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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
firstly, i'm sorry for my poor english, i'm Indonesian.

recently i was breaking up with my girlfriend(INFJ), after 4 years of long distance relationship, it's hard to get over it. :( People said that INFP and INFJ should be able to get along well, but it didn't seem to be true to me.

I'm starting to wonder, actually how to start a relationship when you're an INFP male?
I find it hard to get close to the girl that i have a crush on and yes I've never confess to a girl before, they're the ones confessed to me and again sadly they're the one to start the move. I'm close to many girls but i suspect they think of me no more than just a friend, and I feel awkward to get even closer to "the one".

Second, does INFP male has any best match other than INFJs?

Third, how to get rid off the perfectionism in me? Because it's really annoying to be an idealist in a relationship
 

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Don't date Introverts anymore! This has always been my problem. INFJs used to be my weak spot. But it always ended in disaster. I think our perfect match is actually an ENFJ or an ESFJ but I have really positive friendships with ENFPs and I think I could have a successful relationship with one of them too.

Don't think you are going to get rid of the perfectionism. Or the idealism. The trick in relationships is to be with someone who loves that about you and will enjoy making the effort to fulfill your ideals.
 

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First off, your english is fine.

Second, It's hard starting a relationship as a Infp male .____.
As hard as it is, you have to get out of your comfort zone and admit your feelings to her. It can feel like taking a shot in the dark, but if she's as close as you say, then I think she'll at the very least, respect you for telling her. If she reciprocates the same feelings, then good for you! If she doesn't, at least you'll gain more experience for when you tell the next girl.

Before you do that, though, I suggest you move on from your previous relationship, which usually just takes time.

As for other matches with Infp's, I'm really not sure. .-. I'm positve there's other Infp's that can respond to that question better than I can.

Perfectionism...I highly doubt you'll be able to get rid of that, at least completely. Same with the idealism; it's all apart of what makes up an Infp. Instead, like AliSquirrel said, you have to find someone who loves you despite that quality, and the rest will come together.

I hope everything gets better for you in the future. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
the problem is that i tend to see the flaw on the girl, i'm trying to accept it, but it still bothers me, and that makes me feeling uneasy and unsure whether i truly like the girl or not.. ;__;
 

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I'm generally a flirty guy and I've dated quite a bit.

If the girl is pursuing me ( crush ) then the chances are we will never end up dating. I tend to like clingy girls, and have had a few cases where even though I had a creeper stalker, I was still flattered (ego boost). When girls are interested in me I feel like I have this omnipotent vibe, like I'm untouchable and superior. This is a tremendously great feeling, but when you're on an ego trip and look back at them, you start to notice flaws. In the end it becomes a battle of whether they're good enough for me, but if you're looking for flaws then they will always lose. That results in me rejecting them directly, or a point in which I start to ignore them -- ironically the latter makes them even more interested.

If I'm making the move on the girl, then that means I've thought most things over pretty extensively. Chances are I have a general plan and I've been observing them without performing any real actions, for about 2 - 3 weeks. Once I "lock on," I can be bold and I'll generally push a relationship quickly. Phone numbers, MSNs, etc so we can talk more. If I can snag one of those and score an outside of work/school chat with them then it's virtually a guaranteed relationship.

For me, in a relationship, I just move fast on everything. You're either "the one" or you're not. I'd rather discover it sooner, and break up if we need to, rather than later.

As for types, I don't type people. Even within INFPs there's a huge variety of personalities, but while I appreciate lots of the conversation, I don't always agree with sentiments. Obviously the same can be said in reverse.

edit: I forgot to mention I just got out of a relationship myself. Normally when I break up with the girl I'm pretty apathetic and decided to break up with her a week before I do it. In this case though, thoughts still linger and I miss her. However, I know deep down that it wasn't going to go all the way. You're allowed to feel hurt for as long as you need, but in time you'll go back to dreaming about the future again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
If I'm making the move on the girl, then that means I've thought most things over pretty extensively. Chances are I have a general plan and I've been observing them without performing any real actions, for about 2 - 3 weeks. Once I "lock on," I can be bold and I'll generally push a relationship quickly. Phone numbers, MSNs, etc so we can talk more. If I can snag one of those and score an outside of work/school chat with them then it's virtually a guaranteed relationship.
not meant to make the situation harder, but i tried to make the move before, and still, i end up noticing the flaws, and that makes me less interested on her. does it mean that she's just not the one i'm looking for?

For me, in a relationship, I just move fast on everything. You're either "the one" or you're not. I'd rather discover it sooner, and break up if we need to, rather than later.
i just can't move fast, or maybe i just don't know how to do it, and maybe it's because i tend to fall for one of my friend and i don't wanna make our friendship goes awkward after my move..

sigh.., maybe in the end it's just me lacking the confindence..:sad:
 

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not meant to make the situation harder, but i tried to make the move before, and still, i end up noticing the flaws, and that makes me less interested on her. does it mean that she's just not the one i'm looking for?
Well, there's cute flaws that you tend to joke around with and if anything, find endearing in that person. Then there's flaws don't intertwine with your core personality. So, if she liked seafood and you didn't, that wouldn't be too big of a deal. Now, if you wanted kids and she didn't then that would be a core problem. I suppose in the end, you have to ask yourself if that "flaw" impedes you from being fulfilled at the end of the road.

Now the word "flaw" implies something negative -- maybe you can toss out some flaws that you've noticed in the past so we can get a bit of scope.

i just can't move fast, or maybe i just don't know how to do it, and maybe it's because i tend to fall for one of my friend and i don't wanna make our friendship goes awkward after my move..

sigh.., maybe in the end it's just me lacking the confindence..:sad:
It depends what your goal is in life, mine is to find that soulmate, that one special person to be with. In that sense I'm willing to push any friendship into something more simply for that "chance" of it being the one. Also, I tell myself that if this person was an incredible friend that while there may be some TEMPORARY awkwardness if things don't work out, things will remedy in a few weeks or months time. If not, then I say it's better to get rid of them anyways :D (cruel, I know).

As for moving fast, girls tend to like a guy that has an invested interest in them. All girls love romance and if you're the type to do those kind of things than the relationship just ends up moving fast on its own. Most girls are listeners, especially early on, they have all sorts of feelings, but they won't express it because it may be "weird" as they don't know if it's reciprocal. The more you open up with a girl the more she'll open up with you.

Confidence is always a big thing. Virtually everyone is attracted to it, but basically no one has it. I've noticed that when I act confident people look at you differently and that in most cases, you can get away with being yourself and still be liked -- not by everyone, but by enough to be comfortable with.

You ever see those weird / less attractive people with a girlfriend and wonder "how the hell..," well they may be odd to you, but to somebody they are absolutely amazing. When you're confident, you show yourself to the world -- I guarantee no matter how weird you are you will attract somebody. When you're not confident, then you're hard to understand and most people won't put the effort into finding out who you are. That may sound shallow, but not many people would invest in something unknown.
 

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not meant to make the situation harder, but i tried to make the move before, and still, i end up noticing the flaws, and that makes me less interested on her. does it mean that she's just not the one i'm looking for?



i just can't move fast, or maybe i just don't know how to do it, and maybe it's because i tend to fall for one of my friend and i don't wanna make our friendship goes awkward after my move..

sigh.., maybe in the end it's just me lacking the confindence..:sad:
Or maybe you're just thinking too hard.

Your problem is something that a lot of people struggle with, me included. If you feel an attraction of some sort, I would say to go for it. Also, there's nothing wrong with waiting longer to be sure, just be aware of the risks involved, like someone else asking her out before you do.
 

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1. No S-type girls! They don't understand you and you won't understand them. Only N-s!
2. I or E girls? Depnds. Mine is E.
3. Good matches? Try ENTJ, it might work out pretty good. So similar, yet so different I'd say about mine.
 

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I agree - avoid Sensors.

You may seem like you click in the beginning, but it won't take long for your differences to become apparent. They'll have a problem with everything you do. Intuitives, especially EN's are the best fit for a male INFP.
 
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