[Wounded Bird]

Hi all. - I am in love with an INTP. I must emphasize that I feel DEEP, PASSIONATE INFP love for this man.

The mental and emotional rapport we have is excellent, and the sex is amazing. He has strong emotions but he keeps them under wraps much better than I do, and he is able to rationally think his way out of some of his issues better than I do.

We are both smart, but he assimilates information in a more cool, rational matter, where learning is an emotional experience for me...I have to FEEL something about the subject to learn well. I don't find any of our differences to be a problem, in fact I think we compliment each other perfectly. And fortunately our socio-political views, and our ideals for humanity, align completely.

He listens to my endless rambling about my feelings, and holds me if I have to cry (and I have indeed done the same for him, just not as often hehe) - He has an incredible amount of patience with me. I need his relative stability, calmness, lucid rationality - And he needs my frivolity, my passionate, raw emotionality, and the intense romance and affection I smother him with. He loves it. He needs it...and he says he's never been as connected to anyone in the world as he is with me. Which melts my heart...and I admit I feel the same way about him.

It seems that most INFPs perceive INTPs as very cold individuals. D, the man I love, has told me that he is extremely quiet around strangers and many people think he is cold, emotionless; so I can understand the misconceptions some people have. He is about 60/40 T to F, so he is not overwhelmingly Thinking oriented, which helps, I think. But he is definitely very introverted, much more so than I.

I am having a wonderful time with my INTP, though most people see the two types as incompatible.

Have any of you guys ever been in love with an INTP?

 

[ptarmigan]

I am having a wonderful time with my INTP, though most people see the two types as incompatible.

Have any of you guys ever been in love with an INTP?

I hope all works out great. I can certainly appreciate the sentiment in your writing and am happy for you.

 

[Miu]

Hmm how should i start this... Well I think those types are compatible. The INFP and INTP personality are more of like the same, but only their way of thinking or doing things is different, in result this attracts both type to each other.

I met an INTP guy, and felt instantly that I could trust him. I got to know him over time, even after he became a misanthrope and withdrew from society completly. He hates everyone, everybody... well he feels the way misanthrope people feels because of his past and much more. But I wanted to know why, I wanted to understand his perspective, I wanted to help by keeping him company, but he'd always ask me to give up and said that he wouldn't change a bit.

We soon found out that we had a lot in common, except the way we see things. He was the one to advise me to take this personality test and i got the INFP result. He taught me alot, in a rational way, about the people and this world. In return, I'd show him how I felt about all of this.

One of the thing we have in common, and that i would really like to change about him and he probably wants me to change too, is we're both suicidal, but for different reasons. We kind of help each other, and there was a time when we'd always argue about irrational stuff, emotions, logic, and people's good and bad intentions (Still do) and we eventually fell in love..

I hope this isn't a boring post, well i'm an INFP girl who loves an INTP boy, is that rational D: (Ignore this.)

 

[Valdyr]

I saw this thread and I thought that I my offer my perspective on this from the INTP point of view, being one myself.

I'd love to be in a relationship with an INFP. As you say:

he needs my frivolity, my passionate, raw emotionality, and the intense romance and affection I smother him with. He loves it. He needs it

This is very true, at least for me. I'm usually wrapped up in my ideas, theories, or ambitions, and I crave someone who can share the other side of life with me, something that I don't feel strongly often; emotion. The INFP and I are similar enough in the way we think to appreciate the things that the other appreciates, while the T/F difference creates a nice complimentary balance.

That being said, I do understand where the "conventional wisdom" that this is a bad match comes from. I think it stems from when an immature INTP meets an INFP, or when an immature INFP meets an INTP. In these circumstances I see how the immature INTP's complete lack of tact or class would hurt the INFP, and this would be made worse by the fact that the immature INTP is completely oblivious to that fact, and he would simply become further frustrated by an emotional reaction he didn't understand. Similarly, the immature INFP can get offended at the drop of a had by things that are the truth and, frankly, sometimes need to be said, and they will internalize their feelings rather than confront the oblivious INTP, until those feelings become too much to handle.

In the end I really think it has more to do with the maturity of the individuals. An immature INFP and/or immature INTP will often clash with one another, but a mature INFP (such as yourself) and mature INTP seem to make an ideal complimentary pair, where both have realized the important of good communication.

I wish you the best of luck with your relationship.

 

[Wounded Bird]

I'm glad to hear that some other people find the idea of an INFP/INTP relationship pleasant. It seems logical to me. I am definitely more attracted to Introverts...I love shy, quiet, highly intelligent nerds who have a sensitive/romantic side. I think INTP and INFJ seem like the best logical matches for me...maybe ISFP. Do most of you guys prefer Introverts or Extroverts romantically?

I sometimes wonder what D is actually feeling. I think he tells me almost everything if I ask, but I am never positive. I am sure I must have upset him many times with my emotional outbursts. I have some traumas in my past that I relive quite often, and if something reminds me of it I sometimes just break down, or other times I attack him irrationally. I hate it when this happens, because I am fully capable of logical thought, and have always liked facts and hard data where relevant. He is far away from now in Reading PA, for work, and I cant move there yet due school, tho I can and will be transferring next year. In the mean time I rarely see him. I am now forced to work through my attachment/dependency issues, because at a point I became nearly crippled with despair. I have collected myself and consider this a life lesson I must learn; to just remember that he is still in my life and he will be with me again soon. I know he misses me, but he handles it better for sure. This all makes sense, seems to go with our types. I do believe he likes my neediness though...it makes him feel secure. He knows I NEED him, so I am not going to abandon him...and it is fulfilling to be needed. So we have an interdependence going on.

However, knowing that I am in great pain at those times, he won't complain a bit about the stress I'm putting him through...and will just do everything he can do to help me through it. It's hard for me to think of him as this chilly, rational entity considering how he treats me. I think I may always have been attracted to INTP types...quiet nerds who are often very kind but just have a hard time showing it, and also prefer to live with their intellect guiding them than their emotions. I do need the balance to my emotionality.

So, you guys have thought about how an INTP/INFP relationship might work, but not experienced any?

Thank you very much for the well wishes Valdyr.

You post wasn't boring, Liz. I'm thrilled people starting replying, I was worried this thread was going to sink. This is a topic I want to discuss, so thank you.

Ptarmigan, thank you also. And I figured at the very least my sentimentality would't offend anyone on this forum, I'm glad it is even appreciated by some. On that damn INTP web forum I joined last week (not on personality cafe) I was ripped apart for even bringing up this subject...and my post wasn't as gushy as this one. This woman poster made a statement about how I was probably online posting there because "She annoyed her INTP boyfriend with all her irrational rambling" or something of the sort. Course I'm not a she, but the real point was she was being a bitch, lol. Another guy said that I was "reinforcing INFP sterotypes". Some INTPs really ARE mean, especially when hiding behind a keyboard and their intellect, lol.

 

[prettyhowtown]

My husband is INTP but I think he has a pretty balanced 'F'. He doesn't learn well about things he cares for very little, but he's logical while in the process of forming an argument. I think sense of humor has a lot to do with the reason our relationship works. We both enjoy sarcasm, racial humor (Dave Chapelle... nothing hateful) and socially critical humor. As long as he does not make digs at me personally or at my family, we laugh at pretty much the same things and can joke around easily. Honestly, the sarcasm gets old when we're talking about an issue that is important to me. He is not as romantic as I'd like... but that's not a deal-breaker by any stretch. I love him regardless. He's my best friend.

He's somehow able to put up with my raging mood swings and occasional anhedonia. (I think I have a touch of sub-clinical depression.) I am learning to put up with his terminal laziness and mule-like stubbornness.

I fell in love with my husband when I was really young... it took a long time to put into perspective because I'm such an idealist and was unrealistic about my expectations of love. (Hollywood doesn't help.) The transition from the honeymoon phase to the enduring bond that we now have took a toll on us, so this may be something to keep in mind for the future.

Best of luck to both of you!

 

[sleeper]

Well, I'm glad that people have had success. I wish mine had. I realize now that relationships tend to crumble between younger people, which is hard for someone as idealistic as I am to handle. Immature INTPs and/or INFPs are a recipe for disaster as Valdyr accurately and nicely explained. I faced those problems.

I've seemed to attract INTPs in the past. I know I've been someone they feel they could open to, learn from, etc. I appreciated their ideas, beauty and offered a lot of support and encouragement. However, I needed it back. They either seemed oblivious to or didn't put a high priority on my needs and I got very hurt, especially when I voiced this and was given words that their actions proved empty. With the 5w4 friend I had, it really disturbed me how we could have so much in common, yet internally work so differently that I felt we were not even of the same species. It resulted in something very confusing and painful at the time, but I see now.

 

[Red Panda]

My boyfriend of 2 years is INTP and it's been great so far. He is about 70/30 T/F, he is very supportive to my feelings and emotions and wants to understand me. I think we are very good together, maybe that combination isn't good when Thinking is very high, but if they are kinda balanced it may work fine. Oh, the sex is awesome too.

 

[ethylester]

I'm also married to an INTP. I think it works out great. I've dated lots of different types and obviously, this guy was the one for me. I felt a connection with him that was deeper than any of the other types I dated. We could just sit in silence and feel comfortable and connected. We could babble about nothing and abstract things and never tire or feel self-conscious. We could spend the whole day together and not say a word and not feel offended by the others' silence. We even have the same taste in music, which is very rare for me to find someone who likes a lot of the same stuff I do. I know he isn't good at verbalizing his feelings but I know that he does feel. He has a lot of empathy and will always try to see things from an emotional standpoint if I ask him to. And when he tells me about all the books he reads (which dosen't happen a lot, he often just reads and reads and never mentions what book, like he's storing info for later use, haha) I try to understand all the things he's interested in. I'll make an effort to see his side and he will make an effort to see my side. He doesn't judge me, either. I can talk to him, cry to him, tell him anything, and he will sit and listen. Maybe he'll only respond with two sentences after I speak for 20 minutes, but I know he's thoughtful and considering what I'm saying. He's not ignoring me or telling me to be quiet or that I'm being stupid (unless I really am being stupid, then he'll say it in the kindest way he can). I dig it.

 

[GrannyWeatherwax]

I'm married to an INTP too. Love it!

 

[Lummex]

My first love was an INTP. It didn't work out, which was definitely for the best. But while we were in the relationship, it was very passionate and we loved eachother. It got to be a desperate love though, and that was unhealthy. But I could definitely see falling in love with an INTP now that I'm healthier, as long as he was healthy too.

 

[soya]

I don't know if this is true for all of you who've posted, but I have a really silly, almost childlike vibe with my INTP.
It's a lot of fun...

 

[Wounded Bird]

phthalocyanine - I am very playful with my INTP. I think he feels more comfortable being this way with me than most people, for sure. I tease him a lot and make up sweet nicknames for him, and he loves it. I definitely don't get any coldness from him at all.

 

[prettyhowtown]

I had a fling with someone whom I believe is INTP. I think that he used me and he definitely does not hold the same set of values as I have or really even believe in his values as strongly. I think he is a unhealthy person. He used Fi a lot, however, so he may be INFP. The lack of a definable set of values is something that makes me scratch my head.

Or he could be a sociopath...

*shrug*

 

[Wounded Bird]

LOL prettyhowtown

That thread I made on INTPcentral actually took off and has 14 pages now! I never expected it. It's very interesting to see this same thread started on either forum, and how it's being discussed by the different types. There are more INFPs on that forum than INTPs on this forum, though.

The INTP women over there are apparently very bitter toward INFP and ENFP women. They find that a lot of the INTP men go after us rather than other Thinking types. It's funny to watch people who are more in touch with their intellect become emotionally distressed, even as they deny their emotionality.

I have no problem saying "This makes me feel mad" - etc. That is an advantage we have over them, I would say.

It seems INFPs are wary of INTPs and vice versa, in general. I think of all the Thinking types we should be able to relate to INTPs the most, though, no?

As far as your sociopath INTP, lol, I would say that doesn't represent them all. Even the lack of shared values, I wouldn't pin that all to the INTP thing, I wouldn't give it that much weight. At least not until you have amassed a large sample size of INTPs you have extensively interacted with and found incompatible. Certainly not all INTPs are lacking in social values. My INTP is more of a data collector than an impassioned activist. I am the activist, I have a few causes (big surprise for an INFP right?) which I feel earth shatteringly passionate about. He loves my passion and supports me fully, my goals aligning with his, but he perhaps lacking the passion of drive...and I sometimes lack the ability to be rational when my values are violated, while he can remain more calm. I am very logical until someone brings up one of my causes, then I tend to become lost in my feelings and freak out, lol...I'm working on it!

My INTP guy has the exact same values as me. He is not overwhelming in his Thinking to Feeling ratio, or I imagine we would never be together. It's like I'm 60/40 F to T and he is 60/40 T to F. Something like that. We both are rational and emotional, he just tends to be more in touch with his intellect as a guiding force, and I'm more in touch with my feelings and perceptions as a guiding force.

I love your avatar phthalocyanine. I would say our dear Winona is a wounded bird of an INFP. I've always felt drawn to her fragility and sweetness, I relate to her.

 

[hood]

I'm seeing an INTP right now... we just "get" each other... there's a difference but it's in a positive way. We can both ramble on and on about things on our minds and never get bored of each other, and both of us have this really quirky, witty sense of communicating and we're able to laugh at each other without even trying to be funny. Even though we're both introverts, together we just can't shut up sometimes. The only thing though is sometimes it feels as though I'm just a subject in a science experiment, but doesn't bother me too much because of all the other positive things about the relationship.

Haven't got to the sex yet... I got high hopes it should be great though... :wink:

 

[under skies]

I really think any two types can be compatible. The only things standing in the way are stubbornness and lack of interest, maybe.

I don't know any INTPs especially well. From those I do know, I generally like them and can get on with them well. I just tend to be quite a bit intimidated by them before I get to know them, actually.

 

[Socrates]

I'm with a wonderful INFP, speaking as an INTP.

I will admit to having emotions –*most of which end up ignored or deflected by my built-in pop-up blocker*– and I will also admit to not understanding the first thing about emotions.

All of this being said, I'm thrilled to share whatever I'm feeling with my INFP. I have deemed her worthy of knowing my emotions, when present or noticeable from my own perspective.

I have no real complaints.

mysterysolved :blushed:

 

[ethylester]

I'm seeing an INTP right now... we just "get" each other... there's a difference but it's in a positive way. We can both ramble on and on about things on our minds and never get bored of each other, and both of us have this really quirky, witty sense of communicating and we're able to laugh at each other without even trying to be funny. Even though we're both introverts, together we just can't shut up sometimes. The only thing though is sometimes it feels as though I'm just a subject in a science experiment, but doesn't bother me too much because of all the other positive things about the relationship.

Haven't got to the sex yet... I got high hopes it should be great though... :wink:

Yeah, this describes me and my INTP husband exactly (aside from the sex part hehe)

 

[Socrates]

I'm seeing an INTP right now... we just "get" each other... there's a difference but it's in a positive way. We can both ramble on and on about things on our minds and never get bored of each other, and both of us have this really quirky, witty sense of communicating and we're able to laugh at each other without even trying to be funny. Even though we're both introverts, together we just can't shut up sometimes. The only thing though is sometimes it feels as though I'm just a subject in a science experiment, but doesn't bother me too much because of all the other positive things about the relationship.

Haven't got to the sex yet... I got high hopes it should be great though... :wink:

If you are with an INTP, you are a science project.

That's not a bad thing, either. You use it like it's a negative... it may be a negative to you, but it's not negative at all. It's just how we process things.

We love science, remember!

Science projects = luv :laughing:

I feel a deep connection to mysterysolved. Whether or not she occasionally becomes a science project is unimportant, as I'm sure she'd be OK with being one. She understands my computer-brain. :tongue: