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Hi,

I've been seeing a guy, presumably an INFP. Definitely introverted though, as he proclaimed so..

I've noticed he is more distant than guys I've been dating before, and that's fine and I get it. When he does make contact, it's lovely. Things are going really slow, and I kind of like that, it feels more authentic and not rushed, like previous relationships/dates I've experienced.

Now, just out of interest - Do you INFP guys find it hard to ask questions in order to get to know a person?

It's just that I find I know more about him than he does me, and I normally don't get a chance to ask him stuff because he talks quite a bit and ends up answering them before I've said them. Not empty stuff, fascinating stuff. He is very eloquent/poetic and knowledgable, it's quite surprising and attractive. Yet, I feel like I want to prod him, or hint that doesn't he want to know more about me, ask away! Or is this just him taking things at his own pace? Don't get me wrong, he has asked me stuff, but so rare..

We've seen each other 3 times, over 1 month, and that's fine. I finally stayed the night last time we met - last weekend. He doesn't message me a lot but when he does they're really thoughtful and heart warming. He messaged me today - 4 days, not bad (was longer before).. :)

Soon I'll be moving also. He asked if he could come see me after work at my new place next week, generally seems to becoming more caring and attentive as time goes on, but something still feels odd..I don't know..

Somethings lacking on his part, where finding out more about me is concerned - aloof in a way. I know him offering to come see me at my new place is kind of knowing more about me, but that's on the surface. I'm talking deep meaningful chats..

Do I have to start them off? or? It's funny when we first messaged each other, we REALLLY spoke at depth, but not so much now. Like there is so much to me he doesn't know about yet, maybe he'll peel a layer off every time I see him haha, I dont know...

Is this a thing with INFP males? Or is it me just being too friggin intense?...Feel free to advise or have a go...I'm all ears..
 
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You're Scorpio, what's his sign?

It helps sometimes to read what the astrologers say is likely between two signs.

Google "Scorpio <his sign> match" and read more than a few to find repeated patterns among several summaries. usually the summary will pinpoint any trouble spots between the two of you or, if you're lucky, it will pinpoint a trait of his that helps you to better understand where he's coming from. If he's not a good matching sign, your traits may inhibit him.

It's worth a look.
 
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Well, as an INFP male, I can tell you what might be going on in my head. Also, FYI, I dated an INFJ for 5 years.

I would say that most INFP's are in it for the long hall - at least I am. I am very interested in getting to know a girl at first. You know, at first I probe to see just the first blip, the first glimpse, the first inkling of who she really is. Outside from that, I may not go out of my way to ascertain details about her hobbies, work life, family life, or other interests. I think I don't care to probe because primarily I like that kind of interaction to occur naturally (because that usually allows for the most capacity for joy and excitement) and secondly because I find that the things I like most about you will be observable things that I "feel" from our interactions. What I'm trying to say is that I'll want to witness your behavior and that's what I'll find more valuable then a 'fill in the blanks' questionnaire after a certain point.

Does that make sense? It's all about the journey for me, the discovery - the slow unveiling of this treasure, this morsel, this light. Personally, I tend to draw my romances out; life is so short and romance is so important to all NF's in one way or another. I want to savor ever last piece of joy and momentum but without acknowledging it (although this may seem counterproductive). After all, love and romance isn't about speed but about breadth and depth of joy. Obviously, INFJs and INFPs think inherently differently about this (as I can attest!)!

You'll just have to talk about it and I'm sure you can meet in the middle. I'm sure he doesn't really realize he's this way. I know I didn't until my INFJ made it clear to me.

Anyway, if you think INFP are slow just try to date an INTP...holy crow...
 

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Chances are pretty good that you don't need an invitation: If you want him to learn about you, simply tell him about yourself. And if you want to make sure he remembers these things about you, then, well, tell him a little bit at a time.
 

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it takes really long for friendships and relationships to grow for me. i think he might find it difficult to make himself vulnerable, or might just lack social skills. if you like eachother and keep hanging out and talking, he should open up over time and the relationship will keep growing hopefully.

also like @Mender said, he doesn't have to ask you a question for you to talk about something, you might have to take the initiative for him sometimes. also you must be a similar personality if you are borderline infp and 4w5, can't you relate to the self-absorption of infp?
 

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@introvertuoso (I like your username!)

Just speaking for myself: No I don't find it hard to ask questions, however I have some problems with picking topics of conversation. But I love to ask questions in order to get to know someone better, because I love hearing what makes someone tick, how that person views the world and I like to observe the underlying emotions present in the answers.

From the information you give about him I really get the impression his preferred dating strategy is 'taking it slow'. Perhaps he has been dissapointed in the past, perhaps he is naturally guarded/layered. The fact that he asks if he can see you at your new place, that he initiates contact (albeit not very often) tells me he is really into you. You might expect someone who is interested in you to show more emotion, but that is Fi for you. Most of that emotional intensity is projected inwardly and I am sure he is dreaming about you every night. If you want to know the depths of his feeling for you this trick might help: describe to him why you like him. He will probably become shy after that, awkward smile, but I think the chance is high he will reciprocate and tell you in heartfelt words why he likes you. It's worth a shot.
 
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