[IcarusDreams]

The title of the thread... then my post. That should clear things up.

Oh I see; never would have gotten it otherwise. I guess they made a twin thread of an earlier one, and just wanted to find out the results for INFP males, because the other thread aimed INFP females ("only"), marriage, and children (if I remember correctly.)

 

[IcarusDreams]

Wanting to add that the number of failed marriages in our society is not indicative of the success you may or not have as a couple. You may indeed be able to achieve a happy marriage for many years, and must not necessarily divorce becuase you got married! In my mind, it's almost like being afraid of getting to a school or university (or studying any given course) for the possibility of failing. There's always a chance that things will go wrong. Things often go wrong even without human intervention. There will always be a risk involved in getting married, and indeed, just getting into a relationship without ever getting married. Life is not easy. I think true love is worth that risk, though (which also means, I would avoid marrying just to please anybody, society, etc.)

My parents have been together for many years, and the relationship hasn't been perfect. I am sure they care for each other, although love is not always evident to me. Even as I've seen their imperfect marriage continue, I am not scared myself,' cause their experience needs not be my own, and we are all responsible for our own destinies (I.E. my parents marriage has anything to do with my own future marriage, when/if it takes place, and it is I and my mate who will decide our own future together-not any other people's past experiences.)

Note that all of you who think differently are wrong. I just think marriage with the right, loving person can be an incredible, life-long adventure, with the requisite dangers and exciting peaks, and that for me, it's very much worth the risks and challenges involved. We have to risk losing in order to win! I do understand why many people are not too fond of such "bonds", with so many of us having different backgrounds and experiences as well.

Addendum: I've heard that societal common "wisdom" stating that "men don't like to commit." Not true! Many men won't, but it's really an off comment. As are many of those common gender role generalizations (men=chasers/men=cold and logical/men=looking for sex/women=looking for money and status/women=prey, and all the other lies). Never judge everybody else based on either your own bad experiences or whatever society claims is true. Many men want to commit, marry, etc.

 

[Luke]

I would definitely like a life partner, whether we get married or not does not bother me a great deal. I do think that marriage can be romantic, so I would consider doing it. As for having kids or not, I'm really uncertain, at this stage I'm definitely not ready for them and I'm not sure if I ever will be. I also think career plans could possibly get in the way of both children and marriage.

 

[ImminentThunder]

More than anything...*sigh*

 

[DWK]

Do you mind me asking what her type is?
My gf is ISFJ (Nurturer type). Also very patient.

To tell you the truth. I'm not sure what my wife's type is. But really our marriage was based on a commitment that made to each other 21 years ago and we meant it. Combine that with negotiation. Sometimes I have to come out of my INFP shell to meet her needs sometimes she come out of her comfort zone to meet mine. That takes love and communications.

 

[JustARide]

Yes, but I want to wait a while. I like being single and I want to live that life as long as I can. I would like to have a child, also, so marriage will be something I want to do just not for a while.

 

[tissa]

More than anything...*sigh*

awww there are others like me!

 

[ImminentThunder]

awww there are others like me!

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one! <3 ^^ Thank you very much!

Many INFPs will prefer a life-long committed relationship over a marriage for its own sake. In my mind, though, the two need not be mutually exclusive (marriage only meaning a social expectation, and a relationship outside marriage being the "real way" to have a life-long relationship.) The important thing is to marry 1)with a person that you really love unconditionally, you two being a beautiful match for each other (I believe in true love, and that such relationships exist and still do happen-no cynicism here), and that you understand that things will change, that there will be problems and real life situations that may "endanger" the beautiful link you have, but that your love for each other can indeed overcome all difficulties and keep you both together for the rest of your lives, AND IN TRUE LOVE. Thus, even though I do value a meaningful relationship over everything, I would love to get married to that special person that makes my life even more special, on due time, 'cause I feel it bringing me even closer to her as a human being (and taking away all "romantic" elements, consider how many benefits married couples have-if you love somebody that much, why not enjoy living married together as one? ^^)

Well said; I agree entirely.

 

[niki]

uhh...I answered "No" without any hesitation, and here's my reasons (or "rants") WHY.

WARNING: QUITE LONG PERSONAL RANT FROM ME ON THIS TOPIC!!

I'll be honest: even at the age of nearing 30 yrs old now, I still can't fathom the idea of marriage (which perhaps upset my SJ 'traditional' parents quite a bit), mainly for these reasons:

- marriage is ONE-TIME FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE moment, or at least in my country here (Indonesia), it's like: "you BETTER not screwed this up once you get married, better NOT to get divorced, for the rest of your life, even if there's huge problems in your family bla bla etc" (often tied with cultural, tradition, or religious beliefs/doctrines..)

- considering I am honestly a kind of an adventurous, dreamy, like to wandering-around, and basically free-spirited and "UN-normal" guy, I don't think I'll become a good partner for the "normal" marriage and family-building norms. therefore, I pretty much already knew about these things in advance, and thus, sort of 'resigned' from the whole Game.

- not to mention here the 'culture' of my country: it's the spouse/bride's FAMILY/PARENTS expectations, and then their BUSINESS-relations (hundreds of which I probably won't give a sh*t about, 'cuz I simply don't know them! so why should I "kiss-ass" to them?? geez...society, and their OVER-emphasis/love/idolization of Money-and-Status!...), that I have to 'comply' here, once I am married with the bride/girl.

- I am not your "normal, typical" family-man

- I honestly still feel I am not ready for serious once-for-a-lifetime marriage

- all the 'rainbow-ish romance' aside, I think I've sort of becoming a "very realistic", and even cynical person when regarding marriage.
there's a WHOLE LOTS of concepts of "normal" marriage that I don't agree with, eg: the whole "to be together for a lifetime" thing (well, my opinion is you DON'T have to get married to even experience this thing..and plus, seriously,..I've often found that people often forget about the RESPONSIBILITIES side of Marriage, it's not all 'romance & lovey-dovey', right?), the whole 'unrealistic' expectations I've often found to be...ridiculous (eg: "oh I clicked sooo much with him/her, therefore I think I'll definitely be HAPPY FOREVER EVER AFTER with him/her!" ....uh, dear human beings, THIS EARTHLY LIFE IS NOT PERFECT, so what makes you (or too many people on this blue planet) think that marriage will = Happy ever after forever??.... in Reality, in fact it's often the OTHERWISE that's happening, eg: lots of conflicts (because people's values are different, even between marriage couple, husband and wife,...duh!), divorces, finance problems, etc.

- the world nowadays, I feel, is getting more 'inhumane' and 'backwards' -sadly-, and life is also getting more difficult as a result of the 'broken' and 'greedy' System we're currently have in many parts of the world...so I don't ever feel like "bringing a beautiful soul into this DISASTROUS AND INHUMANE world"... and then to probably scold my children, or be frustrated, stressed-out, etc to them...that would be SELFISH of me.

- and last but not least, basically, I'm a guy who's afraid of commitment,..considering how in almost EVERYthing -unfortunately- I changed my mind a lot, got bored easily with everything in this "real world", etc etc etc.


So yeah...there you go...
perhaps unless (I often joked about this to my family & friends etc) if somehow a MIRACLE (or God?, or whatever...) really super-happening, and I really met with my "oh 100% SOULMATE" dream-girl of mine, that can really CHANGE ALL my perceptions above...
THEN perhaps I'll start considering to get married.
but, in Reality (or shall I say -cynically- in this "Limited Real-world Reality"),......it's pretty slim chances, isn't it?... :/

There goes my (personal) rant...
sorry if my opinion is a bit 'different' from the norms/majority, and I basically sound 'bitter' about it (blame it on too much pressures & expectations from society and people around me...*sigh*)

 

[bigtalljay]

Very much so... so much...

Being single can be fun, and I would probably be fine if I never did get married, but there is a very strong part of me that wants to give up some of my freedoms to share my life with someone special. I want the intimacy of knowing someone more than I know anyone. I want the opportunity to grow with her and become dependent on her (and her on me). I want intense affection. I want the challenge of continually forgiving and loving and understanding someone who, like me, is not perfect. I want the mutual care and support. And I want all of this with one person until one of us dies!

I have always felt some kind of pull and responsibility (and even intense desire) to have kids. And giving them the best environment with two solid, loving parents and a household full of love is the way I want to do it. I really feel it is the best way possible.

And I realize that being married is not some kind of guarantee that says everything will be a wonderful euphoric experience. Some things will be, and some things will suck and take a lot of work. It's not going to be easy, but whoever I find is going to get my commitment and my promise to do whatever I can to keep it strong.

So yeah, I really do. More and more as the days go by.

 

[infpblog]

The goals we pursue are always veiled. A girl who longs for marriage longs for something she knows nothing about. The boy who hankers after fame has no idea what fame is. The thing that gives our every move its meaning is always totally unknown to us.
- Milan Kundera (The Unbearable Lightness of Being)

I love that quote because it's so true. I knew nothing about marriage until I was married. Last weekend we celebrated our 15th anniversary. Here's the secret which you learn: Marriage is anything that two people choose to make it.

We make assumptions that of what "traditional" marriage is. Well what happens if you have two non-traditional people who get married? Unless you're married or single over 30, most of your friends will be single. I don't know anyone with most of their friends as married unless they're divorced. So when I was single , the only good view I had of marriage was my parents and maybe that one friend that got married early and they had only been married a couple of years.

After you get married and have been married for a long time, you tend of acquire lots of married people in your life. I know one couple who have been married longer than we have who have an open marriage. I know a couple who sold their home, bought an RV and traveled the country for awhile. I met a couple in Belize that sold everything, moved to Belize and runs a one room grocery off the beach.

I don't understand this giving up of freedom. Why would anyone consider marrying someone who wants you to give up freedoms that you don't want to give up? My wife took off to Bulgaria for 2 months early on in our marriage. She was raised money to rebuild an orphanage kitchen or else they'd close the orphanage and kick a hundred kids to the street. She went down there to see the money got spent right and I stayed in the states. My wife hates clubbing. I've gone at least once every week since we've been married. She agrees to come once a year so I can introduce her to people I know.

Marriage is what too people make it. It's work and at times it's really hard work. But it's also really, really fun if that's what you choose to create with this other person.

 

[IcarusDreams]

Here's the secret which you learn: Marriage is anything that two people choose to make it.

We make assumptions that of what "traditional" marriage is. Well what happens if you have two non-traditional people who get married?

I don't understand this giving up of freedom. Why would anyone consider marrying someone who wants you to give up freedoms that you don't want to give up?

Marriage is what too people make it. It's work and at times it's really hard work. But it's also really, really fun if that's what you choose to create with this other person.

Your opinion in this issue is very valid, and I hope many will heed your words regarding the issue. For how is it "restrictive" or "enslaving" to be married forever to that person whom you have a deep, meaningful connection? Marriage is not easy, but with the right, beloved person, it's hardly a constrained, boring life-it makes both lives richer and all the better for it-plus it may be fun and an adventure unto itself. Thanks again for posting your own experiences, for many people seem to hold the opinion that marriage is by itself a "dangerous evil" to be avoided like the plague, and little more than a forced "social ritual"; an opinion which I respect, but like you, cannot seem to relate to.

I do not mean to offend anybody in here-I just think the right marriage can be a precious treasure, and all things considered, can bring much more good than "evil" to our lives. I may be a romantic, but I am also speaking "logically", for why should we fear that which we don't know will really harm us, much like a kid afraid of a dark, unlighted room? What if when the light is turned on, the room is full of treasures and happiness? Life must not be all dark and bleak, you know?

 

[gaudy316]

up until these words i was ready to scream "I am here!" But I am not gonna put myself in a situation when I will have to be responsible if my parents do not get along with the parents of my SO. My parents are not me and if they can not find a common ground with someone else, why am I the one to suffer from it?

As for religion part...some people are spiritual, but do not go to church every Sunday. Does it make them bad people?

This is a cold hard fact. Marriage is not between 2 people, but rather 2 families. That's how I observe it. One huge factor of marriage's longevity will rest upon how well 2 families put up with each other.

For religion, there is no such thing as a bad non-religious person or a good religious person. Everyone is different. It's not about bad people or good people. I just want to be with someone with similar religious background because it helps with compatibility and understanding.

 

[Alediran]

Too late for me, I married already.

 

[Aurum]

I was already married and divorced so I answered Yes based on that.

Would I get married again? Maybe.

 

[gaudy316]

Too late for me, I married already.

To what personality and how is that turning out? Curious

 

[Alediran]

To what personality and how is that turning out? Curious

ENFJ and we work very well together.

 

[gaudy316]

I have yet to meet an ENFJ female around my age...

 

[Alediran]

I have yet to meet an ENFJ female around my age...

I am younger than her by five years.

 

[Stillwater]

I tried it once briefly, quite awhile ago. I don't think I'd ever do it again. I have and would live with someone again without any formal title to it.