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I'm still a newbie here and have tried to find info on this particular pairing, but haven't really found what I'm looking for so I've decided to give this a go. Currently involved with the most incredible guy I've ever met and he's the epitome of everything INTJ. I love it, though. We're still new to each other, so any insight from your experiences would be greatly appreciated. I've only read negative thoughts from disgruntled INTJs so far and am attempting to understand that viewpoint, but would really like some input from fellow INFPs, both positive and negative.
 

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My ex is an INTJ. Our only problem was that we didn't see eye-to-eye when it came to emotions. The first time I trusted him to see one of my break downs he totally ran away. Make sure this guy knows that when you break down he's not at fault and how to deal with your break downs. Just make sure he understands why you do what you do and he knows what you want in a relationship. And he also didn't like to cuddle at all, so we only did once in the entirety of our dating, so you may need to do a half-way thing with this. And lasty make sure that he knows about that when you're being flakey, it's just you and has nothing to do with him, and let him plan things out and just go along with it. This is personal experiance, so I don't know if it would apply to all INTJ's.

Other than that, I was really happy. We're still friends now, when I don't want to punch him, but that was our relationship before we started liking each other. Good luck.
 

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I'm far from an expert (new here myself) but honestly? Don't look too deeply into all this personality stuff; sure, it's a nice guideline and the like but if you have something together, why worry? Just enjoy :)

Best of luck to both of you.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Thanks guys. First off, I agree that these are just guidelines to certain types of personalities, so I'm trying to be as open-minded to those that are die hard advocates of this stuff. My boyfriend LOVES this site and is forever psycho-analyzing every minute detail about everything. I thought I'd humor him at first, but despite my initial apprehensions, have found that I actually enjoy some of the content here. If anything, maintaining dialogue with others about their experiences has proven to be fascinating.

As for the relationship advice, many thanks! It's odd, but it almost sounds like we have completely different INTJs. Mine loves cuddling and even initiates some of the foreplay, yet he's the one that mentioned it was a bit much. This is where I'm confused. Am I misreading him? Why would he knowingly instigate a potential issue when he knows exactly how I'll react to his physical advances? At least we're talking about it and not internalizing anything. I've already been fortunate to see how he'd react to me emotionally in a hard time and he was the most understanding and caring man imaginable. I don't cry often, but his was a strong shoulder to lean on.
 

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in Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Darcy is an INTJ and Elizabeth Bennet is an INFP

me and my wife are this pair also, people always comment on how amazing of a couple we are,

this pair is also good at raising children together

then again, it also makes a great protagonist/antagonist pair in novels/films (intj's are near always antagonists with the exception being maybe V for Vendetta, as infp's are often the protagonists)
 

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I am an INTJ and one of my friends is an INFP. I like her very much and I think it is only logical that I keep her pleased by employing whatever measures necessary, provided the measures are justified by a unique and adorable personality. Cuddling? Shoulder to cry on? Why not?!!
 

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Agree with pmj85 - don't give it too much thought. If anything, MBTI could be a tool to better understand each other's expectations and behaviors, but it can easily be taken too far. I think it can be really detrimental when people start pigeonholing each other with, "Oh, well, you're a ESTP so of course you'd say that - you're always ______." It can lead people to see each other as almost different species, when really I think the best use of it is for personal growth, and for understanding that despite our different behaviors, we all may be more similar than we think.

Disgruntled people of any type have probably had bad experiences. I had a bad experience with football players in high school, so I have a certain view of them prematurely, too. It's the same thing. It doesn't mean it's fair, or that a relationship between two types can't work. And a lot of what they're disgruntled about is likely to not even happen with another INFP, or if they were healthier themselves. Despite being an INFP, INTJ, etc, everyone is still unique within those labels.

Personally, where I'm at in my life right now (transitional, insecure, feel kind of "stuck") it is difficult to be with my INTJ boyfriend sometimes. He's not a sensitive person, and he can be very blunt. He will tell you what he thinks in the interest of helping you, whether he thinks you can handle that information or not. On the one hand, this can be incredibly difficult. On the other hand, it's an opportunity for me to learn how to take things less personally, and to learn how to see criticism differently. I have always wanted to learn how to do that. It is a big weak spot in my life. So he's working on being more careful, I'm working on seeing what others say as less threatening.

Things are actually easier now at the two-year mark because I think we know more of what to expect from each other, and there aren't so many misunderstandings, there's more trust, etc. I know now that he really never means to hurt me, and that makes it easier. But I didn't measure out whether or not we would work based on our MBTI types. Sometimes it's best not really knowing what the other person sees in you - that way you can go about your life unselfconsciously, and just trust that they love you, without trying to play up certain traits in a weird, almost manipulative, scientific way.

If, however, you're just kind of down, there is a thread on the INTJ forum somewhere with some hot INFP appreciation.

So again, I would never date or not date someone based solely on what type they are. If it's working naturally, then I'd trust that. Don't force it. Try not to obsess over it, just let it happen (or not.)

My INTJ boyfriend has been great for me personally because he's so independent. We're both really similar in some of our values, interests, goals, etc, but we're also different enough to be fascinated with each other, and to have that "chemistry" people talk about. It's frustrating sometimes to feel like he doesn't understand the "people" side of things, but I think that's one of the reasons he likes me. I know he loves how intensely I love. He loves how gentle and kind I can be, but that I can also be aggressive and cynical as hell. But that's my boy, not yours. Yours may like something totally different about you.
 

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This thread has some interesting, relevant thoughts on it. http://personalitycafe.com/infp-forum-idealists/26667-infp-intj-inside-out.html

There are a crapload of other ones too...the INTJ - INFP relationship is rather notorious around here. On the surface they clash a lot because of lack of understanding, but once they connect deeply the INFP is said to unlock INTJs' tertiary Fi and turn them to mush. And of course they are able to engage each other intellectually: I think Ni complements Ne quite well and both are fascinated by each other's minds.
 
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