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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This seems to be a wish that all us guys have... to find a girl that is completely accepting of all our "flaws" and thinks of them as strengths. It happens with other personality types (some girls think arrogance in guys as a turn on when it is clearly a flaw, greed is another) but do u think u there are girls out there that can view all our self-proclaimed flaws (we claim to have a lot of them) and view it as ...a positive?

i guess what im trying to say is, i have yet to meet a girl that thinks insecurity is a turn on. Insecurity is unfortunately something that will always stick with me, and im not saying that i cant find a girl because of it, but it will always be thought of as a flaw.

anyways. just a curious thought i had today
 

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not yet .. but the search is not over yet!! :tongue:

flaws .. I kinda hate that word.

No one is without flaws, so what matters is not that you have flaws, but rather, what kind of flaw?

I might be insecure, and I might be lazy and tend to procrastinate, but I'm not greedy and I'm not materialistic. I think I'm warm and affectionate once you get to know me, and I can give unconditional love and support, I won't judge your ideas or emotions, and I will embrace and accept *all* of you, including your flaws. I mean, if I love you, then I love you!

Would you rather an ESTJ who's outgoing and reliable, but annoying to no end?
 

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I personally haven't, but I don't know if there is anyone out there that would to the extent you describe. Perhaps someone who could resonate with feelings of insecurity, whether from personal experience or plain empathy, but only up to a certain point. And if it's something that you yourself see as a flaw, then why would you want someone to embrace or support it? I think the best would be someone who could help you just the way you need it.

But I suppose this is coming from my own viewpoint, I'm in a place in life where I feel like I have too many flaws, and my goal right now is to erase them, with time. That's expecting the ideal, but what can I say, INFP. I have been in a relationship in which my SO was understanding of my flaws, but I don't know if someone can fully accept them forever, you have to meet them in the middle, or at least try.
 

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i had one for a while...

... but she fell in love with someone else.
 

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Every girl I've been with has accepted me unconditionally and even poked fun at my little quirks.

The problem? Most of them couldn't accept themselves. I'm a very supportive guy and the hardships people face never scare me away, it makes me want to hold them even closer. There are so many people I've dated where I watched them grow and overcome so many of their troubles, I felt like it was a privilege to help them through it. Through all this, our bonds would intertwine to unimaginable heights, but you want to know what's ironic about it? They begin to hate themselves for what they put you through. How could they do that to a guy that loves them... they're not good enough.

Those once glossy affectionate eyes they give you every time you smile at them or even flicker as a thought in their mind, turns into a immense level of guilt. You, being that one person that stuck there for them, turn from a symbol of undying love and admiration, into a deep depressing marker of the past. A past that far too many want to escape from.

Virtually every relationship I've been with has almost been the same general idea. The girl starts to feel an overwhelming amount of guilt that becomes destructive to the relationship. For the sake of my own sanity, I've been fortunate enough to realize that we are not meant to be together based on other reasons and I was able to end the relationship at my own whim. While our breakup is usually very difficult for them, I do take a bit of pride that for a certain moment of time, we were able to touch another soul and grow from it.

The hardest journey of them all is finding a soul to touch that you never want to let go of.
 

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Man that's rough, why are us infp's so disastrous with relationships? That's like the hardest burden to have being a man, what's the point in makin the bacon if ya got no one to bring it home to? I had a girl once, no, a woman. She accepted me even after I'd been through some heavy stuff. If it weren't for her I don't think I ever would have accepted myself the way I do now. She put my fears at ease, loved me for who I was. Not for what I suffered but for how I responded, she wanted the real thing too. All the issues I have about dating and girls, none of them applied to her. Unfortunately it didn't work out, but hey, it was seriously the best thing that ever happened to me. She helped me understand that my struggles and desires were valid and valuable. I can't tell you to feel loved without getting it verified in real life, I know it doesn't work. It's weird how if you're afraid of rejection it happens more often, freaking self-defeating cycles/loops. But I'll tell ya, someone out there is just as sick and tired of the same old drug and wants a real relationship, you just have to track her down and show up, she'll love you even if she doesn't intend to. Patience is an ugly word, but keep fighting, I gaurantee you that you can win.
 

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The question was if I have found a girfriend completely accepting of me and the answer to that question is an unqualified yes.

What the future may bring, and where our relationship will go only time can tell. Its not just the rainbows and the roses but also the fire and the ice. Plenty of options for growth, certainly.

PS: Lad, I know exactly what you mean. I look upon that as another big challenge to overcome. I hope I will be able to teach my girl to love herself.
 

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I... don`t know, to be honest. I am with someone right now and we have big plans (INFP + INFJ = plenty of idealistic notions, as you can imagine), but we 'barely' know each other. She knows more about me than I do about her; I open up a lot easier. It`s an online relationship for now, but I`m going to visit her at the end of this month, I guess I`ll see what`s what.

I sure hope she will accept me! Then again I can be difficult, after all it took me 25 years to start out on the road to unconditional self-acceptance. :tongue:
 

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Every girl I've been with has accepted me unconditionally and even poked fun at my little quirks.

The problem? Most of them couldn't accept themselves. I'm a very supportive guy and the hardships people face never scare me away, it makes me want to hold them even closer. There are so many people I've dated where I watched them grow and overcome so many of their troubles, I felt like it was a privilege to help them through it. Through all this, our bonds would intertwine to unimaginable heights, but you want to know what's ironic about it? They begin to hate themselves for what they put you through. How could they do that to a guy that loves them... they're not good enough.

Those once glossy affectionate eyes they give you every time you smile at them or even flicker as a thought in their mind, turns into a immense level of guilt. You, being that one person that stuck there for them, turn from a symbol of undying love and admiration, into a deep depressing marker of the past. A past that far too many want to escape from.

Virtually every relationship I've been with has almost been the same general idea. The girl starts to feel an overwhelming amount of guilt that becomes destructive to the relationship. For the sake of my own sanity, I've been fortunate enough to realize that we are not meant to be together based on other reasons and I was able to end the relationship at my own whim. While our breakup is usually very difficult for them, I do take a bit of pride that for a certain moment of time, we were able to touch another soul and grow from it.

The hardest journey of them all is finding a soul to touch that you never want to let go of.

oh crap...that's too bad
 
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Why is this complete acceptance a goal anyway? Why not give her something to tease you about? something that she can feel good about because she's better? If the lady is the right one for you, she'll learn to live with your weaknesses although she'll always remind you of them. You'll get used to the nagging after a while.
 

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Why is this complete acceptance a goal anyway? Why not give her something to tease you about? something that she can feel good about because she's better? If the lady is the right one for you, she'll learn to live with your weaknesses although she'll always remind you of them. You'll get used to the nagging after a while.
Well yeah, that's pretty much what acceptance means to me.
 

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I lived with one for 9 years. Maybe I'll find another one, one day.

I think we need to keep in mind that initially it's pretty exciting to find someone accepting and enamored with all our quirks, but once it wears off I think we're a bit notorious for trying to change the ones were with under the guise of "helping" them.

So it goes both ways, we must be accepting of the differences in others, and usually there's quite a bit, or it's doomed.
 

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sure, but most of those girls are usually NFJ's and put me in the "friend zone". oh well :tongue:

My ex was an ENFP. she sure accepted me in ways I didn't expect her to.
 

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Why must every part of the self be seen as a strength? is acceptance not seeing something as it really is and acknowledging that is a real part of that person? in my opinion flaws are not strengths. But they are just as a legitimate part of someone as their strengths, and if you can't accept and negotiate around both, then you don't wholly acknowledge a person for who they are.

Acceptance takes time, and sometimes effort. If you want someone to accept you, you have to be prepared to lay it all out there even with the possibility of getting hurt. You also have to be prepared to accept as well. Can you say that you've ever accepted anyone completely? away from idealisation and putting them on a pedestal?

I think accepting someone else stems from learning to accept yourself. Acceptance through the hard times is tough, and if you can't learn to have a steady appreciation of all sides of yourself, how can you have a steady recognition and acceptance of other people? it all comes from the same place; inside you. So I think self esteem, acknowledging and owning all parts of yourself (and in turn other peoples) are all connected. I always say; accept first, and expect nothing in return. Accept because you accept them, not because you want something back.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Why is this topic exclusive to males?
I didn't mean to exclude the girls frm this thread and their responses are welcome but I think as a male, being shy, reserved, idealistic, and insecure is much harder to accept for a woman than it is for a man. This maybe a bad example, but there are a lot of infp guys here that would choose another infp as a lifelong lover. Infp girls on the other hand, would rather someone different type that is more extroverted, organized, thick skinned, etc. I think I made a couple threads about this and it was apparent that infp guys would love to be with another infp girl, and infp girls would rather be with another type.. Even infp girls are susceptable to social gender roles, and we don't make the cut :) usually.
 

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I didn't mean to exclude the girls frm this thread and their responses are welcome but I think as a male, being shy, reserved, idealistic, and insecure is much harder to accept for a woman than it is for a man. This maybe a bad example, but there are a lot of infp guys here that would choose another infp as a lifelong lover. Infp girls on the other hand, would rather someone different type that is more extroverted, organized, thick skinned, etc. I think I made a couple threads about this and it was apparent that infp guys would love to be with another infp girl, and infp girls would rather be with another type.. Even infp girls are susceptable to social gender roles, and we don't make the cut :) usually.
Acey, I think what you say is true. I'll even admit: I have been that INFP girl that wanted the stereotypical popular boy at school (and at work in the professional world!).

But listen to this: Every few years or so, I would meet an INFP boy. (One is my best friend of over 10 years, and I was never physically attracted to him, but I wish the guys I dated were more like him.) Then there would be a mutual crush after YEARS of being friends. Then I would be the one who felt rejected -- once, for not being Christian. I rejected one INFP guy in college because I felt like we were too alike.

Between all of these INFP guys, I dated lots of different types. Didn't like most of them. Dated for the wrong reasons sometimes, like feeling lonely, wanting sex, etc. But it took all of those crappy experiences -- for me in particular -- to see that I wanted someone similar to me. And although I hate using too much typology in explaining what I want in relationships, this translates -- again, for me -- into dating someone who was in the neighborhood of INFP / INTP / INFJ. Yes, it took about 10 years of crappy relationships for me to figure that out. Now I'm with an INFP guy.

------

P.S. My boyfriend always had a more-or-less clear idea of what type of girl he was willing or wanted to date. NOT ME. So he dated a total of two girls. And I can't even remember some of the guys I've dated (which I realize is not the same for many INFP women out there).

P.P.S. I also admit that I did NOT accept every aspect of my current boyfriend, such as his shyness and unassertiveness. I told him that I was used to dating very outgoing and assertive guys. I made all the first moves on him, as I was very impatient and could already read how much he liked me. Nowadays, he says that if I'd given him another week, he would have made a move, but who knows?? :)

It took months and a great many conversations and reflection for me to finally find all of his qualities endearing, whether I started out hating those qualities or not. And yes, I accept him just the way he is. The very things I didn't like in him before ended up being the very things that I need him to be.
 
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