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Good afternoon, dear PersonalityCafe friends!

I was hoping to find some advice in a love triangle I am currently in the middle of. Long-term, I believe love triangles are sad and unhealthy for everyone involved, though there has been open and honest communication between us all, and as of right now, all is well, though some things may be simmering beneath the surface.

To give some details: I am a female INFP, and the INFJ and ENFJ in question are both males.

Last winter, I had my first real serious relationship with an ENFP. When he moved and we subsequently ended things, I was heartbroken; my ENFJ friend, who had admired me for years, comforted me and was there for every step of the way during the recovery process. At first, I was uncomfortable with him, knowing I couldn’t return the feeling, but slowly, and over time, my heart softened somewhat; I found myself utterly and truly grateful for him.


He gives wholeheartedly and loves wholeheartedly. We share the same religion (we are both Christian, though as of late, I have been drifting away from the church, something I know he is trying to help me with), like the same books, movies, etc. He is simply wonderful.

However, I do have a slight difficulty in respecting him; up until recently, he has always been a clown, is a full-grown man who works part time, lives with his parents, and doesn’t yet drive (things that are important, especially to my family and religious culture).

About three months after things ended with my ENFP boyfriend, and a month after the ENFJ and I started getting close, I met the INFJ man. He was a coworkers roommate, and there was a magical connection between us, something deeper, less light and fluffy, but real and raw. He is agnostic, has struggled with depression (but is overcoming it), and is a deep, philosophical musical genius. I’ve never met someone more open-minded, intelligent, yet so caring for people, even though people often times take advantage of him.

The INFJ refers to me as “friend” consistently and constantly, though I get mixed signals. I think the reason he hasn’t pursued anything is because I told him I wasn’t interested in a relationship because of the ENFP, and perhaps he is trying to go slow. So though he isn’t pursuing me now, I do suspect a flicker of interest, though that he is trying to play it safe. He invited me to meet his parents yesterday, and we have only known each other as friends about about a month and a half.

While I respect the INFJ, and connect with him on a deeper level, things don’t feel quite as safe. He isn’t as enthusiastic or open about his feelings like the ENFJ, and the fact that we don’t share a religion is also a key factor.

TLDR: INFP, INFJ, and ENFJ love triangle—what to do?

Any advice or questions to consider from you all would be greatly appreciated, especially viewpoints from the INFJ POV, since he keeps a lot of his feelings inside, so it seems.

Have a lovely day, and don’t forget to eat your vegetables! :heart:
 
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