[unicornparty]

hello there ISFPs! here's the thing, i have a highly weird sister and she happens to be an ISFP. we used to think that we're both INFPs because of how we can relate to each other but lately we have found some differences in how we perceive the world, clearly she has more Se preferences than i do and i guess maybe that's where the inability to get her comes from. it's not that she's actually diagnosed with depression, if you would talk to her randomly she would seem like a very sweet person that's doing absolutely fine but that's just because she is very good at concealing her problems. it seems that she isn't interested in anything at all and that basically is the source of her gloominess. gloominess is a soft way of describing her state, by the way. she just keeps going on about how lonely, miserable and useless she feels, yet she doesn't do a thing to change her situation. i've been urging her to try new things, take up a hobby maybe, start studying, try to actually make friends instead of on relying other people to care. however, nothing works because she just insists on nothing being worthy enough, interesting enough for her. she also says that she doesn't deserve friendship or love because she's not an interesting person exactly because she doesn't find anything interesting. it's like a vicious circle. so basically she keeps on being miserable, chainsmoking and avoiding life and i'm starting to think that the ISFP lazy hedonist stereotype might have some truth to it. the thing is, i though hedonists would enjoy their way of life but she doesn't yet has no initiative whatsoever to change things.

do any of you have comments, advice or maybe you've had similar moments? like a lack of purpose combined with a serious lack of initiative and you have the magic formula how to try to help an ISFP snap out of it, so to say. as an introverted feeler myself, i know it is highly annoying, others trying to tell us how to live. and surely, everyone has to come to their own conclusions about what to change and when is the right moment to do it. but it's kind of sad watching her being angsty and miserable yet doing nothing about it. she's 23, by the way.

 

[ray1981]

Well, I´m certainly no stranger when it comes to depression and I´ve been gaining a lot of understanding about it so maybe I can help. I´ve been significantly depressed throughout my teenage years as well as the past year and both time periods had something in common: unchanging routines and environments along with a sense of being stuck and unable to change things. This can be a recipe for depression for some people but especially an ISFP since we gain a lot of enjoyment through changing environments and situations and will get bored when stuck in the same routine. If the routine involves social isolation it becomes a lot worse. It might be a little like a non-ISFP being put into a prison cell for a year (that´s how my job usually feels). Our tendency to not speak up, say no, ect, can also lead to a feeling hopeless towards changing a situation.

Loneliness and isolation mixed with unchanging routines will definitely make the depression a lot worse. I have one friend right now and he lives 1000 from me so I know the feeling. What I´m doing to fight depression is to completely change my lifestyle, the thought of it doesn´t really help me but actually taking steps to make it a reality does lift my spirits. The most difficult part of it right now is overcoming my apathy. If I can´t overcome it, if I can´t force myself to care, it quickly spirals towards depression again. It sucks. I also kind of feel the way your sister does towards people, but I don´t think of them as not being worthy enough, just not on the same wavelength. It´s common for me to feel like I´m not good enough for other people, I view myself as deeply flawed. What I´m planning on doing is make a living off being creative. Definitely through paintings but maybe also music, sculpture, and electrical creations. Maybe your sister is naturally gifted at some form of art and she doesn´t know it yet? Maybe she needs some kind of passion? Of course, experimenting with that while depressed may lead nowhere so I suggest just doing and experiencing new things, passion and purpose can be found in unexpected places.

It´s possible that it´s not the thought of me making a living off being an artist that excites me but rather the thought that tomorrow won´t be a bland repeat of today. The thought of change can be what excites me and so it could be simply new experiences that lift my depression. My advice is to encourage change, do new things, and also get her to interact more with family, that also helps for me.

 

[Ambiphrenia]

I wish I knew what causes my depression. I really need to know myself more, but I don't know how!
Especially when it comes to depression and feeling low, I'm stuck.
One day I'm feeling okay and everything's fine, the next I just wish I never existed.
What's so terrible about it is that I never know what caused such a feeling.
By the way, I can really relate to what's happening to your sister, and the worst part is not having the urge to fix things and move on, though I know that I must.

 

[Nayru]

Ah! @Ambiphrenia, I have found the answer to that question for myself last year and it has helped me a lot, about what causes depression.

Do you really want to know it? I hope you say 'yes', and please watch this video here... I found it by chance and it has helped me a lot, I understand why I get depressed, why it keeps you stuck, how to change it.

It's still not exactly easy beating it, but without understanding it will be a lot harder because you won't understand what you need that is missing etc...

let me give it to you, on one condition! You must watch it, till the end. Alright?

Here it is: Robbins-Madanes Coach Training

 

[Razare]

hello there ISFPs! here's the thing, i have a highly weird sister and she happens to be an ISFP. we used to think that we're both INFPs because of how we can relate to each other but lately we have found some differences in how we perceive the world, clearly she has more Se preferences than i do and i guess maybe that's where the inability to get her comes from. it's not that she's actually diagnosed with depression, if you would talk to her randomly she would seem like a very sweet person that's doing absolutely fine but that's just because she is very good at concealing her problems. it seems that she isn't interested in anything at all and that basically is the source of her gloominess. gloominess is a soft way of describing her state, by the way. she just keeps going on about how lonely, miserable and useless she feels, yet she doesn't do a thing to change her situation. i've been urging her to try new things, take up a hobby maybe, start studying, try to actually make friends instead of on relying other people to care. however, nothing works because she just insists on nothing being worthy enough, interesting enough for her. she also says that she doesn't deserve friendship or love because she's not an interesting person exactly because she doesn't find anything interesting. it's like a vicious circle. so basically she keeps on being miserable, chainsmoking and avoiding life and i'm starting to think that the ISFP lazy hedonist stereotype might have some truth to it. the thing is, i though hedonists would enjoy their way of life but she doesn't yet has no initiative whatsoever to change things.

do any of you have comments, advice or maybe you've had similar moments? like a lack of purpose combined with a serious lack of initiative and you have the magic formula how to try to help an ISFP snap out of it, so to say. as an introverted feeler myself, i know it is highly annoying, others trying to tell us how to live. and surely, everyone has to come to their own conclusions about what to change and when is the right moment to do it. but it's kind of sad watching her being angsty and miserable yet doing nothing about it. she's 23, by the way.

My ISFP-ex was happiest when she was having an experience that resonated with her Fi and made her happy. This was as simple as having some silly fun with someone, or when someone expressed deep care for her, like a grandparent for example. But not only that, if she was able to bring joy into someone else's life, that made her very happy. She would volunteer at a nursing home and help the elderly with meals and do activities with them. When she talked about that with me, she looked happier than when she experienced the strongest love I ever shared with her.

ISFP's greatest happiness is found in the moment because of their Se preference. Yet, they can use Se to recall those moments and the emotions with a deep clarity that resonates with their heart as if they're reliving it fully. This is likely what makes them such great artists; the ability to store that depth of emotion within themselves and then express it clearly.

They're also usually good with animals, so volunteering at an animal shelter is something she might enjoy and be very good at.

 

[letsride]

I like the new hobby idea, or the volunteer work that others mentioned. If she's not up for that, though, maybe just go for a drive or a walk someplace new, to give her a change of scenery. It's not a big change, but it might help spur her Se into action, which always seems to put me in a good mood.

 

[neologismaker]

My best friend is an ISFP and our relationship sounds kind of similar to yours! I'm really interested to see what you ISFPs have to say about this one

She is definitely Miss Doom-and-Gloom. I am Miss Sunshine-and-Rainbows, which is both hilarious and a hurtle we've both had to overcome as far as understanding each other. Mine has never done anything dangerous or unhealthy that I'm aware of because of her tendency towards grumpiness. She has a lot of supportive and loving friends, like me, who help her smile. Of course it's frustrating to watch her stew in grumpiness, but... honestly, I think some people are just wired to feel things differently than others. I had to learn to let her be grumpy in order to distinguish between general grumpiness and actual depression, both of which she struggled with Your sister will drag you down with you if you try to change that part of her too hard on a deeper level xD

The thing about my ISFP is that the lazy hedonism is a facade, just like her misanthropy; her temperament is those things but her character is the opposite, and I think that's the way it is for a lot of ISFPs. She herself is trying extremely hard to be brave and tackle the million challenges she faces, her pessimism not the least of them. She's fighting to overcome her urge to go with the flow so that she can go to animation school despite family circumstances. Her goal is tough! She allows me to push her because she doesn't mind help doing the hardest thing in the world for an ISFP: getting from Point A in life to Point B on schedule. I don't know how far this extends to other ISFPs. The thing is that my ISFP will do what she needs to do but she needs support emotionally, someone to root for her, and to be able to do things on her own schedule and be praised for trying so hard. But my ISFP isn't your ISFP. If she's chain-smoking and doing unhealthy things to herself, and that hurts you, then the power of an ISFP's love should not be underestimated. If you inform her sincerely how miserable the destructive decisions she makes make you--keeping clear that it is these decisions, not her base personality, or grumpiness, which is making you miserable--I would conjecture she might try to give things like that up for your sake. No guarentees. But I feel you ISFPs feel things as powerfully as we INFPs do, maybe even moreso because you don't have intuition to lead you to the core of your emotions? To me, at least, it seems like it'd be more painful only have the world around you through which to interpret what you feel, because I honor what I feel as a motivation for change and possibility.

ISFPs are secretly faeries. One feeling at a time, right? What you feel in the moment is all you see?

That could be a totally bogus and wrong interpretation of the ISFP personality and I deeply apologize if I heavily missed the mark. I only know one of you

I know I haven't given too many in-the-moment ways of cheering her up, but I hoped to offer a disclaimer as far as expectations of an ISFP from an INFP can go |D

 

[XL Sweatshirt]

Oh no! Do all ISFP's go through this at some point in time? I certainly did. The thing is, one of the best things she can do for herself, is to get out of her own head and do something. But sometimes you get so stuck in your own head, it's hard to find the energy to do it.

I agree with some of the advice already put out there, like volunteer work, hobbies, etc. Basically, she needs to find it in herself to actualize herself.

Maybe take her out and go for some day hikes or something. Go on a long car ride with her to a state park or something and listen to music she loves on the way-something beautiful, or something she can sing to. Maybe this can lift her mood, create a good memory and help her to snap out of Fi-Ni spiral of depression. Even if only temporarily.

 

[crazyforpopcorn1]

Well, I´m certainly no stranger when it comes to depression and I´ve been gaining a lot of understanding about it so maybe I can help. I´ve been significantly depressed throughout my teenage years as well as the past year and both time periods had something in common: unchanging routines and environments along with a sense of being stuck and unable to change things. This can be a recipe for depression for some people but especially an ISFP since we gain a lot of enjoyment through changing environments and situations and will get bored when stuck in the same routine. If the routine involves social isolation it becomes a lot worse. It might be a little like a non-ISFP being put into a prison cell for a year (that´s how my job usually feels). Our tendency to not speak up, say no, ect, can also lead to a feeling hopeless towards changing a situation.

Loneliness and isolation mixed with unchanging routines will definitely make the depression a lot worse. I have one friend right now and he lives 1000 from me so I know the feeling. What I´m doing to fight depression is to completely change my lifestyle, the thought of it doesn´t really help me but actually taking steps to make it a reality does lift my spirits. The most difficult part of it right now is overcoming my apathy. If I can´t overcome it, if I can´t force myself to care, it quickly spirals towards depression again. It sucks. I also kind of feel the way your sister does towards people, but I don´t think of them as not being worthy enough, just not on the same wavelength. It´s common for me to feel like I´m not good enough for other people, I view myself as deeply flawed. What I´m planning on doing is make a living off being creative. Definitely through paintings but maybe also music, sculpture, and electrical creations. Maybe your sister is naturally gifted at some form of art and she doesn´t know it yet? Maybe she needs some kind of passion? Of course, experimenting with that while depressed may lead nowhere so I suggest just doing and experiencing new things, passion and purpose can be found in unexpected places.

It´s possible that it´s not the thought of me making a living off being an artist that excites me but rather the thought that tomorrow won´t be a bland repeat of today. The thought of change can be what excites me and so it could be simply new experiences that lift my depression. My advice is to encourage change, do new things, and also get her to interact more with family, that also helps for me.

I feel the same way, just hopeless and stuck. I was depressed before when I lived in Texas but now that I've moved to NYC and changed high schools I've been extremely lonely/have no friends and I dont know what to do with myself (and that has made it alot worse). Plus, it really gets to me having to be at school at the crack of dawn, to look out of the window at all of the people who are free to go places, to listen to some stranger talk for hours about things that dont even have the potential to matter to me, to have to ask to do everything (use the bathroom, go get a tissue, go to my locker, go to the nurse, use the computer, laugh, breath, scratch my butt etc), to go through a metal detector just to get in the building as if im some sort of criminal, to go to lunch and have cold undercooked pizza with rotten carrots and an apple, and then to go home as a half-collapsed half-lobotomized human being to do 12 hours of homework and to not get any sleep because of it, and to repeat the next day just doesnt seem worth while to me. Thats 5 days in a week that I'm trapped in this schedule that's supposed to send me down the 'right' path. Even on the weekends, I can forget about having a life because I have to do laundry and go grocery shopping and babysit and do more homework and run errands for my mother. I just feel like I dont wanna do anything but maybe sit. Just sit. It really is a vicious cycle so I've just been feeling kind of crazy :angry:. I'm not really sure there is a getting out of the funk.

 

[RickyOb]

I feel a lot like your sister right now and yes im also an isfp. Though im not hurting myself. Im just miserable all day and so on. But the "worthiness" of someone doesnt matter, its the self worthiness. I hope all the other comments were usefull im reading through them too and maybe it'll help me too.