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I'm a 21 year old girl INFP dating a 25 year old girl ISTP. We've been together about 4 months but the other day we got in a big fight and I haven't really heard from her since.

I am really involved in social justice both in my spare time and as part of my degree (I study law), and while I can engage in debate about most things - she spends most of her time telling me everything I believe in is stupid on the basis of personal anecdotes from her own life. I wouldn't mind so much if she would even try to engage with what I'm saying, but she just shouts me down.

This is even more a problem because when we're around my friends, she makes horrible comments about me and them because she disagrees with us. She's very much of the 'I don't care what anyone thinks about me' style of thinking...but frankly I find that really immature and impractical because now I can't hang out with my friends and her at the same time. She leaves me to make all the decisons about where we go and what we do (like actively refuses to voice preferences or ideas) then if its not good enough she sulks and complains.

The main thing is she's really cold with me when I'm upset. Like a few weeks ago I had an anniversary of a really traumatic event for me and when I told her she literally moved to the other side of the bed. She's more than happy to complain to me constantly about her school work or her family, but when its my stuff, she either doesn't respond or gets angry with me.

On the positive side, I do like hanging out with her and I like being in a relationship, but is all of this like ... too much? She's an international student and doesn't really have anyone other than me.
 

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I'm a 21 year old girl INFP dating a 25 year old girl ISTP. We've been together about 4 months but the other day we got in a big fight and I haven't really heard from her since.

I am really involved in social justice both in my spare time and as part of my degree (I study law), and while I can engage in debate about most things - she spends most of her time telling me everything I believe in is stupid on the basis of personal anecdotes from her own life. I wouldn't mind so much if she would even try to engage with what I'm saying, but she just shouts me down.

This is even more a problem because when we're around my friends, she makes horrible comments about me and them because she disagrees with us. She's very much of the 'I don't care what anyone thinks about me' style of thinking...but frankly I find that really immature and impractical because now I can't hang out with my friends and her at the same time. She leaves me to make all the decisons about where we go and what we do (like actively refuses to voice preferences or ideas) then if its not good enough she sulks and complains.

The main thing is she's really cold with me when I'm upset. Like a few weeks ago I had an anniversary of a really traumatic event for me and when I told her she literally moved to the other side of the bed. She's more than happy to complain to me constantly about her school work or her family, but when its my stuff, she either doesn't respond or gets angry with me.

On the positive side, I do like hanging out with her and I like being in a relationship, but is all of this like ... too much? She's an international student and doesn't really have anyone other than me.
Although it sounds like there are definitely some personality mismatches going on, it sounds more like she is just an a-hole.
 

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Just talking about INFP stuff in general, it's really hard to have a relationship when both parties seem so far away in ideals. You don't need to date a carbon copy of your opinions, but this seems too far apart. Plus it doesn't sound like she's really supportive of you.

Since you're studying law, I'll try to make you play your own defense attorney here: why stay with her?
 

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I'm a 21 year old girl INFP dating a 25 year old girl ISTP. We've been together about 4 months but the other day we got in a big fight and I haven't really heard from her since.
Talk to her, about it, but, give her space. I understand your feelings are hurt, she probably doesn't understand her feelings, because, she has Extroverted Sensing. But she has an inferior Fe. When I say she probably doesn't understand her feeling, I as an ESTP, also didn't really understand my feeling. Seeing How in theory ISTPs, are loners, being able to commit to you is a big step. Ease her in slowly to your friends. Introduce them to her one on one. I can't stand big groups.

I am really involved in social justice both in my spare time and as part of my degree (I study law), and while I can engage in debate about most things - she spends most of her time telling me everything I believe in is stupid on the basis of personal anecdotes from her own life. I wouldn't mind so much if she would even try to engage with what I'm saying, but she just shouts me down.
You will be seeing a lot of this. We Sensors use our life experience to judge the world. The shouting I think is immature on her part. I think you need to give her space, but also try and let her take baby steps into your belief system. Don't rush things. And, again, I found out the hard way INFPs are full of passion for social justice, cross them, question the legitimacy of some things, and, you'll be Fredo to their Michael. I think the questioning is the assassination attempt. Godfather II wise, where Fredo gets the rival mob to turn on Michael. I think INFPs weakness is that they live in a world of their own moral sense of justice, not realizing, others have their own moral sense of justice.

This is even more a problem because when we're around my friends, she makes horrible comments about me and them because she disagrees with us. She's very much of the 'I don't care what anyone thinks about me' style of thinking...but frankly I find that really immature and impractical because now I can't hang out with my friends and her at the same time. She leaves me to make all the decisons about where we go and what we do (like actively refuses to voice preferences or ideas) then if its not good enough she sulks and complains.
I think here are your options, call it quits, or call her on the badmouthing around friends. I can relate to the idea that people can't please everyone, and, she is right, to an extent, that she doesn't have to care what anyone thinks of her. Depending on the size of your friends. If you have four or five friends, she should make an effort. 20, you can't please everyone.

The main thing is she's really cold with me when I'm upset. Like a few weeks ago I had an anniversary of a really traumatic event for me and when I told her she literally moved to the other side of the bed. She's more than happy to complain to me constantly about her school work or her family, but when its my stuff, she either doesn't respond or gets angry with me.

On the positive side, I do like hanging out with her and I like being in a relationship, but is all of this like ... too much? She's an international student and doesn't really have anyone other than me.
This sounds like a loner wolf. I can relate. I think a lot of your problems stem from her inferior Fe. And you've got to figure out your priorities in this relationship, first? If you are in it, because, without you, she'll be alone, you are setting yourself up to fail. Relationships where one person tries to change another are toxic. If you truly love her then:

ISTP Personal Growth

memento mori

http://personalitycafe.com/istp-articles/386562-istp-jungian-cognitive-function-analysis.html


I used to be typed as an ISTP
 
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