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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hi all! ENFP here

I went on a date and it didn’t work out, he offered to set me up with his friends and found his friend - INFP male attractive! Long story short I ended up adding INFP male on social media and said I noticed him through xx and thought he’s cute and wanted to ask him out

he was shocked at first and said wow respect cause not a lot of girls would do that, and said sure let’s hang out, originally went for Thurs but didn’t work out due to his side so I let it go and then he asked me for another time, so next day we met for coffee and hugged me when he saw me then he says “so do you always asks your friend’s friends out?” Guess it was something on his mind? I also said “I thought you rejected me when you just said I respect that” and he said “well I did say let’s hang out...”

He talked about questioning his life and identify especially during lockdown and I told him about MBTI so he can know himself better.

During coffee he didn’t make eye contact with me the whole time, and talked about his social anxiety and wants to improve his social skills more - I told him he’s doing totally fine and that I have generalized anxiety so I understand the anxiety part and if I made him uncomfortable in anyway do tell me, he said I wasn’t and that’s when he made eye contact with me and smiled. We talked about just what we do, his best friends, interest, hobbies etc

After he paid for coffee (I said we can split but he said he was late) then he hugged me good bye. I sent him the MBTI and hes INFP and I said cool I’m ENFP!

A week later I asked if him and his best friend wanted to join me and my friend going out this weekend. I thought it would be a good way since he wanted to improve social skills but maybe a group hang out but also invited his best friend so he feels comfortable. He said he can’t because he has an old friends engagement drinks on Sat, otherwise he would’ve been keen to. I said ok have a good weekend and he said you too! And that’s it

Im taking it that he’s not interested in me? Especially since he immediately jumped to saying he’s busy Sat and I only said weekend lol and his reason was weirdly specifically... and didn’t have any interactions after that. One INFP male friend told me he doesn’t seem interested and suggested I should just move on...INFPs take time with these things but at the same time I don’t want to keep imitating if he doesn’t seem interested... thoughts?
 

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yeah as much as INFPs are slow to initiate, i'm sorry to side with this friend of yours and conclude he may not be interested.. seems like he's more polite than interested (because you have mutual friends). plus, on that coffee he used and took all the attention to his own problems instead of making a mutual experience from that meeting. i do not like him for doing that. i suppose you're holding to that hug as a sign there might be something, but some people do it because they like doing it, not because of the other person. sounds harsh, sorry, just saying.
if there wasn't a feel of bonding and togetherness on that meeting, i'm sorry to have negative opinion on his interest..
but i could be wrong - you just wait and see, maybe he'll reach out in a couple of days. you never know, give it a wait.

try to just refrain from making any more moves, nothing at all. you've really done your part as much as it goes, there's no way a guy who'd be even mildly interested wouldn't make a move after everything from your end.

fingers crossed, but brace your heart too :)
 

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Well I mean you've only had one date so far, and it seems like he really did have stuff planned in advance. I thought it was nice he stuck to his commitments. Was one date enough to judge his interest in you?

If you want, you can always leave the door open for him. You could just tell him, "Hey I'm busy Saturday, but I'm open Sunday. So if you'd like to go on a date, I'm open then." That wouldn't seem too pushy. Not saying there's anything wrong with being pushy. If you want your man, go get him.
 

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ENFPs enjoy a lot of reassurance (and I guess being noticed). Honestly INFPs are quite a bad pick for that, so you'd end up feeling insecure all the time about whether or not you get out of this what you'd ideally need.

Furthermore; if at this very early stage ''things'' are already so cumbersome then it is usually not a good sign. Perhaps some people develop the happy-go-lucky energy and connection at a later stage, but only very very few people are worth the pursuit. Most of the time it is a waste of your energy, hopes, emotional wellbeing. It shouldn't be this difficult or needing this much overthinking already.

Go do other things and focus on other interests of your own and/or other people. Maybe he'll come around, maybe not, but that's about all for now at this point ... i'd say.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
yeah as much as INFPs are slow to initiate, i'm sorry to side with this friend of yours and conclude he may not be interested.. seems like he's more polite than interested (because you have mutual friends). plus, on that coffee he used and took all the attention to his own problems instead of making a mutual experience from that meeting. i do not like him for doing that. i suppose you're holding to that hug as a sign there might be something, but some people do it because they like doing it, not because of the other person. sounds harsh, sorry, just saying.
if there wasn't a feel of bonding and togetherness on that meeting, i'm sorry to have negative opinion on his interest..
but i could be wrong - you just wait and see, maybe he'll reach out in a couple of days. you never know, give it a wait.

try to just refrain from making any more moves, nothing at all. you've really done your part as much as it goes, there's no way a guy who'd be even mildly interested wouldn't make a move after everything from your end.

fingers crossed, but brace your heart too :)
thank you for the kind message! I think at this point I will take it that he’s not interested and just move on, I’d hate have any hope and “wait” - plus it’s been a few days anyways if he wanted to make a move he would’ve. I noticed on his social media he clicked “interested” on a speed dating event... guess he’s not interested in me...oh well!

when you mention “bonding and togetherness” is that where INFPs feel like they can see a future together or? I have a lot of INFP friends and have had a few INFPs be really into me so I thought I know INFPs quite well at this point... still learning!
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Well I mean you've only had one date so far, and it seems like he really did have stuff planned in advance. I thought it was nice he stuck to his commitments. Was one date enough to judge his interest in you?

If you want, you can always leave the door open for him. You could just tell him, "Hey I'm busy Saturday, but I'm open Sunday. So if you'd like to go on a date, I'm open then." That wouldn't seem too pushy. Not saying there's anything wrong with being pushy. If you want your man, go get him.
Yeah! that’s the mindset I had in asking him out the first place. But I already asked him
twice and he already rejected me so...
 

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Discussion Starter #7
ENFPs enjoy a lot of reassurance (and I guess being noticed). Honestly INFPs are quite a bad pick for that, so you'd end up feeling insecure all the time about whether or not you get out of this what you'd ideally need.

Furthermore; if at this very early stage ''things'' are already so cumbersome then it is usually not a good sign. Perhaps some people develop the happy-go-lucky energy and connection at a later stage, but only very very few people are worth the pursuit. Most of the time it is a waste of your energy, hopes, emotional wellbeing. It shouldn't be this difficult or needing this much overthinking already.

Go do other things and focus on other interests of your own and/or other people. Maybe he'll come around, maybe not, but that's about all for now at this point ... i'd say.
You are so right! I read somewhere the best way to drive an ENFP crazy is to show them interest then ignore them after... :ROFLMAO: experiencing it first hand now

I think putting ENFP aside I’m someone who needs validation and reassurance when it comes to something like this, and you’re so right if I’m already feeling like this would it be a good thing for anymore?

Thank you for the advice! Hugs!
 

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when you mention “bonding and togetherness” is that where INFPs feel like they can see a future together or? I have a lot of INFP friends and have had a few INFPs be really into me so I thought I know INFPs quite well at this point... still learning!

i just mean, was there an atmosphere of closeness, of bonding and was there a chemistry flow. i don't know how to describe it better. if it wasn't there on the table between you, i'm afraid that's bad news..

sorry it didn't turn out well. as someone said do leave the door open, you never know, but protect your heart in advance :)
 

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Well, INFP said he's got anxiety. Likely has not reached point of being comfortable in his own skin yet. And if he's doing one social engagement on Saturday, could be that's about all he's up to for one weekend, introverted and anxiety and all. Writing it off as uninterest on his part may be premature, but sounds like it may not be a good match based on all that anyway. Of course, as you've said, you asked already. If he reaches out to go out again I'm assuming that changes everything. So, go on with life and what ever happens happens.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
i just mean, was there an atmosphere of closeness, of bonding and was there a chemistry flow. i don't know how to describe it better. if it wasn't there on the table between you, i'm afraid that's bad news..

sorry it didn't turn out well. as someone said do leave the door open, you never know, but protect your heart in advance :)
I see! In my experience, it's often hard to get to that point just meeting someone once - especially an introvert... I always thought I'm into extroverts but I read somewhere ENFPs are very intrigued by mysterious introverts, experiencing that first hand too

Anyways, thank you for the good advice and kind words!! 💓
 

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Well, INFP said he's got anxiety. Likely has not reached point of being comfortable in his own skin yet. And if he's doing one social engagement on Saturday, could be that's about all he's up to for one weekend, introverted and anxiety and all. Writing it off as uninterest on his part may be premature, but sounds like it may not be a good match based on all that anyway. Of course, as you've said, you asked already. If he reaches out to go out again I'm assuming that changes everything. So, go on with life and what ever happens happens.
That's what I was thinking too - but he was able to initiate a different day when our first meeting didn't fall through so it shouldn't be too hard for him to ask...

But yes moving on - and now spending more time on personality cafe I am new here and really enjoying it :love:
 
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