much later?

Getting hurt is part of the process of finding someone you know can respect you and care for you in the way you need it. I agree that it's harder for INFPs because we're so protective of our own feelings; but I personally would never take back any of my terrible relationships... because I learned so much about myself from them.

Besides, you'll be able to laugh about your terrible past relationships with your right partner down the line. It's not all pain and suffering in the end.
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@Shameless Nation

Full-heartedly agree. Loving yourself first is probably the most important step. Loving yourself enough to not keep putting yourself through the same damaging relationships is so so important.

Thinking back on my first few relationships, I think I had incredibly low self esteem. I used always think there was something wrong with me, rather than the other person, no matter what. And you're right, looking for any relationship out of desperation is a very INFP thing to do. I think we hunger for deep connections, because we mistakenly think its the only way to really connect with ourselves. I wish I could go back in time and tell my teenage self that I'm good enough and interesting all on my own.

To young, love-hungry INFPs: Love thyself, I say! (I understand it's not as easily done as said).
2. If your relationship takes *WORK*, it's wrong. It should be effortless, if you are with the right person.
This so much! I can't agree more.
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